WORDS ON A PAGE
Part III
Faith's eyes fluttered open, and she saw the blurry figure of a dark-haired man sitting by the door. At first, she thought that Angel had remained there after all, but then she saw a beam of sunlight hitting a patch of bare skin, and her vision cleared further to reveal Xander. His expression was pensive, and when Faith met his gaze, she saw him flinch momentarily before regaining his composure and commenting, "Uh. . .hey, Faith. . .good morning."
Faith managed a faint smile and replied, "Good morning yourself. . .how long have you been here?"
Xander shrugged and responded, "An hour or two. . .I'm not sure."
Faith noticed that Xander hadn't brought a book, newspaper, or anything else to keep him busy during his wait. She commented, "You've just been sitting there for all of that time without anything to do? You must have been bored out of your mind."
Xander looked at her sadly and replied, "I had a lot to think about." His voice was calm, but Faith could see the tension in how he was sitting: there was fear there, and something else that she could not identify.
The Slayer sighed and requested, "Xander, could you move over here by the bed?" Xander flinched again, and Faith looked at him and added quietly, "Please?"
Xander looked at her and saw no hostility there, just fatigue and a touch of regret. He nodded slowly and pulled his chair up next to the bed. He forced himself to relax and looked back at Faith as he commented, "You're looking better. . .that Slayer healing thing must be great."
She looked at him and saw the faint bruising along his throat. She closed her eyes for a moment, then whispered, "Too bad I can't share it with you."
Xander smiled softly and replied, "Hey. . .don't worry. . .as attempts to kill me went, it wasn't one of the worst. You didn't try to bite my head off, or suck the life-force out of me, or drain my blood and make me into a vampire love slave. . .that was Dru's little contribution. A little loss of oxygen. . .hey, that's par for the course on the Hellmouth."
Faith looked at him and shook her head as she replied, "Damn it, Xander. . .I know what you're trying to do. . .but don't." She took a deep breath and continued, "Xander. . .I know how it must have looked. . .how it must have sounded. . .but I wasn't going to kill you. I was mad. . .mad that I had screwed up. . .mad that B wouldn't let me bury it. . .mad at Giles for believing her over me. . .and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was trying to scare you-"
Xander blinked and looked down as he commented, "You succeeded."
Faith reached out with her good hand and squeezed his hand softly as she replied, "I know. . .look, Xander. I won't apologize for not wanting to make more out of what we did last month in my room. . .I am what I am. But you've been straight with me, even when you probably didn't want to, like when you knew Angel hadn't attacked Giles and I didn't listen. I know what you were trying to do. . .I was just too pissed off to deal with it. I know she's your friend. . .it was stupid for me to expect you to believe me over her. . .especially when, well, she was telling the truth."
Xander sighed and squeezed her hand back as he responded, "Faith, we all wanted to help. . .but we'd seen how Buffy reacted when she thought she had killed someone. . .and that was a situation where she had been attacked first. Faith, what happened was a terrible accident. . .but you didn't want to kill that guy. What happened after that was the problem. . .Faith, I know it's been tough on you here, being the newcomer, losing your Watcher like you did, then having that faker come around and stab you in the back and call you an idiot for trusting her. We've all had our screw-ups. . .and some of them have been big ones, but we all have to stick together. . .between the stuff that the Hellmouth spits at us, and those stuffy idiots in England screwing things up, it's the only way we're going to make it."
Faith nodded and replied, "I know. . .I just have to decide if I can deal with that. . .or whether I should just bail and leave you guys to deal with things with people you trust." She paused for a moment, then asked, "Xander. . .why do you do it? I know how it must have sounded when we were all trying to keep you out of the fights. . .but I was really worried, you know? Fighting vamps on a regular basis is tough enough for us chosen types. . .you're decent in a fight, but you've been pushing your luck for years now. . .why haven't you just backed off?"
Xander looked at her and saw the genuine curiosity there, and responded, "I almost did a few times. . .I've had some big blow-ups with Buffy. . .I'm amazed sometimes that she still speaks to me, with the things I've said to her. . .did she ever tell you about the time I threatened to kill her? That was an ugly scene. . .most of our fights have been over Angel, of course, but other things pop up now and again. It's not easy having your hero as one of your best friends, Faith. But it's worth it. . .you've never talked too much about it, but I gather your family life kind of sucked. I've had both of my parents all along, and they've never beaten me up or starved me, but they have done a pretty good job of ignoring me. . .and until I was clued in on this being the supernatural party center of the world, I was just another guy dreaming of getting out of the crappy small town I happened to be born in. Then I met Buffy. . .and it all changed, both good and bad. It's not great finding out you're living on ground zero. . .but as long as I keep helping Buffy, Giles. . .and you, if something goes bad next week and I wind up six feet under, at least it means something. I'm not looking to end up dead, but I know it can happen, and if it does, I want it to count."
