TITLE: Expect the Unexpected : A Second POV - Part 2
SERIES: The Unexpected Series
AUTHOR: Jana Kay
EMAIL: jana_kay17@yahoo.com.au
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, and 20th Century Fox. No profit is being made.
RATING: R
CLASSIFICATION: K/F
SPOILERS: S1 up through to 'Sanctuary' in A:tS, and then breaks away from canon after that.
SUMMARY: Against her better judgment and detective instincts, Kate speaks to Faith while the Slayer is in prison. Their subsequent and completely unexpected friendship is sorely needed when Faith, to her anger and dismay, becomes the last resort in stopping a demon underlord. Just how far will Faith go to save a life and earn her redemption?
NOTES: Faith POV
*****
I sigh as I stretch my legs out in front of me and lie back on my narrow cot. I'm a little cold, but I ignore it as I stare at the grey ceiling of my tiny cell. It's dark in here, but my senses are more heightened than your average human, so I can still make it out. A little of the paint is peeling off, and there are crack marks running over parts of the concrete.
I wonder if this place would make it out okay if there was an earthquake?
I asked the cop who brought me lunch what the day is today, and he said Friday. That means I've been in here for about four days now. Four days and five nights. Of course being a Slayer, I can sense each sunrise and sunset, so it was really a pointless question.
But hey, he was a cute cop. I had to ask him something.
He just looked at me kind of funny though, then left again.
Can't blame the guy. I'm a killer after all. I have been now for nearly two years. It's just that, first I was a demon killer. And now I've moved on to humans. I'm not proud of that, but at the time, there wasn't really much I could do to stop it.
At least, not near the end.
I blow a breath out and watch as it makes a hazy little cloud in front of my face. It's not that cold outside really, but I think they just purposely keep the temperature a few degrees lower in here to piss us off. I don't really care one way or another though.
I know this sounds kinda whacked, but I'm sorta liking it in here. For the first time in what feels like a really long time, I've made the right choice.
Because the part of my brain that likes to fight, likes to kill, loves action and constant moving and never ever backing down....it's quiet. It's not harassing me, and it's not tormenting me, it's not whispering dark nothings in my ear about how good it feels to go crazy or how evil is good....it's just quiet.
I'm getting peace here, and I know it's because I made the right choice.
Part of me's wondering why I waited so long for this. Why I didn't let my 'rehabilitation' start when I woke up from that coma, after eight months of mind numbing blackness and freaky dreams and just knowing instinctively that no one had ever bothered to visit me while I was lying helpless and unable to hurt a single soul on my cold linen bed, and the reason why no one had bothered to come was because nobody gave a damn.
And I woke up and I knew....I *knew*....that the hospital was still standing because the Boss was dead, and that meant perfect Buffy Summers had won again.
She who walks the righteous path shall never fail.
And I guess I failed because I let myself fall off that path. I let myself get swept away with the darkness, because I was stupid enough to think that I could just touch it, and I'd still be okay. I wouldn't lose control. I wouldn't lose myself. I wouldn't get caught and stuck and be unable to get out no matter how much I wanted to....
Shit. Angel was right. Why didn't I listen to him? I am one stubborn bitch.
Maybe I didn't let it start, because I felt like I had to get just one more shot at the golden girl. Just one more chance to prove that I could be something. I could be the better of the two Slayers, the stronger one, the faster one, the smarter one. I never wanted to kill B, and really, I never actually tried. It was always her friends I targeted, and even then, the main one was really Angel, and I think I punched Willow once, but that was about it.
I only fought Buffy that one time at my place because I knew if I didn't, she'd kill me. She forced my hand there, and I'd let the game go too far. There was nothing I could do then except keep playing.
And she won.
I always felt lower than Buffy, even when I first got to the 'dale. Her friends didn't even know me, but it was like they still knew right away that Buffy was better. Maybe they could see the darkness in my eyes better than I could. I never really was one to pay a lot of attention to detail, except when it had to do with slaying. And to be honest, maybe not even then either.
I was always trying to be the top dog with B. I was always trying to prove something. I could never just fight alongside her like I always pretended I wanted to. I had to fight better than her. But Sunnydale was *her* town and Giles was *her* Watcher, and I was just the new kid on the block. I was bound to lose from the start.
Maybe that's why there was always only one Slayer at a time throughout history. Because there could only ever be one. Because there was no way there could be two superheros in the world and either one could be satisfied coming in second best.
Deep down inside, B's just like me. She'd never admit it, and her friends would never believe it, but I know the truth. She is just like me. She loves the thrill of slaying and killing as much as I do. She loves the violence and the evil and the clarity that comes when you hold someone's life in your hands. You are the judge and executioner and fucking God if you want to be. She has the exact same darkness in her that I do, but she just never succumbed to it. She never let herself reach out and touch it and get sucked into it, no matter how fucked up her life was.
