Part 8
Obi-Wan felt himself waking as a large hand softly raked through his hair. He struggled against consciousness. He had no wish to wake up, had no intention of talking with either Masters Depa or Mace. He just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't anyone understand that?
"But I thought, perhaps, you might be wanting some company, Padawan," a deep, familiar voice quietly asked him.
His eyes fluttering open, Obi-Wan turned to find his Master smiling down at him.
"How are you feeling, Obi-Wan?" the Master asked with a smile, his hand continuing to stroke Obi-Wan's spiky hair.
Perplexed, Obi-Wan just stared at him in disbelief, believing it to be a dream.
"Master?" he croaked as he attempted to rise up slightly. As he struggled to an upright position, he suddenly reached for his throat, and he began coughing raggedly. Unused to speaking, his throat had become very dry and very raw.
The Master quickly reached toward the night table and poured a glass of water. Placing his hand behind his apprentice's head, he supported his Padawan from the pillow as he carefully placed the straw to the boy's lips. He watched in concern as the boy began sipping the cool liquid. Obi-Wan looked so pale and thin.
Resting his head against the pillow once again, Obi-Wan briefly closed his eyes, allowing the coolness of the water to soothe his parched, dry throat. Re-opening his eyes, he looked up at his Master, a small smile of happiness briefly touching his eyes and lips. But then, the look of happiness soon faded, turning to one of sorrow. He winced inwardly as he recalled the words Master Skyla had said about Qui-Gon, and about the Master's reluctance to accept Obi-Wan as his apprentice. Sadness and despair radiated from the distressed youngster as tears began pooling in his large eyes.
The Master frowned in surprise at the sudden change in mood in his Padawan. He was shocked and distressed to be feeling such strong emotions coming from his apprentice. He wondered if Obi-Wan was still feeling pain as a result of his injuries, but the Healer's had assured him that the boy had been recovering nicely. He was beginning to wonder if the Healer's had been too optimistic, but pushed those thoughts aside as Obi-Wan weakly lifted one arm and placed it over Qui-Gon's hand. He looked at his Padawan, looking so small, so lost, so vulnerable. He watched the bright eyes slowly blink, and then observed as Obi-Wan's lower lip began to quiver.
Qui-Gon quickly reached out and enfolded the visibly distressed apprentice in a reassuring and tight embrace, holding the slight, trembling body against his chest. As he listened to Obi-Wan's soft sobs, he gently began rocking his Padawan as he soothingly rubbed the boy's back, softly murmuring, "Shhh, it's over, Obi-Wan. It's all over. I'm here for you."
"Don't go, Master. Please don't leave me," the Padawan softly wailed.
The Master momentarily stopped his rocking when he heard his Padawan's strange, strangled plea. There was so much pain in those words.
"Obi-Wan, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here with you. I am sorry that I wasn't here when you first awakened, but I was required to return to Fendar to finish some pending business," the Master explained patiently, "If I hadn't intervened, both factions on the planet would have gone to war. I was very fortunate that they were willing to wait for me. But, now, that is also over, my Padawan."
"I'll be good...I promise!" the young man continued, hiccuping as the words hitched in his throat.
The elder Jedi shook his head, trying to make sense of what his Padawan was saying, "You'll be 'good', Obi-Wan?"
"Yes," the young man nodded against Qui-Gon shoulder, "I-I know I haven't been...a good P-padawan, but I'll do b-better Master. I promise. J-just don't give up on me. Please....," he finished, coughing fitfully as he tightening his grip on his Master.
"Obi-Wan....," Qui-Gon began, trying to understand what his apprentice was talking about. But, Obi-Wan's words again interrupted him.
"You...you are m-my only fa-family, Master...a-a father to me," the distressed boy brokenly confessed, sobs and tears shaking the frail body.
Qui-Gon attempted to pull back, trying to look into his Padawan's distressed young face, but the Padawan stubbornly refused to ease his grip. "Obi-Wan, I'm not planning on giving up on you. I would never do that. Why would you even think it?" the Master asked, pulling back a little in order to place a hand to Obi-Wan's cheek and looking down into the tear-streaked face. "And, you are not a bad Padawan, not at all. You're the best and most talented Padawan I've ever had the honor to train."
