Difficult Orders
Deidra awoke to a tumultuous pounding. Unsure if it was merely her own head or something outside she sat up. As her vision cleared she noted that she was laying a moderately large four poster bed which was not her own. She also could make out a slumped figure leaning on one of the foot posts.
A moment later the figure at the base of the bed was roused by the sound of the knocking as well. When he straightened Deidra could see that it was Severus and reasoned from that that she must be in Severus's room. She looked up at Severus and could tell from the look on his face that he'd been there all night. He opened his mouth to speak, but before anything could come out the pounding on the door was joined by the call of a young boy, "Professor? Professor? We've got a situation in the common room, Professor!"
Severus looked at the door and seemed to finally comprehend the situation. Glancing over his shoulder he shouted, "Is anyone dead or dying?"
"No." Said the voice from behind the door.
Severus sighed in disgust, "Then it can wait a few moments, can't it Malfoy."
"Well I guess," the voice was a little bit uneasy now.
"Good, then return to the common room and I shall be there shortly." Severus had turned to face the door now, and though Deidra could not see his face she knew it read agitation quite clearly.
"Right Professor." And then the sound of receding footsteps could be heard in the corridor outside the door. Severus turned back to face Deidra; "You have to get back to your room, now, before anyone finds you here."
Deidra had swung her legs over the side of the bed and slid off it to the floor. "What's the hurry, I think there's still about a half hour till breakfast." She stretched and stood up.
Severus smiled in spite of himself. It was something no one would ever expect to see. Deidra Dumbledore, her hair a mess, her robes wrinkled and her eyes crusted with sleep and dried tears. Even he had thought it was impossible. Deidra was always so neat, so on top of things and in control that he'd thought she'd just pop out of bed ready made for another day, everything in perfect order.
Deidra clearly didn't share his amusement of the situation, for she put her hands on her hips and said in a rather short tone, "What?!"
That snapped Severus out of his private humor. Returning to his earlier frenzied state, he rushed Deidra toward the fireplace. The pounding on his door had returned and Severus knew it was only a matter of moments before the student became impatient and went to find someone else. Trying to keep his voice as low as possible he pointed toward the jar of powder next to the fireplace and whispered, "go, now, before someone sees you."
Deidra shrugged, she was too tired to challenge Severus right now, though she couldn't see what difference it would make if someone saw her in his room. Slowly, because she was stiff from her efforts last night, she bent down and grabbed a hand full of powder from the jar and threw it into the fire. She whispered, "Headmaster's guest room," and stepped into the fire. Severus just had time to see the last bit of her purple robes vanish into the flames before he turned back to the door and opened it.
Outside stood a bony boy with pale blonde hair, he had a smug look of triumph on his face which made Severus uneasy. "This way professor, quickly. Two of the first years had a book from the restricted section and they started fighting over it, the common room's a mess." Snape sneered and gestured for Malfoy to lead on, he was in no mood for this, but it was unavoidable.
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Stepping out of her own fireplace Deidra still felt a little dazed. As a rule she hated flue powder, but she had to admit at this moment that it did have its uses. Turning to face the full-length mirror that stood on the opposite side of the room, she took in her appearance for the first time that morning, and, just as Severus had, she laughed. But she didn't laugh for the same reasons. She was laughing because, as she took in her appearance, memories of the last two days came flooding back, and she laughed from sheer exhaustion. Like a runner who's just finished a tremendously long race and feels like he's going to die, and he laughs because even if he did does, he's made it.
Shedding her disheveled clothing she went over to her chest and found some new ones. Today she picked a close fitting, calf length skirt, a cream colored blouse, and simple black work robes. She also found her bottle of lotion and, before rushing out the door to breakfast, rubbed some all along her arms and neck.
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Severus managed to break apart the two scrawny first years and put the common room back into some semblance of order just in time to order all the Slytherins up to the great hall. He had no desire whatsoever to go to the great hall, or eat for that matter. But he knew if he continued to skip meals someone would notice and start asking questions.
So, walking as slowly as possible, he followed his students out of the dungeons, up the stairs and into the hall. Walking up to the teacher's table he discovered, to his dismay, that the only seat left, was the one next to Deidra. Though personally he wouldn't have minded sitting next to her, he didn't want to draw the attention of any of the other teachers. He sat down and tried to concentrate on staring straight ahead.
In fact he succeeded for the first few minutes, even when Deidra first inclined her head to talk to him he was able to not pay any attention. But when he didn't respond her voice broke with worry and she whispered, "Severus, are you all right?" He couldn't stand it anymore. Glancing about quickly to see that no one else was looking, he turned his head ever so slightly in Deidra's direction and, in what he hoped was a furtive manner, placed his hand on hers.
"Yes, I'm alright, are you? I know I shoved you out of there pretty quick this morning." He ran his hand along her knuckles, trying to sooth her. It was clear she was still too fragile when it came to their relationship. He could not ignore her publicly without telling her first, for she would take it seriously.