And that's the only difference between us.
Because me? I killed a guy by accident, and then suddenly, I was feeling like maybe the darkness wasn't so bad if you just rode with it for awhile. I felt like I couldn't beat Buffy because I was fighting alongside her. Maybe I had to be on the other side of the line, off the path, and maybe then I'd win. So I went to the Mayor and I asked for a job....and I got one. And I may not have liked some of the stuff I did for him, but I knew that in his eyes, I was the only Slayer that mattered. The Boss wanted B dead, but he wanted me right there by his side, and as twisted as it sounds, I needed that. I needed to know that someone felt I was the better of the two.
I know B. The only reason she usually seemed okay with the two Slayers thing, is because even though she never admitted it, she knew she was better than me. She knew that if it came down to a fight, she'd win, because she'd been doing this longer than I had....and she was just plain better.
*She* was the one with the kinder soul. *She* was the one with the pure spirit. *She* was the one with the perpetual innocence and naiveté and it didn't matter how much she'd seen. *She* was the one with the friends and family and loving caring boyfriend who helped her pick herself up whenever she fell and I had no one. *She* was the one who cared about everyone and every-fucking-thing around her....even me....until I just finally didn't let her anymore.
So I guess I didn't let myself find peace then, because I just had to have one more go. And for the first time ever, when I saw the look she was wearing on my own face before I punched her, I thought that I'd done it. I had finally managed to come out on top. Now Buffy was going down, and I was going to be just fine. I'd proven I was better. I'd beaten her.
I won.
But it didn't last long, because she escaped the Watcher's and found a way to get back in her own skin again. And after that all I could do was just pick myself up and start running....and just keep running until I found whatever it was that would help me end this without looking like a wimp or a loser or a broken shell. I wanted to keep running until I found something that could take me out kicking and screaming.
A lie to the end.
Because part of me knew I'd lose on purpose, and that was the way I wanted it.
I didn't want to shed tears and apologise or feel guilty and alone because of what I've done or just....*feel*....
And then some higher power led me to Angel. I didn't even know where the train I hopped on was heading or where the bus I bought a ticket for was going, but I wound up in LA, and I was led straight to Angel. And I knew that if I forced him enough, if I caught him off balance enough, if I made him lose control and just got him in the game enough, he'd have the strength to kill me and end it all.
But in the end, he didn't kill me.
He saved me.
Or at least, he helped me save myself.
And after all the things I've done to him. I've never been the guy's best friend, that's for sure. I've tried to kill him about four different times, two of those being less than a week ago. I've tried to make him lose his soul and I hurt all his friends at one time or another.
And he still helped me.
And even though it hurt, I started to feel like maybe I was getting somewhere. He was helping me get somewhere. And he stopped me from running again when I saw my face plastered on TV, and reminded me that I'd already known about that.
But then B came chasing after me, and the Watcher's tracked me down again, and suddenly I felt like I could go either way. I could give myself up and find peace, or I could keep running, and probably not last another month.
In the end, the choice was so easy, and I found that really strange.
I just walked into the station and waited for someone to serve me. Then Angel and Buffy and a blonde woman came round the corner, and I knew Angel was ready to take the fall for me, and that just cemented the choice in my mind. After all I'd done, he was still willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. He believed I'd come through, and so I did.
I stood up and let the blonde woman walk towards me, and I told her I wanted to confess.
I didn't see Angel or Buffy again after that. The blonde woman showed me to a room, and she was being really nice. I don't know why she was being nice, but she was, and that made me feel....good. Like I really *had* made the right choice.
She told me her name was Kate, and that whatever I was confessing to was going to be recorded, and I told her that was five by five and I wanted her to get it all down.
And then she sat opposite me with this....look....on her face....like she didn't know what to make of me, and she asked me what I wanted to confess. She knew what it was I was going to say, I remember her from the TV when she told everybody I was dangerous, and she was right about that, and she knew exactly what I was going to say, but she just sat there quietly and listened while I told her all the fucked up things I've done and laid them all out on the table.
After I was done, she just sat there, then she reached over and switched off the tape and asked if I knew I was going to be arrested now.
I told her yeah, and that's what I'd kind of been hoping for.
She looked surprised again, but then she stood up and left, and another guy came in and cuffed me, read me my rights and all that shit, then took me to a cell. The same cell I'm sitting in right now. Since then, they've only taken me out again to sign a confession.
Me and this cell have gotten to be buds now. I know where all the cracks are, where the crumbles in the walls are, what the most comfortable position on the cot is, where you have to stand to get the most light on you during the day, and which spot you have to be in to hear the most from.
