Strange Conversations: Stranger Actions
As they kissed Severus felt as though he was suspended in space, suspended in time. All at once it seemed as if it had been an eternity since he had last held Deidra in his arms, and at the same moment it felt as though it had only been a day. Only a day since he had returned from that Death Eater rally to find that Deidra's room was empty and that she had left… for good.
There had been no note, no explanation, no hint and Severus had thought he'd lost her forever. He remembered standing in the middle of that empty room for hours. That had been the first time in his life he'd ever cried.
Now if felt as though he were still standing there and Deidra had just walked back in. It had all been a big hoax, she wasn't really going anywhere, she was still his. But then Severus opened his eyes. Yes Deidra was there, yes they were kissing. But they weren't in her old room; they were in his dungeon classroom. And they were both much older, each one aged far beyond their years by the pain they had caused one another.
He pulled away and reached up to touch her hair. "It's so much darker than the last time I saw you." He said, running his fingers through a stray lock. Deidra smiled and pulled the strand away and looked at it, as though for the first time. "It is darker. I never really paid attention, must be from all those years working outside." She ran her hand down the side of Severus's face, "You haven't changed much though." Severus shrugged, "No, most of my changes happened on the inside, not out."
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While they'd stood holding each other they'd been oblivious to time, so it was quite a shock when they heard the clocks all around the school chime the dinner hour. Deidra gave a cry of dismay. "Oh, I completely forgot!" "What?" Severus asked. "I'm supposed to be up there," Deidra made a frustrated gesture toward the dungeon ceiling. "Father said that he was going to introduce me to the students tonight at dinner."
Severus let go of her looking a little perplexed, "Introduce you as what?" He said not quite sure what Deidra was talking about. "Oh lord, you mean he didn't tell the teachers yet either?" Deidra looked at Severus who shook his head. She sighed; this was going to make it even worse. "The reason I came was father asked me to come and help him run the school, kind of temporary headmistress, until something's done about Lord Voldemort. Since the ministry won't even believe that he's back father needs to take action now, before Voldemort starts his attacks again. But he can't do that if he has the school to worry about as well. So I here to take care of all the domestic matters regarding to school and assist with the protection of the students and grounds." Severus dropped his arms and looked at her, "but why didn't he just have Minerva take over, she is deputy headmistress?" Deidra shrugged, "He may need Minerva's help, and if the school were to be attacked while father was away there's no guarantee that she could hold off the attack. My father believes that I can, though there are moments when I seriously doubt him."
Deidra turned and made for the door; "well we'd better start heading up then?" "No, I really don't feel like dinner, got too much on my mind. It's funny, ever since I knew you were here my head's felt like it's just about ready to explode and I thought that if we resolved this, one way or another, I'd have some piece. Well we've resolved it, but my mind still feels over full." Deidra laughed and turned around, "I know, mine too. Well if you're not coming then should I come back here after dinner?" Severus looked down, pretending to examine a nearby desk, "It's up to you, I'm not going to be going anywhere." She smiled and shook her head, as though she were dealing with an uneasy child. She walked back over to him and lifted her chin with her hand. She kissed him lightly on the lips and whispered, "Then I'll see you in an hour or less." With that she turned and walked out the door.
Severus stood stock-still. He shakily brought his fingers to his lips, the lips she had kissed. He examined the front of his robes, they were still wet from her tears and they still smelled of freesia. For a moment Severus thought he'd never wear or wash these robes again. So they would always hold the moisture of her tears and carry her scent. Then, coming to his senses he laughed to himself and thought, why bother, from now on you have the original, what need is there for mementos.
With that thought in mind he rushed through his study to his bedroom. Scanning the room rapidly he found what he was looking for. He strode over to his nightstand and picked up the pouch that lay on it. Inside were the lock of hair, and piece of fabric that had belonged to Deidra, along with the ring.
Stuffing the ring in his pocket he took the pouch over to the fireplace. He held it out, ready to throw it in thinking to himself, no more nights of wretched remembrance, no more sorrow over a ruined past. But he found he could not do it, the things inside that tiny pouch had changed his life in so many ways, perhaps it was better to keep them. Yes he would keep them, so as to never forget what a fool he'd been, and how much it had cost him.
Turning his back on the fireplace he walked back to his bed and placed the pouch under his pillow.
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Deidra rushed up the stairs and through the halls to the great hall. She managed to slip in the side door to the teacher's table just as Dumbledore had told the students to sit down. He heard her rushing up the steps and looked over. He smiled when he saw her. Her face was flustered from her run through the halls; her hair was in a disarray and she was breathing hard.
She all but threw herself into the chair next to him and slumped over her empty plate. Dumbledore bent down and whispered in her ear, "shall I introduce you now, or wait till you've recovered a bit?"
