**********
You've stolen my heart
and I want you to remember
now what'll I do?
living alone
you've stolen my heart
and it hurts me to remember
now where'll I go to?
living alone
(The Sundays - Homeward)
*****************
The next morning
7 am
Xander woke when his alarm went off, but was disoriented for a
moment. He finally realized why he had been asleep on the floor, but
Buffy got the alarm before he could. "Sorry. Forgot about that," he
said apologetically.
She looked over at him, and shook her head. "It's okay... Thanks."
"For letting you stay here? You don't need to thank me for that,"
Xander replied. "Do you want to talk--"
"No," she said a little too loudly. "I just...I just want to forget,"
she said.
"Did you get any sleep?" he asked worriedly. She didn't look as if
she had, the dark circles under her eyes seemed to tell him that.
Buffy shrugged. "Sleep's overrated."
Xander nodded, and said, "Well, I don't know if you've thought about
what you want to do next. But if you need to hide out here, you're
more than welcome. My parents barely pay attention to my existence,
so it won't even register with them that you're here. I can sleep
anywhere, because again, my parents won't notice. I frequently sleep
outside when I get tired of hearing them 'discussing things', as they
like to call it. So the couch isn't a big deal for me. What I'm trying to say is if you feel safe here, then stay."
"I don't deserve this, not after everything that's happened," Buffy
said, shaking her head. She sat up and ran her hand through her hair
distractedly.
"Says who?" Xander replied. "Yes, I was less than thrilled when you
and Willow jumped on the 'save Angel' bandwagon. Miss Calendar
was killed by him, not to mention that he almost killed Willow and
Giles. So, no, he wasn't my favorite person, but I never blamed you.
You didn't cause what happened to any of them. Look at me," he
insisted, and turned her face to make her meet his eyes. "None of
what happened to them is your fault."
"Xan--Oh." Cordelia was halfway down the stairs, and stopped in
confusion.
"Cordy," Xander said. "What's up?"
"I...what...um," Cordelia couldn't manage to form a sentence.
"Let's go upstairs," Xander said, walking up to head her off at the
stairway.
"But--"
"Now," Xander said firmly, and took her by the elbow, leading her up
the stairs.
Buffy watched them go, realizing that twenty-four hours ago she would
have been incredibly amused at Cordelia's thinly-concealed attack of
jealousy. But now, nothing really seemed to penetrate far enough
to tug at her emotions. All that remained in her head, like a broken
record, was the sound of Angel's questioning call to her shortly
before he was sucked into Hell.
************
"I'm not sure what exactly happened," Xander said. "She won't talk. I
got that she had to kill him, but I have a feeling there's more to it
than that."
"Okay, I understand all that. What I _don't_ understand is the part
where she slept here," Cordelia returned. "She _has_ a home, Xander."
Xander sighed in frustration and said, "I know that, Cordy. But she
didn't want to face her mom and she didn't want to face Giles. What was I supposed to do, let her sleep on the street? She's my friend and I was trying to help."
"I bet," Cordelia muttered, still irritated by the situation.
"Look, Cordelia. It's been a long week, and I don't know about you
but I've gotten about four hours of sleep in the last 2 days. So I'm
really not in the trade-insults frame of mind right now," he said.
It was Cordelia's turn to sigh. "Fine. You're right, we're both
tired. I'll go, see you later."
"Why don't we meet up somewhere tonight?" Xander suggested.
"Really?" Cordelia asked.
"No, I'm just saying it," Xander replied, rolling his eyes. "Bronze?"
"Fine," Cordelia shrugged.
"Please try to contain your excitement," he said sarcastically,
gaining a quick smile from her. "That's better," he smiled back.
Having gotten his courage up to kiss her, deciding she wasn't going
to beat him up, he did so.
"Okay, go back to your Slayer-sitting duties," Cordelia said pushing
him away. "But you're mine tonight."
"Oh, really?" he leered at her.
