Back from commercials.
Adam: And we are back with Love Line. Again, I'm Adam Carrolla and that's Dr. Drew. Our producer says that our ratings are higher than ever right now! And we have our special guest tonight, Seifer Almasy, to thank for that.
Seifer: (laughing) Well, I try my best!
Drew: Oh Hyne!
Adam: What is it Drew?
Drew: Our producer says we have Balamb Garden's Commander Squall Leonheart on the phone!
Adam: But how do we know it's really him?
Seifer: (growling) I'll be able to tell.
Adam: Okay folks, the chocobo crap has hit the fan!
Seifer: (angrily) Bring it on Squall!
Drew: Okay, here goes! Commander Leonheart?
Squall: Seifer, I am going to kill you.
Seifer: Ha! Yeah, this is Squall!
Adam: Well, Commander Leonheart, it's an honor to meet you.
Squall: Thanks, but I have to yell at this SeeD who ranks lower than I.
Seifer: Are you pulling rank on me because you're too chicken to talk to me, man-to-man?
Drew: Oh boy!
Squall: I'm pulling rank only because you have the entire Garden in chaos! (Mumbling in the background) I am not overreacting! Half of the Garden is out looking for him now! My Lieutenant is even helping!
Seifer: You wanna kill him too! Nida and Amanda broke Zell and Xu's hearts! You wanna see him beat into a bloody pulp too, admit it!
Squall: Even if I did, which I don't, I would not have a manhunt for him! (Mumbling) No! I will not calm down! He continues to ignore the rules and I've had it!
Seifer: I haven't broken any rules this time, puberty-boy! I didn't instigate the manhunt!
Squall: Yes, you did! You told the D.C. to find him for Zell!
Seifer: (laughing) That's right, Squally! I told the D.C. to find him, but I didn't tell everybody else to. They are looking out for him of loyalty to Zell and Xu, not me! If you're going to punish me, then you'll have to punish everyone else too! (Pauses, no response) Ha! I'm right this time! I didn't break any of your damn rules, Commander!
Squall: Here, take the phone. I have to go. I'll deal with you later, Almasy! (Pause, a female voice) Hi!
Adam: To whom do we have the privilege of speaking to?
Rinoa: This is Rinoa Leonheart.
Drew: Sorceress Rinoa?
Rinoa: Yes, but just call me Rinoa.
Adam: So where did your husband go?
Rinoa: Umm. They found him.
Adam: Oh boy!
Seifer: Ha! I told you, you couldn't hide forever!
Rinoa: Seifer! You may not have broken any of the rules this time, but what you are doing is just wrong! And you know it!
Seifer: Rinoa, I'm going to ask you something and answer honestly. If you found out that Squally-boy was cheating on you, wouldn't you want who ever he cheated with to be taught a lesson?
Rinoa: This isn't about me.
Seifer: You're avoiding my question, Rinny. If Fujin here caught me cheating, she'd kill me and who ever I slept with.
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE!
Seifer: And besides, you're a sorceress for Hyne's sake! You could have stopped this at anytime! You could have put the whole Garden under with a big 'Sleep' spell or something. I know how much you love Zell and Xu! You want this done just as much as the rest of us!
Rinoa: (pauses) Just don't tell Squall or I'll go sorceress on your ass! Understood?
Seifer: (chucking) You're secret is safe with me, Rinny.
Rinoa: You owe me big time!
Seifer: Anything!
Rinoa: (pause) I get to help plan your wedding!
Seifer: Sure. (Pause, slight whispering is heard) Rinoa, Fu says you can be maid of honor if you put Squall to sleep.
Rinoa: (giggling) Out of the question! I don't cast spells on my husband. Besides, as much as I hate Nida right now, I don't want him killed.
Seifer: (more whispering) Rinoa, is your phone portable?
Rinoa: Of course! Why?
Seifer: Fujin says you can be a bridesmaid if you slow him down and go to the fight and report the action to us!
Rinoa: Deal! Hold on a sec! (Pause) Okay, I'm here! They found Nida in one of the Trepe's dorms!
Adam: How'd she get there so fast?
Drew: Sorceress, remember?
Seifer: Teleport, to be specific. Okay, Rinny, you're on! What's happening?
Rinoa: Okay! Squall isn't here yet! I got him stuck in the elevator from his office. Nida, Amanda, and some of the Trepes are in the dorm room with the door locked. Zell's standing right in front of it, yell for Nida to come out and face him like a man!
Seifer: Not such a chicken-wuss after all!
Rinoa: Selphie is out here too, screaming for Amanda to come out as well! Raijin is getting ready to break the door down along with the rest of the D.C.
Seifer: Is Xu there yet?
Rinoa: She just got here. Yes! She had the master key for the dorm room!
Adam: How did she get that?
Seifer: Being second in command has its perks!
Adam: Ah! Until now, I bet Nida thought that was a blessing!
Seifer: (laughing loudly) I bet he's pissing his freaking pants right now!