And at the same time as I was finding all this out, I started to feel the chaos in my head quiet down, and the peace as slowly as it's been coming, is at least coming. And I'm thankful for that. And I'm thankful for Angel who believed in me, and for Kate for not being a bitch like some of the other cops I've met, and for Buffy for....always wanting to be my friend.
Maybe when I finally get out of here and if she's still alive, she'll still want to be my friend. And if she does, if I'm that lucky, I'll let her, and I won't let myself give a shit about which of us is better at the slaying gig and which of us isn't, because life's too short. Being a Slayer, I should have figured that out ages ago, but I didn't.
I know it now though.
And I don't want to wonder if it's too late.
I sigh as I push myself up on my elbows and swing my legs over the side of the cot. They took my watch away from me, but I can sense that it's close to midnight. I stand up and walk around a little to get the blood flowing through my legs again, then sit back down on the cot. I lie down as I pull the brown blanket up over me, and I curl myself into the most comfortable position I can.
I'm not that tired, but if I lay down for long enough, maybe sleep will come.
I close my eyes and breath steadily. Everything around me is quiet. Then suddenly, I hear the tiny click of a lock being turned and the door to get into the cells is being opened. I decide to ignore it, so I just keep laying here. Whatever this is, it won't concern me anyway.
I hear quiet footsteps as they slowly walk down the corridor coming closer to me, and I wonder for a moment whether this does concern me. But I still ignore it.
I can't ignore it anymore though when the footsteps stop, and I feel a prickly tingle rush like wildfire over my skin. I'm being watched. So I open my eyes.
I'm surprised to see that it's the woman cop. The blonde one. Kate. But I don't let it show on my face, and I just watch her as she takes a step back. As I keep watching her, she straightens herself up a little and stares right back at me, and a part of me on the inside just has to smirk. Rogue Slayer or not, I've still got that stare. That penetrating one that always makes people feel like they're being assessed if I turn it on.
Buffy has it too.
She's not doing anything, she's just staring at me, so I decide to move. I sit up slowly and push the blanket off of me, then I pull my legs up onto the cot and cross them Indian style, as I lean back against the wall and rest my hands together in my lap.
She looks away from me for a moment, back towards the door she came from, then she turns back again.
"Did I wake you?"
I don't know what to say, so I just shake my head slightly and stare at her.
"No. I was just laying down."
"Can you not sleep?"
I smile slightly. I'm a Slayer. I live for the night. Even in this cell, I'll always live for the night. That's just the way it is.
"I'm used to late nights. And to tell you the truth, I really don't need that much sleep."
She tilts her head slightly as she stares at me, and I know she's studying me. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head.
I feel like the silence is going to smother me in a second, so I try to fill in the gaps.
"You're....Kate....right?"
She starts a little. Probably didn't think I'd remember her name. But she was nice to me. She showed me a little respect even though I probably don't deserve it, and she treated me....not so much like a killer....but more like....I don't know....a human. So yeah, I remembered her name.
She nods at me. "Yeah."
We're silent for a little longer, and this time, the silence isn't as bad, but I fill it in anyway because she's made me curious now. This cop, who by rights should hate me because I'm everything she stands against, has been nice to me. And now she turns up in the middle of the night and she isn't even saying anything. I may not know much, but that's not exactly normal cop behaviour.
"I don't mean to sound rude, but is there a reason why you're standing there?"
There's a pause, and then she replies.
"I was kind of hoping you'd tell me your life story."
She has a small smile on her face and her voice sounds a little teasing, and I don't know if she's serious or not, but I suddenly feel like I really wanna tell her. My life is something I've never been that comfortable talking about, unless of course it was stories of my slaying triumphs. But even then, I really only skimmed over the details. I never went in depth and talked about my feelings as I watched my Watcher die, or how scared I was when I went up against my first vampire. I always just talked about the good stuff.
And I didn't want to tell Giles or Wesley about this stuff, and I didn't want to tell Angel, so why would I be wanting to tell this cop who probably doesn't even care? But I do, and I don't stop to think about why. I can see she's about to say something, so before she has the chance, I ask her.
"Do you really wanna know?"
I watch her carefully to make sure she isn't joking as she nods her head, and then before I have second thoughts, I start to talk.
I don't know how long I was talking for, but somewhere along the line, she moved closer to the bars of my cell, and eventually ended up sitting down in front of them as she listened to me so intently.
That made me feel good. Like somebody actually cared about all the shit I'd been through. Like first and foremost, I was Faith. Not a Slayer, and not a murderer....but Faith.
