Instinct 4
by
Nin Tendo
~ Disclaimer ~ Yadda yadda. I don't own Gundam Wing. (sniffle)
(A small note: though this story might SEEM to contain adult situations, I assure you, it doesn't. It just might SEEM that way. Just a few questionable conversations, and some bad language. This is also a semi-song fic. The song appears near the end, but try to guess what it's going to be before you reach it. n_n)
To the rest of the world, an ordinary young man was crossing the street.
But you and I know better than that, dear reader.
The young man's name was Heero Yuy, and Heero Yuy might very wll be anything BUT ordinary.
However, he was doing a fairly good job at APPEARING ordinary. Passer-by didn't give him a second glance.
Oh, and did I neglect to mention that a permanent smile seemed to be etched onto his face, and that his eyes sparkled with a rare, utter, complete contentment?
Judging by your shocked faces, yes I did.
Sorry about that.
Anyway, yes, Heero Yuy was crossing the street, and, yes, Heero Yuy was smiling.
Yes, Heero Yuy was finally content. At peace with himself, the world, and other people.
No, Heero Yuy was not hit by a car. You can stop worrying now. Such an evil plot twist would completely destroy the story for most of you.
No, there is a different reason why this chapter's genre is 'drama'.
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Heero Yuy crossed the street, smiling. After ten hours of work, he was finally going home. Tomorrow was his day off, too.
Relena was also waiting for him. She always was.
She had waited for him for the past three years, ever since he had moved in with her.
He had never been so happy in his life.
The first two years had been hard for her, he knew. For both of them. Post-Tramatic Stress had caused him to have a nervous breakdown. Luckily, Relena had managed to get him to see a therapyist before he did something stupid. At first, he had refused to open up, but when Relena had nearly burst into tears, he had caved in.
That was her effect on him. Despite his past, she had somehow melted his icy heart.
The nights were the hardest for her, though. He often had nightmares during that period. For a while, Relena would wake up and come running, but then their rooms gradually grew closer together, until, finally, they were sleeping in the same bed.
As time passed, his nightmares ceased to exist, yet Relena continued to stay with him.
He had gotten so used to her presence, that on the few nights that they had been forced to stay apart, Heero found that he couldn't sleep at all.
He was largely dependant on her, yet he would not have it any other way.
Heero was eighteen years old, done with school. He had a good paying job and a beautiful girlfriend.
He was content.
And then he crossed the street.
The scene that greeted him on the other side was not very common in real life, but stereotypical in the world of fiction.
For a reason that he couldn't fathom, Heero fell to his knees, and felt a strange sensation in his chest that he could only describe as his heart 'breaking'.
A family was having a picnic in the park.
Two children, a boy and a girl, were chasing each other, playing a game of tag. Indignant cries of "You cheated!" rose in the air, and the other would immediately contridict their sibling.
The mother and father were chuckling at their children's antic, holding each other close. When their laughter died down, they would gaze deeply into each other's eyes, and whisper sweet nothings underneath their breath, so only the other would hear.
Heero breathed deeply, forcefully, then, with a soul-wrenching moan of grief, he stood, turned, and ran.
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'Almost done,' Relena thought to herself, determined to finish.
It was almost six. Heero would be home soon, and she wante to get the paperwork over with, so she could greet him at the door.
It wasn't necessary, she knew. Heero wasn't an emotional wreck anymore. She knew that he didn't need her presence every single second of every single day. Not anymore. But she still enjoyed watching the smile slowly grow across his face when she greeted him with a hug.
She loved to make him smile. It made it all worthwhile.
'There!' she thought, in victory, as she finished, setting her pen down on her desk.
Relena was eighteen years old, done with school. She had a good paying job and was in love with her handsome boyfriend.
She was content.
And then the door burst open.
Relena looked up, surprised, as Heero stumbled across the room, and pulled her into his arms. He buried his face into her shoulder, shaking violently, a haunting moan escaping from his lips.
"Oh, my God..." Relena whispered, wrapping her arms around him, tears coming to her eyes. "Not again... please...not again...."
Heero sank to his knees, pulling them both to the floor.
Relena took a deep breath, and focused all her energy on calming Heero down, all the while thinking tortured thoughts.
Heero stopped shaking nearly ten minutes later, but he cotinued to hold onto her like a lifeline. His breathing still came deep and forced.
Relena gathered her courage, and whispered, "What's wrong, Heero?"
Heero released another tortured moan, and embraced her tighter. Moments later, he shook his head, mumbling something like, "I don't know."
Relena ran her fingers through his hair, then pulled them both to their feet. She caught a glimpse of Heero's eyes. They reminded her of the blank, lost look that he had in his eyes three years ago.
It scared the hell out of her.
"Come on, Heero. Let me make you something. It might help if you ate something," Relena suggested.
Heero slowly nodded. Taking a few deep, calming breaths, he relunctantly pulled away, but still held her hand in an iron grip, as if he was afraid that she would disappear into thin air.
'Why is this happening?' Relena thought, despairingly. 'After all this time? We were finally content. Why is Heero having a relapse NOW?'
She fied a few sandwiches in complete silence, wondering what she could do to help him.
Heero had let go of her hand when he realized that she needed it, but still stayed in physical contact. He wrapped her in his arms from behind, closed his eyes, and rested his head on her shoulder.
Relena started to feel a slight dampness on her neck.
She quickly finished up the sandwiches. Choking back the sobs that threatened to break free, Relena whirled around and embraced him tightly.
"Don't cry, Heero," she whispered, hoarsely, "please don't cry..."
Sniffling a little, Heero replied, "I thought you said that crying was good for me."
"You've cried too much, Heero. You should be smiling and laughing now. Smiling and laughing is good for you, too."
Heero forced a small smile to his lips for Relena's sake.
Relena sighed. Picking up the sandwiches, she led Heero to the table. Pulling two chairs close togather, they sat down.
Heero placed one hand on her knee, and forced down some of the sandwich. After a few bites, he put it down and just stared at it.
The food tasted bland in Relena's mouth. Losing her appetite, she covered Heero's hand with hers, geting his attention.
"Heero, please tell me what happened to you that caused this to happen."
He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "I was walking home when I came across a...family. They were all smiling laughing, and...having fun. I was suddenly hurting all over. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I just ran instead. I don't know why I reacted this way. What is wrong with me, Relena?" he demanded, opening his eyes again.
Relena placed one hand on his cheek, and caressed it lightly. "Nothing is wrong with you, Heero. You are only human. As a human being, you are allowed to experience human emotions. Just because you feel sad does not mean that something is wrong with you. If that was true, there would be something wrong with the entire human race. There is nothing wrong wih you, Heero."
Heero pulled her close in a desperate hug. "I want this sadness to go away, Relena," he sbbed, words muffled by her shirt.
"Me too, Heero," she replied, whispering. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was almost seven. Maybe if they went to bed early...?
"Lets go to bed, Heero. Sleep will do us both some good. Besides, you're exhausted."
Heero nodded, and they went upstairs to their bedroom, leaving their barely touched meal on the table.
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Relena watched Heero as he slept. His face was slack, showing no emotion. She couldn't decide if she was happy that he escaped his sadness, or sad, because he wasn't happy.
She thought back to what Heero had said. He had seen a happy, carefree family, and experienced a deep, emotional pain. Why had that happened? He, himself had been happy and carefree just before he saw them, hadn't he? So why did he react that way? There was no rational explanation for his sudden heartbreak, unless...
It hit her like a ton of bricks. Heero wanted a family.
But...he was an orphan, just like her. How could they have a family? There was only one option.
They had to start a family of their own.
Relena ran her hand through Heero's hair, wondering what she could do. They both had tomorrow off work. Maybe she could do something then.
