James POTTER's Titanic
Yet another slightly messed up story by(and featuring) Thephoenix
Thoughts are in italics, actions are in **stars**
We see Lily Evans standing on a boat leaning over the rail and looking into the ocean after her last year at Hogwarts
Lily: Since when do we have to travel by boat instead of train???
Cut to James and Sirius playing cards with Lucius and Severus.
Lucis: Ok, winner of the next hand gets our cabin.
Severus: WHAT??? I PRACTICALLY HAD TO KILL LOCKHART TO GET THAT CABIN!!!
James: What's so great about your cabin???
Severus: There are six girls in the cabin next to it.
Sirius: OHMYGOD, JAMES IF WE LOSE THE NEXT HAND, I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Lucius: Let's play. Severus, how many cards do you want???
Severus: **groan** I would fold if I didn't have to play for my cabin. I guess I'll take two.
Sirius: Three.
James: **shows ace** I'll take two.
Lucius:Why did you show your ace??? That's only if you want four cards.
Sirius: **whacks James on the back of his head** YOU IDIOT!!!
Lucius: Dealer takes one.
Audience: Oooooooo, only one.
Lucius: Why are people watching us play cards???
Sirius: Beats me, Severus, it's your turn.
Severus: James, got any threes???
James: Severus we aren't playing go fish...yet.
Five minutes later the game ends
Sirius: HAHA, LUCIUS IS THE OLD MAID!!! WE WIN!!!
Audience: Why where they playing Old maid???
James: First things first, let's go greet our lady neighbors.
Inside the ladies' cabin
**four girls( Narcissa, Minerva, Molly and Poppy) run over to Sirius and begin fawning over him**
James: WHAT!!!??? WHY DIDN'T ANY GIRLS RUN OVER TO ME???
Sirius: It's just to prove that the public thinks I'm studlier than you. **he flexes once or twice**
**the Thephoenix faints**
Sirius: What the...She's not in any of the books!!!
Thephoenix: Thanks SO MUCH for catching me, people!!!
Lily: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Lily Evans and this is my roomie, Thephoenix.
Sirius: The??? Her first name is The???
Thephoenix: **stands up** YOU SHOULD TALK!!! WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS ALL THE TIME??? I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S CAUSE SIRIUS MEANS DOG STAR. AND BY THE WAY, MY FIRST NAME IS THEPHOENIX. ONE NAME, LIKE MADONNA.
Sirius: How do you know my name??? I didn't introduce myself.
Thephoenix: Read the captions, ya ninny.
James: Ninny???
Sirius: Hey, I here there's an all you can eat buffet wanna come???
Minerva, Molly, Poppy, and Narcissa: Sure.
Thephoenix: LET'S GO!!!
**they run out the door**
Lily: I know you, you're James Potter.
James: Your eyes are green.
Lily: Yes, they are. You know, I've had a crush on you all year.
James: Green is a colour.
Lily: I'm quite aware. The girls from school don't give you enough credit, you're a lot cuter than they say.
James: It is a combination of blue and yellow.
Lily: **whacks James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!! I'm TRYING TO KISS YOU.
**they kiss**
Lily: Oh, James!!!
James: Oh, Green!!!
Lily: JAMES!!!
James: GREEN!!!
Lily: Aaaaaaah, screw this, I'm going to the buffet.
Lily appears at the point of the boat standing on the rail. James holds her up and they make out.
Lily: OH JAMES!!!
James: OH GREEN!!! Wait, oh sorry, I mean OH LILY!!!
They appear in a large room alone.
James: What the... How'd we get here so fast???
Lily: Oh, James, I have a secret to tell you. **she turns around dramatically** I WEAR COLOURED CONTACTS!!!
James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lily: GOTCHA, my eyes are naturally green.
James: Thank God.
Lily: James, I want you to paint me wearing my eyes.
James: Ummmmmmm, how else would I paint you???
Lily: I want you to paint me wearing only my eyes.
James: OK!!!
James' painting: ..
\/
/[]\
/\
Lily: That's it???