So I kept talking, and soon after she sat down, I came down off the cot to join her. I sat opposite her with our knees facing each other and our positions mimicking each other through the bars as I kept on telling her about myself.
I don't think I left a single thing out. I went through it all. My broken childhood, my being a runaway, how I dropped out of high school, the odd jobs I worked and the ratty little apartment I had, and I have a feeling she was kinda expecting all that stuff.
I know she wasn't expecting the rest.
And I know she must know Angel's a vampire, or she would have never believed me.
I told her about being a Slayer, about my supernatural powers, all the patrolling I did and the demon fighting, about helping to save the world, my accidental murder of the deputy mayor, and how I sort of lost control and slid downhill from there. It hurt to talk about the coma that I vegetated in for eight months, but I still told her, and after that I talked about my relationship as a sister Slayer to Buffy and why I wanted to get back at her, and then my relationship with Angel and why I wanted to kill him when I got to LA.
But in the end, he ended up saving me.
I even demonstrated my strength on the metal bars that were separating us. I pulled them apart right in front of her, and a part of me wanted to burst out laughing when I saw her forget to blink a couple of times, but I didn't, because suddenly I found myself wanting to reach through the space I'd just made and grab hold of her hand.
I didn't though.
When I finally finish, she stands up to leave and I stand up too. We face each other silently, and I realise that we're so close. Only the bars and a few inches separate us. After telling her all the stuff I've never told anybody before, I feel like a weight's been taken off my chest. I can breath a little easier now. And she listened to all my shit and she didn't have to.
Before I can stop myself, I reach out my hand and grab hold of one of the fingers of her right hand.
"Thanks for listening, Kate."
She looks at me, and suddenly she's pulling her finger out of my grasp, and she's grabbing my whole hand firmly and squeezing it as she smiles.
"You're welcome."
I smile then. A real smile. I can't help it. For some reason, this cop has the ability to make me feel really good. And it's a really bitchin feeling.
I squeeze her hand back as I nod slightly, feeling like a bit of an idiot.
This look passes over her face, and she looks really happy. And I get this pang in my chest because I know that it was me who made her happy. I can't understand how or why, but I know it was me, and I can't tell you how good it feels to know that you made someone that happy. To know that you had a hand in doing something good rather than evil, and being thanked and appreciated for it.
A feeling of....*something*....washes over me as she squeezes my hand one last time, and pulls away slowly.
"Goodnight Faith."
"You too Kate."
I watch her as she walks up the corridor and reaches the door, and I lean sideways against the metal of my cell, with one hand raised near my face and wrapped around a bar. She turns back around to look at me, and I lift my other hand and give her a small wave.
She smiles at me, and lifts her hand back.
Then she pushes open the door and walks out, the door slipping closed behind her. A moment later, I hear the lock click.
I wait there for a minute as I hear silence settle around me again, then I sigh and push myself away from the bars. I walk slowly back to my cot and flop down on it as my body senses the approaching sunrise in what should be about an hour or more.
I'm still not really that tired, but if I lie down for long enough, maybe sleep will come.
As I curl myself up again and pull the blanket back over me, I think back over everything that just happened.
A cop listened to me. What's more, she seemed to really care.
I like her. I've never been a huge fan of cops, but for some reason, Kate's different. She knows I'm a murderer, but she still seems to like me. Or at least, she still seems to care. She hasn't filed me away as a lost cause, and she wanted to listen to the story of my life, and I think that's something that nobody has ever really wanted to do before.
She brings out these good feelings in me. Good feelings about myself because she's shown me that I'm still capable of human kindness, and I'm really thankful for that. Plus, she's a great listener, and she didn't make me feel like a freak when I told her about all the people I'd killed and the battles I'd fought.
Maybe she even saw that I'm more than a murderer. That I'm helping myself get back on the good track and I want to be a proper Slayer again. That when this is all over, I want to go back to helping save the world. Maybe she'll even help me out with that. I have a feeling this conversation wasn't the last we're going to have.
I close my eyes and breathe deeply as I snuggle myself up a bit more.
My first Watcher in Boston once told me that, as a Slayer, I should always expect the unexpected. And being new at the slaying thing and eager to learn, I listened to what she said and tried to remember it all.
Then I watched her die in front of me, and it was like I forgot all the little lessons she taught me. I forgot all the bits of advice she gave me and I forgot that for a few months, she was the most important person in my life. She was the mother I never really had. She was the friend I never thought I deserved. She was the guardian I thought I'd never have who I could trust to never hurt me.
But then she died, and the part of me that carried her around inside died too.
Maybe I should have remembered it though, because I think it definitely would have come in handy earlier tonight.
Expect the unexpected.
I nod my head as I finally feel myself starting to drift off.