Faith watched him for a moment after he finished, and was relieved to see that most of the fear was gone from his body language, though she could still see a certain hesitancy that she intuitively believed would probably remain. * Damn, I finally do the nasty with someone who probably wouldn't have screwed me over if I had pursued it for the long haul, and I scare him off. . .oh well, story of my life. * She squeezed his hand again, and commented, "It has counted, Xander, for them and for me. . .I was too busy jumping your bones that night to say it, so I'm saying it now: thanks for saving my life, Xander. . .both times."
Xander blinked and replied, "You're welcome. . .wait, both times? You know about. . .?"
Faith smiled softly, amused at Xander's sudden loss of composure, and replied, "Yeah. . .you might want to have a talk with Buffy. Apparently you made her suspicious, and she started asking some questions. . .nice night you had. Thanks for keeping the heat off us while we dealt with that little problem of saving the world."
Xander smiled back at her, genuinely at ease for the first time since he had entered the room, and responded, "You're welcome." He looked at her for a moment, then commented, "I should let you get some more rest. . .I'll wait outside. . .if someone breaks in through the window, give me a yell, and I'll be right in."
Faith locked eyes with him and responded, "I know you will." She squeezed his hand again and released it as he stood up to leave. She watched him until the door closed behind him, and she was relieved to see his body language looked relatively normal. * I've got to find a way to make it up to him. . .whether or not I stay. * She took the diary out of the drawer, flipped a few pages, and began reading again:
April 9, 1997
When you live in the undead party capital of the world, you get used to a lot of weird stuff, including the occasional ickyness of running across a monster with the face of someone you used to know. I never saw this one coming, though. Our field trip to the zoo ended up with Xander and four of the school misfits being possessed by this nasty hyena spirit. I knew he was acting weird, but it wasn't until he was really mean to Willow that I knew something was seriously wrong. . .Xander would walk through fire for her, even if he is clueless about Willow having the hots for him.
Giles was not helpful at first. . .wrote it off to teenage guy behavior. . .like he has a clue about that. Willow's news about that cute little pig mascot Herbert being eaten (eww!) and my remembering the stuff about the hyenas got Giles' busy with the books, and what he found sent me out after Xander before stuff got really bad. He came up behind me while I was looking over the pig parts, and, well. . .let's just say that hyenas don't have any problems with attempted sex crimes. He was strong, but I introduced him to the business end of a desk, and I dragged him back to the library and dumped him into the book cage-where he missed out on his buddies eating Mr. Flutie (big eww!!)-and left Willow to watch him while we went to the hyena keeper. Bad idea. Xander's hyena buddies broke him out and went out for more easy food. I had to go after them and get them to follow me while Willow and Giles went to help the zookeeper reverse the possession. . .but since this is Sunnydale, when I showed up with five pissed off human/hyenas behind me, the zookeeper had a knife at Willow's throat and Giles was nowhere to be seen. Great. It actually was lucky that the guy had the spell ready and sucked the hyena right out of Xander and the flying monkeys. Xander took one look at the guy holding a knife on Willow and attacked him, sending him tumbling, which gave me time to pound on him for a while and toss him into the hyena pen (one word: yuck.).
Xander was his old self again, though the whole thing had him wigged out. He said he didn't remember any of it. . .I don't know if he's telling the truth, or if he's just trying to help Willow and I get past his seriously heinous actions while he was Hyena Boy. Either way, it's good to have him back.
Faith chuckled and shook her head, then moved on to another entry:
June 8, 1997
This is not something I ever expected to be able to write. . .how many people get to write about how they died? It started the other day with an earthquake, Xander asking me out to Spring Fling (ouch. . .it really hurt him when I said no. . .life sucks sometimes), and my walking in on Giles and Angel talking about the latest prophecy. . .where I face the Master and die. I lost it. . .I screamed at both of them and told them I was quitting, that I was sixteen and didn't want to die. I stormed out, resolved to drop all of this crap for good. . .
. . .but it only lasted until Willow and Cordelia walked in on a bloodbath on campus. Vamps had come and butchered Cordelia's boyfriend and his buddies and left them in the school lounge in front of a TV set playing cartoons. It really shook Willow up, and as she talked to me with tears in her eyes I realized that I just couldn't walk away from this, no matter what. I went to Giles, still wearing the nice dress that Mom bought for me to wear to Spring Fling, and found that Giles was there with Miss Calendar, preparing to face the Master himself. . .no way, Giles. I listened patiently to his determined arguments for going himself, then knocked him cold with a nice punch to the jaw (should we be worrying about Giles taking blows to the head?). Miss Calendar had been clued in. . .she told me that I would die if I went after the Master. I told her that maybe I would take him with me. . .but I don't think I believed it.