She sighed, then rested her head on his bare chest.
She would start tomorrow morning.
Relena would make Heero happy, even if it was the last thing she did.
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Relena was awakened by a loud shout, nearly falling out of bed.
Turning to the right, she saw Heero sitting up straight, tears running down his face, his breathing forced, hrd, and shallow. He stared straight ahead, eyes glazed, like a deer frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car. He held the sheets in a white-knuckled grip, shaking so hard, even his hair quivered.
"H-Heero...?" Relena stuttered, fearful. She couldn't seem to move. 'Please, God, not this again...' she silently prayed.
Heero turned to look at her, his eyes wide and wild. He reached out tentively, and touched her arm.
"Not...a dream...?" he asked, voice shuddering from the sheer force of his sobs.
Relena could only shake her head.
Heero forced his eyes shut, and rested his head on her shoulder. "Don't leave me," he whispered, hoarsely. "Please, Relena, don't ever leave me all alone..."
Relena wrapped her arms around his waist, Heero responding in kind. "I'll never leave you, Heero," she whispered into his ear. "We need each other. I'll always be there for you, and you'll always be there for me. We give each other the strength to go on. You wil never be alone. Not anymore."
All at once, Heero's shuddering ceased, and he sighed onto her neck. His body reaxed against her's, and his breathing became even again.
He was asleep, but now he had a smile on his face.
Relena thanked God.
"I'll d whatever it takes, Heero. I'll do whatever it takes to keep that smile on your face."
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When Relena woke again, it was to a stray sunbeam, and a note taped to her forehead.
Heero was gone.
A momentary panic rose in her, but she forced it down, and read the note.
~~~
Relena:
Don't worry about me. I've gone for a walk. I need to think. Please don't come after me. I'll be fine.
Heero
~~~
Relena sighed, running her fingertips over the smooth paper. She had to do something without him, too. Perhaps it was better this way.
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"How are you doing, Hilde?" Relena asked, greeting her friend when she opened the apartment door.
Hilde gave Relena a sisterly hug. "I've never been better, Relena. How's life treating you?"
"It...could be better," Relena confessed.
"What happened?" Hilde asked, concerned, letting her in.
"Heero had a relapse," she whispered.
Hilde stared into Relena's eyes for a moment, hoping to find a clue about what had happened to cause such a thing. Finally, she closed the door, and said, "Duo's not home right now. Tell me what happened."
Relena sat down on a couch, and Hilde sat beside her. "Heero told me that he saw a family in a park, and that he just...broke down. He doesn't know why it happened, why it affected him that way, but it hurt him. I think that he might...he might want a family."
Hilde raised an eyebrow. "A family? Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"
Relena gave a slight nod. "Heero doesn't have a family that he knows of, and neither do I, excluding Milliardo, of course. If Heero wants a family so muh that he had a relapse, I have to give him one. My conscience wouldn't allow otherwise, and neither would my heart."
"And, what, exactly, are you planning to do about this?"
Relena gave a small smile that almost reached her eyes. "In my mind, there are only two options. Comrades are as close, and sometimes even closer, than biological families. If I could convince the rest of the pilots and their friends and family to come live with us in my mansion, we would become a family of sorts. Families create a sene of belonging. The gundam pilots...they're the only ones of their kind. They belong together."
"There are several problems with that. One of them is the fact that Trowa Barton works in a travelling circus," Hilde critisized.
Relena smirked slightly. "Would they be more popular as a travelling circus, or Relena Dorlain's personal entertainment? I can guarantee that their crowd would double. People would visit from all over the world to see my very own circus. Besides, they could still occasionally go travelling. It's not like I would be imprisioning them."
Hilde smirked back. "It looks like you've covered all the bases, then. What's option number two?"
Relena lost her smile. "You know exactly what it is."
"I just want to hear it from your lips, Relena."
She sighed, giving in. "The secnd option...is to start from scratch. I'll...I'll have his children."
"You don't seem so thrilled about that. I would have thought that you would, um, look forward to it."
Relena blushed at what Hilde implied. "It's not like that! We're only eighteen, Hilde! I'm not going to lie. I'm...I'm too scared to take that step right now, and even if I was able to overcome my fear, would I be a good mother? Would Hro be a good father? And before children, there's marriage, and before marriage..."
Silence decended upon them, until Hilde finally spoke up.
"He hasn't said the words yet, has he?"
Relena shook her head. "It's been three years, Hilde. Three yearssince he asked me what love was, and if he loved me. I told him then that he was the only one who could answer that question. Three years, Hilde. Isn't that long enough? Did I go through two years of hell for nothing? Nothing? He's been happy lately, but does he love me? Or am I just his friend? His housekeeper? His nurse?"
Tears flowed down her face, and her shoulders shook with surpressed sobs.
"Does he love me, Hilde? Or does he think of me as his substitute mother?"
Hilde put her hands on Relena's shoulders, and stared straight into her eyes. "You're not going to get anywhere with that kind of attitude, girl. Don't kid yourself. What kind of person makes out withheir mother on a dialy basis? Take that statement back before you make me sick."
Relena chuckled a little. It didn't have much mirth in it, but it was a stat. "Okay, Hilde, I take it back. Heero definitely does not think that I'm his mother."
"Well, then," Hilde said, releasing Relena, and crossing her arms. "What are you going to do, now? I don't think that Heero would like it very much if he came home one day to find that a circus has moved in with him."
Relena laughed for real this time. "I suppose that I should run it by Heero first, huh?"
Hilde smirked. "Unless you're saving it for a birthday present. Now, get out of here and find your boyfriend before I throw you out myself."
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Heero sat on a park bench, watching a group of small children play a game of hide and seek. He wondered why the sight stirred a deep sadness in his chest. There was also a sense of...longing? What did he want?
"Oi! Is that you, Heero, ol' buddy? Pal of mine?"
Heero rolled his eyes. Of course Duo would find him here. The park was Duo's home away from home.
The braided boy strolled over to his friend and sat beside him. "You know," he began, "three years ago, you nearly gave me a heart attack when you suddnly became the happiest person on Earth. Excuse me for pointing this out, but you're not smiling. Is something wrong with this picture?"
"Hn," Heero replied, in a now uncharacteristic fashion.
Duo sighed in slight annoyance, then placed a hand on Heero's shoulder to get his attention.
"Bottled-up feelings never help anyone, man."
Heero turned to Duo, and glared. "Go to hell, Maxwell."
Duo smiled. "Now that's more like it!"
Heero didn't respond. He turned to watch the children again.
Duo followed his gaze, and his smile became a faction thinner. It suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. He understood what Heero Yuy was thinking. That was some freaky shit.
Heero felt his comrade's grip tighten on his shoulder, so he turned to look at him again. Duo's eyes were firmly fixed on the children.
"Children are God's cure to everything," Duo stated.
Heero did a double-take. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Duo turned to look at him, a slight grin on his face.
"Children can bring happiness to even the saddest person on Earth."
Heero's eyes widened a little. He turned to look at the children again.
"Welp," Duo announced, getting up, "I gotta go. Hilde's probably waiting for me. It's almost dinnertime. I'll leave you alone, so you can ponder my once in a lifetime words of wisdom. I can tell you now, don't expect another one anytime soon. I fried too many brain cells. And remember to put my name on the quote! It would be nice to be famous for something other than being a gundam pilot."
Heero barely registered Duo's idle chatter. His entire being was focused on the sight before him.
He didn't break down this time. On the contrary. He smiled.
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The moment Heero arrived back home, Relena greeted him with a hug, and looked up at him with concerned eyes.
"I'm fine, Relena," he said, trying to calm her nerves. He gave her a sincere smile to reassure her.