Yeah.
I can do that.
End.
SERIES: The Unexpected Series
AUTHOR: Jana Kay
EMAIL: jana_kay17@yahoo.com.au
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, and 20th Century Fox. No profit is being made.
RATING: R
CLASSIFICATION: K/F
SPOILERS: S1 up through to 'Sanctuary' in A:tS, and then breaks away from canon after that.
SUMMARY: Against her better judgment and detective instincts, Kate speaks to Faith while the Slayer is in prison. Their subsequent and completely unexpected friendship is sorely needed when Faith, to her anger and dismay, becomes the last resort in stopping a demon underlord. Just how far will Faith go to save a life and earn her redemption?
NOTES: Faith POV
*****
I sigh as I stretch my legs out in front of me and lie back on my narrow cot. I'm a little cold, but I ignore it as I stare at the grey ceiling of my tiny cell. It's dark in here, but my senses are more heightened than your average human, so I can still make it out. A little of the paint is peeling off, and there are crack marks running over parts of the concrete.
I wonder if this place would make it out okay if there was an earthquake?
I asked the cop who brought me lunch what the day is today, and he said Friday. That means I've been in here for about four days now. Four days and five nights. Of course being a Slayer, I can sense each sunrise and sunset, so it was really a pointless question.
But hey, he was a cute cop. I had to ask him something.
He just looked at me kind of funny though, then left again.
Can't blame the guy. I'm a killer after all. I have been now for nearly two years. It's just that, first I was a demon killer. And now I've moved on to humans. I'm not proud of that, but at the time, there wasn't really much I could do to stop it.
At least, not near the end.
I blow a breath out and watch as it makes a hazy little cloud in front of my face. It's not that cold outside really, but I think they just purposely keep the temperature a few degrees lower in here to piss us off. I don't really care one way or another though.
I know this sounds kinda whacked, but I'm sorta liking it in here. For the first time in what feels like a really long time, I've made the right choice.
Because the part of my brain that likes to fight, likes to kill, loves action and constant moving and never ever backing down....it's quiet. It's not harassing me, and it's not tormenting me, it's not whispering dark nothings in my ear about how good it feels to go crazy or how evil is good....it's just quiet.
I'm getting peace here, and I know it's because I made the right choice.
Part of me's wondering why I waited so long for this. Why I didn't let my 'rehabilitation' start when I woke up from that coma, after eight months of mind numbing blackness and freaky dreams and just knowing instinctively that no one had ever bothered to visit me while I was lying helpless and unable to hurt a single soul on my cold linen bed, and the reason why no one had bothered to come was because nobody gave a damn.
And I woke up and I knew....I *knew*....that the hospital was still standing because the Boss was dead, and that meant perfect Buffy Summers had won again.
She who walks the righteous path shall never fail.
And I guess I failed because I let myself fall off that path. I let myself get swept away with the darkness, because I was stupid enough to think that I could just touch it, and I'd still be okay. I wouldn't lose control. I wouldn't lose myself. I wouldn't get caught and stuck and be unable to get out no matter how much I wanted to....
Shit. Angel was right. Why didn't I listen to him? I am one stubborn bitch.
Maybe I didn't let it start, because I felt like I had to get just one more shot at the golden girl. Just one more chance to prove that I could be something. I could be the better of the two Slayers, the stronger one, the faster one, the smarter one. I never wanted to kill B, and really, I never actually tried. It was always her friends I targeted, and even then, the main one was really Angel, and I think I punched Willow once, but that was about it.
I only fought Buffy that one time at my place because I knew if I didn't, she'd kill me. She forced my hand there, and I'd let the game go too far. There was nothing I could do then except keep playing.
And she won.
I always felt lower than Buffy, even when I first got to the 'dale. Her friends didn't even know me, but it was like they still knew right away that Buffy was better. Maybe they could see the darkness in my eyes better than I could. I never really was one to pay a lot of attention to detail, except when it had to do with slaying. And to be honest, maybe not even then either.
I was always trying to be the top dog with B. I was always trying to prove something. I could never just fight alongside her like I always pretended I wanted to. I had to fight better than her. But Sunnydale was *her* town and Giles was *her* Watcher, and I was just the new kid on the block. I was bound to lose from the start.
Maybe that's why there was always only one Slayer at a time throughout history. Because there could only ever be one. Because there was no way there could be two superheros in the world and either one could be satisfied coming in second best.
Deep down inside, B's just like me. She'd never admit it, and her friends would never believe it, but I know the truth. She is just like me. She loves the thrill of slaying and killing as much as I do. She loves the violence and the evil and the clarity that comes when you hold someone's life in your hands. You are the judge and executioner and fucking God if you want to be. She has the exact same darkness in her that I do, but she just never succumbed to it. She never let herself reach out and touch it and get sucked into it, no matter how fucked up her life was.