Deidra sighed and pulled her head up just so that she was audible and said, "might as well be now. I not likely to recover much during the course of this meal." Dumbledore straightened and chuckled to himself, his daughter did have a tendency to be over dramatic, just like her mother, and this was just another case.
Turning to face the students he raised his hands for silence. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. As you will recall I told you all at the end of last year, that Lord Voldemort has returned. Since that time, the ministry has chosen to take no action, so, it falls to me and my fellow teachers to do all we can to ensure the safety of you, and all the other members of the wizarding world. For me to carry on a full fight against Voldemort and his forces as well as continuing to function as headmaster of this school would be to compromise your safety, as well as the safety of those who are helping me fight Lord Voldemort. It is because that I have found a person to fulfill the post of Headmistress for as long as I am required to split my attention between the school and Lord Voldemort. I will in turn, take up the position of deputy Headmaster until the time comes when I can once again devote my full attention to the school. Until that time, I have invited my daughter, Deidra Dumbledore, to come and stay with us at Hogwarts and be a surrogate Headmistress."
When Dumbledore finished his speech there was not a sound to be heard in the great hall. Every face was turned to Dumbledore and the young woman sitting next to him. Deidra covered her head, which was still slumped on the table, with her hands and groaned.
Minerva, who had been the only other person who'd been privy to this decision leaned over and tapped Deidra on the shoulder, "I think you'd better sit up and look a little more lively dear, you're quite the center of attention." "I know," Deidra moaned again. But she lifted her head, and when she did she appeared to be the ultimate picture of calm and composure.
Deidra stood up beside her father and turned to face the students. As she turned Dumbledore caught a glance at her, and though no one else saw it, for a moment she had the look of a prisoner about to face the firing squad. Looking out over the sea of faces. Swallowing a large amount of air she tried to think of something to say. She'd been a student once herself, for a brief span and she remembered how much it bored and annoyed her when teachers stud up a talked at her, especially when she was ready to eat. But Deidra also wanted to make it clear that, although it was only temporary, for the time being, she was the Headmistress of Hogwarts.
Exhaling the breath that she'd only just realized she was holding she began to speak in what she hoped was a stern, but soothing voice, for these students were obviously quite taken aback by her father's announcement. "I was a student at Hogwarts myself once, and can identify with just about each and every one of you. So it is with that knowledge that I ask you all to give me your full cooperation throughout this year. We are all of us in a new and different situation. I promise you that I will do my utmost to see that at every moment you are all safe and able to carry on as much of your normal routine as possible. All I ask in return is that you cooperate fully with any measures I may take in the future to ensure safety and security. I also ask that some of you put aside your private entanglements in favor of general safety and productivity." At this her eyes flashed to the Gryffindor table and then to the Slytherin table.
With that she plopped down on her seat and looked pleadingly at her father who extended his hands out over the table and shouted, "Gourme Ates!" and all over the hall plates started to fill with food. Deidra caught her father's eye and mouthed the words "Thank you"
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While the students stuffed their faces there was a great deal of talk about this new Headmistress. Over at the Gryffindor table Fred, George, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Lee, and Neville were all talking about her. "I like her," said George, "She's really pretty." "Yeah!" All he other boys agreed at once. "I bet she's really smart," said Hermione, who was glancing up at the teacher's table, "and she must be a very powerful wizard too." "What makes you say that?" Said Harry, looking at the table with new interest. "Well, she is Dumbledore's daughter, and he's the most powerful wizard there is." "But Hermione," Ron interrupted, "We all know that just because a parent has a lot of magic, doesn't mean their kid does too. I mean she could be a squib, or just a really bad wizard." "But Dumbledore said that more or less that he had to make sure that every one in the castle was protected incase he wasn't able to. That means that she's got to be really powerful, because he's trusting her with his job." Hermione leaned back in triumph. "She's got a point," said Neville before diving back into his food.
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Deidra barely picked at her food, despite worried looks from both Dumbledore and McGonagall. She forced down a few bites before pulling back from the table and heading for the door. "Where are going?" Dumbledore asked, looking a little anxious. "Oh, I've still got some unpacking to do," she said waving him off, "and I want to get to bed early so I can catch breakfast tomorrow." That got a laugh from her father, and Deidra took it as her cue to slip back out the side door.
She made her way back through the halls to the dungeons, but a little slower this time. When she got down the stairs to the dungeons and Severus's classroom she didn't even pause, but opened the door and walked right in.
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Severus heard the opening and closing of a door from inside his study and went out into the classroom to see who it was. He found Deidra leaning against the door looking somewhat out of sorts. She held out an arm to him and he came and enfolded her in his arms. "How do you stand it, all those faces staring at you, probing you. And that hall, it's like a beehive with all that buzzing."
