Nakago and Soi, spoilers through Episode 45. In order to fully understand this, it is best to have read through chapter 2 of the Nakago novel, Seiran Den. You can find fan-translations done by Tetris no Miko here. Spoilers for ep 45.
Fushigi Yuugi and all characters are property of Watase Yuu.
The Four Gods Sky and Earth: Fushigi Yuugi fanfiction
Hamukau kizashi uchikudaite
Tatakau sasurau soshite nemuru
Senshi no kokoro ni ai wa iranai
Marching in towns of rubble
Crush the signs of uprising
Fighting, wandering, and then sleeping
In the heart of a warrior there is no need for love
There were images of silver and blue, of warm light and cold darkness, of endless promise and hope of salvation.
"Nakago-sama?"
He didn't turn from his rapt fascinated gaze at what lay in front of him. He had never imagined, in all his wildest dreams that such wonders could exist. Never. The sounds, the lights, it was if it were all real right in front of him and the darkened tent was an illusion. As if he could reach out and step down among the treetops and gaze upon the metal structures rising taller than he had ever thought any building could rise, touch the earth of that sacred country and smell the conquest in the air.
Rising to meet the raging emptiness in his heart. This world…perhaps it would be this world.
"Nakago-sama? It's almost time for the battle to start."
He heard her step fully into the room, then give a little gasp. "What on earth is that?"
He didn't move, heard her step closer. Could feel her eyes on the clam in his hand. "Is that…Tomo's shin?"
Nodding, he closed the clam. The image vanished, as if it had never been. Again he felt the emptiness waiting for him, a slavering wolf with wide open jaws, waiting. "When I went to look for his corpse, this was all that was left of it." Wrapping it in a piece of white linen, he set it gently inside a small chest on the ground, closed the lid and locked it. "I opened it to pass the time, but to think it would show me something this interesting..."
"Yui-sama's world?"
"Perhaps."
He could see the question in her eyes, but she didn't ask him why he had kept it. Instead, she looked away. Her profile in the dark was shadowed, and he could see her in his mind's eye, red hair spilling down her back, white skin cool to his touch, leaning into his body like he was all her world and she was all of his.
When the emptiness would ease.
She looked back up at him and her gaze was intense. "Nakago-sama…could you remove your armor for me?"
His eyes flicked to hers, trying to decipher some meaning behind her words. He could find none. Just a deep longing, heavy with something shadowed.
"What's this, all of a sudden? I've removed my armor for you many times." He didn't mean for his voice to come out so rough. Her face…he could feel her pain.
"Yes, we've made love many times." Her voice caught. "But...only to strengthen your powers. But to reach your heart...your feelings…"
He felt himself stiffen involuntarily at her words, images coming to the fore of his mind with blinding clarity. Images of his mother, Taria, all those years ago. When the one who called himself the emperor of Kutou had destroyed his life.
He could still hear their voices as they died.
Ayuru!
She was still speaking, a little desperately now. "Don't you remember...? When we first met seven years ago?" Head coming up, looking into his eyes. Begging. "Ever since that time, you were the only one for me. Nakago-sama…"
Gray eyes held his. He felt dizzy. He remembered her eyes as she died. She was smiling, he remembered. Smiling, as she was always smiling. She had been strong too.
I'll go to where everyone else is. Kaasan and Tousan and Aunty Matuta are all waiting for me...I'm sorry...for leaving you all alone...
Ayuru…sayonara…
He almost gasped, restrained himself just in time, saw in her eyes his own reflection. Drowning.
It took all the effort in the world to turn away from her, not to wrap his arms around her and weep until he had no tears left, weep for all those who had died because of him, weep because he was so very alone, because everyone who he ever loved had died.
And so it was better if he did not love, did not ever love. Because that meant that those he did not love…would live.
He did not love.
"There is only one person in the world that can satisfy me," he said. His voice was as calm as it had ever been.
"And you are not her."
They reined in their horses at the top of the hill, looking down. Beside him, he felt Suboshi shift impatiently, twirling his ryuuseisui.
"Where are they?" His voice rose in a whine. "Nakago-sama, you promised they'd be here."
"Shut up, Suboshi." Out of the corner of his eye he saw her half-look at him. He did not look at her. Above them, storm clouds gathered.
"There!" He saw her point, at the galloping horses which were fast approaching.
"Yes," he said. "They're here."