A smile tugged Relena's lips upwards. "I couldn't help but worry about you, Heero. I'm so glad that you're all right. I have something to ask you."
"I have something to ask you, too, but we should get some privacy. Will you go out with me?"
"Of course I'll go out with you. After all this time, you don't even need to ask anymore. Where do you want to go, Heero?"
"Someplace special. Let me take you there."
"I'm right behind you."
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Heero took Relena to the beach. More specifically, the beach where they had first met.
Relena smile at her boyfriend. Their first meeting hadn't been an ideal setting for a relationship, but it was a meeting nonetheless. She wouldn't have had it any other way.
Heero knew that he had to ask her. It was important, after all. But he kept on getting distracted. The sun was low in the sky, and the hazy light accented Relena's hair, eyes, complexion, and lips. Giving into temptation, he wrapped his arms around her.
"Relena..." he whispered, slowly leaning toward her.
"Heero," she answered, meeting him halfway.
Heero doubted that he would eer stop enjoying the feeling of Relena's lips on his. The pure pleasure of it made him want to sigh in utter, complete contentment. He wasn't aware of anything else but her when they were close like this. Her kisses were like water to a man dying of thirst. He felt that he could stay in Relena's arms forever. He never wanted to let go.
"Oh, Relena..." he moaned, sinking to his knees.
"Ah...Heero..." Relena sighed, as Heero gently lowered her to the sand. She was in heaven. Only Heero could make her feel this way. Only Heero could free her from her earthly bonds, and give her a little taste of paradise.
They eventually stopped. Not even the Perfect Soldier could hold his breath forever. Besides, he had Relena to think about He didn't want to suffocate his girlfriend, after all.
Breathing hard and heavy, Heero helped Relena up. Still sitting, Relena giggled when she realized how much sand was in her hair. Chuckling, Heero attempted to help her get it out, but it only dissolved into another make-out session.
Half an hour later, Relena rested her hand on Heero's chest, and turneto watch the sun set. The glowing orb was barely visible now.
Silence decended upon the two, and Heero began to gently massage Relena's shoulders. Releasing an almost inaudiable sigh, she relaxed against him even more.
Seeing that she was completely relaxed, Heero moved his hands down, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"Relena?" he said, softly.
"Yes...?" Relena replied.
"Where do children come from?" Heero asked.
"Excuse me?!" Relena exclaimed, stiffening against him. Regaining her composture, she pulled awa from his embrace, and asked, "Why do you want to know, Heero?"
Confused by her reaction, Heero replied, "Because I want one."
Relena took a few deep breaths. "You're getting ahead of yourself, Heero," she stalled. "There are certain....steps that you should take before having a child."
"What are these 'steps'?" Heero asked, not discouraged in the least.
"Marriage!" Relena blurted. "You shouldn't have a child outside of wedlock!"
""Marriage'? 'Wedlock'?" Heero asked. "Is that the place where children come from? When can we go there?"
For a reason that Heero couldn't fathom, tears came to Relena's eyes.
"No, Heero. No," she whispered, shaking her head, and standing up. "You don't...I can't...why can't you understand?!" she cried, turning around, and bolting in the opposite direction.
"R-Relena...?" Heero whispered, frozen in place. "But...you promised..."
'You promised that you would never leave me...'
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Heero blankly stared at the computer screen.
Dark rings were clearly defined underneath his eyes, and the eyes themselves were bloodshot, and the area around them was red, irritated skin. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.
Heero absently rubbed his bleary eyes. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night. All he could do was stare at the empty space beside him, wondering where Relena was. If he was safe. He was acutely aware of the tears that he had shead, the incolherent mumbling that had passed through his lips, and the insensitive sheets that he had gathered in his fists.
He remembered howling like a wounded animal.
Heero had forgiven Relena for breaking her promise. He had, after all, broken many of his promises to her. And he didn't blame her, either. He blamed himself. He had...hurt her somehow. He made her cry. If only she would come back. Forgive him. If she came back, he would find out what he had aid that had upset her, and make sure to never say it again.
But, where was she? Was she okay? Was she safe? Was she hurt? Was she--
The dooto his office burst open, and Duo barged in, shouting, "HEERO! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO RELENA?! SHE FRIGGIN' APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE, CRYIN' HER FRIGGIN' EYES OUT! EXPLAIN!"
Heero grabbed at his chest, feeling as if a fiery blade had passed through his heart. He stood up straight, then abruptly fell to his knees, breathing hard, forced gasps. He grabbed his desk with one hand for support.
Duo was instantly at his side, swearing profusely. He helped Heero back into his chair, surprised by how red an swollen his eyes were.
"God damn it, Heero," he whispered hoarsely, when Heero had calmed down a little, "I thought that you were having a heart attack. Remember what I said about bottled-up emotions? What the hell happened, man?"
Heero took a few deep breaths, trying to stop his chest from convulsing.
"Re-elena le-eft me-e..." he managed to choke out.
"EXCUSE ME?" Duo exclaimed. "SHE left YOU? Oh, man! I thought it was the other way around!"
Heero shook his head. "I ups-et her, and she-e le-eft. I do-don't kno-ow why."
Duo took a deep breath. "What were you talking about right before she left?"
Heero paused, then said, "I ask-ed h-er w-where child-ren come fr-om..."
Duo's eyes widened. "You mean you don't KNOW?"
Heero's chest stopped shaking, and he asked, "You know, don't you? Relena didn't tell me. Will you?"
Duo sweatdropped. "That's probably something that you should talk about with Relena."
"But she didn't tell me when I asked her before."
"...She was probably just embarrassed."
"'Embarrassed'?"
"Yeah...it's a touchy subject to say the least."
Heero closed his eyes, and brerathed deeply. When he was sure of himself, he stood up, and started toward the door, grabbing a dictionary along the way.
Duo followed him. "And where do you think you're going, pal?"
"I need to talk to Relena. I remember where you live. You don't need to escort me."
"Of course not," Duo replied. "I just though that you should know that leaving your job during a shift is grounds for a permanent vacation."
"Who cares?" Heero retorted.
"Obviously not you," Duo mumbled, heading off in a different direction,
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"Yes, I understand. Bye, Duo!" Hilde said, hanging up the phone.
She turned to look at Relena, who looked like she hadn't slept at all. Her hair was unkempt, and her eyes were red, bloodshot, and desolate.
"Relena," Hilde said, softly, getting her friend's attention. "I have to go meet Duo. He says that it's important. Will you be okay by yourself?"
Relena nodded.
Hilde smiled akwardly. "Eat something, and take a shower. You'll feel better."
Relena nodded again.
Hilde sighed. The only reason that she even considered leaving Relena alone, was the fact that Duo had told her that Heero would be arriving shortly.
And even then. she had her doubts about his so called 'plan'.
'If Heero breaks her heart, so help me God, I'll make him a woman.'
With a final glance at Relena's empty eyes, Hilde left her apartment, praying that she was doing the right thing.
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~~~
Mar-riage (mar'ij) n.
The state of being married; wedlock; the act of marrying or the ceremony entered into by a man and woman so as to live together as husband and wife. -able (adj.)
~~~
Heero stared at the dictionary, not comprehending what the definition was trying to point out. 'Ceremony'? 'Husband'? 'Wife'? But he already lived with Relena. Didn't that make them 'husband and wife'? No, he supposed. They had to complete the 'ceremony' first. Was that why Relena had been so upset? It didn't seem very important, but if Relena wanted to be married...
Heero put down the dictionary, and stared out the bus window, noticing that his stop was coming up.
'I'm not going to screw up this time,' he vowed.
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Relena had took the shower that Hilde had recommended, and was now dressed in some of Hilde's old clothes. Now that her hair was sand-free and her skin felt clean again, she was able to think rationally.