Rinoa: Wow! The door is open! This is so exciting! Zell went in first, Raijin and Xu followed. Oh Hyne, Zell's dragging Nida out by his hair! And he did piss his pants!
Seifer: (laughing even louder) I knew it!
Adam: Take your punishment like a man, chicken-wuss!
Rinoa: Ouch! Zell just punched Nida in the face, that's definitely a broken nose. Ooh my, there's a kick to the groin! Sorry, but I can't repeat what Zell is saying to him.
Drew: This is just getting insane!
Seifer: Don't worry Dr. Drew. Rinoa will stop it if it gets out of hand.
Rinoa: Yes, I will. But so far, Nida is taking this like a man. He's not fighting back. And Zell is capable of much more damage than he's causing right now. Oh! There's a kick to the ribs! Wait! Selphie is now dragging Amanda out! Here they go! Selphie slapped Amanda in the face saying 'This is for Xu!'. No Selphie! No weapons or I'll stop this right now! Fists only!
Seifer: See! She's got 'em under control.
Drew: That's a little better, but not much.
Adam: You're such a friggin' pest, Drew!
Rinoa: Thank you, Quisty. Quisty took away Selphie's chucks. Selphie just kicked Amanda in the stomach three times saying 'And this is for Zell!'. Zell is looking at her funny. (Pause, a loud female voice is saying something in the background) Wow! Selphie just proclaimed her love for Zell right here! Aww, Zell's kissing Selphie. (Mumbling) What? (A man is saying something) You want me to heal Nida's nose so you can break it again? I won't do that, that's just cruel.
Seifer: I know who that is! Tell him that Nida needs some black eyes to go along with the broken nose!
Rinoa: Seifer says to give him black eyes. (Pause, someone yelling in pain in the background) Yikes! Don't blind him! (Another pause) Yes, you can kick him in there again, but only once! (Another yell) Maybe I shouldn't have said that. What now? (Pause followed by a giggle) Are you sure you wanna do this over the radio?
Adam: What does he want to do?
Rinoa: Hold on, he'll tell you! (A man voice) Hello?
Adam: We're all here. What do you wanna say?
???: I just wanna tell the whole world that I love Xu! She's the prettiest, smartest, and best Lieutenant Commander in the whole world, ya know! (Pause) Xu, I know I'm not the best looking guy or the smartest, but I love you! And I'll never cheat on you, ya know! And I'll beat the crap outta anybody that says anything bad about you! I promise! (Pause, a female voice is saying something) Really! Here, take the phone, Rinoa!
Rinoa: Aww! (Sniffles) That's so sweet! They're kissing too!
Fujin: Happy! (Sniffles too)
Seifer: Way to go!
Adam: See Drew! A happy ending!
Drew: Joy.
Rinoa: Uh oh!
Adam, Drew, Seifer, and Fujin: What?
Rinoa: Squall's coming! Okay everybody, none of you saw me here! And if you say anything to my husband…well, you know what I am and what I can do! Quisty, take the phone and give it back to me later. But don't let Squall see it. Bye, guys!
Adam: Thank you, Mrs. Leonheart! Quistis?
Quistis: I'm here and hiding. Squall is here, but he doesn't see me. Boy, is he pissed! He's even got his gunblade out! Xu is talking to him now. (Pause) Alright!
Adam: What happened?
Quistis: Xu told him that she only came with us to see that the situation didn't get out of hand and he bought it. Oh no! He found me! (Pause, Squall is saying something) How did you know about Rinoa? (Pause) Oh hell!
Drew: What is it, Quistis?
Quistis: I forgot that this station is on the elevator radio. Sorry, Rinny!
Adam: Oh man! That sucks!
Quistis: Please, don't be too mad at her Squall! (Pause) What? That's not a good idea! (Another pause) I know I don't have any room to talk, but…(pause, man's voice.) Seifer?
Seifer: What do you want, Squally?
Squall: It's my turn to make deals!
Seifer: What did you have in mind?
Squall: You and me, Duel's hill, after the show, for some practicing! No GF's, no weapons. Just one-on-one. The winner is decided by who ever gets knocked out first. If you win, I won't punish you, Zell, or Selphie. If I win, you all get cafeteria duty for the next four months!
Seifer: (grunting) Wouldn't that be against your precious rules, Commander?
Squall: What? You scared to practice with me, lapdog?
Seifer: (growling) You're on, puberty-boy!
Fujin: Oh boy!
Adam: Well…sorry folks! That's all the time we have for this show. Our guest, Seifer Almasy, has some practicing to do and has to leave. It was nice having you on the show, as well as Fujin and all of your friends. This is Adam Carrolla and Dr. Drew saying mahallow.
Notes: I know what you're saying! Another cliffhanger???? Well, I couldn't decide who I wanted to win, so I didn't write it. And I decided that I probably couldn't top this Love Line episode, so I'm not writing anymore for now. But you can go ahead and give me suggestions on who should be on the show next. Who knows? Maybe it'll inspire me to write another, and maybe I'll even decide who won!