The Anointed One (a little kid. . .who would have thought?) led me into the Master's lair, and after an embarrassingly short cat and mouse game, he got me. He gloated about me setting him free, then bit me. I blacked out. . .and woke up with Xander looking down at me with an anguished look. Insanely, I wondered if he was still upset over my turning him down for the Spring Fling. . .then I remembered. I sat up and saw that Angel was there too. The water that I was coughing out of my lungs made it clear what had happened: the Master had dropped me into the pool after draining enough of my blood to get free, I had drowned, and Xander had brought me back. Angel told me later that Xander had come to him and told him that I had gone after the Master, and that he lost all hope until Xander confronted him and convinced him to lead Xander to the Master's lair, which could have been almost certain death for both of them. . .God, I don't deserve friends like these.
Anyway, I felt stronger than ever for some strange reason, and we still had to deal with the Master and the Hellmouth. I was pissed off, and I stormed up onto the school roof (don't ask me how, I just knew where he was). We fought, and it was an even fight, particularly after he tried that hokey hypnosis trick on me again and I blew him off. Luckily, a broken table in the library below gave me an opening, and the Master wound up impaled on it. . .left a skeleton. . .don't see that every day when you're fighting vamps. Anyway, the Master's death got rid of all of the weird stuff, and we all went to the Spring Fling. I'm still dealing with the whole thing. . .but I know that I've got the best friends in the world. . .they brought me back from the other side, and I'm not going to leave them again without a good fight.
September 17, 1997
I learned something this week. . .issues don't just go away because you want them to. I came back to Sunnydale on Sunday, and immediately I had to save Xander and Willow from a vamp. . .my life as a Slayer goes on. I tried to pick up where I left off, and physically, it was no problem. But I kept seeing the Master's face. . .in my dreams, on the practice dummy that I kicked to pieces, and in the corner of my eye as I walked my patrol. As for interacting with people. . .forget it. Mom had to be convinced that I was going catatonic. . .Angel shows up at my window and I'm totally rude to him. . .then at the Bronze the other night, oh God. I show up dressed to kill, tell Angel "I've moved on to the living," then drag Xander out on the dance floor right in front of Willow, get him all worked up, then. . .ugh, I can't write it. Suffice it to say I left him there rather annoyed at me. Cordelia actually came out and lectured me. . .that should have been my wakeup call: the Queen Bitch of Sunnydale High thought I had gone over the top. Then I wander through the cemetery where the Master's bones were buried and find a vacancy. . .great.
It turns out that there is a way to bring a vampire back from the dead: I snapped at Giles for not letting me know about it and at Willow and Xander for butting in. Snyder's arrival, for once, was timely, and we got together again after school in the library. Giles had a bead on the ritual, and we got a message that Cordelia had been kidnapped, and I insisted on going alone to get her, over the protests of the others. Angel showed up, trying to cover my back, and I actually challenged him to kick my ass. He ignored my taunts and followed me into where a single vamp dressed like Cordelia was waiting for us. Too late, I figured out that something was wrong and ran back to the library while Angel kept the vamp cooped up.
The library was a mess and Xander was the only one left there. Giles had misunderstood the ritual: it required the blood of the persons physically closest to the Master when he died: Giles, Willow, Cordelia, and Miss Calendar. I had really screwed things up, and Xander nearly tore my head off. . .he threatened to kill me if Willow got hurt, and in the state he was in he might have been able to do it. We went back to the Bronze, and I used a cross creatively to find out from the vamp where the prisoners were.
We got there in time, and Angel and Xander freed our friends while I cut loose on the vampires. Funny, as stupidly as I had been acting, I was at the top of my game. The last vamp had a sledgehammer, which fell to the ground after I shoved a lit torch into his chest, and I picked it up and began carefully smashing the Master's bones into powder. After a while, I stopped, and Angel was there as I started sobbing. He just held me as the others watched from above.
I was ready for serious groveling this morning, but Giles tried to cheer me up, telling me that I'd undoubtedly make bigger mistakes later (thank a whole heap, Giles!). Willow and Xander acted as if nothing had happened when I got to our first class together. . .my buds are great, yes they are, and I'm going to be level-headed Buffy from now on. . .it's the least I can do for them.