"But Master Skyla said you thought I was...worthless. Not good enough to be a Jedi. And that you had left because you didn't want me anymore," Obi-Wan's voice hitched, breaking into tears once again as he buried his face in his Master's tunic.
Waves of despair, sorrow and hopelessness washed over Qui-Gon as he finally understood what Obi-Wan was talking about. This was what Kiza had meant by 'special treatment'. He had used Obi-Wan's own fears against him, had taunted him, tortured his innocent apprentice until he could longer resist. This also explained why the barrier had remained, imprisoning his Padawan after Kiza had died. It was Obi-Wan's emotions that had held and fed the dark barrier; fed by his dark emotions and held together by his doubts and nightmares.
"That wasn't Skyla, Padawan, that was Kiza who said those words."
"Who?" Obi-Wan asked, sniffling.
"Kiza is, was, a Hofu," the Master answered, "The Hofu have been known as 'creatures of darkness'. They have the capacity of calling forth upon their victims' worst fears, and then using them as a weapon. After their prey has been completely immobilized by their fear, the Hofu attack. They feed on the life-force of their victim's, but they prefer the stronger essence of Force-sensitives. As far as we know, Kiza was the last remaining survivor of the Hofu. The majority had been sought out and destroyed by families of their victims. The Jedi had tried many times to intervene and help the Hofu try to find other means of sustenance, but they refused to change their ways."
The Master stopped for a moment, looked down serenely at his apprentice, and then continued. "I ran across Kiza during one of our assignments, and found him trying to feed off a young force-sensitive. He vowed vengeance when I rescued his victim before he could fulfill his ritual feeding. Apparently, he decided to exact his vengeance on you, Padawan, deciding to take his revenge on me while feeding upon you at the same time. And he nearly succeeded. He knew that if he failed to succeed in completing the ritual before the last full moon set, he would die, meeting the same fate as the rest of his race," Qui-Gon said as he leaned back against the headboard, settling Obi-Wan into a more comfortable position on his lap. As he held his softly sniffling Padawan, he noticed how big and heavy his apprentice was getting. He smiled proudly to himself. His son was growing up.
"Remember our last mission, when you fell into that big hole and you told me that there had been something inside that had tried to attack you?"
Obi-Wan nodded, his eyes red from crying.
"Well, that was Kiza. And the young man that I saved was you."
"And what happened to him?" the apprentice calmly asked after a brief pause. He burrowed deeper as Qui-Gon placed a blanket over him.
"He finally died. Master Yoda and I interrupted his ritual, and he was unable to feed upon your life-force before the moon set."
"And Master Skyla?"
"She's doing well, Padawan, and was released only a few hours ago," the Master said smiling, "When she initially woke up, the first thing she asked was about you, Obi-Wan. She wanted to know if you were safe, if you were all right, and she refused to go to her new quarters until she had seen you for herself. She was very worried about you, Padawan," Qui-Gon continued, making sure that the boy was comfortable. "She put up quite a fight against the creature. It was slowly feeding off of her, and it almost nearly killed her." the Master added solemnly.
"I almost died too," Obi-Wan added, it was a statement, not a question. "All I can remember was seeing a red flash of light, then darkness, and suddenly, I couldn't breath anymore. I remember the darkness feeling so very cold, and sounding so loud and angry that I couldn't even hear myself yell. But then, I heard a voice - your voice, Master - calling my name, calling out to me. And I followed it. The next thing I felt was warmth, quiet and peace."
"That was a close call, Obi-Wan. But you are all right now, and that is all that matters," Qui-Gon said reverently, dropping a soft kiss on the boy's forehead.
Obi-Wan smiled contentedly for the first time after a very trying week. Master Qui-Gon was finally here, with him. But, Obi-Wan had to ask him, he needed to know if what the creature had told him was true or not.
"Master?" he whispered, tilting he head to look up at Qui-Gon.
"Yes, Padawan?"
"When I was little, did you leave the Temple for seven years?" the apprentice asked, his eyes holding steady as he looked into the deep blue of his Master's.
The question took Qui-Gon completely by surprise. How could Obi-Wan have known about that? The only people who were aware of that incident were the Council and Skyla. No one else.
/Wait a minute. Skyla!/ he realized suddenly. If Kiza had used Skyla to get at Obi-Wan, he must have obtained that information by accessing Skyla's memories.