What in God's name had possessed her to run away? Sure, she was insecure about Heero's feelings, but he had just recovered. She just had to go and break her promise. God, she was so selfish. What had she been thinking...?
Running her fingers through her still slightly damp hair, Relena wondered what she should do. Heero was probably wondering where she was. Should she call him? Should she just go home?
No, Heero was probably at his job. She shouldn't desturb him while he worked. Getting him fired wouldn't solve anything.
And even if she could talk to him, what would she say?
God, why did she have to run away...?
Relena sighed in fustration, then turned on the radio, attempting to banish her conflicting thoughts.
Losing herself in the music, she almost didn't hear the knock on the door.
Thinking that Hilde had come back, or maybe Duo, Relena hurried to the door and opened it, thinking that they had lost their key.
"Heero...!" she exclaimed, when she met a pair of Prussian blue eyes. She felt herself tear up a little when she saw how red and swollen those beautiful eyes were.
"Relena...I..." He trailed off when he saw the look on her face. She just looked so miserable... Did she hate him, now? His eyes filled with tears at the thought. Why did his throat close up all of a sudden? There was just so much that he had to say...
They stared at each other in silence. Heero made no attempt to enter the apartment, and Relena made no attempt to invite him in.
The song on the radio came to an end, and a new one began.
~~~
If I could right the wrongs that made you cry
Would you promise not to say good-night
'Cause I'm holding on
With a love so strong
And I can't tke a day without you by my side.
Girl if I could change
If I could change your mind
Baby you could help me wipe these tears from my eyes
Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me
'Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms the suit around me
Then I may break down and cry just like a child.
Girl I can't belong and I won't be free
If I fail to bring your lovin' back to me
So I'm pressin' on
I hope you understand
There's a broken heart that lies within your hands.
So if I could change
And it won't hurt your pride
Baby you can help me stop these tears that I cry.
Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me.
'Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms the suit aroun me
Then I may break down and cry just like a child.
Like a child
Just like a child
With the spirits running free
She showed me why
Oh, she did
Like a child (oh baby)
Just like a child
Think of what our love could be
If our hearts could set us free
Like a child
~~~
As the chorus repeated itself, Relena swallowed against the lump in her throat, thinking, 'It's true, isn't it? Heero's just like a child, yet he wants adult things. But, when is he going to grow up? If Heero doesn't act like an adult, how can I love him like one?
'...Maybe I still have to grow up, too.'
Relena opened the door wider, stepped aside, and softly said, "Come in, Heero."
Heero bit his lip, and crossed the barrier.
Still keeping her distance, Relena closed the door, turned off the radio, then led Heero to the living room, where they sat down on the couch.
A few moments passed before Heero was able to break the silence.
"I'm sorry, Relena," he said, softly, forcing himself to look her in the eye.
"What have you done to be soory about?" Relena asked. 'I should be the one apologizing...'
Heero looked uncertain. "I...I made you cry."
Relena slowly shook her head. "No, Heero. I made myself cry."
"Excuse me?" Heero asked, confused.
Continuing, Relena said, "No, you didn't make me cry. I cried because...because you are the saddest person on Earth...and it shouldn't be that way anymore."
A memory resurfaced in Heero's mind. "Duo said that chldren can bring happiness to even the saddest person on Earth."
"That's true," Relena admitted.
"Then tell me why we can't have one," Heero requested.
'This again.' "Heero, I absolutely refuse to have a baby outside of wedlock. That's not the way I want to raise a child. If a child's parents are married, they have a stronger sense of belonging and security. If that same child's arents aren't married, that child is very likely to end up being excluded and teased by his or her peers. It's cruel, but children reject others that are different every day. I won't do that to my child, Heero. I won't."
Heero processed the information. No, he didn't want that to happen to his child, either. After all, something akin to that had happened to him while he was young. Back when Odin had looked after him, his peers had treated him like he was sub-human. One of the reasons that they treated him that way was because he had no mother-figure. It wa because of his lonely childhood that he had withdrawn himself from the world. The war had only pushed him farther away from humanity. If he was to have a child, he didn't want his offspring to inherit his tragic childhood.
So, Heero came to a decision.
"Let's get married, then, Relena."
Relena burst into fresh tears, completely surprising and confusing Heero in the same instant. He moved to comfort her, but she gently pushed him away.
With tears streaming down her face, Relena whispered, "I can't marry someone who doesn't love me, Heero," before standing up and walking toward the door.
Heero felt as if his soul was torn apart, but he was determined not to let this chance slip through his fingertips like it did last night. He was completely determined to fix things between him and Relena.
He wouldn't let her walk away again. God, tears came to his eyes at the mere thought of spending another night without her by his side. A feeling of absolute emptiness filled his soul at the mere thought of never seeing her face again.
"Relena!" he cried, standing up and grabbing her wrist. When she turned to look at him, her eyes overflowing with tears, any words that he had possibly managed to gather in his mind vanished, and he simply spoke from the heart.
Relena looked deep into his eyes, and saw the broken boy that had found her in the street three years prior.
"Please don't leave me, Relena! I love you!"
All at once, Relena's tears ceased to be. She searched his eyes for sincerity, then simply whispered, "You do. I love you, too, Heero..."
Heero could only pull her close, and cry relieved tears on her shoulder.
Relena felt a smile come to her face as she softly rubbed Heero's back. "Yes, Heero. I'll marry you. And when we're both ready, I'll have your children. Smile, Heero. You have a family now."
Author's Notes:
1. (cries) God, that ending was so sweet and waffy. I have tears in my eyes, now. (Or maybe it's because my feet hurt so much. Damn my job! Damn it all to hell!!! n_n)
2. This chapter was a total son of a b*tch to write. Argh! I was suffering from writer's block, as well as the flu! Geez, this had better be worth it.
3. Doesn't the song TOTALLY go with the story? n.n Nothing like a song fic to remind me why I totally love the Backstreet Boys. Their songs are so totally sweet and adorable! (God, I just wrote 'totally' for a total of three times. I need a better vocabulary, man.) I got mixed up with the lyrics, though. The lyrics page said one thing, and they seemed to sing another! Could someone tell me the REAL lyrics? Argh! It's like they were deliberatly trying to confuse me!!! (They succeeded, too)
4. There's another sequel. (Damn my idea prone mind!!!!) But it's the LAST one. Seriously. No more Instinct.
5. Oh, and another thing. I have decided that this is the REAL sequel to "Instinct". #2 was a satire of my own work and #3 was a simple side-story. #5 is going to be the Epilogue.
6. I would REALLY love you guys if you wrote your own side-stories!!! (Hey, I can't hog this kawaii Heero! I gotta share!) Just e-mail it to me, or tell me where I can find it, so I can post it on my site! You guys need ideas? Hmmm....you can write a satire, like I did in #2 (but PLEASE don't go as far as I did. That monster of a fanfic still scares the hell out of me), you can write a WAFF side-story, like I did in #3, or you can write a psychological thriller (drama) detailing Heero's nervous breakdown. Hell, you could write pretty much anything at all! n_n Just be creative!
7. A reminder, though. I'm not going to write Instinct 5 until it rules the poll on my site. Right now, Gundam 1/2 is in the lead. I'm working on it as you're reading this. You can find my GW web site (and vote) by going to www.ninscastle.homestead.com/ShinigamisLookoutPoint.html
8. Dee has something to say about this chapter. She tells me that she's glad that someone other than Heero and Relena appeared in this fic. Well...you can expect more people in the next chapter!!! n_n
9. I would really appreciate it if people critisized this. Some things just seem to be off. Relena's character, for example. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. So? n_n
by
Nin Tendo
~ Disclaimer ~ Yadda yadda. I don't own Gundam Wing. (sniffle)
(A small note: though this story might SEEM to contain adult situations, I assure you, it doesn't. It just might SEEM that way. Just a few questionable conversations, and some bad language. This is also a semi-song fic. The song appears near the end, but try to guess what it's going to be before you reach it. n_n)
To the rest of the world, an ordinary young man was crossing the street.
