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I am exhausted. The Senate session did not go well at all. The bureaucracy has once again prevented justice from being done. If you tried to tell me that Padmé managed five complete sentences in there, I'd call you a liar. The only thing she did manage was a vote of no confidence in the Chancellor, and I don't think she really feels good about that. Personally, I wonder what it can possibly accomplish. At least with Valorum there we had a supporter in the most visible position of power in the Republic. Someone with the resources to help us, even if only by sending a pair of Jedi to save our lives and get us here to plead our case. But it is not my job to question Padmé or point out where her decisions may not be entirely sound. She did the only thing she could do and she did it well, with courage and confidence and strength. I honestly don't know what else she could have done.
Now that we're no longer in any danger and it looks as though our mission here has failed, the situation on Naboo is suddenly looming over us all again. I keep thinking about Yané and Saché and wondering if they're alright. And what about my family? It's possible that they may be somewhat overlooked. Who cares about simple farmers? But the Trade Federation is ruthless and the fear I feel for my family and friends and everyone on Naboo makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm trying not to think about it. The important thing for me now is to keep alert and focused to protect Padmé. But then Padmé is safe in a soft chair in the next room thinking over the Senate session while my family and friends are facing who-knows-what back on Naboo, surrounded by mindless, heartless, heavily armed droids.
Deep breath, Rabé, deep breath.
I cannot do this. I am so afraid. It isn't like being afraid that I won't pass my physical examinations or that people will laugh at the way I talk–those fears are real, too. But this is something else entirely. I never knew real fear until the Trade Federation showed up around our planet. I feel helpless and hopeless and just...sick. The fear I feel is almost physical.
I want to go home and I want to hide and I want to wring the neck of the Trade Federation Viceroy and I want to beg him to stop and I don't know what I really want except for it to be over.
No–actually, I do know what I want:
I want peace.
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