I hope these footnotes are in the correct order please tell me otherwise if they aren't.
1. Romeo and Juliet was first printed in 1597 under the following title: 'An excellent conceited Tragedie of Romeo and Juliet. As it hath been often (with great applause) plaid publiquely, by the right honourable the L. of Hunsdon his seruants.' Perhaps Shakespeare is allowed to be 'conceited,' being the greatest playwright ever, but that doesn't excuse wearing plaid in publique. It's a fashion felony.
2. 'fatal lions'; in Shakespeare's day, men's penises were often grounded to a razor-sharp edge on a specially designed lathe and used, not only as lethal weapons, but as everyday 'tools.' They would often be used as 'boning' -knives and, in seafaring circles, to clean fish--hence the term 'cod-piece'.
3. 'Benvolio'; a character now believed to have been modeled after the famous 14th century courtier/soldier/loan-shark Benny ("The Snake") Volio, who was in turn the bastard son of 13th century margarine magnate Sir Ben of Oleo.
4. 'neighbor-stained steel'; the image becomes disgustingly clear in light of the use of penises as weapons; see footnote 2 above.
5. 'farther'; originally 'farter's', excised for indecency by the Lord Mayor of London, c. 1599.
6. 'coz' pinhead.
7. 'In love?'; in the 1598 Quarto, 'say what?'
8. 'tyrannous'; dinosaur-like.
10. 'Go thither'; why Benvolio, who is obviously one of Romeo's closest friends, suddenly starts calling him 'thither' is unclear. Samuel Johnson suggests that 'thither' should read 'zither,' and that Benvolio is suggesting Romeo ease his sorrows by practicing his music. A very dumb emendation. Rowe posited that Benvolio is trying to say 'sister'but has a terrible lisp. That of course doesn't make any sense either, but it's an amusing image.
11. 'O she doth teach the torches to burn bright'; obviously, Romeo's infatuation with Juliet instant and complete. Post-modern scholars have compared Juliet's effect on Romeo to Bob Marley's effect on the reggae scene in Jamaica
12. 'my unworthiest hand'; most likely a Queen, a Jack, a nine, a four, and a three.
13. 'holy palmers'; actually 'holey palmers' -- course, woolen gloves favored by the Roman Catholic clergy of the time which were frequently worn through by excessive groveling.
14. 'the Balcony Scene'; a performance note, supplied by EB: If Juliet should outweigh Romeo by more than 57 pounds, the 'balcony effect,' as we call it, can be achieved by climbing a tree, suspending yourself by a bungee cord, or, if all else fails, by leaping at least eight feet into the air and hovering there. Under no circumstances use an actual balcony.
15. 'light'; in this context, obviously a euphemism for 'wind.'
16. 'wherefore art thou Romeo?'; perhaps the most widely misconstructed line in all of Shakespeare. The ignorant masses (that's you the humble reader), generally assume 'wherefore' to mean 'where' and believe that Juliet is asking where, in physical space, Romeo is located. In fact, 'wherefore' means 'why'. Juliet is asking him why he wastes all his time on his paintings ('Wherefore art thou Romeo?') when he could probably get a real job as an accountant or at least an insurance salesman and buy a nice late-model carriage to ride in when going out for pizza and expresso and cruising the piazza on Saturday nights.
17. 'doth thy name' 'doff': v.t. to misspell (as in: he doffed 'lycnthropy' on the vocabulary exam and was chided.)
18. 'but love'; 1598 Quarto edition reads, 'butt-love.' In Shakespeare's day, slang for 'homosexual.'
19. 'new-baptized'; in earlier performances the line is believed to have been, 'gnu-baptized.' A popular fertility ritual of the late 1500s involved obtaining an exotic animal from distant land and allowing it to urinate on a virgin. Gnus were among the most popular beasts for the ritual.
20. 'What man art thou?'; again, Juliet is fixated on Romeo's artwork, and wants to know who his male model is. Her suspicions have been aroused by the 'butt-love' reference (see footnote 18.)
21. 'O wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?'; in the 1598 Quarto, 'O Wilt! Thou leave me so unsatisfied,' signifying a bawdy cameo by basketball legend Wilt Chamberline.
22. 'faithful vows'; in the 1958 Quarto, 'fateful fluids'
23. 'villain'; in the 1598 Quarto, 'wanker'.
24. See footnote 18
25. 'fiery-footed steeds'; horse-hotfoots were another cruel pastime of the period, along with bear-baiting, teenage-prostitute scouring, and unedited, four-hour productions of King Leer.
26. 'God save the mark'; 'mark' was yet another Elizabethan slang term for 'homosexual'; the phrase was later to become 'God save the Queen.'
27. 'manly breast'; the use of oxymoron is fascinating.
28. 'General DoomTM'' is a licensed character of AdventureTime Comics, Inc., all right reserved.
29. 'this distilled liquor drink thou off'; the RSC debated intensely about the inclusion of this line, given the saddened abuse of alcohol which ravages our society, However, as the 'distilled liquor' is central to the plot, we include it with this disclaimer: to any children or teenagers who may be reading this story, we wish to affirm our strong commitment to reducing alcoholism in out society. Don't drink. And if you drink, don't drive. Drinking is not cool.
30. 'drugs'; drugs, however, are great. Do lots of them.
31. This editor's lawyer tells him that some impressionable youths might not understand that last footnote was a joke, and that their parents might sue him for many clams when little Johnny bludgeons Aunt Sophie to death with his Stratocaster while under the influence of PCP. He suggests I include a further disclaimer. Although I feel it out of place in a scholarly work such as this, I am legally compelled to say, 'Heh-heh, just kidding, kinds. Do whatever Mom and Dad tell you to do. Never question authority. Don't think for yourself, and above all, don't have any fun.
32. 'O, happy dagger! This is thy sheath'; this line again plays on the penis-as-a-sword metaphor (see footnote 2 above). A 'happy-dagger' was, of course, an erection, and the sigh of the young actor portraying Juliet 'unsheathing' Romeo's would have provoked much general mirth among the groundlings.
33. 'Well, that's Romeo for ya'; a reference now to the size of Romeo's genitalia, or alleged lake thereof. If you don't under the humour of this then just think of it really immaturing, you'll be sure to laugh.
And there you have it for
the footnotes folks, please tell me what you think and R&R remember
this was written by the Reduced Shakespeare Company (all rights reserved)
: )