Faith paused and considered what she had just read. * B's been ready to chuck it all more than once. . .and who can blame her? I took off from Boston when I thought I was going to die if I stayed. . .but she always comes back. . .and it usually comes down to her friends. She meant it when she told me she didn't quit on her friends. . . * She leafed ahead a number of pages, then began reading again:
October 6, 1998
It's taken four months and being kidnapped by the minions of Hell, but I've decided to go home. I left because I couldn't deal. . .because everything I did seemed to hurt my friends and family, and I was just so tired of it all. . .but it didn't help. The supernatural won't leave me alone. . .and I know that they still need me back there. . .I just hope that my being gone hasn't hurt them too much.
October 10, 1998
It didn't go smoothly, of course. My buds had been covering the Hellmouth for me while I was gone, and though they were polite at first, they were pretty harsh during the party they set up for my return, and the fact that I went upstairs and started packing didn't help. Xander was really nasty. . .I almost decked him when he made some crack about having a demon as an ex-honey not being an excuse for hopping on a bus. Then a bunch of zombies crashed the party (nothing like the Hellmouth to provide random chaos in my life), and it was like we had never been apart. . .everyone came together and helped deal with the problem. . .the first thing Xander said after the zombies showed up was "I got your back." Damn it. . .I really wanted to stay pissed off at him. So the bottom line was, I get a lot of grief (Willow teased me mercilessly when it was all over), but I'm forgiven. . .I can live with that.
November 19, 1998
. . . so I walk into the library ready to tell Giles about the glove and they're waiting for me. From the expressions on their faces it isn't good. I sit down and Giles tells me that they know that Angel is back. It went downhill from there: Xander was his typically nasty self where Angel is involved, Cordelia sniped about not wanting to be on the receiving end of the next Angelus rampage, and Willow alternated from begging for me to admit that I needed help to complaining that the others were being too confrontational. . .Oz was relatively quiet, but I could sense his disapproval. Giles said very little, and shut the others up when voices started being raised. When they left, I went into Giles' office and tried to explain, but he very quietly tore me to shreds, telling me that I didn't respect him and reminding me what Angel had done to him last year. I could deal with what the others had said. . . .but Giles. . .it was all I could do not to throw myself at his feet sobbing and begging for forgiveness. I held it together and left, knowing that I had to make it right with him and to the others, even though I still thought that protecting Angel had been the right thing to do.
The next night I went out with Willow and killed Lagos. . .tip to the demons out there-don't carry an axe around if you're not planning to use it; otherwise, it's just something for your friendly neighborhood Slayer to grab and give you a short haircut with. We went back to the library to give Giles the good news and found the paramedics there carting Giles away with yet another head injury (I'm amazed the man has any brain cells left at this point). He mutters something about destroying the glove with living flame and is taken out, leaving Xander there with an odd look on his face. A bit of pointed questioning informed me that Faith had concluded that Angel had to go, and that she also thought that he had attacked Giles. . .and she had a ten minute lead on me. I think I totally blew away the world record for the two mile run getting up to the mansion, and got there just in time to stop her from staking Angel. I tried to get her to calm down and talk, but between whatever Xander told her, that damned Post woman goading her on, and her generally being as pissed off at me as everyone else about me hiding Angel, it didn't work, and we started fighting.
Remind me not to fight Faith again any time soon. . .she's really good. We were beating the hell out of each other (Xander showed up and tried to break it up, but Faith tossed him away like a rag doll. . .Xander, you've got to stop doing that. . .you're going to get killed) when we heard thunder and saw that Ms. Post had put on the Glove. Faith, puzzled, asked what she was doing. That bitch looked contemptuously at Faith and called her an idiot, and I could see the hurt on her face before Ms. Post started calling lightning down and we had to dive for cover. Angel recovered in time to save Willow from being fried, and I asked Faith to distract the lightning tosser. . .she agreed. While Ms. Post sat there and gloated, I picked up a piece of debris and gave it a nice toss, severing her arm and dropping the Glove to the ground, where it promptly fried her. . .harsh. We cleaned up the mess and destroyed the Glove. . .and things seemed to calm down with the others. . .except Faith. Damn it, between Ms. Post being an evil phony (nice job by the Watchers' Council on giving us a heads up on the "evil ex-Watcher" situation. . .don't any of those stuffy idiots know how to use a phone?), and her thinking that I betrayed her by not filling her in on Angel, she wasn't going to trust anyone any more. . .and I know where that leads, better than most. I have to try to convince her to count on us. . .or she's going to end up with the same heartache I've gone through. . .or worse. I haven't been the best example in the world myself, but I have to convince her. . .I just have to.
Faith sighed and remembered how she had almost given in and talked to Buffy about the whole thing that day. She had been so mad. . .she just wasn't ready to make peace with Buffy, even though Faith knew she was trying. She yawned: time for some more shuteye. She put the diary away and fell asleep, images from what she had read dancing in her head.