"Did Skyla tell you that?" Qui-Gon asked in a low, soft tone.
Obi-Wan nodded as he looked at his Master, expectant blue-green eyes awaiting an answer.
Qui-Gon paused as he looked at the boy in his arms. Then, with a nod, "I'm afraid it's true, little one," the Master admitted, his eyes full of sorrow.
"Why?" the apprentice asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
At first, Qui-Gon was unsure at what to answer. His reasons at the time had been so selfish and so self-motivating, he knew his reasons had been unJedi-like. Hundreds ran through the Jedi Master's mind, with hundreds of possible answers, all false. He remembered that, once before, he had tried to lie to Obi-Wan, without much success. Actually, with no success at all. /The best way to confront this is with the truth, Qui,/ the voice in his mind advised him, /He is old enough to understand what happened. And you owe him this, Jinn./
Qui-Gon took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts.
"Was it because of me?" the soft voice asked, almost inaudible.
The sudden unexpected question left the Master at loss for words. The deep sorrow in his Padawan's voice was so heartbreaking, so deeply touching, that Qui-Gon's vision blurred for a moment and his breathing became unsteady. But he knew he had no choice but to tell the truth. Qui-Gon looked down at the bundle of misery huddled against his chest, looking up at him. He knew he was the cause of Obi-Wan's misery. He had done this, he had inflected as much pain on this small being of light as much as Kiza had done.
The Master swallowed, allowing all his emotions to fill his eyes as he looked down at the blue-green gems that were Obi-Wan's, "I'm afraid that, in a way, I did leave because of you, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon responded, his voice hoarse with emotion.
Obi-Wan slowly lowered his eyes, but then quickly looked up at his Master.
"Then she...he...was right?" the Padawan whispered, sorrow and pain mirrored in his eyes as he sadly shook his head, "You don't want me?"
"Obi-Wan, no! That is not what I meant," the Jedi Master attempted to
explain, shaking his head as he desperately tried to blink the tears away.
Obi-Wan's pain-filled eyes looked steadily up at Qui-Gon, "All this time, I thought that you cared for me, that you...loved me. Was it all a lie, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, his body again beginning to tremble as his world began to crumble. He felt a deep, sharp pain imbed itself in his chest, sadly realizing that the dark creature had been telling the truth.
"Obi-Wan, my Obi-Wan, I do care very much about you," the Master said
hoarsely as he cupped Obi-Wan's face in one large hand, "And I do love you, my Padawan. Do not doubt that."
"Then why did you leave, Master? What did I do that was so wrong?" Obi-Wan pleaded, refusing to back down, to give up. He needed to know the answer in order to face his worst nightmares, to seek closure, to stop the pain.
Taking a deep agonizing breath, Qui-Gon nodded his head in surrender. "When I met you, I had just lost a Padawan, Xanatos, to the Dark Side. I felt betrayed," the Master began softly, "I was angry at him, angry at the world, but primarily I was angry at myself. I never stopped blaming myself for what had happened to that boy. He had been my responsibility. I was his Master, his teacher, his guide. But I was unable to control him. And I made the unforgivable mistake of blinding myself to his faults, his defects, and to all the anger that had been locked up inside him. Anger that one day exploded and devastated not only a family, but many other lives as well."
Qui-Gon paused for a moment as the memories of that event painfully resurfaced, and he once again experienced the turmoil of those heart-wrenching days. He sighed and continued, "Then, one night, as I was seeking peace and walking back to my quarters, I heard this frightened little voice calling out for his Mom. It was the voice of a three-year-old initiate who had somehow stranded himself on top of one of the highest slides in the playground."
Qui-Gon stopped as he looked down and observed his apprentice battling a small smile that was slowly tugging at the corner of his mouth. Smiling softly in return, the Master continued. "That three-year-old boy turned my life around and saved me from myself. I had been closing myself off, living in a world of self-pity and refusing to allow anyone to reach me. I built shields around myself, around my heart, not wanting to feel, not wanting to live. But even so, that little boy had no problem breaking through all those shields," the Master said, looking down, a soft smile brightening his face.
