Title: "The Day that She Left Me" (1/1)
Author: Evil Willow - lcaspell@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Distribution: It will be at my archive eventually, if anyone else
wants it, just ask first. The answer's always yes.
Spoilers: General for S4 of BTVS, that Angel left and Buffy/Riley got
together. For ANGEL: General S1, that Angel and Cordy are working
together in L.A.
Category: Vignette/Songfic
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they belong to Joss
Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and WB. And as for the Song: "Sour Girl", well
that belongs to Stone Temple Pilots. I borrowed a line for the title
too. It's their fault that I am using it, the fic idea has been very
insistent since I saw the video. (Sarah Michelle Gellar is in it.)
Keywords: Buffy/Riley, then Buffy/Angel. Major Riley angst here.
Summary: Buffy goes back to her true love and Riley tries to deal.
Author's Note: Alternating Point Of Views here, between Riley and Angel. I
think you'll be able to figure out who's speaking when. I am also
flipping back and forth in time throughout the fic. This is kind of an experiment,
something a little different that I've never done before. I'd love
to know if it works and also if it doesn't. Constructive criticism is
always welcome.
Author's Note 2: If you like Buffy/Riley together as opposed to B/A,
well, you should know better than to be reading my fics, first of all.
But in case you don't know better, back away from the fic, you won't
like it.
- lyrics to the song
* * - emphasis
&&&&&&&
She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
I remember the day I first met Buffy Summers. She hid behind this
happy facade, but I could tell she was hurting. I figured she had
been burned by a bad relationship and I thought I'd be the one to
help her forget. But she never really let herself be mine. Every once
in a while, I could tell she was thinking about *him*. She'd look
away, get this far off look in her eyes. I should've just taken
the hint, I'm beginning to realize now.
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
God, they're all looking at me. Here we are at the Bronze, with all
her friends. They're looking at me with such pity. Why? She's just
talking to an old friend, right? We were sitting here, enjoying a
rare, normal night together, just me, Buffy, and the gang. And then
she got this look on her face, and I realized it wasn't me she was
looking at anymore. She was looking *past* me at someone else. I
looked behind me, and saw him.
He was standing just inside the doorway, looking at Buffy intently.
She excused herself and left to talk to him, telling me he was an old
friend from high school.
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl when she left me
"What's with the pity looks, guys?" I ask them. Xander just plays
dumb, and Willow stutters a bit, but nobody gives me a straight
answer. And here Buffy comes, finally, and she's got this look on her
face. Even though there are tears in her eyes, I know they aren't
tears of sadness. And that realization is accompanied by a sinking
feeling. Something tells me this is not a good thing at all.
And now she's standing in front of me, and she's saying the words,
but I can't believe it. This has to be a dream. A bad dream, that
I'll wake up from very soon.
"Riley, I'm so sorry," she says. "I really like you, but I can't do
this anymore. I... I haven't been fair to you. I'm in love with
someone else."
"Who?" I ask automatically, not really needing the answer. I turn
around to look behind me. *Him.* He's standing over there, he's the
reason Buffy is leaving me. How could this happen? She puts her hand
on my arm, I guess I wasn't paying attention.
"Riley, you'll always have a place in my heart. You've been so good to
me. But I can't deny my destiny. I belong with Angel."
Angel. How ironic is that? The man who's taking my girlfriend away
from me is named Angel. As she walks back to him, I see her flash him
a smile, a smile she never gave me. She was never that happy
around me. As she walks out the door, her hand in his, I feel my heart
breaking.
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do if I follow?
I can't let it end this way. I get up, mumbling something to Xander
and Willow, who don't care anyway. I follow Buffy and Angel. I need
to talk to her. I need to make her see that we belong together.
&&&&&&&&
Don't turn away, what are you looking at?
He was so happy on the day that he met her.
"What's that, Cordy? I'm sorry," I say, as she yells at me for losing
track of our conversation. What is with me today, I just can't keep my
mind on the present. It keeps wandering to...well, what else. Buffy.
For some reason today, my mind has chosen to dwell on the day we met.
I've replayed it over and over again. She was so beautiful even then,
and I won't deny I was attracted to her the moment I saw her.
She was so full of fire, so unimpressed by me. I couldn't stop
grinning all the way home after that first encounter. I loved her
attitude, I couldn't wait to see her again.
Say, what are you looking at?
Uh-oh, I did it again. Cordelia, instead of yelling at me this time,
just glares. I feel the glare and return from my reverie to
apologize again. "I'm sorry, Cordelia. My mind just wandered."