But you and I know better than that, dear reader.
The young man's name was Heero Yuy, and Heero Yuy might very wll be anything BUT ordinary.
However, he was doing a fairly good job at APPEARING ordinary. Passer-by didn't give him a second glance.
Oh, and did I neglect to mention that a permanent smile seemed to be etched onto his face, and that his eyes sparkled with a rare, utter, complete contentment?
Judging by your shocked faces, yes I did.
Sorry about that.
Anyway, yes, Heero Yuy was crossing the street, and, yes, Heero Yuy was smiling.
Yes, Heero Yuy was finally content. At peace with himself, the world, and other people.
No, Heero Yuy was not hit by a car. You can stop worrying now. Such an evil plot twist would completely destroy the story for most of you.
No, there is a different reason why this chapter's genre is 'drama'.
=======================================================================================
Heero Yuy crossed the street, smiling. After ten hours of work, he was finally going home. Tomorrow was his day off, too.
Relena was also waiting for him. She always was.
She had waited for him for the past three years, ever since he had moved in with her.
He had never been so happy in his life.
The first two years had been hard for her, he knew. For both of them. Post-Tramatic Stress had caused him to have a nervous breakdown. Luckily, Relena had managed to get him to see a therapyist before he did something stupid. At first, he had refused to open up, but when Relena had nearly burst into tears, he had caved in.
That was her effect on him. Despite his past, she had somehow melted his icy heart.
The nights were the hardest for her, though. He often had nightmares during that period. For a while, Relena would wake up and come running, but then their rooms gradually grew closer together, until, finally, they were sleeping in the same bed.
As time passed, his nightmares ceased to exist, yet Relena continued to stay with him.
He had gotten so used to her presence, that on the few nights that they had been forced to stay apart, Heero found that he couldn't sleep at all.
He was largely dependant on her, yet he would not have it any other way.
Heero was eighteen years old, done with school. He had a good paying job and a beautiful girlfriend.
He was content.
And then he crossed the street.
The scene that greeted him on the other side was not very common in real life, but stereotypical in the world of fiction.
For a reason that he couldn't fathom, Heero fell to his knees, and felt a strange sensation in his chest that he could only describe as his heart 'breaking'.
A family was having a picnic in the park.
Two children, a boy and a girl, were chasing each other, playing a game of tag. Indignant cries of "You cheated!" rose in the air, and the other would immediately contridict their sibling.
The mother and father were chuckling at their children's antic, holding each other close. When their laughter died down, they would gaze deeply into each other's eyes, and whisper sweet nothings underneath their breath, so only the other would hear.
Heero breathed deeply, forcefully, then, with a soul-wrenching moan of grief, he stood, turned, and ran.
=======================================================================================
'Almost done,' Relena thought to herself, determined to finish.
It was almost six. Heero would be home soon, and she wante to get the paperwork over with, so she could greet him at the door.
It wasn't necessary, she knew. Heero wasn't an emotional wreck anymore. She knew that he didn't need her presence every single second of every single day. Not anymore. But she still enjoyed watching the smile slowly grow across his face when she greeted him with a hug.
She loved to make him smile. It made it all worthwhile.
'There!' she thought, in victory, as she finished, setting her pen down on her desk.
Relena was eighteen years old, done with school. She had a good paying job and was in love with her handsome boyfriend.
She was content.
And then the door burst open.
Relena looked up, surprised, as Heero stumbled across the room, and pulled her into his arms. He buried his face into her shoulder, shaking violently, a haunting moan escaping from his lips.
"Oh, my God..." Relena whispered, wrapping her arms around him, tears coming to her eyes. "Not again... please...not again...."
Heero sank to his knees, pulling them both to the floor.
Relena took a deep breath, and focused all her energy on calming Heero down, all the while thinking tortured thoughts.
Heero stopped shaking nearly ten minutes later, but he cotinued to hold onto her like a lifeline. His breathing still came deep and forced.
Relena gathered her courage, and whispered, "What's wrong, Heero?"
Heero released another tortured moan, and embraced her tighter. Moments later, he shook his head, mumbling something like, "I don't know."
Relena ran her fingers through his hair, then pulled them both to their feet. She caught a glimpse of Heero's eyes. They reminded her of the blank, lost look that he had in his eyes three years ago.
It scared the hell out of her.
"Come on, Heero. Let me make you something. It might help if you ate something," Relena suggested.
Heero slowly nodded. Taking a few deep, calming breaths, he relunctantly pulled away, but still held her hand in an iron grip, as if he was afraid that she would disappear into thin air.
'Why is this happening?' Relena thought, despairingly. 'After all this time? We were finally content. Why is Heero having a relapse NOW?'
She fied a few sandwiches in complete silence, wondering what she could do to help him.
Heero had let go of her hand when he realized that she needed it, but still stayed in physical contact. He wrapped her in his arms from behind, closed his eyes, and rested his head on her shoulder.
Relena started to feel a slight dampness on her neck.
She quickly finished up the sandwiches. Choking back the sobs that threatened to break free, Relena whirled around and embraced him tightly.
"Don't cry, Heero," she whispered, hoarsely, "please don't cry..."
Sniffling a little, Heero replied, "I thought you said that crying was good for me."
"You've cried too much, Heero. You should be smiling and laughing now. Smiling and laughing is good for you, too."
Heero forced a small smile to his lips for Relena's sake.
Relena sighed. Picking up the sandwiches, she led Heero to the table. Pulling two chairs close togather, they sat down.
Heero placed one hand on her knee, and forced down some of the sandwich. After a few bites, he put it down and just stared at it.
The food tasted bland in Relena's mouth. Losing her appetite, she covered Heero's hand with hers, geting his attention.
"Heero, please tell me what happened to you that caused this to happen."
He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "I was walking home when I came across a...family. They were all smiling laughing, and...having fun. I was suddenly hurting all over. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I just ran instead. I don't know why I reacted this way. What is wrong with me, Relena?" he demanded, opening his eyes again.
Relena placed one hand on his cheek, and caressed it lightly. "Nothing is wrong with you, Heero. You are only human. As a human being, you are allowed to experience human emotions. Just because you feel sad does not mean that something is wrong with you. If that was true, there would be something wrong with the entire human race. There is nothing wrong wih you, Heero."
Heero pulled her close in a desperate hug. "I want this sadness to go away, Relena," he sbbed, words muffled by her shirt.
"Me too, Heero," she replied, whispering. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was almost seven. Maybe if they went to bed early...?
"Lets go to bed, Heero. Sleep will do us both some good. Besides, you're exhausted."
Heero nodded, and they went upstairs to their bedroom, leaving their barely touched meal on the table.
=======================================================================================
Relena watched Heero as he slept. His face was slack, showing no emotion. She couldn't decide if she was happy that he escaped his sadness, or sad, because he wasn't happy.
She thought back to what Heero had said. He had seen a happy, carefree family, and experienced a deep, emotional pain. Why had that happened? He, himself had been happy and carefree just before he saw them, hadn't he? So why did he react that way? There was no rational explanation for his sudden heartbreak, unless...
It hit her like a ton of bricks. Heero wanted a family.
But...he was an orphan, just like her. How could they have a family? There was only one option.
They had to start a family of their own.
Relena ran her hand through Heero's hair, wondering what she could do. They both had tomorrow off work. Maybe she could do something then.
She sighed, then rested her head on his bare chest.
She would start tomorrow morning.
