In loving memory of Paul San
Disclaimer: In a Heartbeat…not mine, doesn't belong to me at all
Caitie Roth, the young Gothic girl with dark hair and fair skin, was on the verge of drifting off to sleep during Government class, her last class of the day, when her brand new black pager vibrated in the pocket of her mini black cargo skirt signaling that someone had just paged her. Her head shot up unnoticed by anyone in the class. She looked at the number on the screen; it was her home number. She then took a quick glance at the clock on the wall to her left. I only have five minutes left, that's not too long she thought. As soon as class ended, Caitie grabbed her stuff and headed for her locker. She tossed her unneeded books inside and tried to find a payphone. She found one near the school entrance; she quickly picked up the receiver and put in her money. "Mom?….what….what are you talking about….NO….Oh my god!…..in like 10 minutes…bye."
As Caitie was hanging up the phone, her best friend and major crush, Jamie Waite, passed by. He noticed that something was wrong and carefully approached her. "Hey Caitie, what's wrong?" He asked putting a steady hand on her shoulder to calm her trembling.
Caitie slowly turned to face him, tears streaming down her face, eyeliner and mascara flowing with it. "It's my Uncle Paul" she managed to choke out. "He died this morning"
"Oh god, Caitie I'm so sorry" Jamie tried his best at comforting her. He pulled into a hug a stroked her soft dark brown hair. She tried her best to stay calm, but she couldn't help herself, she buried her face deeper into his leather jacket, holding onto the lapels as if she were about to fall off a cliff to her death.
After about a minute Caitie released her grip on Jamie's jacket and tried to straighten up. "I gotta go now, my mom is expecting me home."
"I could give you a ride if you want" he offered
"Um, sure, thanks"
The short ride to her house was a blur. She sat on the back of Jamie's motorcycle, her arms wrapped around his waist. She couldn't believe what was happening, she wanted everything to just disappear and turn back time to when she was a little girl visiting her favorite uncle in Los Angeles, California. Caitie's thoughts were interrupted when Jamie informed her that they were at her house. She slowly let go of his waist and got off the motorcycle. She unbuckled the helmet and slipped it off her head.
"I'll walk you to your door" he stated as they both made their way up the front walk.
"Thanks"
They stepped up the porch and Caitie turned the doorknob. Her mom was sitting in the kitchen, she could smell the green tea. "Mom?" she called to the kitchen.
"I'm in hear honey"
Not a single light was on in the house. It was dark, even with the sun shining brightly outside.
Caitie reluctantly made her way to the kitchen, followed by Jamie. She suddenly felt her tears resurfacing. She broke down and ran to give her mother a hug. She sobbed loudly. "Why" was all she said.
Her mother had broken down too. Both were crying, both were in so much pain. Jamie couldn't stand to see them like that. So he quietly made his way for the door figuring they needed time together.
Caitie's mom pulled away about six inches from her daughter, tears less frequently falling down her cheek. "Caitie, dear, I got to call Aunt Barbara, ok?"
Caitie meekly nodded her head. She sat there for a second wiping her tears. She quietly stood up and made her way for the backyard. She sat on the brick wall that overlooked the small canyon behind her house. And there she sat, tears gently trickling down her face.
Jamie was halfway down the front walk when he heard the front door open. He turned around wondering if it was Caitie, but saw her mother standing on the porch, cordless phone and address book in hand.
"Jamie, I think it would be nice if you stayed with Caitie, I really don't think she should be alone right now." She told him. "I mean, if it would be an inconvenience for you, of you just don't want to stay, or whatever, I understand. I'm not trying to force you to-"
"Actually Mrs. Roth" he said cutting her off, "I'd love to stay with Caitie."
"Oh, good, thank you Jamie. It looks like she really needs someone else to talk to"
Jamie nodded and made his way back into the house. He headed straight for the backyard. Jamie carefully approached Caitie, not wanting to frighten her. "Hey" he said softly sitting down beside her.
"Hey" she replied quietly, barely audible.
"I guess I should tell you that everything will be ok, but-"
"Its not" she stated, her voice much stronger. "I wish you could tell me that its ok, but its not. He cared so much for me…I remember when I was five and I went to visit him. He showed me his collection of ceramic turtles. He had tons of little turtle figures laying around. And he had this train set….it was so awesome…he let me play with it for hours…And I remember one Christmas he was hear, but I was sick. My mom said I had to be careful or else I would get him sick…and I couldn't do that 'cause he was already sick, lung problems I think….but he came to see me anyway…he told me not to worry that he didn't think I was contagious…" She trailed off her emotions taking over her entire body.
Jamie wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. "Shhh, Caitie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he felt so horrible, he didn't know what to tell her, it was tearing him up inside that he couldn't make her feel any better, her, his best friend, the one person who was always there for him.
"Why Jamie? Why in hell did it have to be him? Why now? Dammit Jamie! It's not fair! It's not fair to me, God, why? Why in hell!!!?? He was a good person! He changed his life around, he was a good person! Dammit, why?" Caitie couldn't control her anger any longer. But that only made her cry harder. She sat crying , tightly holding onto Jamie's jacket, her tiny body wrapped up in his arms.
Jamie looked up at the sky and wondered the same thing. She didn't deserve this. She was his best friend, he couldn't see her hurt like this.
It seemed like hours before Caitie said anything else. She slowly lifted her head up and looked into Jamie's eyes. "Thank you" she said quietly "Thank you for being here, I really need someone right now, and thanks for not bailin' on me"
"No problem, anytime Cait" he replied and kissed her gently on the forehead. Together they both sat watching the sun set over the horizon. Both learning a new lesson, that they had to accept death, no matter what.
A/N: I dedicate this story to Paul San, he was my dad's godfather and he was just like another uncle to me. He passed away this past Friday. He lived up in Torrance, California, near Los Angeles. He was a very good friend of my grandparents who came to the U.S. from Japan. He was an individual, to me, he was the epitome of the individual, he didn't care what people thought about him, and if he did, he certainly didn't show it. He always wore black, even when it wasn't "in", back in the 60's and 70's and 80's and even the 90's. I guess he passed that on to my dad, and it ended up with me…Paul San you will always be remembered, and I thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson: to always be yourself, who cares what everyone else thinks, they're not you, so it doesn't matter, just be yourself—an individual.