Summary:
Explanation:
Disclaimer:
by ReySolo, Cindy, and Lanni
Voyager's holodeck
"And that is why I think I could be your president..."
Tom Paris finished his speech as the first tomato flew. The
fruit-throwing was soon followed by more violent displays of
anger.
//Good thing the holodeck safeties are on,// Tom thought, as he
tried to move away from the holographic mob. //Who would have
thought that running for president on twentieth century Earth
could be so dangerous?//
As he was moving toward the exit, something snagged his jacket.
Turning, he saw a furious man bringing a knife down toward his
chest. Since the knife was holographic, it only ripped his
uniform, leaving Tom without a scratch. (Yes, that's how the
safeties work. Keeping non-holographic people safe, while
damaging non-holographic items, because the holographic weapons
are smart like that. Huh? No, I don't get it either.)
"My uniform!" Tom screamed (a somewhat girlie scream).
"Do you have any idea how many replicator rations it'll cost
me to get a new one?!" The furious man just looked at him,
confused, the knife hanging in his limp hand. "Computer,
exit!"
"Javascript Error: Are you sure?" the feminine voice
very similar to Lwaxana Troi's (not that Tom knew her or
anything) asked.
"Yes, darnit!" Voyager's computer had been having
"Javascript Errors" for days. B'Elanna Torres couldn't
figure out what was wrong, nor had anyone any idea what
Javascript even meant. They only knew every time a command was
issued, the computer would ask if the person was *sure* they
wanted what they requested.
The door appeared and opened, and the program froze. Tom walked
out, frustrated, and hurried to his quarters. He hoped none of
his superiors would see his torn uniform on the way.
He made it to his quarters uneventfully. Going to his replicator,
he demanded, "Computer, make a new command uniform."
"Javascript Error: Are you sure?"
"Ye--" Tom started to reply, then hesitated. After all
the frustrations of the day, he decided he did not want to do
what Starfleet protocol would demand. He would do what he wanted,
to stop conforming to ship standards. He would wear what he had
always dreamed of wearing. "No. No, I don't want a uniform.
I want a pink fairy princess costume, wings and all!"
The computer replied, "One fairy princess costume, coming
right up!"
Tom was confused. "You're not going to ask if I'm
sure?"
"No, I can tell you're sure. Here's your costume." A
pink fluffy lacy costume with big white wings appeared in the
replicator.
"Thanks," he said, still confused about the computer's
new attitude. He picked up the costume and headed into his
bedroom to change.
"You're quite welcome," the computer replied.
"About time someone around here appreciated me!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bridge
Captain Janeway heard the doors swish open. As Tom was the only
officer not yet at his post, she assumed it was Paris.
"You're late," she started to say as she turned to look
at him. When she saw what he was wearing,her jaw dropped.
The others on the bridge also stopped what they were doing to
look at him. Harry Kim started to cough, apparently trying to
cover his laughter. Tuvok looked disgusted. Chakotay raised his
eyebrows and looked amused. Seven of Nine tilted her head and
looked at Tom disapprovingly. That other guy at that one console
snorted. They all turned to the captain, waiting for her
response.
At last she found her voice. "*What* is *that*?" she
asked, aghast.
He replied matter-of-factly, "It's a fairy princess costume,
Captain. Isn't it obvious?"
"Well, that's one way of describing it." Janeway did
not look happy. "Why aren't you in uniform?"
"I'm sick of my uniform. Why do we all have to wear the same
(ugly) thing, all day, every day? I think we should be able to
wear whatever we want. People should be able to express their
individuality. Uniforms force conformity, and
they're..."--he searched for the right
word--"bad."
Chakotay, Harry, and that other guy stood and applauded Tom's
speech. //If only that was how the crowd on the holodeck
reacted,// Tom thought.
"Request permission to escort Mr. Paris to the brig,"
stated Tuvok.
"Request permission to escort Mr. Paris to the Borg,"
stated Seven.