Relena would make Heero happy, even if it was the last thing she did.
=======================================================================================
Relena was awakened by a loud shout, nearly falling out of bed.
Turning to the right, she saw Heero sitting up straight, tears running down his face, his breathing forced, hrd, and shallow. He stared straight ahead, eyes glazed, like a deer frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car. He held the sheets in a white-knuckled grip, shaking so hard, even his hair quivered.
"H-Heero...?" Relena stuttered, fearful. She couldn't seem to move. 'Please, God, not this again...' she silently prayed.
Heero turned to look at her, his eyes wide and wild. He reached out tentively, and touched her arm.
"Not...a dream...?" he asked, voice shuddering from the sheer force of his sobs.
Relena could only shake her head.
Heero forced his eyes shut, and rested his head on her shoulder. "Don't leave me," he whispered, hoarsely. "Please, Relena, don't ever leave me all alone..."
Relena wrapped her arms around his waist, Heero responding in kind. "I'll never leave you, Heero," she whispered into his ear. "We need each other. I'll always be there for you, and you'll always be there for me. We give each other the strength to go on. You wil never be alone. Not anymore."
All at once, Heero's shuddering ceased, and he sighed onto her neck. His body reaxed against her's, and his breathing became even again.
He was asleep, but now he had a smile on his face.
Relena thanked God.
"I'll d whatever it takes, Heero. I'll do whatever it takes to keep that smile on your face."
=======================================================================================
When Relena woke again, it was to a stray sunbeam, and a note taped to her forehead.
Heero was gone.
A momentary panic rose in her, but she forced it down, and read the note.
~~~
Relena:
Don't worry about me. I've gone for a walk. I need to think. Please don't come after me. I'll be fine.
Heero
~~~
Relena sighed, running her fingertips over the smooth paper. She had to do something without him, too. Perhaps it was better this way.
=======================================================================================
"How are you doing, Hilde?" Relena asked, greeting her friend when she opened the apartment door.
Hilde gave Relena a sisterly hug. "I've never been better, Relena. How's life treating you?"
"It...could be better," Relena confessed.
"What happened?" Hilde asked, concerned, letting her in.
"Heero had a relapse," she whispered.
Hilde stared into Relena's eyes for a moment, hoping to find a clue about what had happened to cause such a thing. Finally, she closed the door, and said, "Duo's not home right now. Tell me what happened."
Relena sat down on a couch, and Hilde sat beside her. "Heero told me that he saw a family in a park, and that he just...broke down. He doesn't know why it happened, why it affected him that way, but it hurt him. I think that he might...he might want a family."
Hilde raised an eyebrow. "A family? Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"
Relena gave a slight nod. "Heero doesn't have a family that he knows of, and neither do I, excluding Milliardo, of course. If Heero wants a family so muh that he had a relapse, I have to give him one. My conscience wouldn't allow otherwise, and neither would my heart."
"And, what, exactly, are you planning to do about this?"
Relena gave a small smile that almost reached her eyes. "In my mind, there are only two options. Comrades are as close, and sometimes even closer, than biological families. If I could convince the rest of the pilots and their friends and family to come live with us in my mansion, we would become a family of sorts. Families create a sene of belonging. The gundam pilots...they're the only ones of their kind. They belong together."
"There are several problems with that. One of them is the fact that Trowa Barton works in a travelling circus," Hilde critisized.
Relena smirked slightly. "Would they be more popular as a travelling circus, or Relena Dorlain's personal entertainment? I can guarantee that their crowd would double. People would visit from all over the world to see my very own circus. Besides, they could still occasionally go travelling. It's not like I would be imprisioning them."
Hilde smirked back. "It looks like you've covered all the bases, then. What's option number two?"
Relena lost her smile. "You know exactly what it is."
"I just want to hear it from your lips, Relena."
She sighed, giving in. "The secnd option...is to start from scratch. I'll...I'll have his children."
"You don't seem so thrilled about that. I would have thought that you would, um, look forward to it."
Relena blushed at what Hilde implied. "It's not like that! We're only eighteen, Hilde! I'm not going to lie. I'm...I'm too scared to take that step right now, and even if I was able to overcome my fear, would I be a good mother? Would Hro be a good father? And before children, there's marriage, and before marriage..."
Silence decended upon them, until Hilde finally spoke up.
"He hasn't said the words yet, has he?"
Relena shook her head. "It's been three years, Hilde. Three yearssince he asked me what love was, and if he loved me. I told him then that he was the only one who could answer that question. Three years, Hilde. Isn't that long enough? Did I go through two years of hell for nothing? Nothing? He's been happy lately, but does he love me? Or am I just his friend? His housekeeper? His nurse?"
Tears flowed down her face, and her shoulders shook with surpressed sobs.
"Does he love me, Hilde? Or does he think of me as his substitute mother?"
Hilde put her hands on Relena's shoulders, and stared straight into her eyes. "You're not going to get anywhere with that kind of attitude, girl. Don't kid yourself. What kind of person makes out withheir mother on a dialy basis? Take that statement back before you make me sick."
Relena chuckled a little. It didn't have much mirth in it, but it was a stat. "Okay, Hilde, I take it back. Heero definitely does not think that I'm his mother."
"Well, then," Hilde said, releasing Relena, and crossing her arms. "What are you going to do, now? I don't think that Heero would like it very much if he came home one day to find that a circus has moved in with him."
Relena laughed for real this time. "I suppose that I should run it by Heero first, huh?"
Hilde smirked. "Unless you're saving it for a birthday present. Now, get out of here and find your boyfriend before I throw you out myself."
=======================================================================================
Heero sat on a park bench, watching a group of small children play a game of hide and seek. He wondered why the sight stirred a deep sadness in his chest. There was also a sense of...longing? What did he want?
"Oi! Is that you, Heero, ol' buddy? Pal of mine?"
Heero rolled his eyes. Of course Duo would find him here. The park was Duo's home away from home.
The braided boy strolled over to his friend and sat beside him. "You know," he began, "three years ago, you nearly gave me a heart attack when you suddnly became the happiest person on Earth. Excuse me for pointing this out, but you're not smiling. Is something wrong with this picture?"
"Hn," Heero replied, in a now uncharacteristic fashion.
Duo sighed in slight annoyance, then placed a hand on Heero's shoulder to get his attention.
"Bottled-up feelings never help anyone, man."
Heero turned to Duo, and glared. "Go to hell, Maxwell."
Duo smiled. "Now that's more like it!"
Heero didn't respond. He turned to watch the children again.
Duo followed his gaze, and his smile became a faction thinner. It suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. He understood what Heero Yuy was thinking. That was some freaky shit.
Heero felt his comrade's grip tighten on his shoulder, so he turned to look at him again. Duo's eyes were firmly fixed on the children.
"Children are God's cure to everything," Duo stated.
Heero did a double-take. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Duo turned to look at him, a slight grin on his face.
"Children can bring happiness to even the saddest person on Earth."
Heero's eyes widened a little. He turned to look at the children again.
"Welp," Duo announced, getting up, "I gotta go. Hilde's probably waiting for me. It's almost dinnertime. I'll leave you alone, so you can ponder my once in a lifetime words of wisdom. I can tell you now, don't expect another one anytime soon. I fried too many brain cells. And remember to put my name on the quote! It would be nice to be famous for something other than being a gundam pilot."
Heero barely registered Duo's idle chatter. His entire being was focused on the sight before him.
He didn't break down this time. On the contrary. He smiled.
=======================================================================================
The moment Heero arrived back home, Relena greeted him with a hug, and looked up at him with concerned eyes.
"I'm fine, Relena," he said, trying to calm her nerves. He gave her a sincere smile to reassure her.
