CHAPTER 3--Discovery

DISCLAIMERS: This is based on Joss's characters and storylines. I also lifted some lines from Andrew Lloyd Weber's "Phantom of the Opera."

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"What the hell . . .?" Buffy started. She whirled around and punched Spike square in the nose.

"Go ahead, Slayer," Spike said, "If it makes you feel better, eases your pain . . ." he sneered. Then he saw what she was holding. "Wait! I can explain!" he said.

"Like I said, Spike," Buffy interrupted, "I don't want to hear anything from you. You're a manipulative liar."

"But it's not what your think," Spike called to her back as she went running out. The sunlight was merciless so he was unable to chase her. "Bloody hell," he said as he closed the door behind her.

Buffy ran all the way home. Her tears were gone, now, replaced by confusion and anxiety. "If he touched Dawn," she thought, "I'll kill him twice."

When she got home, she bolted upstairs and right into Dawn's bedroom. "Hey!" Dawn shouted, "You still have to knock, y'know!"

"Why did you lie to me, Dawn?" Buffy demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Dawn asked.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Buffy answered. "Why didn't you tell me about Spike? What the hell were you doing in his crypt? Did he kidnap you? Did he ask you anything?" Then she paused. "Did he touch you?"

"I wasn't with Spike," Dawn lied. "Xander woke me up last night and told me I had to hide from some demons at his apartment, so I went. He said he couldn't tell you 'cause the demons could read your mind."

"Stop it!" Buffy shouted. "I know you're lying. I know you were at Spike's because I found your necklace there!"

"Where?" Dawn asked, trying to buy time to figure out what to do.

"On Spike's floor," Buffy answered.

"Well, I don't know how it got there," Dawn said, which was kind of the truth, she reasoned.

"Dawn, why are you protecting him?" Buffy asked, getting angrier and more confused. "What, exactly, did he do to you? You have to tell me."

"He . . . nothing. He told me not to tell you. He said it would ruin his reputation," Dawn finally said.

"I'll rip his 'reputation' to shreds!" Buffy said. "OK, I want you to tell me everything, from beginning to end. The whole truth, this time."

"OK, OK," Dawn finally realized it was in her best interests to tell Buffy everything. And so Dawn told Buffy how Spike woke her up, and how at first she was terrified but he convinced her he was helping her; not going to hurt her. And she told her the whole story about the psykema demons and being at Spike's crypt, then having to go to Xander's.

"So, let me get this straight," Buffy said when Dawn had finished." Spike kidnapped you to save you from those psykemas? But he wanted me to think it was Xander who saved you? Why? Why wouldn't he want me to know it was him? Dawn, this just doesn't make sense."

"I don't know, maybe he was embarassed," Dawn said. "He did say he didn't want you to think he'd 'gone all soft.'"

After Dawn reassured her that Spike didn't hurt her or mistreat her in any way, Buffy remained perplexed about Spike's behavior. So she headed over to Willow's for some girl talk.


Buffy went to Willow's dorm room and told her the whole story. Willow was stunned, but not as much as Buffy expected. "He has been helping us a lot, lately, y'know," she said. "Actually, now that you mention it, he's been helping you a lot, lately. Or, trying to, anyway. Maybe he's just bored."

Buffy was deep in thought. "Willow," she started, "Do you know how I found out about Riley getting suck-jobs from vampires?"

"No," Willow answered, "I figured you just caught him while you were patrolling."

Buffy looked sheepish. "Spike found out, somehow, and he made me go ... he took me to where ... and I saw it ... him. So if that's what Spike considers 'helping' ... "

"Spike showed you that?" Willow said in amazement. She paused as Buffy nodded. "You know, I won't pretend to understand Spike's twisted way of thinking--not that I'd want to. But do you think he thinks he was, oh you know, doing a good thing? I mean, sure, he never really liked Riley ..."

Buffy interrupted. "Willow, he's a vampire. He doesn't like anyone with a pulse!" she said.

"Buffy, I think he does," Willow said. "I think he likes you."

"Willow, he'd like to kill me, bite me, insult me and humiliate me, but he does not like me," Buffy replied.

"Think about it," Willow urged. "It's almost like an elementary school thing. If a boy likes a girl in elementary school, what does he do? He chases her, calls her names, pulls her hair, and if he really likes her, he might even punch her. Without a soul, maybe that's the only way Spike knows how to show you he has a crush on you."

Buffy thought about what Willow said. She also remembered Spike being really nice to her one night when she was upset about her mom's illness. And in a really twisted way, lately he'd been trying not to disgust her as much. He didn't usually succeed. But it did help explain why he saved Dawn from those demons. But why didn't he tell her? Why keep it a secret? Then she remembered their last conversation/confrontation. She had accused him of sabotaging her relationship with Riley. And when she found Dawn's cross necklace ... well, she had jumped to the disturbing conclusion that Spike had done something truly despicable.