"Then and there I made a promise to myself that, one day, I was going to take care of that little boy and become his Master - no matter what. I promised myself that I was always going to be with him, to protect him. But, at that time, I only fulfilled half that promise," Qui-Gon confessed sadly, tightening the protective embrace around his apprentice, "I was only trying to protect you from myself, Obi-Wan, or at least that is what I believed. And I was planning on taking you as my Padawan when you turned six but, again, memories of what
had happened with Xanatos would come back to haunt me, and I would begin doubting myself once more. My doubts told me that if I had failed once as a Master, that there was the possibility that I would fail again. I had lost so much, but, mostly, I had lost faith in myself." Qui-Gon finished, bowing his head, his blue eyes dark and far away.
"But it wasn't your fault, Master," Obi-Wan spoke, his clear voice filled with love and reassurance, the same emotions displayed in his large blue-green eyes.
Qui-Gon looked at his apprentice and smiled, both amazed and proud. Obi-Wan was so very special. Even though he had battled demons of his own, been tortured, and had fought Kiza almost single-handedly, he still had the capacity to give love and comfort to those around him. He would make a wonderful Knight some day.
Holding the small frame once again against his chest, Qui-Gon rested his cheek on the boy's head and continued, "I know, Obi-Wan. *Now* I know. But at that time, all the wounds that I had sustained were still very fresh and very vivid. The betrayal had been so painful. And you were such a promising little boy... I was so very afraid of losing you, Obi-Wan."
"You were actually afraid of something?" the apprentice looked up in surprise, quiet innocence framing his eyes.
Qui-Gon couldn't help but laugh heartily. Obi-Wan would never change. Nor would he want him to.
"Of course, little one," the Master tapped his apprentice lightly on the nose, "I may be your Master and a Jedi, but I'm human as well."
"But, what could possibly scare you?" his Padawan asked seriously.
The Master grinned. Padawans had a tendency to idolize their Masters, thinking them immortal and invulnerable. This was far from the truth.
"There is one thing," the Master looked down at his apprentice, his eyes solemn and quiet, "that scares me most of all. To lose you, to no longer have you in my life. To lose your light, your warmth, and your love, and to be forced to live without them. This is what frightened me the most. There is nothing in the universe which scares me more, Obi-Wan, than the idea of losing you," the Master finished as he tenderly pressed his forehead to his apprentice's and then cradled Obi-Wan, holding his Padawan underneath his chin.
Obi-Wan sighed happily and melted into his Master's gentle embrace. He felt almost completely at peace. But, there was one final question he needed to ask.
"Master?" the slightly muffled voice asked, "Then...do you...do you still love me?"
Qui-Gon closed his eyes tightly as his throat constricted with emotion. He felt his chest ache at Obi-Wan's gentle question. He took a deep breath as a single tear ran down his cheek and onto Obi-Wan's soft hair. He lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss on the crown of his Padawan's head. In a low, soft voice he answered, "I have never, never, stopped loving you, my son. You are the reason why I get up every morning, and the reason I look forward to the day. I live to watch you grow and learn, to become the best Jedi you can be.
You are the most precious gift that life and the Force have blessed me with."
Obi-Wan smiled in contentment as he looked up, long lashes moist with tears. His Master's words had set him free. He took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. With the last of his fears vanishing, new tears began flowing from his eyes, but not from sorrow. Tears of happiness cascaded down his cheeks, happy in the knowledge that he was still loved by his Master. His heart swelled with joy and warmth knowing that he held a special place in Qui-Gon's heart. He softly sighed as he rested against his Master's warmth, listening to the large, loving heart beating soothingly against his ear -- the sound of warmth, the sound of love, the sound of home. He was at home. He had finally come home!
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, allowing sleep to slowly take him as the events of the past few weeks took their toll. He snuggled closer to his Master's large chest as he listened to the loving rhythm of his heart. Before completely falling into a deep, peaceful slumber, he managed to send one last message through their bond, which now vibrated brightly with love, joy and happiness.
//I love you, Dad// he said, a soft wave of warm emotion washing and enveloping both of them.
His eyes shining brightly and his heart filling with the joy that he shared with his Padawan, Qui-Gon peacefully smiled as he gently draped his cloak over the softly breathing form. Resting his cheeck on Obi-Wan's head, he closed his eyes.
//I love you too, my Obi-Wan,// he answered back, his arms circling his sleeping apprentice, //Sleep well, my Son. I am here now. Dad will always be here for you. Always.....//
The End!
