****************
lying in your hotel bed you cry
for the years that were wasted
and time gone by
darling girl can you not see
your soul is bright
i wish you could know
it's all gonna be all right
a little determination and a little more pride
a little determination will ease your pain inside.
let me tell you
that you're never alone
(Bif Naked - Never Alone)
*****************
Monday afternoon
Joyce had taken the day off, doing her worrying thing, and she and
Buffy were watching a movie in the living room. Joyce paused it when the
doorbell rang. "You wanna get it or do you want me to?" Joyce asked.
"I will," Buffy said. "It's probably Xander."
She was not surprised at all that he was indeed standing at her
doorway. The look on his face, however, reminded her of her appearance.
"What the hell happened to you?" he questioned.
"Come on in," Buffy said, and he followed her to her room. "I thought
it would be a good idea to go for a nice, peaceful walk the other night.
Get some fresh air," she explained. "Unfortunately, I had forgotten that
being the Slayer, I'm not allowed to have a nice, peaceful walk. I
should've let the first vampire go, because I think he meant to lure me
into that sewer, now that I think about it."
"Buffy, you shouldn't have gone out by yourself," Xander protested.
"Xander, I am the Slayer. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself."
He merely responded with a raised eyebrow.
"Fine, I _used_ to be quite capable of taking care of myself. I don't
get it, it's only been a week since I've..." Buffy trailed off.
"Yes, but have you slept in that week?" Xander asked.
"Well, no," she admitted.
"Okay then. And you probably haven't been eating right, not to mention
that you haven't been training, and you definitely are not in the best
frame of mind--"
"OKay, okay!" Buffy yelled, cutting him off. "Geez, I get it. I'm not
myself," she rolled her eyes at him.
"Sorry, I just...You really could've gotten hurt much worse than you
did, and I don't even want to think about that," Xander said. "I mean,
you know you're lucky that vamp didn't kill you."
"It wasn't about killing me, it was about humiliating me," Buffy said.
"And that he definitely did. "I just hope he tries it again."
"Buffy!"
"What?" she gave Xander an innocent look. "You didn't let me finish. I
was going to say, 'because if he does, me and my friends will make him
very sorry he decided to pick on me."
"That's more like it," Xander said. His eyes narrowed, "You're not
just saying that, are you? You really won't try to do any more slaying
alone?"
"I won't," Buffy said. "I promise," she added, as he still looked
skeptical. "So Cordy left last night?"
"Yeah," Xander answered.
"What are you going to do with yourself the rest of the summer?" she
wondered.
"I dunno," he replied. "Hang out with you -and Willow," he added
quickly. *She didn't notice, good. Try not to be such an idiot,
please?*
"How is Willow?" Buffy asked.
"She's good," Xander said. "She and Oz spend a lot of time together,
of course. So I don't see that much of her anymore. Except when Giles
calls us over for patrol duty. And then we try not to kill each other
in our attempts to slay the bad things."
"I definitely need to see what I can do about helping you out with
that," Buffy said.
"Whenever," Xander replied. "Really we're getting halfway good at it."
At Buffy's skeptical expression, he said, "Fine, oh ye of little
faith. We'll just have to prove it to you sometime. We'll kill the demon
and you watch."
"That I'll definitely be glad to do," Buffy said. "Don't get
too good though, I might start to feel unwanted."
"That could never happen," Xander said. "You're Buffy. You're the
Slayer, we're the Slayerettes. You're Scooby, and we're the Scooby
Gang."
"Okay if I'd known _I_ was Scooby, I never would've let that nickname
stick," Buffy frowned.
"I take it back; you're not Scooby, you're much too pretty to be Scooby,"
Xander said before he could stop himself. Buffy looked up at him in shock
and watched in half-amusement/half-sympathy as his face turned the reddest
she'd ever seen. "I just remembered, I...I have....uh, an errand to run,"
he stuttered. "I'll see you later?"
"Fine," Buffy said kindly. "And Xander," she added, stopping him.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for the compliment," she smiled.
"Oh. You're welcome," he smiled back, and left, much less horrified at
himself.
She shook her head at his retreating form. She'd always known he had a
crush on her. *Guess it's still there. At least he doesn't make it an
issue. And that's a good thing, because I do _not_ need any more
issues right now.*
She heard the doorbell ring, and her mom yelled shortly after, "Buffy,
it's Willow!"
*I can't be hermit-girl forever.* She opened the door, and yelled
downstairs, "Hey, Will, come on up!"
"Hey," Willow said uncertainly, as she reached Buffy's room. "I don't
want to interrupt, I mean, well, actually I do, but I'll go if you
don't want me here but...what happened to your eye!"
