Dawn Watch
Severus stalked down to the dungeons as fast as he could, not daring to look behind him. Brushing aside several of the newer Slytherins, eager to kiss up to their head of house, he stormed into his office and slammed the door behind him, upsetting some of the papers that had been laying on the edge of his desk. As he bent to pick them up he mumbled to himself, "Just popped in out of nowhere, what does she think she's doing, upset my life all over again, just when I was finally getting it back together!" After he had straightened the pile of papers he stood up and replaced them on the edge of the desk. Then, seized by a sudden fit of fury he knocked them off again so they fell to the floor in a frenzied shower.
Feeling helpless he slammed his fists on the desktop. He suddenly felt like a caged animal being baited by a pitchfork. A nasty voice sounded in the back of his head, fool, you're a fool, she's never given you a second thought, she's just here to help her father. She wants nothing to do with you; she wouldn't even look at you during dinner. Severus felt crushed, surely this was the truth, but then he heard another voice, but you couldn't look at her either, you won't know her true feelings until she chooses to reveal them.
Severus pressed his hands to the side of his head, trying to stop the endless flow of voices in his head telling him everything from she'll spit in your face the next time she sees you, to, she still loves you, she's just afraid you don't love her. Desperate to calm his throbbing head, Severus began rifling through his desk drawers for a sleeping potion.
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Actually Severus's last thought was fairly accurate, which was what caused Deidra to stop dead in her tracks on her way toward the dungeons.
She had been mentally pushing herself along, telling herself that this was the best way to handle things, but she stopped in the middle of the stairs down to the first floor, her head dizzy with doubt. What if he wanted nothing to do her. Or worse, what if seeing her caused him too much pain. She'd seen the way he'd behaved at dinner and had behaved the same way, partly from shock, she had not known he was a teacher here. Partly to spare him any embarrassment that the situation might have caused him. She had decided during dinner that it would be better for everyone if she and Severus worked out their discomforts privately, and at first she had thought that the sooner the matter was dealt with, the better.
But now as she saw herself entering his dungeon, and his life again, she wasn't sure that sooner was necessarily better. After all, she had no way of predicting how he would receive he privately. It was clear, at least for the present, that when in public, he wished to deny any prior affiliation. But when it was just the two of them, there was no way of knowing how he would react. There was a range of responses infinitely long, and Deidra had seen no inclination in his behavior to indicate which it would be.
Even a moment's hesitation would have been enough to brake Deidra's resolve, and, feeling very defeated, she turned on the stairs and headed back up toward her room.
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Severus had literally torn his office and bedroom apart and still he could not find his flask of sleeping potion. He knew he would not be able to sleep tonight without it. There was too much on his mind. Well actually there was only one thing on his mind, Deidra, but she was taking up every inch of thought he had. He also knew that he would not have the patience or concentration needed to brew another sleeping potion. He'd probably end up turning himself into a classroom stool with his luck.
So, feeling quite defeated, Severus threw himself into his desk chair and tried with all his might to think of anything other than Deidra Dumbledore.
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Deidra slipped back into her room, feeling as though she might sink into the floor. Why was fate so cruel. Now, at this most crucial moment in her life she was forced to come face to face with the man she had spent the last sixteen years trying to forget, and who she was sure desperately wanted to forget her. They had hurt each other to the core.
Sometimes Deidra thought that if someone were to have an x-ray taken of her they would be able to see the gaping hole where she was supposed to have had a heart. The repercussions of her relationship with Severus Snape had turned her into a walking dead who wanted only to go on with her life avoiding all contact with anyone. She had almost achieved that goal, but for her father. He, unlike every other person who had occupied a place in her heart or mind, had refused to be pushed away. And now that she thought about it, Deidra was glad he had resisted her aloofness. For it was this last human contact that now allowed Deidra a second chance at life, and maybe love.
Deidra looked around at the satiny darkness of her room and tried to embrace the thought of emptiness. But it would not take, and in the end she settled for planting herself on her window seat, staring into the star-pocked darkness, standing watch for the golden dawn and the answers to her endless questions.