"I think I'm alright, it's hard to tell after a night like last night." She shook her head and drew a shaky breath, "Why were you ignoring me?"
Severus looked around again, making sure no one was watching them, "I'll tell you later, I promise, but I don't think we should talk here, alright?"
Deidra swallowed hard, "Alright."
Both turned back to their breakfast, trying very hard not to look at each other constantly.
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Some of the teachers noticed that Severus had returned to the dinning table, and that he wasn't sitting where he usually sat, but other than that no one took any extra notice of the potions master, or the headmaster's daughter sitting together. Only Dumbledore understood the extraordinariness of the relationship that now played between his daughter and Severus Snape. For only he had paid enough attention during breakfast to notice two hands, at the very edge of the table, almost concealed by their robes, but iron locked. Albus had watched, not once during the meal had either on let go.
And only he had seen the two after breakfast. They had walked in the same direction for as long as possible, and they had had to split directions, he to the dungeons, she to her office, there had been a slight hesitance. Albus had to admit that whatever they were doing, they were concealing their emotions well. But Dumbledore was used to looking beyond what he saw. What he read from his daughter and the potions master, if his instincts were still there, was a powerful, powerful love. This made Dumbledore both delighted and sad. He was very pleased that those two had found each other again. After Deidra had left Hogwarts because she'd found out Severus was a Death Eater she'd become entirely withdrawn. She'd gone back to the house and shut herself up. She wouldn't see or talk to anyone, she'd even tried to push him away. It had been sixteen years of hell for her and Dumbledore had had to watch it, unable to do anything to ease her pain.
As for Severus, after he'd found Deidra had left him, he'd reformed, given up the dark lord and his cause. But after that he was truly a broken man. Robbed of the only love he'd ever known, he'd had no will to do anything. Dumbledore had only been able to tempt him into his position at Hogwarts by appealing to Severus's sense of debt. Dumbledore had cleared the way for him at the ministry after he'd turned, and it was because of Dumbledore that Severus was not in Azcaban.
Now fate, and Albus, had given them a second chance. But just as quickly as they'd been reunited, they'd have to be separated again, and that was what made Dumbledore sad. As happy as he was to see his daughter and former student find new life, they were both needed in the reinstated fight against Lord Voldemort, but to be effective, they were needed in different places, and it was Albus who now had to tell them.
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Deidra sat at her father's desk sorting through the piles of letters that had been coming in since the beginning of the school year. It seemed that many parents were not happy that Dumbledore had chosen to make the students aware of the return of Voldemort, and many had chosen to voice their opinions to the headmaster in no uncertain terms. Albus had not asked Deidra to do this, bust she thought that, since she didn't have anything else to do at the moment she might as well sort through the letters, and answer the ones that she felt her father didn't need to see. Lord knows, she thought, he'd got enough to deal with without whining parents. He's trying to protect them, to protect us all, and all these puny people can do is gnaw at his elbow.
Several she didn't bother to answer or set aside for her father to see. She just tossed them up in the air and let Fawkes have target practice with. And that was how Dumbledore found them, Deidra bent over the endless stacks parchment and Fawkes in he middle of toasting another sheet.
Closing the door he walked around the ever-growing pile of ashes, "you were going to clean this up, weren't you?"
Deidra looked up and smiled, her face just barely visible over the stacks of parchment. "Oh sure, I just thought it would be better to wait and have them all done at once."
Dumbledore shrugged and sat down in front of the desk, "you could have just thrown them in the fire."
Deidra started lifting piles off the desk and placing them on the floor next to it, "that's how I started, but Fawkes was getting agitated, so I thought it would be better to let him have a shot at them." The phoenix let out a shrill note, stating its agreement. Silently Fawkes rose from his perch and flew to Dumbledore's knee. It settled there and Albus absently stroked its feathers as he thought.
"Deidra." At the sound of her name Deidra straightened.
"Yes," she said looking a bit perplexed, the tone of her father's voice was strange, and she didn't like it.
"I need you to come with me down to the teachers lounge, I am holding a meeting with some of the other teachers and what we're talking about concerns you as well." Dumbledore nudged Fawkes off his knee and made to rise.
"Right now?" Deidra looked at her father, he'd never seemed this old before, and it hurt her to see him like this.
"Yes, if you can." HE sighed and made for the door. Without a word she rose and followed, unsure of what her father had in mind.
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The piece of paper had appeared on Severus's desk shortly after lunch, as it had for several other of the Hogwarts teachers, including Minerva McGonagall, and Rubus Hagrid.
It said that Dumbledore needed to talk to them in the staff lounge shortly before dinner, that they were to leave their classes and come at 4:05; their students were to be looked after.