"Don't push it, Xander," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Meet me at eight.
If you're not there by five after, I'll be gone."
"Yes ma'am," Xander mock-saluted her, and dodged as she swatted at
him. "See you tonight, Cordy," he said and watched as she returned to
her car.
&&&&&&
"Buffy, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry," Xander said as he
walked back downstairs with a few bagels and cream cheese. "So eat," he ordered.
She looked up at him, and said, "Food? I've been told it's a
necessary thing."
"So I hear," Xander replied. "I repeat, eat."
Buffy picked up a bagel and picked at it absent-mindedly.
Xander sighed, and said, "So what are you going to do?"
"Go home I guess," Buffy shrugged. "Mom and I kind of had a fight, so
she'll be avoiding me for a while. Which is just fine with me."
"Are you going to go see Giles soon?" Xander asked.
"I don't know how I can face him," Buffy replied.
"Why? He doesn't blame you for what happened. I think you should just
go talk to him."
"I just... I can't," Buffy said. "I can't deal with Slaying or my
Watcher, I just don't want anything to do with that part of my life
right now. Could you...would you tell him that I need some time? Keep
him off my case for a few days? I'll be ready to face him and my Slayer duties in a week, hopefully."
Xander looked at her for a moment in silence, then shrugged, "Fine,
I'll cover for you, for a little while."
"Thank you," Buffy said, relieved that she had one less thing
to worry about, for a while anyway.
Xander nodded, and said, "I'll get us something to drink, then I'll
walk you home." When he returned, she was staring into space, her
breakfast forgotten. "At least drink something," Xander sighed,
handing her a glass of juice.
She wrinkled her nose at it, but obeyed. "Mom's so going to freak out
when she has to deal with me being kicked out of school," she said.
"That wasn't your fault," Xander protested. "Snyder's a jerk, and
he's had it out for you since the moment you moved here."
Buffy replied, "Mom's still going to kill me. But then hopefully
she'll turn her wrath on Snyder. Not that I'm a big fan of school,
but I'm an even lesser fan of starting over at a new one."
"Well, the bright side is it's the summer so you don't have to worry about school for three months," Xander said helpfully.
"Oh boy, what am I going to do with myself," Buffy replied. "And what
about Kendra's murder? The cops still think I did it."
"No, they don't," Xander said. "Giles and I informed them that the
person who did it was a strange, dark-haired, psychopathic girl. Not
that they'll be able to stop Drusilla, but at least they're not after you anymore. We can find Drusilla and Spike later when you feel up to it. Take care of it the slayer-way."
"Oh," Buffy winced, remembering her deal with Spike. "That's gonna be
kind of difficult, considering I agreed to let Spike leave town with
Drusilla."
Xander's jaw dropped open, he was shocked.
"Don't say it, I wasn't thrilled about the deal either. But Spike came to me and offered to keep Dru out of my way at the Mansion, if I let him and Dru leave town after. He promised that we'd never see either of them again."
"And you believed him??"
"Yes," she replied. At his skeptical look, she added, "Look, Xander,
I'm not saying he doesn't deserve a stake through the heart. But
Spike's main concern has always been Spike, and if he has any loyalty
at all it's to Drusilla. So yes, I did believe that he would get himself and Dru out of town and stay out. Besides, it's not like I would've had much luck without taking the deal, facing Angelus, Spike AND Drusilla all at once."
"Maybe," Xander grudgingly admitted. "I just can't believe that
they're not going to pay for their part in the events of the past two weeks."
"If they ever set foot in this town again, they'll pay," Buffy
said. "Well, I guess I'm ready to go home."
"Okay, I'll walk you," Xander replied, following her upstairs to the
front door.
"I think I know my way home," Buffy protested with a frown.
"Look, Buffy, no offense, but I doubt your reflexes are good enough
to deal with any straggling demons who haven't yet retreated to the
sewers for the day. And I, for one, don't want yet another Slayer in
Sunnydale. We just got used to you," he teased.