They appear in a bathroom and decide to...ahem...how shall we say...you know.
Meanwhile, up on deck the boat nears an iceberg that strangely looks like Voldemort.
Iceberg: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **coughcough** THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!!!
**Voldemort/Iceberg cuts a hole in the side of the boat**
Meanwhile, Lily and James are still in the bathroom...if you know what I mean.
Lily: OH JAMES...stop counting your toes and get over here, you still have ten!!!
James: OHMYGOD, THE BOAT IS SINKING!!!
Lily: OHMYGOD, I'M PREGNANT!!! **whacks James in the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!! **gives birth to Harry**
Harry: My name is Harry.
James: NO!!! YOUR NAME IS ZONTAR 357!!!
Lily and Harry: **whack James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!!
Lily: I can't support a child **jumps overboard and dies**
James: WAIT!!! I Can't support a child either. **jumps over board and dies**
Sirius: Finally, I'm back in the story. So now what???
Thephoenix: Give Harry and your motorcycle to Hagrid.
Sirius: Done and done.
Police man: Sirius Black, you are under arrest.
Sirius: WHAT!!!??? BUT MY SCENES ARE SO SHORT!!!
Another Thephoenix appears
Thephoenix: What the... who are you???
Other Thephoenix: **takes off costume** I am Lord Voldemort.
Thephoenix: Do you have something you want to say, Voldie???
Voldie: DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!!!
Thephoenix: That's not in the script...
Voldie: Always where the proper protection so you don't end up dead with a child like Lily and James.
**Snape turns off the video as his class groans**
Draco: THAT WAS SO STUPID!!! **whacks James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!!
James: STOP DOING THAT!!!
Harry: ARE YOU SAYING I WAS A MISTAKE???
Draco: HA!!! Who's the Malfoy now???
*~fin~*
A/n: For those of you who don't know Latin-Sirius = dog star; Malfoy = Big mistake
Discliamer-I don't own the stuff you don't recognize. The MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **coughcough** thing is from my friend Mad Cow.
Yet another slightly messed up story by(and featuring) Thephoenix
Thoughts are in italics, actions are in **stars**
We see Lily Evans standing on a boat leaning over the rail and looking into the ocean after her last year at Hogwarts
Lily: Since when do we have to travel by boat instead of train???
Cut to James and Sirius playing cards with Lucius and Severus.
Lucis: Ok, winner of the next hand gets our cabin.
Severus: WHAT??? I PRACTICALLY HAD TO KILL LOCKHART TO GET THAT CABIN!!!
James: What's so great about your cabin???
Severus: There are six girls in the cabin next to it.
Sirius: OHMYGOD, JAMES IF WE LOSE THE NEXT HAND, I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Lucius: Let's play. Severus, how many cards do you want???
Severus: **groan** I would fold if I didn't have to play for my cabin. I guess I'll take two.
Sirius: Three.
James: **shows ace** I'll take two.
Lucius:Why did you show your ace??? That's only if you want four cards.
Sirius: **whacks James on the back of his head** YOU IDIOT!!!
Lucius: Dealer takes one.
Audience: Oooooooo, only one.
Lucius: Why are people watching us play cards???
Sirius: Beats me, Severus, it's your turn.
Severus: James, got any threes???
James: Severus we aren't playing go fish...yet.
Five minutes later the game ends
Sirius: HAHA, LUCIUS IS THE OLD MAID!!! WE WIN!!!
Audience: Why where they playing Old maid???
James: First things first, let's go greet our lady neighbors.
Inside the ladies' cabin
**four girls( Narcissa, Minerva, Molly and Poppy) run over to Sirius and begin fawning over him**
James: WHAT!!!??? WHY DIDN'T ANY GIRLS RUN OVER TO ME???
Sirius: It's just to prove that the public thinks I'm studlier than you. **he flexes once or twice**
**the Thephoenix faints**
Sirius: What the...She's not in any of the books!!!
Thephoenix: Thanks SO MUCH for catching me, people!!!