"Request granted, Tuvok," Janeway commanded, giving the
disappointed Seven a sympathetic gaze.
As Tuvok stepped toward Tom, Chakotay blocked his path. "I'm
sorry, Captain, but I can't allow you to do this."
"Ex-*cuse* me?" Janeway looked really mad now.
"Starfleet directive 59265 states that all officers have the
right to wear whatever they wish if it conflicts with their
belief system."
"Are you saying your belief system involves fairies?"
Seven asked incredulously.
"My belief system says people can wear whatever they
want," Harry stated, coming to stand by Tom and Chakotay.
That other guy, not wanting to be left out, stood by them as
well.
Janeway's face turned red. Striding to Chakotay, she brought back
her arm and punched him in the jaw.
The bridge was soon in the middle of the second brawl in which
Tom was involved that day.
Chakotay struggled with Janeway, keeping her in a tight hold but
unable to hit a woman, especially his superior officer, and soon
she broke free. Harry fought with Seven, but he was also unable
to hit a woman, especially one he'd had a huge crush on, and as
she was a lot stronger, she also broke free. Tom had no qualms
over hitting Tuvok, and before the tactical officer could do the
Vulcan neck pinch Tom had knocked him out. That other guy helped
out by simply grabbing the pips off of Janeway's collar.
"Noooo!" she cried in pain. Without those command pips,
she was no longer Captain, not even an officer. "I'll get
you for this!! I'll get all of you!!" She screamed as she
ran to the turbolift. Seven followed, standing by her captain, as
well as not wanting to be left alone with the others. The doors
opened, then closed, leaving the four men alone on the bridge
(with an unconscious Vulcan).
Chakotay and Harry were breathing hard and sweating. That other
guy was staring in disbelief at the closed turbolift doors. Tom
looked down at his fairy princess costume. "Great, Tuvok
ripped it! Now I need another fairy princess costume!"
"I need... one... too," Chakotay gasped out.
"Yeah... me... too," Harry agreed.
That other guy was still staring at the doors.
"Three fairy princess costumes, coming right up!" the
computer stated cheerfully.
"What's with the computer?" Harry asked.
"I dunno," Tom replied. "It's been like that since
I got my first one. At least it's not having Javascript Errors
anymore. Hey, if everybody else is getting a fairy costume, I
won't be unique any more!"
The costumes had appeared, but this time, one was pink, another
purple, and the third blue.
Finally that other guy snapped out of it. "Hey, can I have
one, too?" he asked, excitedly.
Tom looked at him. "Hey, tell you what, since you got rid of
Janeway and Seven, you can have mine."
That other guy's eyes widened. "Wow! Really?"
Tom nodded. "Yup. Computer, could you make me a dress?"
"One dress for a transvestite, coming right up!" Then
the computer--giggled?
"Hey!" Tom was offended. "Well, guess I would be
one. I know! I could change my name. How about Tomavestite?"
"Okay, Toma," Chakotay returned as he put on his purple
fairy costume. Harry had already gotten the blue one. Meanwhile,
that other guy struggled into the pink one.
Just then the turbolift doors opened, and B'Elanna came rushing
in.
"What's going on, the comm's not working, I couldn't contact
you..." she trailed off as she saw the three men in fairy
costumes and her boyfriend in a pretty blue dress.
"Uh..."
"Oh, hi, B'Elanna," Tom greeted her. "We're, uh,
changing the dress code slightly."
"I... see," she replied. "And what did the captain
think about this?"
"She wasn't happy," Chakotay answered with a smile.
"But that other guy here took her command pips, so she
doesn't have a rank anymore, and she left with Seven."
Harry looked at Chakotay. "Think that's why the comm didn't
work? They might have sabotaged it."
"That's a good thought. Computer, where are Janeway and
Seven?"
"Oh, they stole the Delta Flyer and took off a few minutes
ago, just after sabotaging the comm system and life
support." The computer added, "But they did take Naomi
Wildman with them, so everything's okay, right?"
