T.C.W.O.W.S.A - Gundam Style Chapter 5: Shksprs Comedies, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

Com Konnichiwa, I know some people hate stories that have the author of them as one of the characters but when I got this idea I couldn't help myself, you have to read the footnotes at the end to see all the humor in this piece. I got this from "The Compeat Work of Wllm Shakspr (abridged)" And if you haven't seen it I highly recommend it. Now not to give my story away to much here I go.

------

(QUATRE and TROWA enter, each wearing tail coats; TROWA steps forward to address the readers.)

TROWA: Now, when it came to the Comedies, Shakespeare was a
genius at borrowing and adapting plot devices from different
theatrical traditions.

(EB enters also wearing a tailcoat she carries three scripts in her hands and distributes one to QUATRE)

That's right. These influences include the Roman plays of
Plautus and Terence, Ovid's 'Metamorphoses' which are
hysterically funny - NOT - as well as the rich Italian tradition of
Commedia Dell' Arte.

(EB hands TROWA and script)

EB: Yeah. Basically, Shakespeare stole everything he ever wrote.

QUATRE: 'Stole' is kinda strong. 'Distilled,' maybe.

EB: Well, then he 'distilled' the three or four funniest gimmicks
of his time, and then he milked them into sixteen plays.

TROWA: You see, essentially Shakespeare was a formula writer.
Once he found a device that worked, he used it...

ALL: Over and over and over again.

TROWA: So, Mr. Shakespeare, the question we have is this:

ALL: Why did you write sixteen comedies when you could have
written just one?

QUATRE: In answer to this question, we have taken the liberty of
condensing all sixteen of Shakespeare's comedies into a single
play, which we have entitled 'The Comedy of Two Well-
Measured Gentlemen Lost in the Merry Wives of Venice on a
Midsummer's Twelfth Night in Winter.'

EB: Or...

TROWA: 'Cymbeline Taming Pericles the Merchant in the Tempest
of Love As Much As You Like It For Nothing.'

EB: Or...

ALL: 'The Love Boat Goes to Verona.'

(All pivot and march upstage. Blackout. In the blackout, we
hear:)

EB: Comedy?

QUATRE: Comedy.

TROWA: Comedy.

(Lights come up to reveal all three actors, each in a pool of light
and wearing tailcoats and comedy headgear. TROWA wears
goggles; EB wears floppy bug atennae and clown nose;
QUATRE wears a pair of Groucho Marx-funny-nose-and-glasses.)

TROWA: Act One. A Spanish duke swears an oath of celibacy and
turns the rule of his kingdom over to his sadistic and tyrannical
twin brother. He learns some fantastical feats of magic and sets
sail for the Golden Age of Greece, along with his daughters,
three beautiful and virginal sets of identical twins. While
rounding the heel of Italy¹the duke's ship is caught in a
terrible tempest which, in its fury, casts the duke up on a desert
island, along with the loveliest and most virginal of his
daughters who stumbles into a cave, where she is molested by a
creature who is either a man or a fish or both.²

^{EB: Act Two:
The long-lost children of the duke's brother, also}
^{coincidentally three sets of identical twins, have just arrived in}
^{Italy. Through still possessed of an inner nobility, they are}
^{ragged, destitute, penniless, flea-infested shadows of the men}
^{they once were, and in the utmost extremity, are forced to}
^{borrow money from an old Jew, who deceives them into putting}
^{down their brains as collateral on the loan. Meanwhile, the six}
^{brothers fall in love with six Italian sisters, while the other three are}
^{submissive, airheaded little bimbos.}

^{QUATRE: Act Three.
The shipwrecked identical daughters of the duke}
^{wash up on the shoes of Italy, disguise themselves as men, and}
^{become pages to the shrews, and matchmakers to the duke's}
^{brother's sons. They lead all the lovers into a nearby forest,}
^{where, on a midsummer's night, a bunch of mischievous fairies}
^{squeeze the aphroditic juice of the hermaphroditic flower in the}
^{shrews' eyes, causing them to fall in love with their own pages,}
^{who in turn have fallen in love with the duke's brother's sons,}
^{while the 'Queen' of the 'fairies' seduces a jackass, and they all}
^{have a lovely bisexual animalistic orgy.}

^{ALL: Act Four!}

^{TROWA: The elderly
fathers of the Italian sisters, finding their}
^{daughters missing, dispatch messages to the pages, telling them}
^{to kill any man in the vicinity.}

^{EB: However,
unable to find men in the forest, the faithful}
^{messengers, in a final, misguided act of loyalty, deliver the}
^{messages to each other and kill themselves.}

^{QUATRE: Meanwhile,
the fish-creature and the duke arrive in the forest}
^{disguised as RUssians, and for no apparent reason, perform a}
^{two-man understand version of 'Uncle Vanya.'}

^{ALL: Act Five!}

^{TROWA: The duke
commands the fairies to right their wrongs.}

^{EB: The pages
and the bimbos get into a knock-down drag-out}
^{fight in the mud.}

^{QUATRE: During
which the pages' clothes are ripped off, revealing}
^{female genitalia!}

^{TROWA: The duke
recognizes his daughters!}

^{EB: The duke's
brother's sons recognize their uncle...}

^{QUATRE: One of
the bimbos grows up to be Vanna White...}

^{TROWA: And they
all get married and go out to dinner.}

^{EB: Except for
a minor character in the second act who gets}
^{eaten by a bear, and the duke's brother's sons who, unable to pay}
^{back the old Jew, give themselves lobotomies.}

^{ALL: And they
all live happily ever after}

^{(ALL
bow and exit)}