It took me three months to get the confusion to go away. I couldn't even go a day without worrying about him. I knew that Whistler was taking good care of him and that I should concentrate on getting all of my issues worked out so that I could go back. I knew that deep down when I went back it that would only be a matter of time before the choices were made and the prophecy fulfilled.
During the time I was away Whistler and I would have long talks in my dreams. He always was there to help me, I was grateful for that, I still am. Finally during one of our talks he told me it was time to come back. He knew I was getting restless and was just about ready I just needed to hear the words. He told me that Angel was having the same reaction. He needed me there as much as I needed to be there. So I spent just a few more days in the solitude of my Paris apartment, looking out at the lights and finally all of the confusion was gone. I realized that I was his friend, and if Buffy was his choice or even one of the thousands of girls that would be trying to get his attention I would just have to be there for him. I guess it was the one thing that I could do for him. He had given me a purpose and a reason to live for the last 250 years and this was what I had to do for him.
I packed my bags that night and the next morning I was on the first flight back to LA, leaving behind the beautiful lights of the Paris night behind me. I was going home. Home is such a funny word when you think about it. I have lived for two and a half centuries and I have only had a home once. I have stayed plenty of places and had many apartments, but never a home. I realized then that my home was where he was, that what made a home was family, and him, Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn were my family. Not since I left mine behind on a ship bound for England have I felt that I had a family. I just hoped that they were able to forgive me for abandoning them. I didn't even go back to my apartment; I went straight to Angel Investigations where I knew they would all be. Whistler and I had a little conversation on my trip back from Paris and he knew that I would be going there.
I exited my car and walked nervously to the door. I didn't even feel this nervous when I first made contact with them. I walked through the door and all of the conversation seemed to stop. They all just looked at me. Whistler was the first to approach and he enveloped me into a hug. I returned his hug. Silently thanking him with everything in my being for his kindness in this situation. I looked nervously around the office, I had hopes that Whistler had gave them a hint that I was coming back, but it didn't look like I had been that lucky. No one really knew what to say and I couldn't look Angel in the eye. I stood there staring at the floor wringing my hands hoping that they accepted me back into their family with open arms. It was then that Angel took a few steps towards me and in a gentle voice almost as if he were afraid I would run away, "Did you get everything figured out that you needed to?" I looked at him with a small smile and then I wrinkled my brow. I was relieved that he was so gentle and it seemed as if he was going to accept me back into the group, but if I told him the truth, that even though I had reached a conclusion and I knew was there I really hadn't solved anything, so I said, "Not really, but I felt it was time to come back anyway. This is where I need to be, and I have less confusion than I did before." He smiled at my honesty; he always liked that. It was then that he advanced on me and enveloped me in a hug. This really shocked me because we had never shown any type of affection towards one another. We would talk but never touch, like there was some sort of forbidden barrier between us. While he held me close he proceeded to shock me even more. He whispered into my hair, "I missed you."
I have never been one to show too much emotion and I never let him see me cry, so when I pulled back and realized that tears had formed in my eyes and were beginning to spill over onto my cheeks I quickly wiped them away and gave him brilliant smile and said, "I missed you too" He smiled at that. The others followed his lead since he was the patriarch of this little makeshift family. And I was welcomed back with open arms. I really had come home.
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