She laid her head on his shoulder and allowed herself to relax in his hold. Severus laughed softly into her hair and said, "You get used to the staring, and the hall, well that just becomes a necessary evil." That made Deidra laugh too, and she buried her face deeper into his shoulder. "I believe we were going to talk," Severus muttered against her head. "Yes, we were, weren't we"
But before either of them had a chance to say anything else they were interrupted by a loud knock on the classroom door and the voice of a girl saying "Professor Snape, professor, we're here for our detentions." Severus groaned and let go of Deidra. Shaking his head he gestured toward the door and the two students behind it, "This too, becomes a necessary evil."
Opening the door Severus glared down at the figures of Harry and Hermione. "Did I tell you to come tonight after dinner to serve your detentions." "No professor, but that's usually when you have us serve them, and since you didn't give us a specific time we figured…" Harry faltered, and Snape took advantage so as to move them on their way quickly. "You figured that I was at your disposal to serve your detentions when you were ready, because we all know perfectly well that you're only here because you have nothing better to do tonight and you wanted to get your detentions out of the way before something did come up. Well I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you Mr. Potter, but I have a prior engagement this evening so you will both have to serve you detentions some other time." With that Severus started to shut the door on them, but Hermione just had time to see Deidra standing a little ways behind Snape before he shut the door.
"That was a bit harsh, don't you think," Deidra said, giving Severus a mock look of sternness.
"Not at all. We were busy and they intruded." Severus locked the door this time and walked back over the where Deidra was standing.
She put her arms around his neck again and asked, "why lock the doors, do you plan on doing something that would be indecorous?"
Severus let out a snort, "no, like I'd ever have the chance in this place. It's just that I'd rather not have any more interruptions and certain teachers are not inclined to knock, they just walk right in."
"And it would be so terrible if they saw us together?" Deidra pulled away a little bit, not liking what Severus was hinting at.
Severus reached up and smoothed some of the hair back from Dedira's face, "Not terrible for you, but for me, I'm a marked man you know."
"What's that supposed to mean." Deidra had completely extracted herself from Severus's arms now and gave him an accusing stare.
Severus shrugged his shoulders, "Deidra, we both know I used to, emphasis on used to, be a Death Eater. That means whether or not I've changed the kind of person I am, I still have this to always remind me, and everyone else that I committed the most terrible crime known today in the wizarding world. I betrayed it."
"But you're not, you didn't, betray anyone." Deidra had a tormented look on her face now, how can he say that we both know that he was never really on Voldemort's side. Though I didn't find that out till too late.
"How do you know what I did and didn't do. If I recall correctly, you weren't present during that period of my life." Severus looked away from her, his voice full of bitterness.
"Father told me on one of his visits home what you were about, that you were really acting as spy for us." She reached out and touched his shoulder, "I could have killed myself after that, I had thrown away all my happiness before I even knew what was going on. I should have talked to you first and not relied on second hand information."
Severus turned back around and looked into her eyes, "then why didn't you come back. After you knew I wasn't really a Death Eater, why didn't you come back?"
Deidra lowered her head, shame written on every part of her body, "the truth was, I thought if I came back you'd hate me. I totally misjudged you, and I didn't even have the nerve to tell you I was leaving, I just slipped away like the coward I am."
Severus tilted her chin up and shook his head, "We've both made grave mistakes my dear, that left us vast scars on our hearts and this on my arm." He extended his left arm and pulled his sleeve back, exposing the dark mark on his forearm.
He'd expected Deidra to look away, to be horrified, as everyone else who'd ever seen it had. But she didn't, she stared straight at it, her face full of concentration. A few moments later she looked up at Severus's face again, and he was surprised to see a smile on he face. And it was not one of smugness, or disdain, it was a genuine warm smile.
Taking his arm in both her hands, she said, more to herself than Severus, "Well, at least I can make up for some of the mistakes I've made."
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Severus felt a chill run through him as Deidra began to move her hands along his arm, just like the dream, he thought, and closed his eyes. Just like in the dream Severus's arm began to warm under her touch. Only this time Severus didn't wake up, and his arm grew warmer and warmer, until it was almost burning.
He tried to pull away, but she held his arm firm in both of hers. He opened his eyes then to see Deidra's eyes fixed on his scar, her face screwed up with concentration, muttering words he didn't understand. He looked down at his arm and saw that she held it with her right hand, and had her left palm suspended in the air just a few inches above his dark mark. And to his great surprise and horror, the mark was glowing a blinding white. And just before he felt himself about to loose consciousness he dimly connected the source of his pain with the his glowing scar. But before he could do anything else his vision began to blur and his knees started to buckle.