. . .to be continued
As always, comments are welcomed and desired
Part III
Faith's eyes fluttered open, and she saw the blurry figure of a dark-haired man sitting by the door. At first, she thought that Angel had remained there after all, but then she saw a beam of sunlight hitting a patch of bare skin, and her vision cleared further to reveal Xander. His expression was pensive, and when Faith met his gaze, she saw him flinch momentarily before regaining his composure and commenting, "Uh. . .hey, Faith. . .good morning."
Faith managed a faint smile and replied, "Good morning yourself. . .how long have you been here?"
Xander shrugged and responded, "An hour or two. . .I'm not sure."
Faith noticed that Xander hadn't brought a book, newspaper, or anything else to keep him busy during his wait. She commented, "You've just been sitting there for all of that time without anything to do? You must have been bored out of your mind."
Xander looked at her sadly and replied, "I had a lot to think about." His voice was calm, but Faith could see the tension in how he was sitting: there was fear there, and something else that she could not identify.
The Slayer sighed and requested, "Xander, could you move over here by the bed?" Xander flinched again, and Faith looked at him and added quietly, "Please?"
Xander looked at her and saw no hostility there, just fatigue and a touch of regret. He nodded slowly and pulled his chair up next to the bed. He forced himself to relax and looked back at Faith as he commented, "You're looking better. . .that Slayer healing thing must be great."
She looked at him and saw the faint bruising along his throat. She closed her eyes for a moment, then whispered, "Too bad I can't share it with you."
Xander smiled softly and replied, "Hey. . .don't worry. . .as attempts to kill me went, it wasn't one of the worst. You didn't try to bite my head off, or suck the life-force out of me, or drain my blood and make me into a vampire love slave. . .that was Dru's little contribution. A little loss of oxygen. . .hey, that's par for the course on the Hellmouth."
Faith looked at him and shook her head as she replied, "Damn it, Xander. . .I know what you're trying to do. . .but don't." She took a deep breath and continued, "Xander. . .I know how it must have looked. . .how it must have sounded. . .but I wasn't going to kill you. I was mad. . .mad that I had screwed up. . .mad that B wouldn't let me bury it. . .mad at Giles for believing her over me. . .and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was trying to scare you-"
Xander blinked and looked down as he commented, "You succeeded."
Faith reached out with her good hand and squeezed his hand softly as she replied, "I know. . .look, Xander. I won't apologize for not wanting to make more out of what we did last month in my room. . .I am what I am. But you've been straight with me, even when you probably didn't want to, like when you knew Angel hadn't attacked Giles and I didn't listen. I know what you were trying to do. . .I was just too pissed off to deal with it. I know she's your friend. . .it was stupid for me to expect you to believe me over her. . .especially when, well, she was telling the truth."
Xander sighed and squeezed her hand back as he responded, "Faith, we all wanted to help. . .but we'd seen how Buffy reacted when she thought she had killed someone. . .and that was a situation where she had been attacked first. Faith, what happened was a terrible accident. . .but you didn't want to kill that guy. What happened after that was the problem. . .Faith, I know it's been tough on you here, being the newcomer, losing your Watcher like you did, then having that faker come around and stab you in the back and call you an idiot for trusting her. We've all had our screw-ups. . .and some of them have been big ones, but we all have to stick together. . .between the stuff that the Hellmouth spits at us, and those stuffy idiots in England screwing things up, it's the only way we're going to make it."
Faith nodded and replied, "I know. . .I just have to decide if I can deal with that. . .or whether I should just bail and leave you guys to deal with things with people you trust." She paused for a moment, then asked, "Xander. . .why do you do it? I know how it must have sounded when we were all trying to keep you out of the fights. . .but I was really worried, you know? Fighting vamps on a regular basis is tough enough for us chosen types. . .you're decent in a fight, but you've been pushing your luck for years now. . .why haven't you just backed off?"
Xander looked at her and saw the genuine curiosity there, and responded, "I almost did a few times. . .I've had some big blow-ups with Buffy. . .I'm amazed sometimes that she still speaks to me, with the things I've said to her. . .did she ever tell you about the time I threatened to kill her? That was an ugly scene. . .most of our fights have been over Angel, of course, but other things pop up now and again. It's not easy having your hero as one of your best friends, Faith. But it's worth it. . .you've never talked too much about it, but I gather your family life kind of sucked. I've had both of my parents all along, and they've never beaten me up or starved me, but they have done a pretty good job of ignoring me. . .and until I was clued in on this being the supernatural party center of the world, I was just another guy dreaming of getting out of the crappy small town I happened to be born in. Then I met Buffy. . .and it all changed, both good and bad. It's not great finding out you're living on ground zero. . .but as long as I keep helping Buffy, Giles. . .and you, if something goes bad next week and I wind up six feet under, at least it means something. I'm not looking to end up dead, but I know it can happen, and if it does, I want it to count."