A smile tugged Relena's lips upwards. "I couldn't help but worry about you, Heero. I'm so glad that you're all right. I have something to ask you."
"I have something to ask you, too, but we should get some privacy. Will you go out with me?"
"Of course I'll go out with you. After all this time, you don't even need to ask anymore. Where do you want to go, Heero?"
"Someplace special. Let me take you there."
"I'm right behind you."
=======================================================================================
Heero took Relena to the beach. More specifically, the beach where they had first met.
Relena smile at her boyfriend. Their first meeting hadn't been an ideal setting for a relationship, but it was a meeting nonetheless. She wouldn't have had it any other way.
Heero knew that he had to ask her. It was important, after all. But he kept on getting distracted. The sun was low in the sky, and the hazy light accented Relena's hair, eyes, complexion, and lips. Giving into temptation, he wrapped his arms around her.
"Relena..." he whispered, slowly leaning toward her.
"Heero," she answered, meeting him halfway.
Heero doubted that he would eer stop enjoying the feeling of Relena's lips on his. The pure pleasure of it made him want to sigh in utter, complete contentment. He wasn't aware of anything else but her when they were close like this. Her kisses were like water to a man dying of thirst. He felt that he could stay in Relena's arms forever. He never wanted to let go.
"Oh, Relena..." he moaned, sinking to his knees.
"Ah...Heero..." Relena sighed, as Heero gently lowered her to the sand. She was in heaven. Only Heero could make her feel this way. Only Heero could free her from her earthly bonds, and give her a little taste of paradise.
They eventually stopped. Not even the Perfect Soldier could hold his breath forever. Besides, he had Relena to think about He didn't want to suffocate his girlfriend, after all.
Breathing hard and heavy, Heero helped Relena up. Still sitting, Relena giggled when she realized how much sand was in her hair. Chuckling, Heero attempted to help her get it out, but it only dissolved into another make-out session.
Half an hour later, Relena rested her hand on Heero's chest, and turneto watch the sun set. The glowing orb was barely visible now.
Silence decended upon the two, and Heero began to gently massage Relena's shoulders. Releasing an almost inaudiable sigh, she relaxed against him even more.
Seeing that she was completely relaxed, Heero moved his hands down, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"Relena?" he said, softly.
"Yes...?" Relena replied.
"Where do children come from?" Heero asked.
"Excuse me?!" Relena exclaimed, stiffening against him. Regaining her composture, she pulled awa from his embrace, and asked, "Why do you want to know, Heero?"
Confused by her reaction, Heero replied, "Because I want one."
Relena took a few deep breaths. "You're getting ahead of yourself, Heero," she stalled. "There are certain....steps that you should take before having a child."
"What are these 'steps'?" Heero asked, not discouraged in the least.
"Marriage!" Relena blurted. "You shouldn't have a child outside of wedlock!"
""Marriage'? 'Wedlock'?" Heero asked. "Is that the place where children come from? When can we go there?"
For a reason that Heero couldn't fathom, tears came to Relena's eyes.
"No, Heero. No," she whispered, shaking her head, and standing up. "You don't...I can't...why can't you understand?!" she cried, turning around, and bolting in the opposite direction.
"R-Relena...?" Heero whispered, frozen in place. "But...you promised..."
'You promised that you would never leave me...'
=======================================================================================
Heero blankly stared at the computer screen.
Dark rings were clearly defined underneath his eyes, and the eyes themselves were bloodshot, and the area around them was red, irritated skin. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.
Heero absently rubbed his bleary eyes. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night. All he could do was stare at the empty space beside him, wondering where Relena was. If he was safe. He was acutely aware of the tears that he had shead, the incolherent mumbling that had passed through his lips, and the insensitive sheets that he had gathered in his fists.
He remembered howling like a wounded animal.
Heero had forgiven Relena for breaking her promise. He had, after all, broken many of his promises to her. And he didn't blame her, either. He blamed himself. He had...hurt her somehow. He made her cry. If only she would come back. Forgive him. If she came back, he would find out what he had aid that had upset her, and make sure to never say it again.
But, where was she? Was she okay? Was she safe? Was she hurt? Was she--
The dooto his office burst open, and Duo barged in, shouting, "HEERO! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO RELENA?! SHE FRIGGIN' APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE, CRYIN' HER FRIGGIN' EYES OUT! EXPLAIN!"
Heero grabbed at his chest, feeling as if a fiery blade had passed through his heart. He stood up straight, then abruptly fell to his knees, breathing hard, forced gasps. He grabbed his desk with one hand for support.
Duo was instantly at his side, swearing profusely. He helped Heero back into his chair, surprised by how red an swollen his eyes were.
"God damn it, Heero," he whispered hoarsely, when Heero had calmed down a little, "I thought that you were having a heart attack. Remember what I said about bottled-up emotions? What the hell happened, man?"
Heero took a few deep breaths, trying to stop his chest from convulsing.
"Re-elena le-eft me-e..." he managed to choke out.
"EXCUSE ME?" Duo exclaimed. "SHE left YOU? Oh, man! I thought it was the other way around!"
Heero shook his head. "I ups-et her, and she-e le-eft. I do-don't kno-ow why."
Duo took a deep breath. "What were you talking about right before she left?"
Heero paused, then said, "I ask-ed h-er w-where child-ren come fr-om..."
Duo's eyes widened. "You mean you don't KNOW?"
Heero's chest stopped shaking, and he asked, "You know, don't you? Relena didn't tell me. Will you?"
Duo sweatdropped. "That's probably something that you should talk about with Relena."
"But she didn't tell me when I asked her before."
"...She was probably just embarrassed."
"'Embarrassed'?"
"Yeah...it's a touchy subject to say the least."
Heero closed his eyes, and brerathed deeply. When he was sure of himself, he stood up, and started toward the door, grabbing a dictionary along the way.
Duo followed him. "And where do you think you're going, pal?"
"I need to talk to Relena. I remember where you live. You don't need to escort me."
"Of course not," Duo replied. "I just though that you should know that leaving your job during a shift is grounds for a permanent vacation."
"Who cares?" Heero retorted.
"Obviously not you," Duo mumbled, heading off in a different direction,
=======================================================================================
"Yes, I understand. Bye, Duo!" Hilde said, hanging up the phone.
She turned to look at Relena, who looked like she hadn't slept at all. Her hair was unkempt, and her eyes were red, bloodshot, and desolate.
"Relena," Hilde said, softly, getting her friend's attention. "I have to go meet Duo. He says that it's important. Will you be okay by yourself?"
Relena nodded.
Hilde smiled akwardly. "Eat something, and take a shower. You'll feel better."
Relena nodded again.
Hilde sighed. The only reason that she even considered leaving Relena alone, was the fact that Duo had told her that Heero would be arriving shortly.
And even then. she had her doubts about his so called 'plan'.
'If Heero breaks her heart, so help me God, I'll make him a woman.'
With a final glance at Relena's empty eyes, Hilde left her apartment, praying that she was doing the right thing.
=======================================================================================
~~~
Mar-riage (mar'ij) n.
The state of being married; wedlock; the act of marrying or the ceremony entered into by a man and woman so as to live together as husband and wife. -able (adj.)
~~~
Heero stared at the dictionary, not comprehending what the definition was trying to point out. 'Ceremony'? 'Husband'? 'Wife'? But he already lived with Relena. Didn't that make them 'husband and wife'? No, he supposed. They had to complete the 'ceremony' first. Was that why Relena had been so upset? It didn't seem very important, but if Relena wanted to be married...
Heero put down the dictionary, and stared out the bus window, noticing that his stop was coming up.
'I'm not going to screw up this time,' he vowed.