And that's the only difference between us.
Because me? I killed a guy by accident, and then suddenly, I was feeling like maybe the darkness wasn't so bad if you just rode with it for awhile. I felt like I couldn't beat Buffy because I was fighting alongside her. Maybe I had to be on the other side of the line, off the path, and maybe then I'd win. So I went to the Mayor and I asked for a job....and I got one. And I may not have liked some of the stuff I did for him, but I knew that in his eyes, I was the only Slayer that mattered. The Boss wanted B dead, but he wanted me right there by his side, and as twisted as it sounds, I needed that. I needed to know that someone felt I was the better of the two.
I know B. The only reason she usually seemed okay with the two Slayers thing, is because even though she never admitted it, she knew she was better than me. She knew that if it came down to a fight, she'd win, because she'd been doing this longer than I had....and she was just plain better.
*She* was the one with the kinder soul. *She* was the one with the pure spirit. *She* was the one with the perpetual innocence and naiveté and it didn't matter how much she'd seen. *She* was the one with the friends and family and loving caring boyfriend who helped her pick herself up whenever she fell and I had no one. *She* was the one who cared about everyone and every-fucking-thing around her....even me....until I just finally didn't let her anymore.
So I guess I didn't let myself find peace then, because I just had to have one more go. And for the first time ever, when I saw the look she was wearing on my own face before I punched her, I thought that I'd done it. I had finally managed to come out on top. Now Buffy was going down, and I was going to be just fine. I'd proven I was better. I'd beaten her.
I won.
But it didn't last long, because she escaped the Watcher's and found a way to get back in her own skin again. And after that all I could do was just pick myself up and start running....and just keep running until I found whatever it was that would help me end this without looking like a wimp or a loser or a broken shell. I wanted to keep running until I found something that could take me out kicking and screaming.
A lie to the end.
Because part of me knew I'd lose on purpose, and that was the way I wanted it.
I didn't want to shed tears and apologise or feel guilty and alone because of what I've done or just....*feel*....
And then some higher power led me to Angel. I didn't even know where the train I hopped on was heading or where the bus I bought a ticket for was going, but I wound up in LA, and I was led straight to Angel. And I knew that if I forced him enough, if I caught him off balance enough, if I made him lose control and just got him in the game enough, he'd have the strength to kill me and end it all.
But in the end, he didn't kill me.
He saved me.
Or at least, he helped me save myself.
And after all the things I've done to him. I've never been the guy's best friend, that's for sure. I've tried to kill him about four different times, two of those being less than a week ago. I've tried to make him lose his soul and I hurt all his friends at one time or another.
And he still helped me.
And even though it hurt, I started to feel like maybe I was getting somewhere. He was helping me get somewhere. And he stopped me from running again when I saw my face plastered on TV, and reminded me that I'd already known about that.
But then B came chasing after me, and the Watcher's tracked me down again, and suddenly I felt like I could go either way. I could give myself up and find peace, or I could keep running, and probably not last another month.
In the end, the choice was so easy, and I found that really strange.
I just walked into the station and waited for someone to serve me. Then Angel and Buffy and a blonde woman came round the corner, and I knew Angel was ready to take the fall for me, and that just cemented the choice in my mind. After all I'd done, he was still willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. He believed I'd come through, and so I did.
I stood up and let the blonde woman walk towards me, and I told her I wanted to confess.
I didn't see Angel or Buffy again after that. The blonde woman showed me to a room, and she was being really nice. I don't know why she was being nice, but she was, and that made me feel....good. Like I really *had* made the right choice.
She told me her name was Kate, and that whatever I was confessing to was going to be recorded, and I told her that was five by five and I wanted her to get it all down.
And then she sat opposite me with this....look....on her face....like she didn't know what to make of me, and she asked me what I wanted to confess. She knew what it was I was going to say, I remember her from the TV when she told everybody I was dangerous, and she was right about that, and she knew exactly what I was going to say, but she just sat there quietly and listened while I told her all the fucked up things I've done and laid them all out on the table.
After I was done, she just sat there, then she reached over and switched off the tape and asked if I knew I was going to be arrested now.
I told her yeah, and that's what I'd kind of been hoping for.
She looked surprised again, but then she stood up and left, and another guy came in and cuffed me, read me my rights and all that shit, then took me to a cell. The same cell I'm sitting in right now. Since then, they've only taken me out again to sign a confession.
Me and this cell have gotten to be buds now. I know where all the cracks are, where the crumbles in the walls are, what the most comfortable position on the cot is, where you have to stand to get the most light on you during the day, and which spot you have to be in to hear the most from.