Obi-Wan felt himself waking as a large hand softly raked through his hair. He struggled against consciousness. He had no wish to wake up, had no intention of talking with either Masters Depa or Mace. He just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't anyone understand that?
"But I thought, perhaps, you might be wanting some company, Padawan," a deep, familiar voice quietly asked him.
His eyes fluttering open, Obi-Wan turned to find his Master smiling down at him.
"How are you feeling, Obi-Wan?" the Master asked with a smile, his hand continuing to stroke Obi-Wan's spiky hair.
Perplexed, Obi-Wan just stared at him in disbelief, believing it to be a dream.
"Master?" he croaked as he attempted to rise up slightly. As he struggled to an upright position, he suddenly reached for his throat, and he began coughing raggedly. Unused to speaking, his throat had become very dry and very raw.
The Master quickly reached toward the night table and poured a glass of water. Placing his hand behind his apprentice's head, he supported his Padawan from the pillow as he carefully placed the straw to the boy's lips. He watched in concern as the boy began sipping the cool liquid. Obi-Wan looked so pale and thin.
Resting his head against the pillow once again, Obi-Wan briefly closed his eyes, allowing the coolness of the water to soothe his parched, dry throat. Re-opening his eyes, he looked up at his Master, a small smile of happiness briefly touching his eyes and lips. But then, the look of happiness soon faded, turning to one of sorrow. He winced inwardly as he recalled the words Master Skyla had said about Qui-Gon, and about the Master's reluctance to accept Obi-Wan as his apprentice. Sadness and despair radiated from the distressed youngster as tears began pooling in his large eyes.
The Master frowned in surprise at the sudden change in mood in his Padawan. He was shocked and distressed to be feeling such strong emotions coming from his apprentice. He wondered if Obi-Wan was still feeling pain as a result of his injuries, but the Healer's had assured him that the boy had been recovering nicely. He was beginning to wonder if the Healer's had been too optimistic, but pushed those thoughts aside as Obi-Wan weakly lifted one arm and placed it over Qui-Gon's hand. He looked at his Padawan, looking so small, so lost, so vulnerable. He watched the bright eyes slowly blink, and then observed as Obi-Wan's lower lip began to quiver.
Qui-Gon quickly reached out and enfolded the visibly distressed apprentice in a reassuring and tight embrace, holding the slight, trembling body against his chest. As he listened to Obi-Wan's soft sobs, he gently began rocking his Padawan as he soothingly rubbed the boy's back, softly murmuring, "Shhh, it's over, Obi-Wan. It's all over. I'm here for you."
"Don't go, Master. Please don't leave me," the Padawan softly wailed.
The Master momentarily stopped his rocking when he heard his Padawan's strange, strangled plea. There was so much pain in those words.
"Obi-Wan, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here with you. I am sorry that I wasn't here when you first awakened, but I was required to return to Fendar to finish some pending business," the Master explained patiently, "If I hadn't intervened, both factions on the planet would have gone to war. I was very fortunate that they were willing to wait for me. But, now, that is also over, my Padawan."
"I'll be good...I promise!" the young man continued, hiccuping as the words hitched in his throat.
The elder Jedi shook his head, trying to make sense of what his Padawan was saying, "You'll be 'good', Obi-Wan?"
"Yes," the young man nodded against Qui-Gon shoulder, "I-I know I haven't been...a good P-padawan, but I'll do b-better Master. I promise. J-just don't give up on me. Please....," he finished, coughing fitfully as he tightening his grip on his Master.
"Obi-Wan....," Qui-Gon began, trying to understand what his apprentice was talking about. But, Obi-Wan's words again interrupted him.
"You...you are m-my only fa-family, Master...a-a father to me," the distressed boy brokenly confessed, sobs and tears shaking the frail body.
Qui-Gon attempted to pull back, trying to look into his Padawan's distressed young face, but the Padawan stubbornly refused to ease his grip. "Obi-Wan, I'm not planning on giving up on you. I would never do that. Why would you even think it?" the Master asked, pulling back a little in order to place a hand to Obi-Wan's cheek and looking down into the tear-streaked face. "And, you are not a bad Padawan, not at all. You're the best and most talented Padawan I've ever had the honor to train."
