An Important Message to Deliver
Deidra shifted in her sleep. She knew she ought to get up, but she didn't want to. she knew if she got up she'd have to face her situation. Without even opening her eyes she knew he was gone, they were both gone. Severus would have wanted to leave while she was still asleep. He would have wanted to spare both of them that extra pain.
But in a way that made it worse, for now, even though he'd only been gone a few hours, she was already finding it difficult to remember his face. These last few days had been like a wave that had washed over her, and now she was once again left with an empty calm.
It was only when she brought her hands up to try to cover her face and shut out the dreadful truth that she finally discovered the pouch Severus had left. She only noticed it when she felt the soft plop on her comforter. Looking down she recognized one of her jewelry pouches, but could not recall how it had gotten there. Picking it up, she turned it over and over in her hands, searching the vaults of her memory for something that might explain its presence in her bed.
Not being able to connect the pouch with anything, she gave up. Oddly, the bad was weighted, but not enough to be containing any of her jewelry. Seized by an idle curiosity, she opened the pouch and upended the contents into her palm. Out fell a lock of jet-black hair, and a piece of a frayed robe cuff.
Twisting the hair between her fingers, memories began flooding back, thick black hair, the same as his eyes. Eyes that could see into your very soul, eyes that, with one sweep, knew not only who and what you were, but everything you'd ever been, and everything you ever would be. Midnight black, such a contrast to his pale lips. Lips that, when they touched her own, felt soft and warm. Lips that seemed to be her only true source of air. So that, when she was given the chance to breathe, she felt the need to gasp for more, to take in all that se could.
Turning her attention to the frayed cuff, she clenched it in her fist; she was clutching his robes, the soft, faded fabric was soft against her callused palms, and it easily absorbed her continuous flow of tears as she wept into his shoulder. She felt once again the firm arms holding her close; a firm haven created by his love and strength. And then she saw it, saw his face clearly; a pale star radiating love and light, standing out against the black night sky of her closed eyelids.
Once again grief swelled in her, but this time she didn't cry, for tears might ruin this perfect vision.
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Severus glared at the ceiling, what sector of hell was this? He couldn't see her, couldn't speak to her, and couldn't send her an owl, he was even being advised not to think of her, for that might distract him from the task at hand.
Pushing back his sleeve he ran his fingers over the red blotch that had once been his dark mark. Well, they could keep her away from him, refuse to let him speak to her, but they couldn't control his thoughts; his memories. He knew what Deidra Dumbledore meant to him, and what he meant to her. That red mark on his arm was physical proof of their love. A love strong enough to combat even the hatred and darkness of Voldemort himself.
His fingertip traced the edges of the mark, calling up the memory of other fingers that had done the same thing. Her fingers, thin and delicate, traced the outline of the mark, making him shiver and ticklish at the same time, it had been exhilarating.
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Staring down at the two empty chairs, Deidra knew she should sit in the center chair. She was headmistress, at least for the time being. But try as she might, that was still her father's chair, and she could not bring herself to sit in his chair. So, taking her usual place, she sat down next to the headmaster's chair, still a guest, still the headmaster's daughter, just the way she liked it.
Looking around, she noticed that not only were Albus and Severus's chairs empty, Minerva and Hagrid's were as well. Father must have sent them on their way as well. She shrugged, well at least I have something to do now, Father had substitutes on call for almost every subject. But he'd yet to find a teacher qualified to teach transfiguration. That was certainly something Deidra could do. Besides her short Hogwarts student career, she'd spent a great deal of one on one time with Minerva, and she had taught Deidra everything she knew about transfiguration, including the ability to transform herself.
So, finishing her eggs and toast, Deidra left the hall and headed for Minerva's office. Standing in front of the door, she whispered the castle's master password, "Every Flavor Beans," and opened the door, shaking her head. f only father could come up with passwords like that.