"Well, even if, for whatever reason, Spike does like me in that way," it was so hard for Buffy to form those words, "It doesn't matter. Nothing has changed except I owe him one for saving Dawn. He's a vampire. Without a soul, I might add. And I'm the slayer. Even if I wanted--which I definitely don't--it would be stupid. Stupid and dumb and bad. Yes, very bad. And wrong! Right, Will? I mean, like I could ever even think about .... Well, he can just get over it, that's all. The next time I see him, I'll just tell him that. I mean, I'm sure he doesn't really think that there's any chance .... Thank you, Willow. I'm less confused now." Only Buffy was more confused than ever.

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Now it was Xander's turn to go to Willow for some advice. She was surprised when he told her he wanted to ask Anya to marry him. Willow and Anya had had their moments, but Willow knew Anya was good for Xander. They were really good together. "But for, like, forever, Xander?" she asked. "You know, forever is a really long time."

"Willow," he started, "Anya is like no one else I've ever known. I just know, y'know? And she wants kids. And I wanna have her kids. I mean, I want her to have mine--future tense, there.

"Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind," Willow said.

"Yeah," Xander replied.

"So, when are you gonna ask her?" she asked.

"As soon as possible," he answered. "I already bought the ring. What I'm worried about is Buffy."

"Buffy? Why?" she asked.

"Oh, you know," he answered. "I know she'd be happy for me and Anya. But I'm worried that it'll make her focus on her current non-relationshipness. The last thing I want to do is make Buffy feel worse than she already does."

"But Xander, you can't not be happy just because Buffy's not happy, y'know?" Willow replied. Buffy would be more upset if she thought you were delaying your own happiness just because she's a little lost right now. Buffy will find her way, again. In fact, I'll bet right now she's deciding the only relationship she should be developing is the one with herself. It's like when you were split in two. Only, she has to deal with the two separate parts of herself all the time--the slayer Buffy and the, um, Buffy Buffy, y'know?"

"Yeah," Xander said, "And I wouldn't trade places with either one of them, right now. All of me is pretty happy these days--except for the part of me that feels bad for Buffy, that is."

Every Friday night, if Buffy didn't need them, Xander and Anya hung out at his apartment watching videos and eating pizza. It was Friday. But instead of renting videos and ordering a pizza, Xander got a bottle of wine and prepared a gourmet meal himself. He turned the lights off, lit a bunch of candles, and put on some romantic music.

When Anya walked in, she was surprised. "No electricity, huh?" she asked when she saw all the candles.

"No, there's more than enough electricity," Xander answered. "Candles are supposed to be romantic."

"Oh, romance," Anya said, "I like romance. Romance leads to sex."

"Continuing with the romantic theme," he said, "I've been trying something new. See, I put all these food-things together, put it in the oven, and out pops dinner!"

"Is it edible?" she asked.

"Well, only one way to find out," he answered.

After dinner, which was surprisingly good, Xander got down on one knee in front of Anya. "Xander, you don't have to beg me for sex, y'know," she said.

"No. Anya," he said, "I want to ask you something."

"Xander, you can ask me anything," she said.

He pulled out the ring he had purchased. "Anya, will you marry me?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered, "Of course I will!"

They embraced. Then they celebrated.

They couldn't wait to share their good news, so they went to the Bronze, afterwards. Willow, Tara and Buffy were all there. Willow kept looking at the two of them, wondering if Xander had asked Anya yet. Xander looked at Willow and winked, then nodded. She grinned widely. Tara caught the exchange and asked Willow what that was all about. Buffy had gotten up to use the bathroom so Xander shared his news with Willow and Tara. Willow didn't want to hurt Anya's feelings, so she pretended to be surprised. Tara was happy for them, at first. But when she saw how happy Willow was for them, she worried that Willow would miss having her own wedding if she stayed with Tara. She would talk to Willow about it later, she decided. For now, she would join in the celebration.

When Buffy returned, they all abruptly stopped talking. Xander gently told Buffy what was going on, saying he understood if she couldn't be happy for them just yet. She assured him that of course she was thrilled for them--why wouldn't she be? Then she joined in the celebration. But secretly, she was jealous of the normal life they would have and she would never have. Not wanting to hurt their feelings or have them worry about her, she celebrated with them as long as everyone else did. Finally, Xander and Anya went back to his apartment. Willow and Tara went back to Willow's dorm room. And Buffy walked home alone.

She trained all day Saturday, all the while fighting her inner demons.