B'Elanna sighed at the computer's attitude. "Well, at least
this is better than Dreadnaught."
"You mean because the computer's just as glad as we are that
Naomi's gone, or because the computer's not the one trying to
kill us?" Harry asked.
B'Elanna looked startled. "Oh, right, life support.
Computer, transfer power from the holodeck to comm and life
support, since all it takes to fix those is giving up something
important to somebody on the ship."
"Hey, I have a program running right now!" Toma
protested.
"Sorry, Tom, breathing seems to be a little more important
right now." She looked pointedly at him.
He had to concede to that. "Well, yeah, I guess... Oh, by
the way, call me Toma. My name's now Tomavestite."
She raised an eyebrow. "I see." Then she noticed Tuvok
on the floor. "I take it Tuvok didn't agree with the change
in dress code either?"
"Nope, but I bet he'd look great in a pink fairy
costume," Harry suggested slyly.
"Hey, pink's my color!" that other guy protested.
"How 'bout hot pink?" Chakotay proposed.
Toma grinned evilly. "Computer?"
"One hot pink fairy costume for one soon to be very upset
Vulcan, coming right up!"
Everyone on the bridge was grinning from ear to ear when the
costume appeared.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuvok awoke with a start. Looking around at the men in girlie
costumes and B'Elanna, he tried to find logic in this. Then he
looked down at himself, noting the hot pink fairy costume.
"What...? Not... logical... Why...? Illogical!!
Illogical!!!"
Then he exploded.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, on the Delta Flyer
"We must stop them. Fairy princess costumes are one thing,
but what's next? We cannot just abandon the crew! We have to go
back!" Naomi was very upset.
"I have no intention of abandoning them, Naomi,"
Janeway assured her. "But we need more help. The three of us
won't be able to take back control of the ship, especially since
Chakotay, Paris, and Kim will probably be brainwashing the crew
into thinking we're the bad guys."
"I concur," Seven stated. "There is no guarantee
the rest of the crew will side with us immediately. We need more
people."
"Aren't I good enough? I *am* the captain's assistant.
Everyone will have to obey me."
Janeway smiled ruefully at her. "Sorry, Naomi. Seven and I
do know that you are the perfect little girl and fully capable of
running the ship, but others disagree. They think you're really
annoying and that Harry should've left you on that parallel
Voyager that was taken over by the Vidiians and then
destroyed."
"Parallel Voyager?" Seven asked.
Naomi looked perplexed. "Yeah, what do you mean, parallel
Voyager? And what do you mean, not everybody loves me?"
"You were born while Voyager was in a nebula that had the
strange effect of splitting it into two ships, slightly out of
phase with each other, disrupting space-time. The Naomi and the
Harry Kim of the current Voyager were killed in the resulting
chaos. When the other ship was being boarded by the Vidiians who
happened to be around, their Harry took their little baby Wildman
over to our ship just before they self-destructed their ship,
destroying the Vidiians and saving us, you, and Harry. You
weren't named until several years later, though."
Naomi looked perplexed. "How come my mom never told
me?"
"Oh, she didn't want you to be disturbed by the fact that
you aren't exactly from our reality, and wonder whether you
should exist or not." Janeway smiled. "We're both
grown-up enough to know that's just foolishness, though,
right?"
"Right!" Naomi sneered. "Well that's it, when we
rescue Voyager, my mom's gonna get a stern talking-to!"
Seven still looked confused. "Why would people wish she
hadn't been rescued?"
Janeway shrugged. "Maybe she's just too perfect for them.
Anyway, we have a ship to rescue. Where are we going to find
help?"
"I know!" Naomi cried. "You can clone me!"
"That's brilliant," Janeway told her. "We just
configure the replicator to clone you, and we'll have dozens of
Naomis to help us take back the ship!"
Seven looked proudly at Naomi. "I knew you would think of
something."
"The Naomis will stop those Fairies, once and for all!"