Sitting down at Minerva's desk, she began looking through drawers. She was looking for some kind of record or lesson plan. Deidra had been a student once herself and she knew, if she asked the students what they'd been doing in class she'd get answers like, "Oh nothing," or "She was going to give us a free day," or "She was going to teach us how to turn our partners into African Tree Frogs." Deidra knew, because she and her friends had used the same excuses. No, she would have to come into that classroom informed and in control.
After several minutes of searching she found what she was looking for. In the bottom right drawer was a daily log of lessons, showing that yesterday the first years had learned how to turn beetles into buttons, and the fifth years had learned how to turn hares into hat racks. And on today's date, tentatively sketched in pencil were the words 'Second years- porcupines to pincushions (in classroom closet)' and 'sixth years- snakes to sticks (see Hagrid for garden snakes)'
Deidra chuckled at this, she thought very unlikely that Hagrid would store anything as harmless as garden snakes. However, her first class was not until third period. So she had ample time to get down to Hagrid's cottage and back.
Taking the log with her, she left Minerva's office and headed down to the front of the castle, stopping by her room to get her cloak.
Pulling up her hood to shelter herself against the bitter September wind, she made her way down the castle steps an across the grounds. She walked around the lake and along the edge of the forest, her mind deep in thought.
Soon enough Hagrid's cottage came into view, but there were no lights on and no smoke coming from the chimney. Still she kept going, maybe he's in the back. Reaching the cottage, she knocked on the door. After waiting a few moments she decided to go around the back and look around.
But just as she rounded the first corner she heard a great commotion coming from the bushes directly to her left. Swinging around she saw a large form struggling to get out of the bushes. Deidra flattened herself against the wall in an attempt to conceal herself from whoever it was that was coming out of the bushes. Moments later, she realized she'd had nothing to worry about, for the figure that was now attempting to free himself from the last remains of his brawl with the bushes, was none other than Hagrid himself.
Releasing the breaths she'd been desperately trying to retrain, Deidra tentatively stepped out of the shelter of the shadows. She did not wish to alarm Hagrid, for, though he would never intentionally hurt her, if Hagrid though he was being attacked, he would be quick to defend himself. Gingerly she reached out and tapped his shoulder as gently as she could.
Hagrid whirled around, his eyes dangerously alert. Deidra flattened herself back against the wall, trying to control her haphazard breathing caused by the panic rapidly swelling in her chest. "Hagrid it's me," she whispered hoarsely
"D'dra, s'hat you?" His whole body seemed to release the tension he'd been with holding at the possibility of the ambush he'd been fearing.
Easing out of the shadows once more, Deidra let her shoulders drop in relief. "Yes Hagrid, it's me."
A new different panic filled Hagrid's eyes now. Using his over-large hands, he began to push her back towards the front of the cottage, and the path back to the castle. "Wha'er ya doin uot ere. Ya shouldn' be uotsoid, no un should. Get righ back ta the casle, n make sure no un else is uotsoid! (for those of you that have trouble reading accents, this is what Hagrid really said, "What are you doing out here. You shouldn't be outside, no one should. Get right back to the castle, and make sure no one else is outside!")
Deidra detected an urgency and fear in Hagrid's voice which she didn't like. "Hag- Hagrid, what's wrong? What have you found? Why do we all need to be inside? HAGRID! I demand, as headmistress of this school, that you tell me what's going on!"
Hagrid did not look at her, but pushed her forward again, "Oi'll tell ya when we're insoid. N noh before." (translation, "I'll tell you when we're inside. And not before.") And so, they hurried back to the castle in silence.
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Closing the great main doors behind her, Deidra turned to face Hagrid. "Now Hagrid, you will tell me right now what had got you in such a fright."