Faith watched him for a moment after he finished, and was relieved to see that most of the fear was gone from his body language, though she could still see a certain hesitancy that she intuitively believed would probably remain. * Damn, I finally do the nasty with someone who probably wouldn't have screwed me over if I had pursued it for the long haul, and I scare him off. . .oh well, story of my life. * She squeezed his hand again, and commented, "It has counted, Xander, for them and for me. . .I was too busy jumping your bones that night to say it, so I'm saying it now: thanks for saving my life, Xander. . .both times."
Xander blinked and replied, "You're welcome. . .wait, both times? You know about. . .?"
Faith smiled softly, amused at Xander's sudden loss of composure, and replied, "Yeah. . .you might want to have a talk with Buffy. Apparently you made her suspicious, and she started asking some questions. . .nice night you had. Thanks for keeping the heat off us while we dealt with that little problem of saving the world."
Xander smiled back at her, genuinely at ease for the first time since he had entered the room, and responded, "You're welcome." He looked at her for a moment, then commented, "I should let you get some more rest. . .I'll wait outside. . .if someone breaks in through the window, give me a yell, and I'll be right in."
Faith locked eyes with him and responded, "I know you will." She squeezed his hand again and released it as he stood up to leave. She watched him until the door closed behind him, and she was relieved to see his body language looked relatively normal. * I've got to find a way to make it up to him. . .whether or not I stay. * She took the diary out of the drawer, flipped a few pages, and began reading again:
April 9, 1997
When you live in the undead party capital of the world, you get used to a lot of weird stuff, including the occasional ickyness of running across a monster with the face of someone you used to know. I never saw this one coming, though. Our field trip to the zoo ended up with Xander and four of the school misfits being possessed by this nasty hyena spirit. I knew he was acting weird, but it wasn't until he was really mean to Willow that I knew something was seriously wrong. . .Xander would walk through fire for her, even if he is clueless about Willow having the hots for him.
Giles was not helpful at first. . .wrote it off to teenage guy behavior. . .like he has a clue about that. Willow's news about that cute little pig mascot Herbert being eaten (eww!) and my remembering the stuff about the hyenas got Giles' busy with the books, and what he found sent me out after Xander before stuff got really bad. He came up behind me while I was looking over the pig parts, and, well. . .let's just say that hyenas don't have any problems with attempted sex crimes. He was strong, but I introduced him to the business end of a desk, and I dragged him back to the library and dumped him into the book cage-where he missed out on his buddies eating Mr. Flutie (big eww!!)-and left Willow to watch him while we went to the hyena keeper. Bad idea. Xander's hyena buddies broke him out and went out for more easy food. I had to go after them and get them to follow me while Willow and Giles went to help the zookeeper reverse the possession. . .but since this is Sunnydale, when I showed up with five pissed off human/hyenas behind me, the zookeeper had a knife at Willow's throat and Giles was nowhere to be seen. Great. It actually was lucky that the guy had the spell ready and sucked the hyena right out of Xander and the flying monkeys. Xander took one look at the guy holding a knife on Willow and attacked him, sending him tumbling, which gave me time to pound on him for a while and toss him into the hyena pen (one word: yuck.).
Xander was his old self again, though the whole thing had him wigged out. He said he didn't remember any of it. . .I don't know if he's telling the truth, or if he's just trying to help Willow and I get past his seriously heinous actions while he was Hyena Boy. Either way, it's good to have him back.
Faith chuckled and shook her head, then moved on to another entry:
June 8, 1997
This is not something I ever expected to be able to write. . .how many people get to write about how they died? It started the other day with an earthquake, Xander asking me out to Spring Fling (ouch. . .it really hurt him when I said no. . .life sucks sometimes), and my walking in on Giles and Angel talking about the latest prophecy. . .where I face the Master and die. I lost it. . .I screamed at both of them and told them I was quitting, that I was sixteen and didn't want to die. I stormed out, resolved to drop all of this crap for good. . .
. . .but it only lasted until Willow and Cordelia walked in on a bloodbath on campus. Vamps had come and butchered Cordelia's boyfriend and his buddies and left them in the school lounge in front of a TV set playing cartoons. It really shook Willow up, and as she talked to me with tears in her eyes I realized that I just couldn't walk away from this, no matter what. I went to Giles, still wearing the nice dress that Mom bought for me to wear to Spring Fling, and found that Giles was there with Miss Calendar, preparing to face the Master himself. . .no way, Giles. I listened patiently to his determined arguments for going himself, then knocked him cold with a nice punch to the jaw (should we be worrying about Giles taking blows to the head?). Miss Calendar had been clued in. . .she told me that I would die if I went after the Master. I told her that maybe I would take him with me. . .but I don't think I believed it.