Buffy giggled, "Will, I'm okay. Come in," she said, hugging her
friend. "I'm happy to see you. I'm sorry I've been keeping to myself, but
I just needed a little time after everything that happened. I don't want
you to think it was you at _all_ that I was avoiding, it was just...
everything," she finished with a shrug.
"I understand," Willow said. "I don't know how I would have handled it
if I'd had to...do what you did."
"And to answer your second question, I discovered that Slaying and my
current frame of mind, along with several other things which Xander
was kind enough to bring up, don't mix. I got beaten by a vampire for
the first time in, well, ever. So, for a while, I will not be doing
the solo slay thing."
Willow still had a worried look on her face.
"It's a black eye, I've had worse," Buffy said. "So what's up?" She
sat on her bed, and motioned for Willow to sit.
"Nothing much," Willow said, sitting next to her. "I just was...am
worried about you, and I wanted to see how you were."
"I'm... okay," Buffy replied. "I know that's not incredibly reassuring
but I don't know what else to say. By the way, Mom doesn't know what
happened and I have no intention of telling her. She's gotten it into
her head that Angel and I broke up, and well, I guess that's kind of
true. Technically. But anyway, what have you been doing lately?" she
asked, not wanting to dwell on the events of that night.
"Well, I've been going through some of Jenny's old magic books, and
I've found some really cool spells. Giles lectured, and I smiled and
nodded, but I don't think he gives me enough credit. I mean, really, it's
not like I'm going to try any of the dangerous or complicated spells."
"So, you gotten any to work?" Buffy asked, trying not to think about
the one she already knew about.
"Not really," Willow frowned, "my potions so far have turned out
looking kinda like the ectoplasm stuff that you see on those Ghostbuster
movies. Plus I have to keep any evidence of the spells away from mom. She'd
have a fit if she even suspected."
"Yeah, most parents don't deal well with their children being involved
in paranormal stuff," Buffy said. "Like mom with me being a
Slayer. 'Are you sure you're a Slayer? Have you tried _not_ being a Slayer?'
Geez, sometimes I think she believes I'm completely mental."
"Have you thought about maybe asking Giles to talk to her about it?"
Willow suggested.
"No, it hadn't occurred to me," Buffy replied. "Do you think it would
help?"
"Well, it might," Willow replied. "Giles _is_ a really reasonable,
logical person. So maybe he could convince your mom all this stuff
_is_ real. It couldn't hurt."
"Good point," Buffy agreed. "I'm glad you came over, Willow. I've
missed you."
"I missed you too," Willow smiled. "I know you probably feel really
alone right now, Buffy, but you're not. You've got me, and Xander, and
Giles, and we'll always be there for you. Anytime you need to talk
about it."
"I know that," Buffy said. "But I don't feel like talking about
things. Not yet. How's Giles doing?"
"He's fine," Willow assured her. "He's been keeping track of all the
demon stuff going on and keeping me, Oz, Xander and Cordelia really busy."
"I feel bad that you guys are doing the Slaying in my place," Buffy
frowned. "It's not your job, you know."
"We know," Willow said. "And Giles isn't _forcing_ us to go out there.
We all just kind of agreed that we'd fill in. There wasn't any
discussion about it, actually. We just started to do it. Anything we can
do to help you right now, we're more than willing."
"You guys are really too great," Buffy said. "And don't think I don't
really appreciate it."
"We know you do," Willow replied with a smile. "Now, to the other
reason I'm here. I don't know if you feel up to it, but I was going to
go to the Bronze tonight. The Dingoes are playing."
"Honestly, Will? I'm not in the party mood," Buffy said. "Big crowd,
lots of happy people, probably wouldn't mix with Buffy right now."
"Okay, I understand," Willow said. "Well, I feel bad running out so
soon..."
"Don't feel bad," Buffy assured her. "Go see your boyfriend. Have a
good time. Tell Oz I said hi."
Willow hugged Buffy quickly, and said, "You know where I am if you
need anything. And I'll call you in a couple days if that's okay?"
"That's fine," Buffy replied. "And you never need to ask if you can call
or stop by."
"Okay," Willow stood to go, "I'll see you later." She turned back at
the door, and said, "Oh, by the way. One magic trick I have managed to
master?"
"Yeah?"
Willow waved her hand, and Buffy watched in amazement as her jewelry
box traveled from her dresser to her lap. Willow giggled at Buffy's
shocked expression, and said, "Bye!"
"Wow," Buffy said after her friend was gone. "Something tells me she
might be useful in the battling demons with magic department pretty
soon."