When she didn't reply, he said, "And that just proved my point. If
you were really up to Buffy-potential you would've zinged me with a
witty remark."
"Sorry, out of wit at the moment," she replied.
They walked the rest of the way to her house in silence, and when
they arrived, Xander said, "Well, here we are."
"Yay," she replied, looking at the house for a moment, getting up
her nerve to go to the door. She did finally, and turned back as
she opened it, and said, "Thanks, Xander."
"No problem," he smiled, and walked back to his house.
Buffy peered around the door, but saw no signs of her mom. She
breathed a sigh of relief and made it half-way up the stairs before
she heard, "Buffy! Where have you been?"
"Don't start," Buffy warned, turning to see Joyce standing at the
foot of the stairs. "I'm not in the mood right now--"
"Well, tough!" Joyce replied. "You ran out without giving us a chance
to talk last night, and then I was up all night wondering where you
were, and when or if you would be back. You can't keep doing this to
me, Buffy. I don't care who or what you think you are, you're still
my daughter. If you would at least tell me where you were and that
you're okay...." Joyce walked up the stairs and noticed the dried
blood on Buffy's arm. "What happened to you?!" she demanded.
"Oh," Buffy looked at the cut on her arm, just one of the wounds
remaining from her fight with Angelus. *Funny, it didn't hurt when it
happened, and it doesn't hurt now either. Not as much as the broken
heart, that's for sure.* "It's just a flesh wound," she shrugged.
"Typical of a night of Slaying. It will heal in no time,
don't worry about it."
"Buffy I should treat that--"
"Mom, no!" Buffy yelled, and pulled her arm out of Joyce's grasp.
"I've had the night from, well, Hell actually, and I just need
to be alone right now." She turned and went to her room, shutting the
door and locking it behind her.
*Alone. That's what I am. That's what I should be, after what I did
to Angel.* Buffy curled up on her bed as the tears started again.
End Part Two
You've stolen my heart
and I want you to remember
now what'll I do?
living alone
you've stolen my heart
and it hurts me to remember
now where'll I go to?
living alone
(The Sundays - Homeward)
*****************
The next morning
7 am
Xander woke when his alarm went off, but was disoriented for a
moment. He finally realized why he had been asleep on the floor, but
Buffy got the alarm before he could. "Sorry. Forgot about that," he
said apologetically.
She looked over at him, and shook her head. "It's okay... Thanks."
"For letting you stay here? You don't need to thank me for that,"
Xander replied. "Do you want to talk--"
"No," she said a little too loudly. "I just...I just want to forget,"
she said.
"Did you get any sleep?" he asked worriedly. She didn't look as if
she had, the dark circles under her eyes seemed to tell him that.
Buffy shrugged. "Sleep's overrated."
Xander nodded, and said, "Well, I don't know if you've thought about
what you want to do next. But if you need to hide out here, you're
more than welcome. My parents barely pay attention to my existence,
so it won't even register with them that you're here. I can sleep
anywhere, because again, my parents won't notice. I frequently sleep
outside when I get tired of hearing them 'discussing things', as they
like to call it. So the couch isn't a big deal for me. What I'm trying to say is if you feel safe here, then stay."
"I don't deserve this, not after everything that's happened," Buffy
said, shaking her head. She sat up and ran her hand through her hair
distractedly.
"Says who?" Xander replied. "Yes, I was less than thrilled when you
and Willow jumped on the 'save Angel' bandwagon. Miss Calendar
was killed by him, not to mention that he almost killed Willow and
Giles. So, no, he wasn't my favorite person, but I never blamed you.
You didn't cause what happened to any of them. Look at me," he
insisted, and turned her face to make her meet his eyes. "None of
what happened to them is your fault."
"Xan--Oh." Cordelia was halfway down the stairs, and stopped in
confusion.
"Cordy," Xander said. "What's up?"