And at the same time as I was finding all this out, I started to feel the chaos in my head quiet down, and the peace as slowly as it's been coming, is at least coming. And I'm thankful for that. And I'm thankful for Angel who believed in me, and for Kate for not being a bitch like some of the other cops I've met, and for Buffy for....always wanting to be my friend.
Maybe when I finally get out of here and if she's still alive, she'll still want to be my friend. And if she does, if I'm that lucky, I'll let her, and I won't let myself give a shit about which of us is better at the slaying gig and which of us isn't, because life's too short. Being a Slayer, I should have figured that out ages ago, but I didn't.
I know it now though.
And I don't want to wonder if it's too late.
I sigh as I push myself up on my elbows and swing my legs over the side of the cot. They took my watch away from me, but I can sense that it's close to midnight. I stand up and walk around a little to get the blood flowing through my legs again, then sit back down on the cot. I lie down as I pull the brown blanket up over me, and I curl myself into the most comfortable position I can.
I'm not that tired, but if I lay down for long enough, maybe sleep will come.
I close my eyes and breath steadily. Everything around me is quiet. Then suddenly, I hear the tiny click of a lock being turned and the door to get into the cells is being opened. I decide to ignore it, so I just keep laying here. Whatever this is, it won't concern me anyway.
I hear quiet footsteps as they slowly walk down the corridor coming closer to me, and I wonder for a moment whether this does concern me. But I still ignore it.
I can't ignore it anymore though when the footsteps stop, and I feel a prickly tingle rush like wildfire over my skin. I'm being watched. So I open my eyes.
I'm surprised to see that it's the woman cop. The blonde one. Kate. But I don't let it show on my face, and I just watch her as she takes a step back. As I keep watching her, she straightens herself up a little and stares right back at me, and a part of me on the inside just has to smirk. Rogue Slayer or not, I've still got that stare. That penetrating one that always makes people feel like they're being assessed if I turn it on.
Buffy has it too.
She's not doing anything, she's just staring at me, so I decide to move. I sit up slowly and push the blanket off of me, then I pull my legs up onto the cot and cross them Indian style, as I lean back against the wall and rest my hands together in my lap.
She looks away from me for a moment, back towards the door she came from, then she turns back again.
"Did I wake you?"
I don't know what to say, so I just shake my head slightly and stare at her.
"No. I was just laying down."
"Can you not sleep?"
I smile slightly. I'm a Slayer. I live for the night. Even in this cell, I'll always live for the night. That's just the way it is.
"I'm used to late nights. And to tell you the truth, I really don't need that much sleep."
She tilts her head slightly as she stares at me, and I know she's studying me. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head.
I feel like the silence is going to smother me in a second, so I try to fill in the gaps.
"You're....Kate....right?"
She starts a little. Probably didn't think I'd remember her name. But she was nice to me. She showed me a little respect even though I probably don't deserve it, and she treated me....not so much like a killer....but more like....I don't know....a human. So yeah, I remembered her name.
She nods at me. "Yeah."
We're silent for a little longer, and this time, the silence isn't as bad, but I fill it in anyway because she's made me curious now. This cop, who by rights should hate me because I'm everything she stands against, has been nice to me. And now she turns up in the middle of the night and she isn't even saying anything. I may not know much, but that's not exactly normal cop behaviour.
"I don't mean to sound rude, but is there a reason why you're standing there?"
There's a pause, and then she replies.
"I was kind of hoping you'd tell me your life story."
She has a small smile on her face and her voice sounds a little teasing, and I don't know if she's serious or not, but I suddenly feel like I really wanna tell her. My life is something I've never been that comfortable talking about, unless of course it was stories of my slaying triumphs. But even then, I really only skimmed over the details. I never went in depth and talked about my feelings as I watched my Watcher die, or how scared I was when I went up against my first vampire. I always just talked about the good stuff.
And I didn't want to tell Giles or Wesley about this stuff, and I didn't want to tell Angel, so why would I be wanting to tell this cop who probably doesn't even care? But I do, and I don't stop to think about why. I can see she's about to say something, so before she has the chance, I ask her.
"Do you really wanna know?"
I watch her carefully to make sure she isn't joking as she nods her head, and then before I have second thoughts, I start to talk.
I don't know how long I was talking for, but somewhere along the line, she moved closer to the bars of my cell, and eventually ended up sitting down in front of them as she listened to me so intently.
That made me feel good. Like somebody actually cared about all the shit I'd been through. Like first and foremost, I was Faith. Not a Slayer, and not a murderer....but Faith.