He heard Yui gasp. Heard a voice calling.
"Yui-chan! Yui-chan!"
"Miaka!"
He couldn't let her weaken at a time like this. "Shall we test it, Yui-sama? Let's see if Seiryuu granted our first wish."
He nodded, raised his hand, and there was a blinding flash. The ground shook and his horse snorted, tossing its head. Suboshi gave a shout. He covered his eyes, trying to see through the smoke. He could see shapes sprawled motionless on the ground.
"This is great!" Suboshi sounded like a five year old child, giddy with excitement. "We're just testing the Suzaku seishi, and look at them!"
"Their symbols aren't appearing either," she noted from beside him. "At the same time Suzaku was sealed, they appear to have become ordinary humans. How interesting."
He nodded. It was true, then. All of it. Their world…it was his for the taking.
There is only one person in the world that can satisfy me. And you are not her.
Yui stepped forward, frowning. "Nakago. I'm sorry. Let me grant your wish later."
He frowned at Yui. Her face was unusually serious, and all of a sudden he felt like the scales were being tipped out of his favor. It was not a pleasant feeling. "Yui-sama."
She closed her eyes, concentrating. Above her, the thunder crashed.
"Kai...jin!"
Blue light, searing and powerful.
"Yui-sama, what are you-?"
"Nakago, look out!"
Without warning, she was in front of him, body slamming into his, her expression surprised, catching him off-guard and almost off-balance. He put out one arm to catch her.
"Soi-what-"
There was something warm on his thigh. He put one hand to it, brought it up. It was red. A stifled groan escaped her lips.
"Nakago…"
He blinked. She had-she had called him-
"Soi."
He cradled her in his arms, trying to wipe away the blood from where it pooled and dripped on her clothing. There was so much. The tip of something protruded from her chest. Silver, like the buildings of the other world. Silver and crimson. Her blood was on his armor.
Her gaze was dazed, her eyes searching. "Nakago?"
He couldn't speak.
Don't. Don't die.
She couldn't die, right? He hadn't ever loved her. So it would be all right. If he didn't love her, then she would be all right. She couldn't die.
Suddenly she seemed to focus, her eyes huge, her hand tightening on his arm. As if she could not bear to let go. "Nakago...Nakago...Ever since that day...I...wanted to see you..."
She choked. Coughed. There were flecks of red amid the white froth that bubbled on his cloak. "My final...service…to you..."
There is only one person in the world that can satisfy me. And you are not her.
He tried to swallow but there was something in his throat. He saw her again, eyes crying out to him.
Sayonara…Ayuru…
"Nakago…I...aishiteru..."
"Soi!"
She relaxed slowly, smiling, her eyes closing of their own accord, body limp in his grasp. He shook her.
"Soi!"
No. You can't die. I never said I loved you. So you can't die, right? You'll be all right. Soi. Soi.
She felt so light in his arms. Like the dolls that Taria used to play with sometimes. She would set them by the window and make him be the father while she played the mother. Sometimes. One of them had red hair. He remembered.
Sayonara.
No. I never said I loved you. Soi. Please don't die. I never…I never…
No!
The feather-light weight of her in his arms like the clouds of the other world, endlessly moving, swirling around him. Crimson petals of dying flowers. Salty rain on his lips.
Because everyone he had ever loved had died.
There were images of silver and blue, of warm light and cold darkness, of endless promise and hope of salvation.
NOTES on Hope of Salvation: 22 May 2000
This fic was inspired by one of two things: watching Soi's death in Episode 45 (of course), and a poster I found at an anime store of Nakago holding Soi's body in one arm and holding out his sword in the other as if to protect her, "kokoro" on his forehead blazing. I don't know if any of you have seen that poster (I hadn't anywhere until I found it at the store) but as soon as I brought it home I knew that this fic was just waiting for me.
You can view the poster here.
Nakago is one of my least favorite characters in FY (hides from Nakago fans) and so is Soi (hides from Soi fans) but it was something I felt I had to write. There are only about two scenes in FY where we see the human side of Nakago, and this is one of them. The look on his face when Soi dies is...heartbreaking, I think.
As mentioned on the main page and the blurb above the fic, Hope is best read after reading the first two chapters of the Nakago novel, Seiran Den, which in itself is quite a good read.
I hope I managed to convey Nakago's sorrow without making him too OOC. Lightning attacks can be directed to lordofmerentha@yahoo.com.