"Again," she points out, still glaring.
"I'm really sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me--"
"I do, Angel. And if you're honest with yourself, you'd admit you do
too. It's Buffy. She is, always has been, and always will be, the
reason you brood. What I'm wondering is: when are you going to stop
being so stubborn and go back to Sunnydale?"
"Huh?" is all I can manage.
"Geez, Angel. For almost 250 years old, you are sooo dense! You want
her, she wants you--"
"How do you know she still wants me?"
"What???" she shrieks, and she walks over to where I'm sitting. She
slaps me upside the head! Before I can react, she adds, "That is the
most *ridiculous* thing I have ever HEARD! Of *course* she still
wants you. You two belong together, even if I don't understand why,
at least I understand THAT. She's your DESTINY, you IDIOT, just like
you're hers! Neither one of you will be happy again until you're
together. So go back to Sunnydale and beg her forgiveness!"
I was Superman but looks are deceiving
"I can't. It's not fair to her. One of us has to be strong. And if it
has to be me, so be it," I say to Cordelia.
"You're so wrong, Angel," Cordy replies with a sigh. "It's not
being stong, hiding your true feelings from someone. That's easy,
believe me, I should know. Being strong is facing up to your feelings
and admitting them to the other person. But it's up to you, Angel. You can
continue being a coward, hide here in L.A; or you can suck it up
and go after your destiny."
And with that, she's gone, leaving me to my thoughts.
The rollercoaster ride's a lonely one
I'd pay a ransom note to stop it from steering
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a teenage girl when she met me
I don't know about Buffy, but I've failed miserably at life after us.
No woman can even compare to her. I can't help seeing, when I
look at them, everything they're missing that Buffy has.
I thought I left for Buffy, so that she could find what I thought she
deserved. A normal life. Besides, she was only sixteen when we met. When I
left, I tried to convince myself that she was still young enough to forget me,
to find another love, to be happy. Is Cordelia right, though? Are neither
of us going to be happy unless we're together? Well, I know Cordy's
right about that where I'm concerned. But could she be right about Buffy?
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do if I follow?
I don't know how I got here, but I'm in my car, on my way back to
Sunnydale. I hope I'm doing the right thing now. I can't help
wondering how she'll react. I know she'll be mad when she first sees
me. But the real question is, will she even be a little bit happy
too?
Okay, so here I am at the Bronze. Get out of the car, Angel. It's time to
swallow your pride and find out if there's still a chance for Buffy
and yourself.
As I walk inside the club, I scan the room looking for her. If my
heart was still beating, I imagine it would be doing overtime
right now. I wonder if we still have that connection. If she'll know
I'm here before she sees me.
And then I see her. She's sitting at a table about twenty feet away,
with Xander and Willow, and a blonde guy. As she kisses him, I realize
he's her new boyfriend. My heart may not beat anymore, but it can
still break. I should go, before she sees me. I was wrong. I
shouldn't have come.
And then as I take one last look at her before leaving, she notices
me. I watch her face. Shock first, of course. Then so much pain. She
recovers and looks to her boyfriend. She says something briefly. Then
she gets up and walks over to me.
The girl got reasons, they all got reasons
"What the hell are you doing?" she hisses at me, trying not to attract
attention. Okay, anger. She has good reason to be mad. I deserve
it and I can deal with it.
"I'm sorry, I..." I can't do it. Cordelia's right. I am a coward.
"Why," she presses. I look into her eyes then and I see it. All the
pain that I've caused her. How much I hurt her when I left. How much
she's still hurting. God help me, but I feel a little bit of hope
too, upon seeing that pain. Because if it's still there, there might
really be another chance for us.
I take a deep breath, unnecessary as it is, and force out the words. "I was
wrong."
"What?" she replies, giving me a bewildered look.
"I was talking to Cordelia today, and she basically called me a coward,
for running away from my destiny. You. I couldn't argue, she was right.
So I came back tonight to tell you that I still love you. You deserve
to know that, because even if you don't want me anymore, I can't let
you think that I don't care. Whatever you decide to do with that
information is up to you. I won't push if you want me to leave, I
won't bother you again."
While saying this, I am looking down at the ground. There's no way I
could've gotten through it if I'd had to look into her eyes. I finally
do though, and I see tears in them. And now I know I really shouldn't
have come. I shouldn't have listened to Cordy--
"If this is a game, so help me--" she chokes out.
I interrupt her, quickly. "No, Buffy! I'd never do that to you. I
couldn't. I mean what I'm saying. I'm back because I love you and
I... I'm tired of denying it."