So I kept talking, and soon after she sat down, I came down off the cot to join her. I sat opposite her with our knees facing each other and our positions mimicking each other through the bars as I kept on telling her about myself.
I don't think I left a single thing out. I went through it all. My broken childhood, my being a runaway, how I dropped out of high school, the odd jobs I worked and the ratty little apartment I had, and I have a feeling she was kinda expecting all that stuff.
I know she wasn't expecting the rest.
And I know she must know Angel's a vampire, or she would have never believed me.
I told her about being a Slayer, about my supernatural powers, all the patrolling I did and the demon fighting, about helping to save the world, my accidental murder of the deputy mayor, and how I sort of lost control and slid downhill from there. It hurt to talk about the coma that I vegetated in for eight months, but I still told her, and after that I talked about my relationship as a sister Slayer to Buffy and why I wanted to get back at her, and then my relationship with Angel and why I wanted to kill him when I got to LA.
But in the end, he ended up saving me.
I even demonstrated my strength on the metal bars that were separating us. I pulled them apart right in front of her, and a part of me wanted to burst out laughing when I saw her forget to blink a couple of times, but I didn't, because suddenly I found myself wanting to reach through the space I'd just made and grab hold of her hand.
I didn't though.
When I finally finish, she stands up to leave and I stand up too. We face each other silently, and I realise that we're so close. Only the bars and a few inches separate us. After telling her all the stuff I've never told anybody before, I feel like a weight's been taken off my chest. I can breath a little easier now. And she listened to all my shit and she didn't have to.
Before I can stop myself, I reach out my hand and grab hold of one of the fingers of her right hand.
"Thanks for listening, Kate."
She looks at me, and suddenly she's pulling her finger out of my grasp, and she's grabbing my whole hand firmly and squeezing it as she smiles.
"You're welcome."
I smile then. A real smile. I can't help it. For some reason, this cop has the ability to make me feel really good. And it's a really bitchin feeling.
I squeeze her hand back as I nod slightly, feeling like a bit of an idiot.
This look passes over her face, and she looks really happy. And I get this pang in my chest because I know that it was me who made her happy. I can't understand how or why, but I know it was me, and I can't tell you how good it feels to know that you made someone that happy. To know that you had a hand in doing something good rather than evil, and being thanked and appreciated for it.
A feeling of....*something*....washes over me as she squeezes my hand one last time, and pulls away slowly.
"Goodnight Faith."
"You too Kate."
I watch her as she walks up the corridor and reaches the door, and I lean sideways against the metal of my cell, with one hand raised near my face and wrapped around a bar. She turns back around to look at me, and I lift my other hand and give her a small wave.
She smiles at me, and lifts her hand back.
Then she pushes open the door and walks out, the door slipping closed behind her. A moment later, I hear the lock click.
I wait there for a minute as I hear silence settle around me again, then I sigh and push myself away from the bars. I walk slowly back to my cot and flop down on it as my body senses the approaching sunrise in what should be about an hour or more.
I'm still not really that tired, but if I lie down for long enough, maybe sleep will come.
As I curl myself up again and pull the blanket back over me, I think back over everything that just happened.
A cop listened to me. What's more, she seemed to really care.
I like her. I've never been a huge fan of cops, but for some reason, Kate's different. She knows I'm a murderer, but she still seems to like me. Or at least, she still seems to care. She hasn't filed me away as a lost cause, and she wanted to listen to the story of my life, and I think that's something that nobody has ever really wanted to do before.
She brings out these good feelings in me. Good feelings about myself because she's shown me that I'm still capable of human kindness, and I'm really thankful for that. Plus, she's a great listener, and she didn't make me feel like a freak when I told her about all the people I'd killed and the battles I'd fought.
Maybe she even saw that I'm more than a murderer. That I'm helping myself get back on the good track and I want to be a proper Slayer again. That when this is all over, I want to go back to helping save the world. Maybe she'll even help me out with that. I have a feeling this conversation wasn't the last we're going to have.
I close my eyes and breathe deeply as I snuggle myself up a bit more.
My first Watcher in Boston once told me that, as a Slayer, I should always expect the unexpected. And being new at the slaying thing and eager to learn, I listened to what she said and tried to remember it all.
Then I watched her die in front of me, and it was like I forgot all the little lessons she taught me. I forgot all the bits of advice she gave me and I forgot that for a few months, she was the most important person in my life. She was the mother I never really had. She was the friend I never thought I deserved. She was the guardian I thought I'd never have who I could trust to never hurt me.
But then she died, and the part of me that carried her around inside died too.
Maybe I should have remembered it though, because I think it definitely would have come in handy earlier tonight.
Expect the unexpected.
I nod my head as I finally feel myself starting to drift off.
Yeah.
I can do that.
End.