Naomi cried.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back on Voyager
"Well, what about me?" B'Elanna asked suddenly. She,
Toma, Chakotay, Harry, and that other guy had been cleaning bits
of Tuvok off the floor, consoles, and ceiling of the bridge for
the past twenty minutes.
"Huh?" Toma asked.
"You boys get to wear fairy princess outfits. As cute as
they are, I wouldn't look nearly as 'fashionable' in them. What
do I get to wear?"
"Uh..." All the guys were at a loss. Ever since
Starfleet had gotten rid of those annoying short skirts for
female officers, females in general couldn't be cross-dressers.
"I always wanted to be a fairy princess when I was a kid.
What did you always want to be?" Toma asked.
"Well..." She smiled, blushing slightly. "I always
wanted to be a lumberjack?"
"You wanted to cut down trees?" Chakotay asked.
"Well, not exactly... See, my father showed me this old
television program called 'Monty Python's Flying Circus.' They
were a bunch of British people doing odd skits and songs and
things. Most of them seemed pretty dumb to me, but I loved the
Lumberjack Song." Suddenly, she began to sing. "I'm a
lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all
day."
The computer injected, "Beginning 'The Lumberjack Song,'
original version." Soon several British voices were joining
along with B'Elanna, all singing about being a lumberjack.
After the last line, "I cut down trees, I wear high heels,
suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear
papa!" Toma, Chakotay, Harry, and that other guy all
applauded.
"But you are a girlie, no offense," Harry pointed out.
"Quiet, Harry," B'Elanna shushed him. "I was only
four years old, and it seemed like the best job in the world.
Now, computer, can I have a lumberjack outfit?"
"A wonderful choice. One Monty Python lumberjack outfit,
coming right up!" the computer replied.
The outfit appeared, complete with suspenders and bra. Despite
the oddity of the costume, B'Elanna still made the four guys turn
around so she could change.
When she was done, she pointed out another important step that
had yet to be taken. "Uh, have you guys forgotten about the
rest of the ship? Like, do they know the captain's gone?"
Chakotay looked embarrassed. "Uh... oops?"
"Well, I can tell you'll make a great captain now,"
B'Elanna retorted sarcastically.
"I can't help it," he defended himself. "I don't
remember how to be a captain. I was only captain when we were
Maquis several years ago. I forgot, okay? It's not like I could
learn by Janeway's example or anything, with her always charging
off to go on away missions. I only know how to be a first officer
now."
"Well, then we need a new captain," Harry stated.
"Toma did begin this uprising, with his pink fairy costume
and all..."
"Tomavestite for Captain!" that other guy chimed in.
Chakotay, B'Elanna, and the computer all agreed.
Toma looked flattered. "I don't know what to say. When I
tried running for president on the holodeck, they threw fruit at
me. Now I get to be captain?"
Chakotay nodded. "Yeah, and now you have to announce all the
changes to the ship."
Toma looked worried now. "Uh, okay..." He touched his
comm badge. "Bridge to all personnel. There have been some
changes taking place. Janeway and Seven of Nine have left the
ship, and Tuvok's dead..." He paused as the cheers were
audible through the bulkheads. "The new captain is me,
Tomavestite, previously known as Tom Paris." He thought for
a moment. "Oh, and there are some new changes in dress code:
You can wear whatever you want, but men should wear something
along the lines of fairy princess outfits. Women should wear
lumberjack clothes or... something. We hope you enjoy these
changes. Have a nice day." Then he didn't touch his badge to
turn off the comm, because the computer was always smart like
that, knowing when to deactivate the comm, even before the slight
attitude change.
Everyone on the bridge was smiling after the speech. "Thank
you, thank you," he said. "Now, next order of business:
what should we do about Janeway and Seven and Naomi?"
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
The computer responded. "Well, seeing as they stopped flying
away and the Delta Flyer's just sitting there with its shields
up, they might pose a slight threat to Voyager."
"Exactly," Toma replied. "And that's why I'm
captain."