Nervously, Hagrid glanced around, then leaned in so only Deidra could hear him. "Member ow eadmaster Dumbledore asked me ta stat searchin Ogsmead n the surroundin area. Well Oi stared this mornin n oi was up round the shriken shack. N Oi sees a glow comin from on uh the widous. So Oi went up ta get a closer look. Id was IM D'dra, tha Dak Lord imself, oll by imself e was, n oi eard im talkin. E as saying that e's gonna go afer Arry, n, n, e said e was gonna get yer father. E knew D'dra, e knew yer father was gone." (translation- "Remember how headmaster Dumbledore asked me to start searching Hogsmead and the surrounding area. Well I started this morning and I was up around the shrieking shack. And I sees a glow coming from one of the windows. So I went up to get a closer look. It was HIM Deidra, the Dark Lord himself, all by himself he was, and I heard him talking. He was saying that he's gonna go after Harry, and, and, he said, he was gonna get your father. He knew Deidra, he knew your father was gone.")
Deidra slumped against the back of the door. "Hagrid, would you be so good as to begin channeling the students back to their common rooms?" Hagrid nodded, turned, and walked away. Waiting till he had rounded the corner, she slowly slid to the floor, laying her forehead on her knees. She heard a mocking voice in her head, what will you do now? Now, when there's no daddy to protect you, to save you. Now, when there's no Minerva try and shelter you…No Severus to comfort you, to love you. The Dark Lord's coming, and it's just you and him. This is your test. And you will fail. People will die, innocent lives will be lost, and your father, Severus, and everyone else will know it's your fault.
"Excuse me. Are you alright?" The voice of a young man broke the chain of ugly thoughts that had been running through her head. Looking up, Deidra saw the slight figure of a young man with jet-black hair. For a moment it seemed as though she were looking at a younger Severus. Indeed, he looked exactly like Severus on the first day they'd meet. A thin, pale boy, with tousled black hair, an worn school robes that hug loose on his body. And, for a moment she wanted nothing more than to pull this boy to her and take comfort in the arms that would encircle her.
But then green eyes flashed and she remembered that this boy was, in fact, not Severus, but a student. Clearing her eyes, she looked at the boy in front of her, and realized that the was actually Harry Potter. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, and, after several minutes of uneasy silence repeated, "are you alright?"
Standing slowly, Deidra looked around. Harry stood in front of her, just a few inches shorter. Deidra's mind was racing now, she had to come up with a plan. Then a thought struck her, no matter what else she was planning to do, there was one thing that had to be done first. And for that she would need the help of the young man in front of her.
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Harry was beginning to feel quite lost. Dumbledore's daughter, (he could never remember her name) seemed to be simply staring off into space. He'd asked three times, "are you alright." But she'd given no response, and almost no sign of recognition.
Now Harry too was beginning to recede into his own thoughts. And, as he did so, he became less and less aware of what was going on around him. So, it came as a great shock when two hands all but shot out of nowhere, and gripped him, almost violently, on the shoulders. Shocked back into full awareness, he became aware of Deidra's face looming in front of him, and, he vaguely connected her arms to the hands gripping his shoulders.
"Harry, Harry, listen to me. I need you to help me with something, do you think you can do that?"
Harry looked at her dumbly, it took a few seconds for the meaning of her words to sink in. But when they did, he swelled with a sense of pride and foreboding. Pride, because this wise, powerful adult was asking his help. Foreboding, because there was something in this woman's voice that scared him. And her eyes seemed to Harry, to have the look of a trapped animal, whose predators were closing in. But he swallowed his fears and doubts, and somehow managed to acknowledge her question with a faint nod.
"Good," Deidra nodded her head with an air of nervous approval. "Follow me please." And with that she was off, walking at a pace so brisk that, even with his long legs, Harry had trouble keeping up with.
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Severus apporated into the center of the flat living room. Dumbledore stood off to the side, his arms crossed with an air of resigned patience. Shaking his head, Severus began moving in the direction of his bedroom, he called over his shoulder, "I don't like it, something's not right."
Pulling himself off the wall where he'd been leaning, Albus followed Severus across the room and into Severus's room. "What's not right Severus? What happened?"
Rummaging around in a drawer, Severus replied in short, incomplete sentences, "He…announced…next few raids…doesn't fit…not what he normally does…doesn't make sense…I don't like it."
