I did not create Urd, Belldandy, Skuld, or anything from Aa! Megami-sama! Full credit for that goes to Kosuke Fujishima.
Oh. Don't steal this, or any part of it, or I'll have your head. If you want it on your fan fiction page,
please email me, and I'll more than likely be happy to give you
permission. It really ain't that hard
=p
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Imagine a world where life is a
game.
Imagine a world where actions
come without consequence, fun is a given, and people let you do what you want,
when you want, willingly.
Imagine a world where you are a
sex idol, able to get anything coming your way within seconds. Imagine power beyond your
comprehension…power, power, POWER!
Welcome to the life of the
oh-so-humble goddess, Urd.
We meet our striking heroine in
her kitchen, baking brownies for Belldandy and Keiichi. It was her latest recipe, including a
seduction potion she'd used all too many times on unsuspecting frat boys. Needless to say, it had worked like a charm,
so she figured it'd most likely work on Belldandy…even if she was a bit pure
and naïve.
The pale haired goddess stood over the counter; bowl in hand, stirring the mixture laboriously. Her arms were aching. She was about to zap her wooden spoon when she remembered the last time she'd done that, and gotten batter all over the kitchen. She also remembered she hadn't had to clean it up, and decided to go for it.
Urd let go of the spoon, pointed her finger, and *ZAP*! The spoon spun around the bowl in a perfect circle, at an amazing speed, and without spattering any batter. The batter just went in a cyclone around the dish. She let it go for about ten seconds, and, deciding it was done, stopped the spoon suddenly. The cyclone of batter seemed to jump out of the bowl and all over her face, hair, and shirt.
"Ugghh…" she said, putting the bowl down and pulling her hands down her cheeks, trying to clean them off a bit. "What a mess…." Urd cleaned off her eyes and swung her head from side to side, looking for Skuld's greatest accomplishment. "Banpei! Banpei!" she called.
Skuld walked in and went to the refrigerator to get some juice. "Banpei isn't available for your selfish purposes, Urd. I have to fix a broken transistor. In the meantime, you'll have to clean up your own mess."
"Noooo!" Urd cried, sinking to a kneeling position on the floor. "Why! Why me! Why must I always suffer!"
Because
you're a moron, her conscience told her.
"Shut up!" she told it.
I
can't shut up. I'm your inner
voice. You can never ignore me.
"Whatever," Urd said, plopping herself down in front of the kitchen table and sulking. She just sort of sat there for a while, letting brownie batter slide off her face and onto the tabletop. The goddess wasn't particularly paying attention, but when she focused her eyes below her and saw the mess, she groaned.
"Crap! I'm gonna have to clean this up, too?" With that she fell forward, her face, chest, and arms hitting the table, getting it even messier. Urd laid in that position for a few minutes, brought herself back up to a kneeling position, looked at the table again, and screamed something, making herself heard all across the house.
"What does THAT word mean?" Skuld asked Belldandy in her bedroom.
"I'm not quite sure, but I've heard Tamiya use it a few times when Keiichi lost races for the auto club and Tamiya was forced to go to post-race parties in drag."
"Ohh…." Skuld said, not quite understanding. She then jumped up. "Well! I better go and fix up Banpei! Later, Bell!"
Back in the kitchen, Urd was on a mad rampage, destroying and messing up things before she even entertained the thought of cleaning anything up. "Stupid goddamn brownie mix! I hate brownies! BROWNIES SUCK!" she screamed, pulling doors off cabinets and kicking holes in the wall. "WHY CAN'T KEIICHI AND BELLDANDY SCORE ALREADY?!?!?!?!"
Skuld was at that moment walking through the kitchen en route to the porch to work on Banpei. "Score? Whatcha mean?"
Urd turned to face Skuld and raised an eyebrow. "Hpmh. You're too naïve even to know what it means to score, eh?"
Skuld stamped her foot. "Tell me!"
Urd walked across the room. "Oh, I'd rather you learned on your own…maybe watching it happen to Bell and Keiichi."
"Oh, come ON!" Skuld cried. "If you tell me….I'll…I'll..get Banpei to clean up the kitchen for you!"
Urd folded her arms cynically, but then surveyed the
disaster stricken area around her. "Deal," she said, "But Banpei has to clean the mess up first."
Skuld brightened up like a
teenage boy presented with a naked girl. "Ok! I'll get Banpei fixed in an
hour!" She ran out to the porch, and
Urd turned around, grinning evilly.
As Skuld got to work on Banpei, Urd whistled and made her
way to Belldandy's room. Bell had since
left to go take a bath, so Urd took advantage of the occasion. She opened miscellaneous drawers and poked
in various places to get a glimpse into her sister's private life.
"Hmm…" she said, opening a drawer and lifting out a black satin pair of underpants. "You don't get stuff like this unless you want somebody to see it."
She then made her way to a nightstand, opening its drawer. Her eyes widened as she saw its contents: a green vibrator, a small bottle of chocolate sauce, and an opened box of condoms, with one opened wrapper and a loose condom.
"Well I'll be," she said, slightly dazed. "Bell certainly is sneaky about all that. Gotta give the girl credit, I s'pose." She slid the drawer shut, and casually made her way back to the kitchen, slightly dumbstruck.
She leaned against the kitchen counter for a few minutes, lost in thought, when Skuld came back in. Behind her was a whirring Banpei. "I fixed him!" she proclaimed. "Banpei, clean up the kitchen!" At that, the robot got right to work.
Urd narrowed her eyes, smiled, and stood up. "Well, far be it from me to not hold up my end of the deal. Say, Skuld," she mused, "Do you know how human babies are made?"
"No…" Skuld replied, "But what's THAT got to do with anything?"
"Oh,
you'll see…" Urd get out a chuckle. "I'll tell you what it means to score, and how humans have kids, later
on tonight. I think you'll get more
meaning out of it this way."
"Oh…fine." Skuld pouted a bit. "But you gotta promise!"
"Oh, I promise. I'm actually really looking forward to it." With that, Urd led herself outside to the woods, and cracked up at her own brilliance and scheming.