"Actually, you're captain because you wore the first fairy
princess costume, but that's beside the point," B'Elanna
replied.
Toma just glared at her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now for something completely different...
"Meow," said the ghost cat that lived in the Jeffries
tubes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The doors suddenly swished open, and an angry Talaxian rushed in.
"Why I wasn't informed about these changes earlier?!"
Everyone on the bridge turned to look at him.
"Sorry, Neelix," B'Elanna said calmly. "Chakotay
and Captain Toma here forgot to mention the changes to the ship
until I reminded them."
"Don't tell me you're upset Naomi's gone?" Harry
questioned him. They knew Neelix often took care of Naomi when
her mother and Seven were busy, so he was concerned the man might
have formed a bond with the little brat.
Neelix looked confused. "No, of course not. I had a hard
time putting up with her myself, but I didn't want to let
Samantha down. Have you talked to her about her daughter leaving,
by the way?" he asked Toma.
Toma looked sheepish.
"Yet another detail Captain Toma has overlooked,"
B'Elanna pointed out.
"Hey, I'm kind of new at this captain thing; cut me some
slack, will ya?" Toma protested. "Besides, you did vote
for me."
She nodded. "Yeah. You are the best choice for
captain," she conceded. "But you do have some things to
work on. Like arranging holodeck time for us?" she hinted
suggestively.
"Like what am I going to wear?" Neelix put in.
"I've been wearing these Talaxian clothes since I was a kid,
and, to tell you the truth, I'm getting kind of sick of them.
(Besides that, they're starting to smell.)"
"That's your only problem?" Harry asked. "Why
don't you just ask the computer for a new outfit?"
"Well," he paused. "I don't really know what to
wear. I've never really looked good in women's clothing; Kes told
me so. Don't ask," he interrupted himself when he saw the
looks they were giving him. "Anyway, I need advice."
"Bee..." that other guy said.
The others waited for him to continue. He didn't.
"Be what?" Chakotay asked.
"A bee. Be a bee. Y'know, bzzzzt." He flapped his hands
as if they were insect wings. He would have looked idiotic if he
weren't already wearing a fairy princess costume.
"Oh." Harry scrutinized Neelix. "I can see
it!"
"What's a bee?" Neelix asked.
The computer replied, "Bee: Any of numerous hairy-bodied
insects including social and solitary species. Well, that or a
social gathering to carry out some communal task or to hold
competitions. He probably means the animal, since it would be
difficult to dress as a gathering." The computer paused,
then continued. "You would look cute in a bee costume."
B'Elanna nodded, smiling. "Actually, you would. Computer,
make Neelix a bee costume."
"One bee costume, coming right up!" The computer
sounded downright ecstatic.
Neelix changed in the ready room. When he came out, B'Elanna
grinned. "I knew it. I absolutely *love* the antennae."
He nodded, making them shake. "Well, now I must be 'bzzz'ing
off to make lunch!" Their last glimpse of him showed a cloth
stinger wobbling behind him.
The doors swished open almost immediately after they shut, but
this time the ship's holographic doctor stormed onto the bridge.
"I demand to know why no one consulted the ship's doctor on
such changes!" If Neelix had been angry, the
doctor was positively irate. "Do you realize the
psychological effects this could have on crew members?"
"Well..." Toma looked around the bridge, anywhere but
the doctor--or B'Elanna, sure both of them would blame him for
this. "I didn't believe anyone would really object to the
changes."
"Object? I'm not trying to tell you people are objecting; I
heard the cheers from sickbay. But if the crew begins coming to
me for suggestions on what type of transsexual clothing to wear,
I'm holding you responsible, Mr. Paris."
"Uh..." Toma considered the doctor's response, and
compared it to Neelix's earlier problem. "You don't know
what to wear, either, do you, Doc?" he guessed.
"Precisely!" the doctor stated. "I'm a hologram,
not a transvestite."
"By the way," Chakotay interjected, "He's Captain
Tomavestite now."