"I...what...um," Cordelia couldn't manage to form a sentence.
"Let's go upstairs," Xander said, walking up to head her off at the
stairway.
"But--"
"Now," Xander said firmly, and took her by the elbow, leading her up
the stairs.
Buffy watched them go, realizing that twenty-four hours ago she would
have been incredibly amused at Cordelia's thinly-concealed attack of
jealousy. But now, nothing really seemed to penetrate far enough
to tug at her emotions. All that remained in her head, like a broken
record, was the sound of Angel's questioning call to her shortly
before he was sucked into Hell.
************
"I'm not sure what exactly happened," Xander said. "She won't talk. I
got that she had to kill him, but I have a feeling there's more to it
than that."
"Okay, I understand all that. What I _don't_ understand is the part
where she slept here," Cordelia returned. "She _has_ a home, Xander."
Xander sighed in frustration and said, "I know that, Cordy. But she
didn't want to face her mom and she didn't want to face Giles. What was I supposed to do, let her sleep on the street? She's my friend and I was trying to help."
"I bet," Cordelia muttered, still irritated by the situation.
"Look, Cordelia. It's been a long week, and I don't know about you
but I've gotten about four hours of sleep in the last 2 days. So I'm
really not in the trade-insults frame of mind right now," he said.
It was Cordelia's turn to sigh. "Fine. You're right, we're both
tired. I'll go, see you later."
"Why don't we meet up somewhere tonight?" Xander suggested.
"Really?" Cordelia asked.
"No, I'm just saying it," Xander replied, rolling his eyes. "Bronze?"
"Fine," Cordelia shrugged.
"Please try to contain your excitement," he said sarcastically,
gaining a quick smile from her. "That's better," he smiled back.
Having gotten his courage up to kiss her, deciding she wasn't going
to beat him up, he did so.
"Okay, go back to your Slayer-sitting duties," Cordelia said pushing
him away. "But you're mine tonight."
"Oh, really?" he leered at her.
"Don't push it, Xander," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Meet me at eight.
If you're not there by five after, I'll be gone."
"Yes ma'am," Xander mock-saluted her, and dodged as she swatted at
him. "See you tonight, Cordy," he said and watched as she returned to
her car.
&&&&&&
"Buffy, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry," Xander said as he
walked back downstairs with a few bagels and cream cheese. "So eat," he ordered.
She looked up at him, and said, "Food? I've been told it's a
necessary thing."
"So I hear," Xander replied. "I repeat, eat."
Buffy picked up a bagel and picked at it absent-mindedly.
Xander sighed, and said, "So what are you going to do?"
"Go home I guess," Buffy shrugged. "Mom and I kind of had a fight, so
she'll be avoiding me for a while. Which is just fine with me."
"Are you going to go see Giles soon?" Xander asked.
"I don't know how I can face him," Buffy replied.
"Why? He doesn't blame you for what happened. I think you should just
go talk to him."
"I just... I can't," Buffy said. "I can't deal with Slaying or my
Watcher, I just don't want anything to do with that part of my life
right now. Could you...would you tell him that I need some time? Keep
him off my case for a few days? I'll be ready to face him and my Slayer duties in a week, hopefully."
Xander looked at her for a moment in silence, then shrugged, "Fine,
I'll cover for you, for a little while."
"Thank you," Buffy said, relieved that she had one less thing
to worry about, for a while anyway.
Xander nodded, and said, "I'll get us something to drink, then I'll
walk you home." When he returned, she was staring into space, her
breakfast forgotten. "At least drink something," Xander sighed,
handing her a glass of juice.
She wrinkled her nose at it, but obeyed. "Mom's so going to freak out
when she has to deal with me being kicked out of school," she said.
"That wasn't your fault," Xander protested. "Snyder's a jerk, and
he's had it out for you since the moment you moved here."
Buffy replied, "Mom's still going to kill me. But then hopefully
she'll turn her wrath on Snyder. Not that I'm a big fan of school,
but I'm an even lesser fan of starting over at a new one."