She takes a long shaky breath and says, "Me too." It was so quiet, I could
almost fool myself that I imagined it. Almost, but not quite, because
the way she looks at me tells me I didn't imagine it at all. She's
crying now and I realize there are tears in my eyes too, but I don't
care. All I care about right now is that Buffy still loves me, and she
isn't throwing me out of her life like I deserve.
"But I have a really important question to ask you then, Angel.
What do you _want_?" Buffy asks.
"I want... I want us to be together again," I answer. "I'm ready to
come back to Sunnydale. I want to be with you, if you still want me.
We'll figure out a way to deal with the curse. "
"*If* I still want you??" Buffy says wonderingly. "For almost 250
years old, you are *so* dense sometimes."
I laugh at that. "You're the second person who's told me
that today," I say with a smile. My first since I entered The Bronze.
She smiles back, then, and says, "I never thought I'd say this, but
remind me to thank Cordelia. I don't know what she said to you, but it
worked. And that's all that matters." She adds, "Don't go anywhere.
We need to go somewhere more private to finish this discussion. First I
need to tell the others bye."
I watch as she goes back over to them. As she's talking to her
boyfriend, he looks over at me. I can't help feeling a little
sorry for him. Not enough to regret this, though.
She walks back over to me then and she smiles. I remember now how
easy it is to get lost in those eyes. "Why don't we go somewhere
more...private," she says. "We need to talk." She holds out her hand
to me, and I take it.
"Talk?" I say with eyebrow raised.
"Talk," she replies, and adds, "And... uh... other things," with a
giggle.
I smile back and let her lead me out the door. I realize then that
we're going to be okay. I know it will not be easy, but we'll find a
way to make it work this time. We love each other, need each other. And
that's really all that matters.
&&&&&&&&
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
The day that she left me
Well, that was a stupid idea, I realize, as I turn away from the
window.
I followed them all the way to some abandoned house, and I watched
through a window. That's where the "stupid idea" realization comes to
play. No sooner were they in the door than they started kissing, and I
feel sick to my stomach now.
"I love you," I hear him say.
"I love you too," she replies.
And I now know that Buffy and I are finished. And worse than that thought is
the realization that I am the only one who is upset about it.
THE END
Author: Evil Willow - lcaspell@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Distribution: It will be at my archive eventually, if anyone else
wants it, just ask first. The answer's always yes.
Spoilers: General for S4 of BTVS, that Angel left and Buffy/Riley got
together. For ANGEL: General S1, that Angel and Cordy are working
together in L.A.
Category: Vignette/Songfic
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they belong to Joss
Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and WB. And as for the Song: "Sour Girl", well
that belongs to Stone Temple Pilots. I borrowed a line for the title
too. It's their fault that I am using it, the fic idea has been very
insistent since I saw the video. (Sarah Michelle Gellar is in it.)
Keywords: Buffy/Riley, then Buffy/Angel. Major Riley angst here.
Summary: Buffy goes back to her true love and Riley tries to deal.
Author's Note: Alternating Point Of Views here, between Riley and Angel. I
think you'll be able to figure out who's speaking when. I am also
flipping back and forth in time throughout the fic. This is kind of an experiment,
something a little different that I've never done before. I'd love
to know if it works and also if it doesn't. Constructive criticism is
always welcome.
Author's Note 2: If you like Buffy/Riley together as opposed to B/A,
well, you should know better than to be reading my fics, first of all.
But in case you don't know better, back away from the fic, you won't
like it.
- lyrics to the song
* * - emphasis
&&&&&&&
She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
I remember the day I first met Buffy Summers. She hid behind this
happy facade, but I could tell she was hurting. I figured she had
been burned by a bad relationship and I thought I'd be the one to
help her forget. But she never really let herself be mine. Every once
in a while, I could tell she was thinking about *him*. She'd look
away, get this far off look in her eyes. I should've just taken
the hint, I'm beginning to realize now.
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
God, they're all looking at me. Here we are at the Bronze, with all
her friends. They're looking at me with such pity. Why? She's just
talking to an old friend, right? We were sitting here, enjoying a
rare, normal night together, just me, Buffy, and the gang. And then
she got this look on her face, and I realized it wasn't me she was
looking at anymore. She was looking *past* me at someone else. I
looked behind me, and saw him.
He was standing just inside the doorway, looking at Buffy intently.
She excused herself and left to talk to him, telling me he was an old
friend from high school.
