SUMMARY: What else? Brain comes up with yet another crazy scheme to take over the world! This time: through the garment business!
by ReySolo
They're Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius
The other's insane
They're laboratory mice
Their genes have been spliced
They're Dinky
They're Pinky and the
Brain Brain Brain Brain
Brain Brain Brain Brain
Brain
Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
They'll take over the world
They're Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their mousey worth
They'll overthrow the Earth
They're Dinky
They're Pinky and the
Brain Brain Brain Brain
Brain Brain Brain Brain
Brain
*****
All was quiet at the lab. Well, all *had* been quiet, until the
school bus pulled up outside. The moment it stopped, dozens of
noisy seventh-graders piled out, seeming to all ooze out of the
bus within moments. Supposedly there for a school field trip to
observe real scientists working, the students saw it as a day of
school doing nothing. The three teachers tried in vain to
organize their students into the pre-arranged groups, but were
nearly trampled by the kids racing into the building.
As the commotion was building up outside, a little white lab
mouse stopped running around the wheel in his cage to glance
toward the door, a puzzled look on his face. Hey, Brain,
what do you suppose that noise is?
His cagemate, a shorter mouse with an enormous head turned away
from the miniature chalkboard he was writing on. The board had
letters and numbers like cos 7.6 and
and other such nonsense.
What noi-- Brain was just beginning to ask when the
door burst open and all the twelve- and thirteen-year-olds rushed
into the room.
With a sigh, Brain hid his chalkboard so the intrusive kids
wouldn't see it while wreaking havoc over the small lab.
Meanwhile, Pinky was staring fascinated at all the kids.
Pinky, it's merely a plenitude of juveniles seeking to
disassemble as much of Acme Labs as possible before being thrown
out.
But there's so many of them, Brain... And look, they
all have the same names! Tommy, Nike... But I've never heard
the names Adidas or Abercrombie before...
Those aren't names, you ignoramus, they're brands
of clothing. Pinky's absurdity never ceased to amaze
Brain.
Ohhhhhhhhhh... But, if they all buy the same clothes,
wouldn't that mean the makers would get lots and lots of
money?
No, Pi-- Brain suddenly stopped his automatic
response when his imbecilic friend proposed something, and froze,
his eyes increasing exponentially in size. Yyyyes... Are
you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?
I think so, Brain, but if Darth Vader was Luke's
father, then why couldn't they get a family discount?
Brain wondered why, with the multitude of knowledge stored within
his cranium, he repetitively asked Pinky that question only to
get a reply that contained about as much logic as a world without
Soya beans. No, Pinky. All I need to do is take over a
clothing company, make my own cool' brand for which
people of all ages will pay exorbitant prices. Then, as I will be
in possession of all the money in the world, as well as full
control over the garment business, everyone will choose me as the
new world leader.
Egad! Great idea, Brain! Oh, wait, no... How will you get
into a clothing company?
Simple, Pinky. We will go in as the janitorial staff, and
acquire access to the machinery at night. We will then take total
control of the facility. As he was speaking, Brain noted
the scientists shooing all the kids outside. Just as I
expected. Come, Pinky, we have a garment industry to take
over! He expediently used his tail to open the cage, and
the two mice slipped out of the building.
***
A single security guard sat at the entrance to Abercrombie &
Fitch Headquarters. Pinky being approximately ten centimeters in
height and Brain even shorter, the two simply sneaked past the
desk and out of sight of the guard. Fully clothed in
cleaning-crew attire, buckets, and mops, the two mice made their
way toward the management offices. They were almost there when
someone stepped into their path.
Hey, little fellas, you the new janitors? A young man
with spiky black hair and a plain white ABERCROMBIE shirt leaned
down to look them in the face.
Actually, we're two laboratory mice contriving to take
over the world. Brain replied matter-of-factly.
The young man just laughed. Hey, and you've got a
bogus sense of humor! Those old guys were totally dull, man.
I'm Jake, the manager's son. I'll go tell him
you're here.
Brain quickly objected, No, that won't be necessary.
We can find our way there ourselves.
Jake just smiled. Whatever. I'm outta here, then. See
ya! The young man stood up and walked away down the hall.
Bye, Jake! Pinky shouted and waved fervently.
Stop that, Pinky, Brain admonished.
Pinky was still staring after the boy. But he was so nice,
Brain.
Never mind him, Pinky. We have a mission to
accomplish. The two continued on toward the offices.
***
As dawn broke, a multitude of reds, oranges, and pinks spread
through the sky, and a sign was lightened by the rays of
sunlight. The words ABERCROMBIE & FITCH were replaced by the
new name of the company: BRAINY & PINK.
At department stores all over the country, new Brainy shirts,
jackets, and all sorts of clothing were in demand, with waiting
lists miles long. Only a few days later, Brainy & Pink stores
were popping up in shopping malls throughout the world. The
garment industry was nearly monopolized by the new company.
A knock sounded at the door to Brain's new office. He
stuffed the paper showing his total money raised into his large
desk. Yes, what do you want?
Pinky's voice drifted into the room. Narf! It's
Jake and me, Brain!
Brain sighed. Come in.
The young man entered, carrying Pinky on his shoulder. Hey,
man, you put my dad and a lot of other people out of their jobs,
but you gave them jobs at your company, so I'm cool with
that. I do have a question, though. How did you get so many
people to pay so much in so little time?
It's quite simple, really. I placed an ad in several
large newspapers about the new fad' that everyone who
wants to be truly in' must buy several articles of
this clothing.
Oh. Cool. I'd better go get me a few shirts!
Let's go, Pinky. Jake raced out of the office.
***
Brain stood in anticipation in front of the gathered crowd, all
wearing shirts reading BRAINY & PINK or just BRAINY or even
B&P. It was almost time to give his prepared speech accepting
rule over the world. Of course, since the company *was* Brainy
& Pink, he needed his co-owner to be present as well.
At last he saw Pinky coming toward him, along with his friend.
What they were wearing made him start. Once they reached him he
covered the microphone and whispered angrily, Pinky, what
are you wearing?!
Brainy & Pink shirts, Pinky replied. See,
Jake and me painted the words on ourselves. Poit! Pinky
gestured proudly at the plain white T-shirts with the word BRAINY
scrawled sloppily on them.
We figured since we couldn't afford to buy the real
ones, we could still be cool and spend only a few bucks on cheap
Target shirts. Like Jake and Pinky were wearing
matching idiot grins.
No! You fools, you'll ruin everything! You can't
let my followers see--!
An obstreperous uproar was beginning in the crowd. Innumerable
voices shouting, Hey, look at them! Their
shirts have words *painted* on! They didn't pay
as much as we did! I'm returning mine and making
some of those! Yeah, we don't need to go broke
on cheap clothes! His former followers scattered apart,
racing to return their overpriced clothing and make cheap
imitations.
Brain shouted after them, Wait! Only *official* Brainy
& Pink is cool! You can't just make your own!
Stop! But it was useless; the plan was destroyed.
He turned to Pinky, glaring at him and Jake. They just looked
back at him with abashed looks on their faces. Brain sighed, and
began walking away. Come, or I'm going to have to hurt
you, Pinky. We have to get back to Acme Labs to prepare for
tomorrow night.
Pinky waved goodbye to Jake and bounded after Brain. Why,
what are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?
Feeling slightly better knowing he would soon be back on track,
he replied, Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to
take over the world!
*****
They're Brainy,
They're Brainy and
Pink Pink Pink Pink
Pink Pink Pink Pink
Pink!
*****
Please, let me know what you think!! :)
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