"But Master Skyla said you thought I was...worthless. Not good enough to be a Jedi. And that you had left because you didn't want me anymore," Obi-Wan's voice hitched, breaking into tears once again as he buried his face in his Master's tunic.
Waves of despair, sorrow and hopelessness washed over Qui-Gon as he finally understood what Obi-Wan was talking about. This was what Kiza had meant by 'special treatment'. He had used Obi-Wan's own fears against him, had taunted him, tortured his innocent apprentice until he could longer resist. This also explained why the barrier had remained, imprisoning his Padawan after Kiza had died. It was Obi-Wan's emotions that had held and fed the dark barrier; fed by his dark emotions and held together by his doubts and nightmares.
"That wasn't Skyla, Padawan, that was Kiza who said those words."
"Who?" Obi-Wan asked, sniffling.
"Kiza is, was, a Hofu," the Master answered, "The Hofu have been known as 'creatures of darkness'. They have the capacity of calling forth upon their victims' worst fears, and then using them as a weapon. After their prey has been completely immobilized by their fear, the Hofu attack. They feed on the life-force of their victim's, but they prefer the stronger essence of Force-sensitives. As far as we know, Kiza was the last remaining survivor of the Hofu. The majority had been sought out and destroyed by families of their victims. The Jedi had tried many times to intervene and help the Hofu try to find other means of sustenance, but they refused to change their ways."
The Master stopped for a moment, looked down serenely at his apprentice, and then continued. "I ran across Kiza during one of our assignments, and found him trying to feed off a young force-sensitive. He vowed vengeance when I rescued his victim before he could fulfill his ritual feeding. Apparently, he decided to exact his vengeance on you, Padawan, deciding to take his revenge on me while feeding upon you at the same time. And he nearly succeeded. He knew that if he failed to succeed in completing the ritual before the last full moon set, he would die, meeting the same fate as the rest of his race," Qui-Gon said as he leaned back against the headboard, settling Obi-Wan into a more comfortable position on his lap. As he held his softly sniffling Padawan, he noticed how big and heavy his apprentice was getting. He smiled proudly to himself. His son was growing up.
"Remember our last mission, when you fell into that big hole and you told me that there had been something inside that had tried to attack you?"
Obi-Wan nodded, his eyes red from crying.
"Well, that was Kiza. And the young man that I saved was you."
"And what happened to him?" the apprentice calmly asked after a brief pause. He burrowed deeper as Qui-Gon placed a blanket over him.
"He finally died. Master Yoda and I interrupted his ritual, and he was unable to feed upon your life-force before the moon set."
"And Master Skyla?"
"She's doing well, Padawan, and was released only a few hours ago," the Master said smiling, "When she initially woke up, the first thing she asked was about you, Obi-Wan. She wanted to know if you were safe, if you were all right, and she refused to go to her new quarters until she had seen you for herself. She was very worried about you, Padawan," Qui-Gon continued, making sure that the boy was comfortable. "She put up quite a fight against the creature. It was slowly feeding off of her, and it almost nearly killed her." the Master added solemnly.
"I almost died too," Obi-Wan added, it was a statement, not a question. "All I can remember was seeing a red flash of light, then darkness, and suddenly, I couldn't breath anymore. I remember the darkness feeling so very cold, and sounding so loud and angry that I couldn't even hear myself yell. But then, I heard a voice - your voice, Master - calling my name, calling out to me. And I followed it. The next thing I felt was warmth, quiet and peace."
"That was a close call, Obi-Wan. But you are all right now, and that is all that matters," Qui-Gon said reverently, dropping a soft kiss on the boy's forehead.
Obi-Wan smiled contentedly for the first time after a very trying week. Master Qui-Gon was finally here, with him. But, Obi-Wan had to ask him, he needed to know if what the creature had told him was true or not.
"Master?" he whispered, tilting he head to look up at Qui-Gon.
"Yes, Padawan?"
"When I was little, did you leave the Temple for seven years?" the apprentice asked, his eyes holding steady as he looked into the deep blue of his Master's.
The question took Qui-Gon completely by surprise. How could Obi-Wan have known about that? The only people who were aware of that incident were the Council and Skyla. No one else.
/Wait a minute. Skyla!/ he realized suddenly. If Kiza had used Skyla to get at Obi-Wan, he must have obtained that information by accessing Skyla's memories.