The doctor looked at Toma. "Oh, so you not only get a new
rank, you get a new name? I don't even have a name, nor something
new to wear; I don't even have enough hair to be a
transvestite!"
"How about 'Holodoc'?" that other guy suggested.
The Doctor looked surprised. "Well, I must admit it's
creative. I suppose that will work." He nodded. "From
now on, I shall be known as Holodoc." He stood proudly,
looking at his reflection on a bulkhead.
"That other guy always comes up with the answers,"
Harry pointed out.
"He does, doesn't he?" Chakotay replied. "What's
your point?"
"Shouldn't we give him a name or something? At least a
rank?" Harry asked.
That other guy looked flabbergasted. "Wow, first I get
Toma's--I mean, Captain Vestite's--old fairy princess costume,
then I get a rank?"
"Sure," Toma replied. "You wanna be an
ensign?"
"Um, Toma," Chakotay interrupted. "We already have
the maximum number of important ensigns allowed, Starfleet
protocol."
Toma frowned. "Maximum number of important ensigns?"
The computer explained. "There can be no more than one
important crew member as ensign at a time."
Toma was still confused. "Important? What about when I was
demoted and Harry was still an ensign?"
"No comment," the computer replied.
There was a pause. "Hey!" Toma exclaimed, when he got
it. "Anyway, why don't we just promote Harry to Lieutenant?
Is there a maximum number of important those?"
"Yeah," Chakotay replied. "Kind of makes you
wonder who makes these rules, huh?"
"Okay, so we make B'Elanna a Lieutenant Commander. Tuvok's
gone, and he wasn't important, anyway, right? Is that okay?"
"I'm okay with that," B'Elanna agreed enthusiastically.
"That's great!" Harry exclaimed. "I've been a
stupid ensign for seven years, now that Janeway's gone I'm
finally getting promoted!"
That other guy was happy as well. "Hey, I still have those
pips I grabbed from Janeway, so we can make these promotions
official." He handed them out to Harry, B'Elanna, and Toma,
and put one on himself. The pips complemented the fairy princess
costumes, lumberjack outfit, and dress quite well.
"Good thing Janeway was more strict about the whole pip
thing than we are, since that's what got her off the ship,"
Chakotay pointed out.
Holodoc finally stopped admiring his own reflection. "Hey,
what about my costume?" he demanded.
"Well, he did once say something about seeing him in a swim
suit," B'Elanna said under her breath.
She apparently had forgotten that holograms have very acute
hearing. "Ah, yes, my swim suit. Along with my personal
floatation device, of course! As the ship's doctor, I must be a
good role model for 'prevention is the best medicine.'"
"Toma, do I have to put him his a swim suit?" the
computer whined.
Holodoc was offended. "Well, we know who here has lack of
taste. The computer probably gave B'Elanna the idea for her
outfit." She opened her mouth to protest, but he
interrupted, addressing the computer. "If it's really that
much of a problem, the swim suit doesn't have to be my
Speedo."
B'Elanna's expression went from offense to horror.
Then Holodoc's clothes changed. Now he wore yellow swim trunks
with big black spots, and a pink horse floaty around his waist.
He looked in the bulkhead at himself again, smiled, and nodded.
The horse head smiled and nodded at the same time.
"Wow!" Harry exclaimed. "How does it do
that?"
"It's quite simple, Lt. Kim, I'm a hologram, it's a
hologram. Amazing, isn't it? Especially for an engineer such as
yourself."
Harry looked suitably embarrassed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hi," said Naomi to the first clone. "I'm Naomi,
and I'm perfect. You're perfect, too."
"I'm Naomi 2, and I'm just as perfect as Naomi 1," the
clone stated.
"I'm Naomi 3, and I'm just as perfect as you both," the
second clone replied.
Janeway and Seven looked at each other and smiled. The Fairies
were going to have their hands full. Soon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF...
Voyager: The Dress Generation
Coming soon... hopefully. :)