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl when she left me
"What's with the pity looks, guys?" I ask them. Xander just plays
dumb, and Willow stutters a bit, but nobody gives me a straight
answer. And here Buffy comes, finally, and she's got this look on her
face. Even though there are tears in her eyes, I know they aren't
tears of sadness. And that realization is accompanied by a sinking
feeling. Something tells me this is not a good thing at all.
And now she's standing in front of me, and she's saying the words,
but I can't believe it. This has to be a dream. A bad dream, that
I'll wake up from very soon.
"Riley, I'm so sorry," she says. "I really like you, but I can't do
this anymore. I... I haven't been fair to you. I'm in love with
someone else."
"Who?" I ask automatically, not really needing the answer. I turn
around to look behind me. *Him.* He's standing over there, he's the
reason Buffy is leaving me. How could this happen? She puts her hand
on my arm, I guess I wasn't paying attention.
"Riley, you'll always have a place in my heart. You've been so good to
me. But I can't deny my destiny. I belong with Angel."
Angel. How ironic is that? The man who's taking my girlfriend away
from me is named Angel. As she walks back to him, I see her flash him
a smile, a smile she never gave me. She was never that happy
around me. As she walks out the door, her hand in his, I feel my heart
breaking.
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do if I follow?
I can't let it end this way. I get up, mumbling something to Xander
and Willow, who don't care anyway. I follow Buffy and Angel. I need
to talk to her. I need to make her see that we belong together.
&&&&&&&&
Don't turn away, what are you looking at?
He was so happy on the day that he met her.
"What's that, Cordy? I'm sorry," I say, as she yells at me for losing
track of our conversation. What is with me today, I just can't keep my
mind on the present. It keeps wandering to...well, what else. Buffy.
For some reason today, my mind has chosen to dwell on the day we met.
I've replayed it over and over again. She was so beautiful even then,
and I won't deny I was attracted to her the moment I saw her.
She was so full of fire, so unimpressed by me. I couldn't stop
grinning all the way home after that first encounter. I loved her
attitude, I couldn't wait to see her again.
Say, what are you looking at?
Uh-oh, I did it again. Cordelia, instead of yelling at me this time,
just glares. I feel the glare and return from my reverie to
apologize again. "I'm sorry, Cordelia. My mind just wandered."
"Again," she points out, still glaring.
"I'm really sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me--"
"I do, Angel. And if you're honest with yourself, you'd admit you do
too. It's Buffy. She is, always has been, and always will be, the
reason you brood. What I'm wondering is: when are you going to stop
being so stubborn and go back to Sunnydale?"
"Huh?" is all I can manage.
"Geez, Angel. For almost 250 years old, you are sooo dense! You want
her, she wants you--"
"How do you know she still wants me?"
"What???" she shrieks, and she walks over to where I'm sitting. She
slaps me upside the head! Before I can react, she adds, "That is the
most *ridiculous* thing I have ever HEARD! Of *course* she still
wants you. You two belong together, even if I don't understand why,
at least I understand THAT. She's your DESTINY, you IDIOT, just like
you're hers! Neither one of you will be happy again until you're
together. So go back to Sunnydale and beg her forgiveness!"
I was Superman but looks are deceiving
"I can't. It's not fair to her. One of us has to be strong. And if it
has to be me, so be it," I say to Cordelia.
"You're so wrong, Angel," Cordy replies with a sigh. "It's not
being stong, hiding your true feelings from someone. That's easy,
believe me, I should know. Being strong is facing up to your feelings
and admitting them to the other person. But it's up to you, Angel. You can
continue being a coward, hide here in L.A; or you can suck it up
and go after your destiny."
And with that, she's gone, leaving me to my thoughts.
The rollercoaster ride's a lonely one
I'd pay a ransom note to stop it from steering
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a teenage girl when she met me
I don't know about Buffy, but I've failed miserably at life after us.
No woman can even compare to her. I can't help seeing, when I
look at them, everything they're missing that Buffy has.
I thought I left for Buffy, so that she could find what I thought she
deserved. A normal life. Besides, she was only sixteen when we met. When I
left, I tried to convince myself that she was still young enough to forget me,
to find another love, to be happy. Is Cordelia right, though? Are neither
of us going to be happy unless we're together? Well, I know Cordy's
right about that where I'm concerned. But could she be right about Buffy?
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do if I follow?
I don't know how I got here, but I'm in my car, on my way back to
Sunnydale. I hope I'm doing the right thing now. I can't help
wondering how she'll react. I know she'll be mad when she first sees
me. But the real question is, will she even be a little bit happy
too?