Albus, trying to follow both Severus's words, and what he was doing in the drawer, was soon lost. He knew Severus was doing this on purpose, he wanted Albus to leave him alone. But Albus was not so easily dissuaded. Shrugging his shoulders with an air of acceptance, he sat down on the edge of Severus's bed and waited quietly for him to finish.
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Severus was silently cursing himself for his negligence. What was I thinking. 'I'll just put it in a drawer, that way, no one will find it, and I'll know exactly where it is. Well he didn't know where it was, and he wanted it, now.
Slamming the drawer shut in frustration, he turned around and began scanning the floor. It was only when his eyes fell on a pair of black, shinny boots, that he realized he was not alone. Looking up, he saw Dumbledore sitting calmly on the edge of his bed, his hands cupped in his lap. And in his cupped hands lay the pouch that Severus had been so laboriously searching for.
Seized by a sudden rage, Severus strode across the room toward Dumbledore, his eyes fixed on the pouch. But just as he reached out to grasp the pouch, Dumbledore's hands closed around it.
Severus drew back, his teeth clenched in anger. "That belongs to me, if you don't mind." He hissed.
"Oh this," Dumbledore waved the bag casually in the air, "you were looking for this? That's funny, I was looking for something too, information. Perhaps, if you help me with what I'm looking for, I may be able to help you." Dumbledore waved the pouch again, like an adult waving bait before a difficult child, his face a mask of innocent curiosity.
Severus thought he was going to explode, Albus was toying with him, and he knew it. He tried again, but this time in a defeated tone, "please, would you please return my pouch to me."
Dumbledore stood, face to face with Severus, his look of innocence replaced with one of questions and concern. "What is it in this pouch that you want so much Severus?" The headmaster's tone was stern, but full of compassion.
Severus slumped back against the chest, truly feeling defeated now, "you would not understand, or approve." He muttered, refusing to meet Dumbledore's eyes.
"Perhaps not," Dumbledore shrugged, "but if you tell me, it might help me better understand your situation, Severus?"
Sighing, Severus walked over to the window, he could not look at Albus if he was to tell him the truth. "The first day I saw your daughter, I fell in love with her."
Had Severus not been looking out the window, he would have seen the sad smile on Albus's face as he gently shook his head. He'd heard this story before, only now, he was hearing it from the other side.
"Oh course, I never thought she'd ever even look in my direction. I mean, she was your daughter, for one, and I was no one. And for another, she was the brilliant, beautiful Gryffindor, and I was a stupid, greasy Slytherin. There was about as much chance of her returning my affections as there was of her returning those of Voldemort himself. I knew that right from the start, but still, I couldn't think of anyone else. My Slytherin buddies tried their best to distract me. They tried to fix me up with a various number of girls, boys, and even a goat, I think. I don't know, I'd had quite a bit of mead by then, it's hard to remember. But nothing worked, I was fair obsessed. Which gets us to where that pouch comes into play."
"Right before the end of the school year I was in utter despair. Deidra would leave for the summer, and I would not see her. What was worse, I had nothing to remind me of her. No picture, no discarded item, I wasn't even able to lay hand on one of her used tissues. So, during the last week of school, I resolved to sneak up to her dorm room, to see if I could find anything that would suit my purpose. Well, the very last night before we were all to leave, I finally worked up my nerve. After the feast, I wen t and hid behind a tapestry right by the entrance to Gryffindor tower and waited for everyone to enter and go to bed. I think it was about 12:30; when I finally came out of my hiding spot. After hearing over a hundred Gryffindors say it , I knew the password cold, "Alabastrie," I think it was. And it was dark enough that the Fat Lady didn't notice I wasn't a Gryffindor. So I was able to easily slip inside, and up to Deidra's dormitory. Once I was inside, it took me a few moments to figure out which bed was hers. But when I did, I didn't go to her trunk, as I'd planned. Instead, I was seized with a sickening desire to look at her on last time. So, I walked to the head of the bed and drew back the curtain. Oh! My heart turned at the sight of her, she was so radiant. And then I did something I never dreamed I'd be able to do, I reached out, and I touched her hair. At that moment, I realized how much I loved her hair, it was thick, and silky. This was back when her hair was lighter, more auburn."