"Did Skyla tell you that?" Qui-Gon asked in a low, soft tone.
Obi-Wan nodded as he looked at his Master, expectant blue-green eyes awaiting an answer.
Qui-Gon paused as he looked at the boy in his arms. Then, with a nod, "I'm afraid it's true, little one," the Master admitted, his eyes full of sorrow.
"Why?" the apprentice asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
At first, Qui-Gon was unsure at what to answer. His reasons at the time had been so selfish and so self-motivating, he knew his reasons had been unJedi-like. Hundreds ran through the Jedi Master's mind, with hundreds of possible answers, all false. He remembered that, once before, he had tried to lie to Obi-Wan, without much success. Actually, with no success at all. /The best way to confront this is with the truth, Qui,/ the voice in his mind advised him, /He is old enough to understand what happened. And you owe him this, Jinn./
Qui-Gon took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts.
"Was it because of me?" the soft voice asked, almost inaudible.
The sudden unexpected question left the Master at loss for words. The deep sorrow in his Padawan's voice was so heartbreaking, so deeply touching, that Qui-Gon's vision blurred for a moment and his breathing became unsteady. But he knew he had no choice but to tell the truth. Qui-Gon looked down at the bundle of misery huddled against his chest, looking up at him. He knew he was the cause of Obi-Wan's misery. He had done this, he had inflected as much pain on this small being of light as much as Kiza had done.
The Master swallowed, allowing all his emotions to fill his eyes as he looked down at the blue-green gems that were Obi-Wan's, "I'm afraid that, in a way, I did leave because of you, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon responded, his voice hoarse with emotion.
Obi-Wan slowly lowered his eyes, but then quickly looked up at his Master.
"Then she...he...was right?" the Padawan whispered, sorrow and pain mirrored in his eyes as he sadly shook his head, "You don't want me?"
"Obi-Wan, no! That is not what I meant," the Jedi Master attempted to
explain, shaking his head as he desperately tried to blink the tears away.
Obi-Wan's pain-filled eyes looked steadily up at Qui-Gon, "All this time, I thought that you cared for me, that you...loved me. Was it all a lie, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, his body again beginning to tremble as his world began to crumble. He felt a deep, sharp pain imbed itself in his chest, sadly realizing that the dark creature had been telling the truth.
"Obi-Wan, my Obi-Wan, I do care very much about you," the Master said
hoarsely as he cupped Obi-Wan's face in one large hand, "And I do love you, my Padawan. Do not doubt that."
"Then why did you leave, Master? What did I do that was so wrong?" Obi-Wan pleaded, refusing to back down, to give up. He needed to know the answer in order to face his worst nightmares, to seek closure, to stop the pain.
Taking a deep agonizing breath, Qui-Gon nodded his head in surrender. "When I met you, I had just lost a Padawan, Xanatos, to the Dark Side. I felt betrayed," the Master began softly, "I was angry at him, angry at the world, but primarily I was angry at myself. I never stopped blaming myself for what had happened to that boy. He had been my responsibility. I was his Master, his teacher, his guide. But I was unable to control him. And I made the unforgivable mistake of blinding myself to his faults, his defects, and to all the anger that had been locked up inside him. Anger that one day exploded and devastated not only a family, but many other lives as well."
Qui-Gon paused for a moment as the memories of that event painfully resurfaced, and he once again experienced the turmoil of those heart-wrenching days. He sighed and continued, "Then, one night, as I was seeking peace and walking back to my quarters, I heard this frightened little voice calling out for his Mom. It was the voice of a three-year-old initiate who had somehow stranded himself on top of one of the highest slides in the playground."
Qui-Gon stopped as he looked down and observed his apprentice battling a small smile that was slowly tugging at the corner of his mouth. Smiling softly in return, the Master continued. "That three-year-old boy turned my life around and saved me from myself. I had been closing myself off, living in a world of self-pity and refusing to allow anyone to reach me. I built shields around myself, around my heart, not wanting to feel, not wanting to live. But even so, that little boy had no problem breaking through all those shields," the Master said, looking down, a soft smile brightening his face.