End Five
lying in your hotel bed you cry
for the years that were wasted
and time gone by
darling girl can you not see
your soul is bright
i wish you could know
it's all gonna be all right
a little determination and a little more pride
a little determination will ease your pain inside.
let me tell you
that you're never alone
(Bif Naked - Never Alone)
*****************
Monday afternoon
Joyce had taken the day off, doing her worrying thing, and she and
Buffy were watching a movie in the living room. Joyce paused it when the
doorbell rang. "You wanna get it or do you want me to?" Joyce asked.
"I will," Buffy said. "It's probably Xander."
She was not surprised at all that he was indeed standing at her
doorway. The look on his face, however, reminded her of her appearance.
"What the hell happened to you?" he questioned.
"Come on in," Buffy said, and he followed her to her room. "I thought
it would be a good idea to go for a nice, peaceful walk the other night.
Get some fresh air," she explained. "Unfortunately, I had forgotten that
being the Slayer, I'm not allowed to have a nice, peaceful walk. I
should've let the first vampire go, because I think he meant to lure me
into that sewer, now that I think about it."
"Buffy, you shouldn't have gone out by yourself," Xander protested.
"Xander, I am the Slayer. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself."
He merely responded with a raised eyebrow.
"Fine, I _used_ to be quite capable of taking care of myself. I don't
get it, it's only been a week since I've..." Buffy trailed off.
"Yes, but have you slept in that week?" Xander asked.
"Well, no," she admitted.
"Okay then. And you probably haven't been eating right, not to mention
that you haven't been training, and you definitely are not in the best
frame of mind--"
"OKay, okay!" Buffy yelled, cutting him off. "Geez, I get it. I'm not
myself," she rolled her eyes at him.
"Sorry, I just...You really could've gotten hurt much worse than you
did, and I don't even want to think about that," Xander said. "I mean,
you know you're lucky that vamp didn't kill you."
"It wasn't about killing me, it was about humiliating me," Buffy said.
"And that he definitely did. "I just hope he tries it again."
"Buffy!"
"What?" she gave Xander an innocent look. "You didn't let me finish. I
was going to say, 'because if he does, me and my friends will make him
very sorry he decided to pick on me."
"That's more like it," Xander said. His eyes narrowed, "You're not
just saying that, are you? You really won't try to do any more slaying
alone?"
"I won't," Buffy said. "I promise," she added, as he still looked
skeptical. "So Cordy left last night?"
"Yeah," Xander answered.
"What are you going to do with yourself the rest of the summer?" she
wondered.
"I dunno," he replied. "Hang out with you -and Willow," he added
quickly. *She didn't notice, good. Try not to be such an idiot,
please?*
"How is Willow?" Buffy asked.
"She's good," Xander said. "She and Oz spend a lot of time together,
of course. So I don't see that much of her anymore. Except when Giles
calls us over for patrol duty. And then we try not to kill each other
in our attempts to slay the bad things."
"I definitely need to see what I can do about helping you out with
that," Buffy said.
"Whenever," Xander replied. "Really we're getting halfway good at it."
At Buffy's skeptical expression, he said, "Fine, oh ye of little
faith. We'll just have to prove it to you sometime. We'll kill the demon
and you watch."
"That I'll definitely be glad to do," Buffy said. "Don't get
too good though, I might start to feel unwanted."
"That could never happen," Xander said. "You're Buffy. You're the
Slayer, we're the Slayerettes. You're Scooby, and we're the Scooby
Gang."
"Okay if I'd known _I_ was Scooby, I never would've let that nickname
stick," Buffy frowned.
"I take it back; you're not Scooby, you're much too pretty to be Scooby,"
Xander said before he could stop himself. Buffy looked up at him in shock
and watched in half-amusement/half-sympathy as his face turned the reddest
she'd ever seen. "I just remembered, I...I have....uh, an errand to run,"
he stuttered. "I'll see you later?"
"Fine," Buffy said kindly. "And Xander," she added, stopping him.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for the compliment," she smiled.
"Oh. You're welcome," he smiled back, and left, much less horrified at
himself.
She shook her head at his retreating form. She'd always known he had a
crush on her. *Guess it's still there. At least he doesn't make it an
issue. And that's a good thing, because I do _not_ need any more
issues right now.*
She heard the doorbell ring, and her mom yelled shortly after, "Buffy,
it's Willow!"
*I can't be hermit-girl forever.* She opened the door, and yelled
downstairs, "Hey, Will, come on up!"
"Hey," Willow said uncertainly, as she reached Buffy's room. "I don't
want to interrupt, I mean, well, actually I do, but I'll go if you
don't want me here but...what happened to your eye!"