"Well, the bright side is it's the summer so you don't have to worry about school for three months," Xander said helpfully.
"Oh boy, what am I going to do with myself," Buffy replied. "And what
about Kendra's murder? The cops still think I did it."
"No, they don't," Xander said. "Giles and I informed them that the
person who did it was a strange, dark-haired, psychopathic girl. Not
that they'll be able to stop Drusilla, but at least they're not after you anymore. We can find Drusilla and Spike later when you feel up to it. Take care of it the slayer-way."
"Oh," Buffy winced, remembering her deal with Spike. "That's gonna be
kind of difficult, considering I agreed to let Spike leave town with
Drusilla."
Xander's jaw dropped open, he was shocked.
"Don't say it, I wasn't thrilled about the deal either. But Spike came to me and offered to keep Dru out of my way at the Mansion, if I let him and Dru leave town after. He promised that we'd never see either of them again."
"And you believed him??"
"Yes," she replied. At his skeptical look, she added, "Look, Xander,
I'm not saying he doesn't deserve a stake through the heart. But
Spike's main concern has always been Spike, and if he has any loyalty
at all it's to Drusilla. So yes, I did believe that he would get himself and Dru out of town and stay out. Besides, it's not like I would've had much luck without taking the deal, facing Angelus, Spike AND Drusilla all at once."
"Maybe," Xander grudgingly admitted. "I just can't believe that
they're not going to pay for their part in the events of the past two weeks."
"If they ever set foot in this town again, they'll pay," Buffy
said. "Well, I guess I'm ready to go home."
"Okay, I'll walk you," Xander replied, following her upstairs to the
front door.
"I think I know my way home," Buffy protested with a frown.
"Look, Buffy, no offense, but I doubt your reflexes are good enough
to deal with any straggling demons who haven't yet retreated to the
sewers for the day. And I, for one, don't want yet another Slayer in
Sunnydale. We just got used to you," he teased.
When she didn't reply, he said, "And that just proved my point. If
you were really up to Buffy-potential you would've zinged me with a
witty remark."
"Sorry, out of wit at the moment," she replied.
They walked the rest of the way to her house in silence, and when
they arrived, Xander said, "Well, here we are."
"Yay," she replied, looking at the house for a moment, getting up
her nerve to go to the door. She did finally, and turned back as
she opened it, and said, "Thanks, Xander."
"No problem," he smiled, and walked back to his house.
Buffy peered around the door, but saw no signs of her mom. She
breathed a sigh of relief and made it half-way up the stairs before
she heard, "Buffy! Where have you been?"
"Don't start," Buffy warned, turning to see Joyce standing at the
foot of the stairs. "I'm not in the mood right now--"
"Well, tough!" Joyce replied. "You ran out without giving us a chance
to talk last night, and then I was up all night wondering where you
were, and when or if you would be back. You can't keep doing this to
me, Buffy. I don't care who or what you think you are, you're still
my daughter. If you would at least tell me where you were and that
you're okay...." Joyce walked up the stairs and noticed the dried
blood on Buffy's arm. "What happened to you?!" she demanded.
"Oh," Buffy looked at the cut on her arm, just one of the wounds
remaining from her fight with Angelus. *Funny, it didn't hurt when it
happened, and it doesn't hurt now either. Not as much as the broken
heart, that's for sure.* "It's just a flesh wound," she shrugged.
"Typical of a night of Slaying. It will heal in no time,
don't worry about it."
"Buffy I should treat that--"
"Mom, no!" Buffy yelled, and pulled her arm out of Joyce's grasp.
"I've had the night from, well, Hell actually, and I just need
to be alone right now." She turned and went to her room, shutting the
door and locking it behind her.
*Alone. That's what I am. That's what I should be, after what I did
to Angel.* Buffy curled up on her bed as the tears started again.
End Part Two