Severus's eyes were closed, his sight lost in remembering one of the most treasured moments in his past. "I remember, her hair was spread out all over the pillow, and I brought my face down, so that my cheek was resting on the bit of her hair that lay near the edge of the pillow. Resting my head there, I looked over and watched her, breathing deep with sleep, she was so perfect. I knew what it was that I wanted to take then, and, searching over on her night stand, I found the scissors."
"I was careful to only cut a small lock off the end, and I made sure that I replaced the scissors exactly as they had been on the night stand. Putting the hair in my pocket, I made to leave. But as I approached the door, my eye was caught by a bunch of cloaks on the adjoining wall. Walking over to them, I ran my hand over each one. I knew right away which one was hers. It was that heavy velvet one, she still wears it, I think. Anyway, as I ran my hands along it, I felt a part of the hem coming loose. So, I just ripped it off, and shoved it in my pocket along with the hair. Then, with one last look at her bed. I left. And ever since then, I've kept both in the pouch, and the pouch near my heart."
Dumbledore walked over and put his hand on Severus's shoulder, "I neither misunderstand, or disapprove. You were and are, a man truly in love. And I have been a fool to try to make you be anything else."
At these words, Severus turned and looked at Dumbledore, who, in turn, held out the pouch to him.
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Harry had waited while Deidra had hurriedly scribbled something on a thin piece of parchment, and sealed it with a plain seal. Now he was following her up to, what he now realized, was the owlry. As they climbed the last few steps, Deidra opened the door and let Harry enter first, following herself, and closing the door quietly behind her.
Harry immediately went to Hedwig, who flew onto his arm and nipped the finger he offered affectionately. "Is this your owl Harry?" Deidra had come up behind him so stealthily that he hadn't even heard her, which was surprising, considering most of the floor was covered with dry straw and old owl droppings.
Once again hearing that note of foreboding in her voice, Harry turned to face her, holding Hedwig closer for comfort. "Yes, this my owl, her name is Hedwig."
"Oh, she's beautiful Harry," Deidra reached out a tentative hand to stroke the owl's snowy white feathers. Somewhat to Harry's surprise, Hedwig responded by nuzzling against Deidra's outstretched finger. "Harry, do you think I could borrow Hedwig, just to send one message?"
Harry shrugged, "sure, but why don't you just use one of the school owls?"
Deidra hesitated at this, then whispered, "because I don't want anyone to know that the letter's coming from Hogwarts."
Harry shrugged again, "fine, where do you want me to send it?" He held his hand out for the letter, but Deidra held it back.
"If you don't mind Harry, I'd prefer to send it myself. In fact, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to wait outside while I send it." Deidra was clutching the letter to her breast now, and Harry got the idea that this was a fair important letter. So, shrugging yet again, because he could think of no other response, he extended the arm that held Hedwig out toward Deidra. Hedwig glided from Harry's arm to Deidra's. Giving Hedwig's head one final stroke, he turned and left.
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Deidra waited till she heard the door close, then turned back to Hedwig. "I need you, to take this to Severus Snape," she said holding out the letter. Hedwig too seemed to understand the seriousness of the situation, and nodding her head gravely, extended her leg. Deidra brought the letter to her lips and planted a soft kiss just above where she had written Severus's name. Then, after she had tied the letter to Hedwig's leg, she walked with her over to the window and extended her arm.
Hedwig gracefully glided off Deidra's arm and into the night. Deidra watched the small white form disappear into the darkness, and silently prayed that her message would not arrive too late.
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P.S.
To Kyla, a.k.a Deathtooth,
Note:
He was not actually fixed up with a goat, he was just a little drunk at the time, and, well, his memory got a little blurred.
It was just a little crude humor, take a joke for gods sake!