Okay, so here I am at the Bronze. Get out of the car, Angel. It's time to
swallow your pride and find out if there's still a chance for Buffy
and yourself.
As I walk inside the club, I scan the room looking for her. If my
heart was still beating, I imagine it would be doing overtime
right now. I wonder if we still have that connection. If she'll know
I'm here before she sees me.
And then I see her. She's sitting at a table about twenty feet away,
with Xander and Willow, and a blonde guy. As she kisses him, I realize
he's her new boyfriend. My heart may not beat anymore, but it can
still break. I should go, before she sees me. I was wrong. I
shouldn't have come.
And then as I take one last look at her before leaving, she notices
me. I watch her face. Shock first, of course. Then so much pain. She
recovers and looks to her boyfriend. She says something briefly. Then
she gets up and walks over to me.
The girl got reasons, they all got reasons
"What the hell are you doing?" she hisses at me, trying not to attract
attention. Okay, anger. She has good reason to be mad. I deserve
it and I can deal with it.
"I'm sorry, I..." I can't do it. Cordelia's right. I am a coward.
"Why," she presses. I look into her eyes then and I see it. All the
pain that I've caused her. How much I hurt her when I left. How much
she's still hurting. God help me, but I feel a little bit of hope
too, upon seeing that pain. Because if it's still there, there might
really be another chance for us.
I take a deep breath, unnecessary as it is, and force out the words. "I was
wrong."
"What?" she replies, giving me a bewildered look.
"I was talking to Cordelia today, and she basically called me a coward,
for running away from my destiny. You. I couldn't argue, she was right.
So I came back tonight to tell you that I still love you. You deserve
to know that, because even if you don't want me anymore, I can't let
you think that I don't care. Whatever you decide to do with that
information is up to you. I won't push if you want me to leave, I
won't bother you again."
While saying this, I am looking down at the ground. There's no way I
could've gotten through it if I'd had to look into her eyes. I finally
do though, and I see tears in them. And now I know I really shouldn't
have come. I shouldn't have listened to Cordy--
"If this is a game, so help me--" she chokes out.
I interrupt her, quickly. "No, Buffy! I'd never do that to you. I
couldn't. I mean what I'm saying. I'm back because I love you and
I... I'm tired of denying it."
She takes a long shaky breath and says, "Me too." It was so quiet, I could
almost fool myself that I imagined it. Almost, but not quite, because
the way she looks at me tells me I didn't imagine it at all. She's
crying now and I realize there are tears in my eyes too, but I don't
care. All I care about right now is that Buffy still loves me, and she
isn't throwing me out of her life like I deserve.
"But I have a really important question to ask you then, Angel.
What do you _want_?" Buffy asks.
"I want... I want us to be together again," I answer. "I'm ready to
come back to Sunnydale. I want to be with you, if you still want me.
We'll figure out a way to deal with the curse. "
"*If* I still want you??" Buffy says wonderingly. "For almost 250
years old, you are *so* dense sometimes."
I laugh at that. "You're the second person who's told me
that today," I say with a smile. My first since I entered The Bronze.
She smiles back, then, and says, "I never thought I'd say this, but
remind me to thank Cordelia. I don't know what she said to you, but it
worked. And that's all that matters." She adds, "Don't go anywhere.
We need to go somewhere more private to finish this discussion. First I
need to tell the others bye."
I watch as she goes back over to them. As she's talking to her
boyfriend, he looks over at me. I can't help feeling a little
sorry for him. Not enough to regret this, though.
She walks back over to me then and she smiles. I remember now how
easy it is to get lost in those eyes. "Why don't we go somewhere
more...private," she says. "We need to talk." She holds out her hand
to me, and I take it.
"Talk?" I say with eyebrow raised.
"Talk," she replies, and adds, "And... uh... other things," with a
giggle.
I smile back and let her lead me out the door. I realize then that
we're going to be okay. I know it will not be easy, but we'll find a
way to make it work this time. We love each other, need each other. And
that's really all that matters.
&&&&&&&&
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
The day that she left me
Well, that was a stupid idea, I realize, as I turn away from the
window.
I followed them all the way to some abandoned house, and I watched
through a window. That's where the "stupid idea" realization comes to
play. No sooner were they in the door than they started kissing, and I
feel sick to my stomach now.
"I love you," I hear him say.
"I love you too," she replies.
And I now know that Buffy and I are finished. And worse than that thought is
the realization that I am the only one who is upset about it.
THE END