An Unexpected Forgiveness
Severus had tried everything short of ramming himself into the wall head first, but still he was unable to get any rest and it showed the next day in class.
"Potter, I thought I told you not to work with Miss Granger, for once! Twenty points from Gryffindor and detentions for both of you! And if I hear anything from either of you, or you Mr. Weasley, for that matter, I shall continue to add detentions to your present sentences. Now everyone, back to work, you're in class, not the cinema!"
Every student at Hogwarts stayed clear of Snape that day, and word got around the castle fast that the potions master was inches away from blowing everyone up.
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Deidra had fallen asleep on her window seat and only awoke when the sound of persistent tapping reached her ears and her exhausted mind connected the sound with the possibility of someone knocking on her door. Very slowly she got up and inched her way to the door, every muscle in her body stiff from her night vigil. When she opened the door she was surprised to see her father standing outside.
"Father, lord what time is it?" Dumbledore smiled broadly and lifted his left wrist to check his watch. "Oh I'd say it's just about lunch time, feel like some?" Deidra thought for a moment and discovered a rumbling in her gut that answered her father's question for her. "Sure, I could do with something to eat, just give a moment to change my cloths." Dumbledore nodded and Deidra shut the door to allow herself some privacy. Going to her trunk that now stood at the foot of her bed, she flung it open and rifled in it for something warm to wear under her wizards robe.
She settled for a pair of dark pants and a dark green cashmere v-neck sweater. Over that she pulled on her royal purple wizard robe and quickly checked herself in the mirror. She didn't have much time, so she settled for bending down and shacking her hair out vigorously before straightening up and pushing it behind her shoulders. Smoothing out her robe she opened the door and stepped out.
Dumbledore smiled at her and patted her shoulder; "We must get you an alarm clock, so that you won't miss breakfast everyday." He started off down the corridor and Deidra fell in step behind him shaking her head. Hopefully I won't be up ever night worrying until my head collapses.
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Severus arrived at the lunch table after everyone else. He was careful to sit all the way at the end of the table, thereby putting some distance, namely professors Sprout, Flitwick, Vector, and Hagrid between himself and Deidra.
He ate as quickly as possible then made straight for the dungeons. Deidra watched his back slowly recede with a heavy sadness. Why did he have to be so dejecting toward her? He hadn't even been able to look at her since she'd arrived.
Deidra didn't know what to do, so she decided that the best thing to do would be to start doing the job she was here for, help run and maintain Hogwarts so that her father could be free to pursue more important matters. Well, she thought, What should I do first? The truth was she didn't know what should could do at this moment, there seemed to be no problems with the students, staff, or facility at present.
Shrugging her shoulders Deidra stood up and made to leave. "Where are you headed?" Asked professor McGonagall. "Well," Deidra said, turning back around to face Minerva, "I can't see anything productive I can do at present, so I thought I'd look into getting myself a book to occupy myself." "Oh, well if you're looking for a good read, perhaps I could recommend something." "Thank you, but I think I kind of have something already in mind." Deidra smiled at Minerva and waved to her father before turning around again and leaving the hall.
It wasn't that she wouldn't have appreciated Minerva's suggestions, because in fact she really didn't have anything particular in mind. It was just that she was really anxious to get out of that stuffy, noisy hall. In fact, she was in such a hurry to find some peace and quiet, that she didn't notice the dark clad figure leaning in the shadows on the opposite wall.
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Though Severus had intended to go right back and continue holing up in his dungeon, when he had gotten outside the hall and some of the pressure and insecurity he always felt when he was around Deidra had subsided, an idea struck him. If he waited for her to come out, and then followed her without her knowing he might be able to figure out what she was doing here. It was the ideal situation, at the ideal time, on the ideal day. He had no class after lunch on Thursday, and by hurrying out as fast as he could, everyone would assume that he was back in his dungeons, and so she would not think to be wary of him.
He waited a good fifteen to twenty minutes before she came out. Not even glancing in his direction she turned right and up the stairs. Waiting till she had reached to top and gone off to the right, he then followed, careful to stay just far back enough to see where she was going. He followed her to the library and then inside. However he made the mistake of turning away to check on Madame Pince, after all it do no good to have rumors circulating that he was stalking the Headmaster's daughter in his spare time. So when he looked back Deidra had already disappeared in among the shelves. But rather than turn back now he chose rather to go in after her, after all, he would most likely have enough time to hide himself should he come upon her unexpectedly.
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By the time Deidra had reached the library she had made up her mind to look in the restricted section. Not because she was looking for anything particular, but because as a young girl the restricted section had always been off limits, so now she wanted to see what it was like. Without even glancing at Madame Pince she headed straight back into the shelves of the restricted section, because after all, they were only restricted to students, and she was no longer a student.
Stopping at the beginning of the first aisle she turned left, squeezing between the narrow rows she began to run her fingers along the leather bindings of the books as she had used to do in her father's library at home. Pausing here and there to examine a particular book more closely, it took her some time to get through the first row. Not finding anything that looked particularly interesting, she moved on to the second row.
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It didn't take long for Severus to find her. There were only a few students in the library, most had classes. He listened and quickly picked up the soft sound of her shoes scraping against the carpet. Following the sound he found himself approaching the restricted section. Careful to stay a row behind the her, he watched Deidra through the gaps in the shelves.
She had stopped and was bent over a red leather book. He decided that it might be safe to come around to her row, as long as he stayed close to the aisle, if she looked up he could duck back. Only, when he was standing several yards behind her he became intrigued as to what she was reading. She seemed so involved, surely if he just quickly looked over her shoulder she wouldn't notice. Before he even realized it, his body had acted on his thoughts, bringing him only a foot or so away from Deidra's back.
Severus tried to get back before she turned and saw him. But as he was retreating he knocked his elbow on the shelf and before he could get out of the aisle Deidra had turned toward him.
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Deidra heard the thud of bone on wood and turned to see who was behind her. But she never would have suspected to see who she found. Severus Snape with a look on his face much like the boy who's just been caught trying to eavesdrop on his parents conversation. Before she could stop herself her hands flew to her face, dropping the book she'd been holding.
Both people, trying to avoid the other's eyes bent at the same time for the fallen book. But instead of touching the book as both intended, their hands brushed. Deidra straightened abruptly while Severus retrieved the book and replaced it on the shelf. When he turned back he saw Deidra's eyes brimming with tears. Her lower lip was trembling and she seemed to be trying to focus on anything but him.
He fought to keep himself from turning and fleeing, after all, this had to be dealt with, and they had come this far. All of a sudden Deidra's hands crossed the distance between them and grasped the front of his robes. He expected her to shake him or slap him, or scream. He had not expected her to pull him close to her so that her face was directly against his chest. He had not expected her to sob against his shirt and he heard her voice, not angry or enraged, but distraught. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, can you forgive me, can you ever forgive me for what I did to you, I didn't know."
Before he realized it, Severus's body had betrayed him yet again. He had placed his arms on her back automatically, gently rubbing her back, trying to sooth her. As soon as he became aware of it, he knew what a mistake he'd made. In all those hours in his rooms he'd imagined their first confrontation to be a total war. He'd imagined himself reducing her to tears with recollections of how he'd suffered after she left him. He'd imagined she'd fight back, as she'd always done. He'd imagined them both walking away filled with bitterness and hatred.
But now as he held his only love in his arms while she cried and begged his forgiveness he felt nothing but relief. Relief that the one he loved was where she should be, in his arms. While he held her, trying to soothe her, Severus felt every ounce of resolve weaken, and he laid his cheek against the top of her head and began to cry himself.