by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)
http://members.dencity.com/avalon_online
J/C, R, Prologue
I've been wanting to write a mirror universe story for some time, so here it is. I's not necessarily the same mirror universe we've seen in TOS and DS9 -- I've made no attempt to figure out the politics or background of the mirror characters... And there aren't many big changes between the two realities -- well, okay, just a couple!
BTW -- if you think this one is full of angst, you should have seen my first version. This one is all roses and light, compared to that...
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: To Linda, for the feedback and Beta reading, even though angst isn't really her thing. And to the song "Lift the Wings" from "Riverdance" for giving me the idea in the first place.
DISCLAIMER: The crew of Voyager aren't mine. They don't belong to us fanfic writers. But wouldn't the world be a nicer place if they did?
THE WATER IS WIDE - PROLOGUE
The water is wide
and I can't cross over
and neither have
I wings to fly.
Build me a boat
that can carry two
and both shall row,
my love and I.
-- Old Irish Ballad
What did it take to kill friendship? Loyalty? Love? Janeway didn't know, but whatever it was, she had managed it. Somehow.
Chakotay was leaving.
The Captain hunched her shoulders against the light rain and shivered as the silence lengthened. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, she spoke. "Why are you doing this?" She was proud of her voice -- it didn't shake at all, despite the tremors that were rippling through her body. Perhaps he would think she was trembling because of the cold...
It didn't matter. He didn't meet her gaze, didn't even look at her. Instead he stared down distantly at his feet where puddles were forming. His dark hair was plastered down from the rain, half-obscuring the tattoo over his eye, while rivulets of water ran down his clothing. His civilian clothing. He had left his uniform on Voyager... along with everything else.
"I'm...tired," he said quietly. "I want...peace. Harmony. I want..." His voice trailed off.
"Aliyda?" She couldn't quite keep the bitterness from her voice.
Chakotay flinched, but the movement was so slight she couldn't be sure she hadn't imagined it. He half-turned, levelling his gaze somewhere over her left shoulder. "She needs me," he said hollowly. "They all do."
So do I. Janeway could have screamed the response at him, but didn't. Instead her fists clenched and she turned away, facing into the wind. Her wet hair hung in ropes around her face and her uniform clung uncomfortably. "What about Voyager?" she asked aloud, not saying the question she really wanted to ask.
"Voyager...will be fine. You don't need me. This colony does."
Yes I do. Janeway brushed a damp lock of hair out of her eyes and continued, trying one last time to sway him with logic. "Are you sure? Because whatever decision you make here is final -- we're not going to be able to come back to get you. There's...there's no turning back from this."
"I'm staying." His tone was flat and uncompromising.
It was Janeway's turn to flinch. She had seen this side of him before, this grim determination to stay on his chosen course no matter what else might stand in his way --it was a trait she shared and understood. He would not yield. It was over.
She had lost him.
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. There was nothing left to say, after all. Pain flitted once, briefly, across her face and then it was gone, the cold mask she had worn for the last few months descending once more. "All right," she said icily. "Do you have everything you need?"
"I have everything I need." Something had gone out of his voice and Janeway felt as if she were talking to a ghost or an echo of the past... Someone she had never met. Someone she did not...
Resolutely she steered her mind away from these dangerous thoughts. She wouldn't be able to do this if she thought about it what she was doing. Wouldn't be able to walk away... Instead, she took a deep, steadying breath. "You'll be able to contact us for the next thirty hours... if you change your mind," she added, a tiny flicker of hope going through her even as she said it.
Chakotay's next words ruthlessly extinguished it. "I won't," he said, wordlessly unclipping his communicator pin and holding it out to her. And something within Janeway wavered and died. For a long moment anger warred with fear and loss inside her. In the end, anger won. She held onto the emotion carefully, suddenly certain that it was the only thing she had left that would let her see through this. Clenching her teeth, she reached out and took the pin, careful not to let her fingers brush his. And then she nodded once, briefly. "Goodbye, Chakotay."
His face didn't change and he matched her emotionless tone. "Goodbye, Kathryn." He didn't move. A long moment passed as the wind and rain lashed at them both and then Janeway stepped back, raising her hand to her own communicator.
"Janeway to Voyager. One to beam up." An instant later an electronic field engulfed her...and everything within her rose up in rebellion. She couldn't do this. She couldn't let it end like this... Unthinking, Janeway reached out a hand toward her First Officer, searching for the words that would change his mind, would somehow mend what she had broken...but it was too late. A lifetime too late. Chakotay faded from her vision and the words she had been going to say died in her throat.
TO BE CONTINUED