The Anointed One (a little kid. . .who would have thought?) led me into the Master's lair, and after an embarrassingly short cat and mouse game, he got me. He gloated about me setting him free, then bit me. I blacked out. . .and woke up with Xander looking down at me with an anguished look. Insanely, I wondered if he was still upset over my turning him down for the Spring Fling. . .then I remembered. I sat up and saw that Angel was there too. The water that I was coughing out of my lungs made it clear what had happened: the Master had dropped me into the pool after draining enough of my blood to get free, I had drowned, and Xander had brought me back. Angel told me later that Xander had come to him and told him that I had gone after the Master, and that he lost all hope until Xander confronted him and convinced him to lead Xander to the Master's lair, which could have been almost certain death for both of them. . .God, I don't deserve friends like these.
Anyway, I felt stronger than ever for some strange reason, and we still had to deal with the Master and the Hellmouth. I was pissed off, and I stormed up onto the school roof (don't ask me how, I just knew where he was). We fought, and it was an even fight, particularly after he tried that hokey hypnosis trick on me again and I blew him off. Luckily, a broken table in the library below gave me an opening, and the Master wound up impaled on it. . .left a skeleton. . .don't see that every day when you're fighting vamps. Anyway, the Master's death got rid of all of the weird stuff, and we all went to the Spring Fling. I'm still dealing with the whole thing. . .but I know that I've got the best friends in the world. . .they brought me back from the other side, and I'm not going to leave them again without a good fight.
September 17, 1997
I learned something this week. . .issues don't just go away because you want them to. I came back to Sunnydale on Sunday, and immediately I had to save Xander and Willow from a vamp. . .my life as a Slayer goes on. I tried to pick up where I left off, and physically, it was no problem. But I kept seeing the Master's face. . .in my dreams, on the practice dummy that I kicked to pieces, and in the corner of my eye as I walked my patrol. As for interacting with people. . .forget it. Mom had to be convinced that I was going catatonic. . .Angel shows up at my window and I'm totally rude to him. . .then at the Bronze the other night, oh God. I show up dressed to kill, tell Angel "I've moved on to the living," then drag Xander out on the dance floor right in front of Willow, get him all worked up, then. . .ugh, I can't write it. Suffice it to say I left him there rather annoyed at me. Cordelia actually came out and lectured me. . .that should have been my wakeup call: the Queen Bitch of Sunnydale High thought I had gone over the top. Then I wander through the cemetery where the Master's bones were buried and find a vacancy. . .great.
It turns out that there is a way to bring a vampire back from the dead: I snapped at Giles for not letting me know about it and at Willow and Xander for butting in. Snyder's arrival, for once, was timely, and we got together again after school in the library. Giles had a bead on the ritual, and we got a message that Cordelia had been kidnapped, and I insisted on going alone to get her, over the protests of the others. Angel showed up, trying to cover my back, and I actually challenged him to kick my ass. He ignored my taunts and followed me into where a single vamp dressed like Cordelia was waiting for us. Too late, I figured out that something was wrong and ran back to the library while Angel kept the vamp cooped up.
The library was a mess and Xander was the only one left there. Giles had misunderstood the ritual: it required the blood of the persons physically closest to the Master when he died: Giles, Willow, Cordelia, and Miss Calendar. I had really screwed things up, and Xander nearly tore my head off. . .he threatened to kill me if Willow got hurt, and in the state he was in he might have been able to do it. We went back to the Bronze, and I used a cross creatively to find out from the vamp where the prisoners were.
We got there in time, and Angel and Xander freed our friends while I cut loose on the vampires. Funny, as stupidly as I had been acting, I was at the top of my game. The last vamp had a sledgehammer, which fell to the ground after I shoved a lit torch into his chest, and I picked it up and began carefully smashing the Master's bones into powder. After a while, I stopped, and Angel was there as I started sobbing. He just held me as the others watched from above.
I was ready for serious groveling this morning, but Giles tried to cheer me up, telling me that I'd undoubtedly make bigger mistakes later (thank a whole heap, Giles!). Willow and Xander acted as if nothing had happened when I got to our first class together. . .my buds are great, yes they are, and I'm going to be level-headed Buffy from now on. . .it's the least I can do for them.