=======================================================================================
Relena had took the shower that Hilde had recommended, and was now dressed in some of Hilde's old clothes. Now that her hair was sand-free and her skin felt clean again, she was able to think rationally.
What in God's name had possessed her to run away? Sure, she was insecure about Heero's feelings, but he had just recovered. She just had to go and break her promise. God, she was so selfish. What had she been thinking...?
Running her fingers through her still slightly damp hair, Relena wondered what she should do. Heero was probably wondering where she was. Should she call him? Should she just go home?
No, Heero was probably at his job. She shouldn't desturb him while he worked. Getting him fired wouldn't solve anything.
And even if she could talk to him, what would she say?
God, why did she have to run away...?
Relena sighed in fustration, then turned on the radio, attempting to banish her conflicting thoughts.
Losing herself in the music, she almost didn't hear the knock on the door.
Thinking that Hilde had come back, or maybe Duo, Relena hurried to the door and opened it, thinking that they had lost their key.
"Heero...!" she exclaimed, when she met a pair of Prussian blue eyes. She felt herself tear up a little when she saw how red and swollen those beautiful eyes were.
"Relena...I..." He trailed off when he saw the look on her face. She just looked so miserable... Did she hate him, now? His eyes filled with tears at the thought. Why did his throat close up all of a sudden? There was just so much that he had to say...
They stared at each other in silence. Heero made no attempt to enter the apartment, and Relena made no attempt to invite him in.
The song on the radio came to an end, and a new one began.
~~~
If I could right the wrongs that made you cry
Would you promise not to say good-night
'Cause I'm holding on
With a love so strong
And I can't tke a day without you by my side.
Girl if I could change
If I could change your mind
Baby you could help me wipe these tears from my eyes
Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me
'Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms the suit around me
Then I may break down and cry just like a child.
Girl I can't belong and I won't be free
If I fail to bring your lovin' back to me
So I'm pressin' on
I hope you understand
There's a broken heart that lies within your hands.
So if I could change
And it won't hurt your pride
Baby you can help me stop these tears that I cry.
Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me.
'Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms the suit aroun me
Then I may break down and cry just like a child.
Like a child
Just like a child
With the spirits running free
She showed me why
Oh, she did
Like a child (oh baby)
Just like a child
Think of what our love could be
If our hearts could set us free
Like a child
~~~
As the chorus repeated itself, Relena swallowed against the lump in her throat, thinking, 'It's true, isn't it? Heero's just like a child, yet he wants adult things. But, when is he going to grow up? If Heero doesn't act like an adult, how can I love him like one?
'...Maybe I still have to grow up, too.'
Relena opened the door wider, stepped aside, and softly said, "Come in, Heero."
Heero bit his lip, and crossed the barrier.
Still keeping her distance, Relena closed the door, turned off the radio, then led Heero to the living room, where they sat down on the couch.
A few moments passed before Heero was able to break the silence.
"I'm sorry, Relena," he said, softly, forcing himself to look her in the eye.
"What have you done to be soory about?" Relena asked. 'I should be the one apologizing...'
Heero looked uncertain. "I...I made you cry."
Relena slowly shook her head. "No, Heero. I made myself cry."
"Excuse me?" Heero asked, confused.
Continuing, Relena said, "No, you didn't make me cry. I cried because...because you are the saddest person on Earth...and it shouldn't be that way anymore."
A memory resurfaced in Heero's mind. "Duo said that chldren can bring happiness to even the saddest person on Earth."
"That's true," Relena admitted.
"Then tell me why we can't have one," Heero requested.
'This again.' "Heero, I absolutely refuse to have a baby outside of wedlock. That's not the way I want to raise a child. If a child's parents are married, they have a stronger sense of belonging and security. If that same child's arents aren't married, that child is very likely to end up being excluded and teased by his or her peers. It's cruel, but children reject others that are different every day. I won't do that to my child, Heero. I won't."
Heero processed the information. No, he didn't want that to happen to his child, either. After all, something akin to that had happened to him while he was young. Back when Odin had looked after him, his peers had treated him like he was sub-human. One of the reasons that they treated him that way was because he had no mother-figure. It wa because of his lonely childhood that he had withdrawn himself from the world. The war had only pushed him farther away from humanity. If he was to have a child, he didn't want his offspring to inherit his tragic childhood.
So, Heero came to a decision.
"Let's get married, then, Relena."
Relena burst into fresh tears, completely surprising and confusing Heero in the same instant. He moved to comfort her, but she gently pushed him away.
With tears streaming down her face, Relena whispered, "I can't marry someone who doesn't love me, Heero," before standing up and walking toward the door.
Heero felt as if his soul was torn apart, but he was determined not to let this chance slip through his fingertips like it did last night. He was completely determined to fix things between him and Relena.
He wouldn't let her walk away again. God, tears came to his eyes at the mere thought of spending another night without her by his side. A feeling of absolute emptiness filled his soul at the mere thought of never seeing her face again.
"Relena!" he cried, standing up and grabbing her wrist. When she turned to look at him, her eyes overflowing with tears, any words that he had possibly managed to gather in his mind vanished, and he simply spoke from the heart.
Relena looked deep into his eyes, and saw the broken boy that had found her in the street three years prior.
"Please don't leave me, Relena! I love you!"
All at once, Relena's tears ceased to be. She searched his eyes for sincerity, then simply whispered, "You do. I love you, too, Heero..."
Heero could only pull her close, and cry relieved tears on her shoulder.
Relena felt a smile come to her face as she softly rubbed Heero's back. "Yes, Heero. I'll marry you. And when we're both ready, I'll have your children. Smile, Heero. You have a family now."
Author's Notes:
1. (cries) God, that ending was so sweet and waffy. I have tears in my eyes, now. (Or maybe it's because my feet hurt so much. Damn my job! Damn it all to hell!!! n_n)
2. This chapter was a total son of a b*tch to write. Argh! I was suffering from writer's block, as well as the flu! Geez, this had better be worth it.
3. Doesn't the song TOTALLY go with the story? n.n Nothing like a song fic to remind me why I totally love the Backstreet Boys. Their songs are so totally sweet and adorable! (God, I just wrote 'totally' for a total of three times. I need a better vocabulary, man.) I got mixed up with the lyrics, though. The lyrics page said one thing, and they seemed to sing another! Could someone tell me the REAL lyrics? Argh! It's like they were deliberatly trying to confuse me!!! (They succeeded, too)
4. There's another sequel. (Damn my idea prone mind!!!!) But it's the LAST one. Seriously. No more Instinct.
5. Oh, and another thing. I have decided that this is the REAL sequel to "Instinct". #2 was a satire of my own work and #3 was a simple side-story. #5 is going to be the Epilogue.
6. I would REALLY love you guys if you wrote your own side-stories!!! (Hey, I can't hog this kawaii Heero! I gotta share!) Just e-mail it to me, or tell me where I can find it, so I can post it on my site! You guys need ideas? Hmmm....you can write a satire, like I did in #2 (but PLEASE don't go as far as I did. That monster of a fanfic still scares the hell out of me), you can write a WAFF side-story, like I did in #3, or you can write a psychological thriller (drama) detailing Heero's nervous breakdown. Hell, you could write pretty much anything at all! n_n Just be creative!
7. A reminder, though. I'm not going to write Instinct 5 until it rules the poll on my site. Right now, Gundam 1/2 is in the lead. I'm working on it as you're reading this. You can find my GW web site (and vote) by going to www.ninscastle.homestead.com/ShinigamisLookoutPoint.html
8. Dee has something to say about this chapter. She tells me that she's glad that someone other than Heero and Relena appeared in this fic. Well...you can expect more people in the next chapter!!! n_n
9. I would really appreciate it if people critisized this. Some things just seem to be off. Relena's character, for example. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. So? n_n