So it was that at 4:10 Severus found himself in the lounge with McGonagall, and Hagrid waiting for Dumbledore. After about five minutes he showed up, Deidra at his heels. She took a seat close to the door, not looking at anyone. Dumbledore stood in the middle of the room, his back to the fireplace, facing the teachers and Deidra. "As you all know, Lord Voldemort has returned, and the ministry refuses to take any action. So, it is up to us. But before we can do anything, we must know where he is, and what he is planning to do. And that is what I need your help for. Minerva, I need you to fly west, check the coast, and all the old Death Eater lairs that we uncovered in the first wave, look for any indication as to where he has gone. Hagrid, I need you to start scouting Hogsmead and the surrounding areas for any trace of him or his followers."
Now he turned back to Deidra, a mixed look of pride and worry on his face, "Deidra, I need you to stay here and run the school for me while I'm gone. You're the only one strong enough to protect the students if something should happen. You will have absolute control, and I will make that clear to all the other teachers before I leave."
The group was silent for a few moments before Severus stood up, his voice shaky, "And me, what do you need me for?"
Albus drew a shaky breath; this was the part he hadn't wanted to address. "Minerva, Hagrid, could you leave us please, I shall give you more precise instructions later." Both Minerva and Hagrid got up, nodded to Dumbledore and left. Dumbledore followed them to the door and closed it behind them. Turning around he took in the scene, Deidra, staring into the fire, and Severus staring at her. He didn't want to do this, but he needed both of them right now, and there was no way to avoid it.
"Severus, I need you to come with me, you and I both know that the Death Eaters are traveling like a herd, migrating from place to place. I need to know what Voldemort is telling them, and for that I need you. We will follow the Death Eaters, you and I. I shall make my excuses and we'll leave as soon as possible."
At this Deidra looked up, she understood now the expression she'd seen on her father's face, he'd known about them, and had not wanted to tell them that they had to be split apart again. Severus had to leave again, had to go back, this would be twice now she'd loose him to Voldemort and the Death Eaters, and at the thought of this she began to weep.
Severus couldn't restrain himself anymore, he didn't care what Albus saw or thought, and he strode quickly across the room and stood next to Deidra. She clutched his robes, and very gently he pulled her to her feet and encircled her with his arms. She cried into his chest and he held her tightly. Albus stood by and said nothing; he simply watched this tender display of affection.
Deidra sobbed, "twice, I've lost you twice to the Death Eaters twice now." She clutched Severus tightly as though if she held on long enough she could make him stay with her.
Severus smoothed her hair, laying soft kisses on it. "No, no, you're not loosing me, I just have to go back to help finish them off. Deidra, Deidra look at me." He forced her head up so she was looking into his eyes, "Voldemort will kill us all if we don't stop him, so we all have to do our part, it just so happens that at this point your part leaves you here, while mine takes me somewhere else."
"But if you're discovered, what if they kill you, I might not even see you again, what will I do then? How can you expect me to just go on without you." She was so over taken with her grief that she lost her balance. Luckily Severus still had a firm grip on her, and he gently lowered both of them to the floor. "Last night I was so happy, I thought I had you back, I thought this time we were going to do it right. I thought we were going to spend time together, not 'I love you,' then you leave me!" Spent from her outburst Deidra laid her head on his shoulder and cried in silence.
Albus made a move to come closer, but Severus waved him off. He picked Deidra up an carried her out of the room and down the hall. Dumbledore sank into a chair and buried his face in his hands. He hadn't known it would cause her so much pain, Deidra had always been so strong, but then he should have known, even the strongest people get tired of being strong.
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Severus kicked open the door to Deidra's room shaking his head, you should lock you door, you never know who could come in. He laid her gently on the bed, pulling a blanket at the foot of the bed up to cover her. Sighing deeply he just stood there for a few moments, would he ever get a chance, perhaps when this was all over he'd have a chance, and this time he'd do it right.
Straightening he made for the door, but stopped midway there. Turning back toward the bed he brought his hand up to feel a lock of his hair. All at once an idea came to him. Striding over to Deidra's dresser he rifled through the drawers until he found what he was looking for, a pair of scissors. Bringing them to the back of his head, he lopped off one of his longer locks of hair. Setting that on the dresser he held up his left sleeve and ripped off part of the cuff.
Searching quickly he found in one of drawers a small empty pouch, he swiftly stuffed the lock of hair and the ripped cuff into the pouch and walked back to the bed. Deidra was sound asleep. Exhausted by the tumult of emotions that had over taken her. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he slipped the pouch into her palm. Would that I could just stay here and watch over you, you need watching over, you know that? But I will go, go and do my part to protect you and everyone else.
Then he left, quietly closing the door behind him.
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Dumbledore looked up when he heard the door open. Severus stood in the doorway, framed by the light of the hall torches. His face was grim set, but determined. "If we have to go we'd best go now." Nodding Dumbledore rose from his seat, and followed Severus out the door.