Disclaimer: I own everything here...REALLY! I do.
Magical Cheese productions proudly presents:
THE WAR BETWEEN FRED AND BOB!!!
One day in Bob country there was a lively little bob-like man named Old Bob. Old Bob lived by himself except for his pet dog and cat which were both named Bob. So then, Old Bob, bob and bob got along happily with each other....until BiB came along!
BiB was a mean tomato-stealing peacock who hated all the Bobs in Bob country along with their everlasting Bob-ness. BiB was actually an evil spy sent by the Freds from Fred country. The Freds all hated the Bobs and their Bob-ness which made the Freds want to burn the Bobs in a fiery out fest. The Bobs felt the same way about the smelly Fred-like Freds and their awful Fred-like ways.
Anyway, BiB steals Old Bob, Bob, and Bob's tomatoes and eats them all in his BiB-like way because he's BiB and he can do BiB-like things whenever BiB wants to do his BiB-like things.
BiB now spys on Bob the cat and takes BiB-like spy photographs of Bob the cat being very Bob-like, Then BiB the evil tomato-stealing peacock spy takes the bob-like photographs back to Fred country and shows them to Super Fred. Super Fred sees the awful pictures of Bob-like Bobs and then tells his Fred army to attack Bob Country immediately.
The Freds rampage to Bob country but they stop when they see a big thing blocking the path. MWHAHAHAHA!!! It is FROB THE EVIL ARMADILLO WHO IS BLOCKING THE PATH!!!! Super Fred walks up to the evil FROB and tells him to go away since the Freds are on a rampage to Bob country. FROB got really pissed off so he sprouted feathery canary wings and blew the Fred army into the sky. The Freds screamed unhappily in their Fred-like way since that's what Freds do when they're scared. The Freds also wet their pants. Super Fred was the only Fred that was left who didn't get blown away in the usual Fred-like wet-your-pants manner.
Super Fred blows a big rock that is actually a whistle and then the sand starts to move and famous soap-opera characters pop out of the ground like daisys. Super Fred tells the famous soap opera characters to destroy the evil FROB in the most gruesome Fred-like way they can. But, ALAS!, FROB was also a magician for the Ringling Brother's Circus so he pointed a big claw at the soap opera people and they turned into huge stalks of celery.
NO!!!!!!! Super Fred finally screamed in his Fred-like wet-your-pants manner at FROB. FROB laughed evilly at the funny Super Fred. Super Fred didn't want to get blown away in the Fred-like wet-your-pants manner so he ran back to Fred country. Super Fred got there and told Ultra Hyper Fred to kill FROB. Ultra Hyper Fred hid Super Fred under a rock so he'd be safe from FROB, then Ultra Hyper Fred went to FROB and the two fought for 3 days and nights, but the fight ended in a tie. So...Ultra Hyper Fred and FROB were happy and got married and had a bunch of babies named, FriD, FroD, FREC, and FrUb.
FrUb was a really mean Fred and he took over Fred country and stole all the Fred's Fred-ness and gave them FrUb-ness. But the Freds didn't like the idea of FrUb-ness so they had an outburst and burned FrUb and all the FrUb stuff to ashes. The Freds screamed happily in their Fred-like way as all the Fred-stuff had returned when Fred-the chEEse-eater became the new king of Fred country after he was finished waxing his pet slug.
Meanwhile in Bob country, Old Bob goes to the governor of Bob country to complain about BiB the tomato stealing peacock. The governor's name was Boob because she had big boobs and the Bob's in Bob country liked to stare at Boob. Anyway, Boob was horribly offended at what BiB had done to Old Bob so she tells HER army of Bobs to attack the Fred-country. Boob and the other army Bob's jump on their army dinobots and run to Fred-country in their mean Bob-like way.
The army was in the middle of a big desert when all of a sudden there was a big earthquake . The ground opened up and lava came out. The poor Bobs and Dinobots fell in the lava. Then the Bobs and Dinobots and a bunch of stuff melted together to form one ultra Bob......MEGA FIRE DINO BOB!!!!!!!!!
The earthquake stopped and MEGA FIRE DINO BOB jumped out of the hole and started to cry. He wanted to be 100% Bob not 50% Bob, 25% Dinobot and 25% stuff. Then a magical Bob came to comfort MEGA FIRE DINO BOB.
This magical Bob's name was Fairy bob. Fairy Bob told MEGA FIRE DINO BOB to be happy and watch Barney on PBS. MEGA FIRE DINO BOB was suspicious so he breathed fire on Fairy Bob and melted her skin off which revealed something terrible. That Fairy Bob wasn't even a Bob at all! She was really a monkey with scales named RoB!!!
So then MEGA FIRE DINO BOB got mad and killed RoB and in his anger ,started a rampage towards Fred country.
The Freds saw the insane rampage of MEGA FIRE DINO BOB so they all told Fred the chEEse-eater to help and stop the evil Bob. Fred the chEEse-eater had a very Fred-like plan. He gulped down some steak and finally said in a loud Fred voice "All Loyal Freds of Fred country. We must gather together into one big army to destroy the evil Bob!. Ready, ATTACK!"
Then all the Freds and a family of 20 foot tall cowboy rats ran out of Fred country to face MEGA FIRE DINO BOB. When the Freds were just about to attack MEGA FIRE DINO BOB, the 20 foot tall cowboy rats ran to the giant stalks of celery that were previously famous Soap Opera stars and ate them all. The celery was magical from a gift of Genie Fred so the cowboy rats morphed into....(drumroll please) HUGE CELERY COWBOY FRED!!!!!! The other Freds were amaxed at the transformation so they had a big party and hired strippers. The Freds got drunk so they all fell to the ground and had dreams about dancing teapots.
Anyway, MEGA FIRE DINO BOB and HUGE CELERY COWBOY FRED started to fight. They fought in a very mean way until HUGE CELERY COWBOY FRED broke a nail and ran back to Fred country in a sad way. MEGA FIRE DINO BOB was too tired to fight in the mad Bob-like way so he just sat down on some sand and started to cry again. MEGA FIRE DINO BOB eventually went back to Bob country and became a hero amongst all the Bobs.
But....the Freds were still mad because they broke HUGE CELERY COWBOY FRED's nail.
the end.
Disclaimer again: pika---------chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!
well, the point of the fic is don't fight or you might just have to break a nail. And...thats BAD.