Faith paused and considered what she had just read. * B's been ready to chuck it all more than once. . .and who can blame her? I took off from Boston when I thought I was going to die if I stayed. . .but she always comes back. . .and it usually comes down to her friends. She meant it when she told me she didn't quit on her friends. . . * She leafed ahead a number of pages, then began reading again:
October 6, 1998
It's taken four months and being kidnapped by the minions of Hell, but I've decided to go home. I left because I couldn't deal. . .because everything I did seemed to hurt my friends and family, and I was just so tired of it all. . .but it didn't help. The supernatural won't leave me alone. . .and I know that they still need me back there. . .I just hope that my being gone hasn't hurt them too much.
October 10, 1998
It didn't go smoothly, of course. My buds had been covering the Hellmouth for me while I was gone, and though they were polite at first, they were pretty harsh during the party they set up for my return, and the fact that I went upstairs and started packing didn't help. Xander was really nasty. . .I almost decked him when he made some crack about having a demon as an ex-honey not being an excuse for hopping on a bus. Then a bunch of zombies crashed the party (nothing like the Hellmouth to provide random chaos in my life), and it was like we had never been apart. . .everyone came together and helped deal with the problem. . .the first thing Xander said after the zombies showed up was "I got your back." Damn it. . .I really wanted to stay pissed off at him. So the bottom line was, I get a lot of grief (Willow teased me mercilessly when it was all over), but I'm forgiven. . .I can live with that.
November 19, 1998
. . . so I walk into the library ready to tell Giles about the glove and they're waiting for me. From the expressions on their faces it isn't good. I sit down and Giles tells me that they know that Angel is back. It went downhill from there: Xander was his typically nasty self where Angel is involved, Cordelia sniped about not wanting to be on the receiving end of the next Angelus rampage, and Willow alternated from begging for me to admit that I needed help to complaining that the others were being too confrontational. . .Oz was relatively quiet, but I could sense his disapproval. Giles said very little, and shut the others up when voices started being raised. When they left, I went into Giles' office and tried to explain, but he very quietly tore me to shreds, telling me that I didn't respect him and reminding me what Angel had done to him last year. I could deal with what the others had said. . . .but Giles. . .it was all I could do not to throw myself at his feet sobbing and begging for forgiveness. I held it together and left, knowing that I had to make it right with him and to the others, even though I still thought that protecting Angel had been the right thing to do.
The next night I went out with Willow and killed Lagos. . .tip to the demons out there-don't carry an axe around if you're not planning to use it; otherwise, it's just something for your friendly neighborhood Slayer to grab and give you a short haircut with. We went back to the library to give Giles the good news and found the paramedics there carting Giles away with yet another head injury (I'm amazed the man has any brain cells left at this point). He mutters something about destroying the glove with living flame and is taken out, leaving Xander there with an odd look on his face. A bit of pointed questioning informed me that Faith had concluded that Angel had to go, and that she also thought that he had attacked Giles. . .and she had a ten minute lead on me. I think I totally blew away the world record for the two mile run getting up to the mansion, and got there just in time to stop her from staking Angel. I tried to get her to calm down and talk, but between whatever Xander told her, that damned Post woman goading her on, and her generally being as pissed off at me as everyone else about me hiding Angel, it didn't work, and we started fighting.
Remind me not to fight Faith again any time soon. . .she's really good. We were beating the hell out of each other (Xander showed up and tried to break it up, but Faith tossed him away like a rag doll. . .Xander, you've got to stop doing that. . .you're going to get killed) when we heard thunder and saw that Ms. Post had put on the Glove. Faith, puzzled, asked what she was doing. That bitch looked contemptuously at Faith and called her an idiot, and I could see the hurt on her face before Ms. Post started calling lightning down and we had to dive for cover. Angel recovered in time to save Willow from being fried, and I asked Faith to distract the lightning tosser. . .she agreed. While Ms. Post sat there and gloated, I picked up a piece of debris and gave it a nice toss, severing her arm and dropping the Glove to the ground, where it promptly fried her. . .harsh. We cleaned up the mess and destroyed the Glove. . .and things seemed to calm down with the others. . .except Faith. Damn it, between Ms. Post being an evil phony (nice job by the Watchers' Council on giving us a heads up on the "evil ex-Watcher" situation. . .don't any of those stuffy idiots know how to use a phone?), and her thinking that I betrayed her by not filling her in on Angel, she wasn't going to trust anyone any more. . .and I know where that leads, better than most. I have to try to convince her to count on us. . .or she's going to end up with the same heartache I've gone through. . .or worse. I haven't been the best example in the world myself, but I have to convince her. . .I just have to.
Faith sighed and remembered how she had almost given in and talked to Buffy about the whole thing that day. She had been so mad. . .she just wasn't ready to make peace with Buffy, even though Faith knew she was trying. She yawned: time for some more shuteye. She put the diary away and fell asleep, images from what she had read dancing in her head.
. . .to be continued
As always, comments are welcomed and desired