COMIC TRAILOR CLIPS~ (that you were never supposed to see)
Number One: Indiana Jones music plays in the background. Do do do doooooo, do do dooooooooo, do do do doooooooooooo, do do do doo doo, do do do dooo do do doooooooooooooooooooo do do Do do do Do do do Do do do Dooo do do dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Snape comes flying into focus on a rickety silver arrow. The wind is blowing through his greasy hair and he has a charming (if somewhat painful) smirk painted across his beaked nosed face. He is in the usual Indiana Jones garb (hat and whip included).
Snape's smile widens and he says, "Thanks Viagra."
Number Two: A spot light falls on a three-legged stool in a dungeon. Hearts have been placed eccentrically across the slimy walls. Professor Snape walks in with all the dignity and charm he can carry (which isn't much) and sits down. He looks directly at the camera and says:
"Hello, my name is Severus Snape. I'm a 35-year-old virgin who hasn't had a date in 20 years. I enjoy long walks on the beach and I'm not afraid to cry…"
PHRASES YOU SHOULD KNOW:
"Dude, where's my owl?"
"My momma always said 'Life is like a box of rock cakes. You never know how many teeth you're going to break.'"
~reference to previous fic titled "Professor Snape as….AUSTIN POWERS!"~
"O, Severus, Severus where for art thou Severus? Deny thy shagging and refuse thy cauldron…"
"Lupin stop drooling, Lily's mine!"
Voldemort's favorite saying: "I've decided to live forever, so far so good."
WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?
Dumbledore: "Well I'd braid my beard."
Severus: "I'd kiss Harry!" ~narrator: SEVERUS! You don't have to go that far!~ Severus: "BUT, I want to!"
Voldemort: "I'd be willing to stick my wand up my… ~narrator: OK, yeah, we don't want to know.
Lupin: *bites narrator and eats the bar* Good stuff, 'nough said.
TEN THINGS SNAPE WOULD NEVER SAY:
1. Who wants to see me in my new Speedo? ~narrator: May Gawd have mercy on us all!!~
2. Being the heartless bastard that I am, you'll be taking a pop quiz today.
3. I love you…you love me…we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you…won't you say you love me too?
4. I've got the urge to herbal! *runs fingers through hair and moans passionately* Yes…Yes…YES!!
5. I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener…then everybody'd be in love with meeee….
6. McGonagall, can I borrow your bra? Harry ran mine up the flagpole.
7. I've got a crap on board big enough to choke a donkey!
8. OK, who stole my tampons?
9. Who else has a tattoo of their mum on their butt?
10. So my middle name is Cookie, what's it to you?
SNAPE RELATES HIS ENCOUNTER WITH A DRAGON:
Ok, the Dragon said "Roar!" So I said to myself, "A wizard's got to do, what a wizard's got to do." Then I soiled my robes.
POINTLESS STUFF WE COULDN'T FIND A PLACE FOR:
Lupin: "Hungry? Why wait?" *takes a bite of his arm*
Severus: "A spoonful of sugar makes the potion go down…"
Draco: "Whenever I get nervous I stick my wand underneath my armpit…and then I smell it!"
Voldemort: "I hear voices and they don't like you."
DISCLAIMER AND APOLOGY:
Seres and Kitty would like to apologize to all the Harry Potter Persona's used here especially *coughs*SNAPE*coughs*. We only enjoy picking on him because he's an interesting character. Also, we've used several crossover's here from movies, commercials, and other literature just for the point of making you laugh. If you didn't laugh then we're sorry, too. On a sad note, we regret to inform you that we are unable to continue 'Professor Snape as…AUSTIN POWERS!' It would flop, cuz stuff like that's only funny once, and Seres and Kitty forever strive to be fresh. Well tata.
Seres Kitty