Buffy giggled, "Will, I'm okay. Come in," she said, hugging her
friend. "I'm happy to see you. I'm sorry I've been keeping to myself, but
I just needed a little time after everything that happened. I don't want
you to think it was you at _all_ that I was avoiding, it was just...
everything," she finished with a shrug.
"I understand," Willow said. "I don't know how I would have handled it
if I'd had to...do what you did."
"And to answer your second question, I discovered that Slaying and my
current frame of mind, along with several other things which Xander
was kind enough to bring up, don't mix. I got beaten by a vampire for
the first time in, well, ever. So, for a while, I will not be doing
the solo slay thing."
Willow still had a worried look on her face.
"It's a black eye, I've had worse," Buffy said. "So what's up?" She
sat on her bed, and motioned for Willow to sit.
"Nothing much," Willow said, sitting next to her. "I just was...am
worried about you, and I wanted to see how you were."
"I'm... okay," Buffy replied. "I know that's not incredibly reassuring
but I don't know what else to say. By the way, Mom doesn't know what
happened and I have no intention of telling her. She's gotten it into
her head that Angel and I broke up, and well, I guess that's kind of
true. Technically. But anyway, what have you been doing lately?" she
asked, not wanting to dwell on the events of that night.
"Well, I've been going through some of Jenny's old magic books, and
I've found some really cool spells. Giles lectured, and I smiled and
nodded, but I don't think he gives me enough credit. I mean, really, it's
not like I'm going to try any of the dangerous or complicated spells."
"So, you gotten any to work?" Buffy asked, trying not to think about
the one she already knew about.
"Not really," Willow frowned, "my potions so far have turned out
looking kinda like the ectoplasm stuff that you see on those Ghostbuster
movies. Plus I have to keep any evidence of the spells away from mom. She'd
have a fit if she even suspected."
"Yeah, most parents don't deal well with their children being involved
in paranormal stuff," Buffy said. "Like mom with me being a
Slayer. 'Are you sure you're a Slayer? Have you tried _not_ being a Slayer?'
Geez, sometimes I think she believes I'm completely mental."
"Have you thought about maybe asking Giles to talk to her about it?"
Willow suggested.
"No, it hadn't occurred to me," Buffy replied. "Do you think it would
help?"
"Well, it might," Willow replied. "Giles _is_ a really reasonable,
logical person. So maybe he could convince your mom all this stuff
_is_ real. It couldn't hurt."
"Good point," Buffy agreed. "I'm glad you came over, Willow. I've
missed you."
"I missed you too," Willow smiled. "I know you probably feel really
alone right now, Buffy, but you're not. You've got me, and Xander, and
Giles, and we'll always be there for you. Anytime you need to talk
about it."
"I know that," Buffy said. "But I don't feel like talking about
things. Not yet. How's Giles doing?"
"He's fine," Willow assured her. "He's been keeping track of all the
demon stuff going on and keeping me, Oz, Xander and Cordelia really busy."
"I feel bad that you guys are doing the Slaying in my place," Buffy
frowned. "It's not your job, you know."
"We know," Willow said. "And Giles isn't _forcing_ us to go out there.
We all just kind of agreed that we'd fill in. There wasn't any
discussion about it, actually. We just started to do it. Anything we can
do to help you right now, we're more than willing."
"You guys are really too great," Buffy said. "And don't think I don't
really appreciate it."
"We know you do," Willow replied with a smile. "Now, to the other
reason I'm here. I don't know if you feel up to it, but I was going to
go to the Bronze tonight. The Dingoes are playing."
"Honestly, Will? I'm not in the party mood," Buffy said. "Big crowd,
lots of happy people, probably wouldn't mix with Buffy right now."
"Okay, I understand," Willow said. "Well, I feel bad running out so
soon..."
"Don't feel bad," Buffy assured her. "Go see your boyfriend. Have a
good time. Tell Oz I said hi."
Willow hugged Buffy quickly, and said, "You know where I am if you
need anything. And I'll call you in a couple days if that's okay?"
"That's fine," Buffy replied. "And you never need to ask if you can call
or stop by."
"Okay," Willow stood to go, "I'll see you later." She turned back at
the door, and said, "Oh, by the way. One magic trick I have managed to
master?"
"Yeah?"
Willow waved her hand, and Buffy watched in amazement as her jewelry
box traveled from her dresser to her lap. Willow giggled at Buffy's
shocked expression, and said, "Bye!"
"Wow," Buffy said after her friend was gone. "Something tells me she
might be useful in the battling demons with magic department pretty
soon."
End Five