"Then and there I made a promise to myself that, one day, I was going to take care of that little boy and become his Master - no matter what. I promised myself that I was always going to be with him, to protect him. But, at that time, I only fulfilled half that promise," Qui-Gon confessed sadly, tightening the protective embrace around his apprentice, "I was only trying to protect you from myself, Obi-Wan, or at least that is what I believed. And I was planning on taking you as my Padawan when you turned six but, again, memories of what
had happened with Xanatos would come back to haunt me, and I would begin doubting myself once more. My doubts told me that if I had failed once as a Master, that there was the possibility that I would fail again. I had lost so much, but, mostly, I had lost faith in myself." Qui-Gon finished, bowing his head, his blue eyes dark and far away.
"But it wasn't your fault, Master," Obi-Wan spoke, his clear voice filled with love and reassurance, the same emotions displayed in his large blue-green eyes.
Qui-Gon looked at his apprentice and smiled, both amazed and proud. Obi-Wan was so very special. Even though he had battled demons of his own, been tortured, and had fought Kiza almost single-handedly, he still had the capacity to give love and comfort to those around him. He would make a wonderful Knight some day.
Holding the small frame once again against his chest, Qui-Gon rested his cheek on the boy's head and continued, "I know, Obi-Wan. *Now* I know. But at that time, all the wounds that I had sustained were still very fresh and very vivid. The betrayal had been so painful. And you were such a promising little boy... I was so very afraid of losing you, Obi-Wan."
"You were actually afraid of something?" the apprentice looked up in surprise, quiet innocence framing his eyes.
Qui-Gon couldn't help but laugh heartily. Obi-Wan would never change. Nor would he want him to.
"Of course, little one," the Master tapped his apprentice lightly on the nose, "I may be your Master and a Jedi, but I'm human as well."
"But, what could possibly scare you?" his Padawan asked seriously.
The Master grinned. Padawans had a tendency to idolize their Masters, thinking them immortal and invulnerable. This was far from the truth.
"There is one thing," the Master looked down at his apprentice, his eyes solemn and quiet, "that scares me most of all. To lose you, to no longer have you in my life. To lose your light, your warmth, and your love, and to be forced to live without them. This is what frightened me the most. There is nothing in the universe which scares me more, Obi-Wan, than the idea of losing you," the Master finished as he tenderly pressed his forehead to his apprentice's and then cradled Obi-Wan, holding his Padawan underneath his chin.
Obi-Wan sighed happily and melted into his Master's gentle embrace. He felt almost completely at peace. But, there was one final question he needed to ask.
"Master?" the slightly muffled voice asked, "Then...do you...do you still love me?"
Qui-Gon closed his eyes tightly as his throat constricted with emotion. He felt his chest ache at Obi-Wan's gentle question. He took a deep breath as a single tear ran down his cheek and onto Obi-Wan's soft hair. He lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss on the crown of his Padawan's head. In a low, soft voice he answered, "I have never, never, stopped loving you, my son. You are the reason why I get up every morning, and the reason I look forward to the day. I live to watch you grow and learn, to become the best Jedi you can be.
You are the most precious gift that life and the Force have blessed me with."
Obi-Wan smiled in contentment as he looked up, long lashes moist with tears. His Master's words had set him free. He took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. With the last of his fears vanishing, new tears began flowing from his eyes, but not from sorrow. Tears of happiness cascaded down his cheeks, happy in the knowledge that he was still loved by his Master. His heart swelled with joy and warmth knowing that he held a special place in Qui-Gon's heart. He softly sighed as he rested against his Master's warmth, listening to the large, loving heart beating soothingly against his ear -- the sound of warmth, the sound of love, the sound of home. He was at home. He had finally come home!
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, allowing sleep to slowly take him as the events of the past few weeks took their toll. He snuggled closer to his Master's large chest as he listened to the loving rhythm of his heart. Before completely falling into a deep, peaceful slumber, he managed to send one last message through their bond, which now vibrated brightly with love, joy and happiness.
//I love you, Dad// he said, a soft wave of warm emotion washing and enveloping both of them.
His eyes shining brightly and his heart filling with the joy that he shared with his Padawan, Qui-Gon peacefully smiled as he gently draped his cloak over the softly breathing form. Resting his cheeck on Obi-Wan's head, he closed his eyes.
//I love you too, my Obi-Wan,// he answered back, his arms circling his sleeping apprentice, //Sleep well, my Son. I am here now. Dad will always be here for you. Always.....//
The End!