Lily: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Lily Evans and this is my roomie, Thephoenix.
Sirius: The??? Her first name is The???
Thephoenix: **stands up** YOU SHOULD TALK!!! WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS ALL THE TIME??? I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S CAUSE SIRIUS MEANS DOG STAR. AND BY THE WAY, MY FIRST NAME IS THEPHOENIX. ONE NAME, LIKE MADONNA.
Sirius: How do you know my name??? I didn't introduce myself.
Thephoenix: Read the captions, ya ninny.
James: Ninny???
Sirius: Hey, I here there's an all you can eat buffet wanna come???
Minerva, Molly, Poppy, and Narcissa: Sure.
Thephoenix: LET'S GO!!!
**they run out the door**
Lily: I know you, you're James Potter.
James: Your eyes are green.
Lily: Yes, they are. You know, I've had a crush on you all year.
James: Green is a colour.
Lily: I'm quite aware. The girls from school don't give you enough credit, you're a lot cuter than they say.
James: It is a combination of blue and yellow.
Lily: **whacks James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!! I'm TRYING TO KISS YOU.
**they kiss**
Lily: Oh, James!!!
James: Oh, Green!!!
Lily: JAMES!!!
James: GREEN!!!
Lily: Aaaaaaah, screw this, I'm going to the buffet.
Lily appears at the point of the boat standing on the rail. James holds her up and they make out.
Lily: OH JAMES!!!
James: OH GREEN!!! Wait, oh sorry, I mean OH LILY!!!
They appear in a large room alone.
James: What the... How'd we get here so fast???
Lily: Oh, James, I have a secret to tell you. **she turns around dramatically** I WEAR COLOURED CONTACTS!!!
James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lily: GOTCHA, my eyes are naturally green.
James: Thank God.
Lily: James, I want you to paint me wearing my eyes.
James: Ummmmmmm, how else would I paint you???
Lily: I want you to paint me wearing only my eyes.
James: OK!!!
James' painting: ..
\/
/[]\
/\
Lily: That's it???
They appear in a bathroom and decide to...ahem...how shall we say...you know.
Meanwhile, up on deck the boat nears an iceberg that strangely looks like Voldemort.
Iceberg: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **coughcough** THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!!!
**Voldemort/Iceberg cuts a hole in the side of the boat**
Meanwhile, Lily and James are still in the bathroom...if you know what I mean.
Lily: OH JAMES...stop counting your toes and get over here, you still have ten!!!
James: OHMYGOD, THE BOAT IS SINKING!!!
Lily: OHMYGOD, I'M PREGNANT!!! **whacks James in the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!! **gives birth to Harry**
Harry: My name is Harry.
James: NO!!! YOUR NAME IS ZONTAR 357!!!
Lily and Harry: **whack James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!!
Lily: I can't support a child **jumps overboard and dies**
James: WAIT!!! I Can't support a child either. **jumps over board and dies**
Sirius: Finally, I'm back in the story. So now what???
Thephoenix: Give Harry and your motorcycle to Hagrid.
Sirius: Done and done.
Police man: Sirius Black, you are under arrest.
Sirius: WHAT!!!??? BUT MY SCENES ARE SO SHORT!!!
Another Thephoenix appears
Thephoenix: What the... who are you???
Other Thephoenix: **takes off costume** I am Lord Voldemort.
Thephoenix: Do you have something you want to say, Voldie???
Voldie: DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!!!
Thephoenix: That's not in the script...
Voldie: Always where the proper protection so you don't end up dead with a child like Lily and James.
**Snape turns off the video as his class groans**
Draco: THAT WAS SO STUPID!!! **whacks James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!!
James: STOP DOING THAT!!!
Harry: ARE YOU SAYING I WAS A MISTAKE???
Draco: HA!!! Who's the Malfoy now???
*~fin~*
A/n: For those of you who don't know Latin-Sirius = dog star; Malfoy = Big mistake
Discliamer-I don't own the stuff you don't recognize. The MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **coughcough** thing is from my friend Mad Cow.