Something has left my life
And I don't know where it went to
Somebody caused me strife
And it's not what I was seeking.
Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me
Didn't you see me standing there
Why did you turn out the lights
Did you know that I was sleeping
Say a prayer for me
Help me to feel the strength I did
My identity has been taken
Is my heart breaking on me
All my plans fell though my hands
They fell
Though my hands on me
All my dreams, it suddenly seems
Empty
(Empty - Cranberries)
****
One week Later
Friday Night, 10 pm
Buffy had felt herself drawn to the Mansion ever since the night a
week ago, when she'd been there with Xander fighting the Chaos Demons.
Tonight, she'd spent the evening with the gang at Willow's house, and
then Xander had walked her home. After he'd left, she'd decided to go
to the Mansion, even though she didn't quite understanding why. "I'll
be back," she told her mom as she went back out.
She walked down the street with her stake handy. She hadn't been out
alone yet at night since the night she'd gotten beaten by the vampire,
and knew that situation had probably been broadcast to the entire
population of the hellmouth. She expected to at least be confronted
by a demon. Amazingly, not a single hell-creature stopped her on her
way to the Mansion. She walked in and looked around.
It didn't look any different from the previous night she'd been there,
or the night of the show-down with Angelus. *What did you expect?
It's just a house. An abandoned house. Just because the worst moment
of your life happened here, doesn't mean it's anything more than an
empty pile of bricks.*
She walked further into the living area, and found herself drawn to
the spot. *That's where he died.* She knelt at the ground, and
noticed a few dried drops of blood on the ground.
*Wonder if it's his or mine?*
"I'm sorry!" she whispered. "I wish I could've done something
differently. I wish I could've stopped it. Can you ever forgive me,
Angel? Do you hate me now? I hate myself, and I don't think I'll ever
forgive myself.
I had so many dreams for us, Angel. I really believed that we could
make it work. I thought, somehow, that our love would be enough to
save us. I was wrong, though. In the end I had to choose; it was
either You or Everyone Else.
I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I'd chosen Everyone Else.
If I'd dropped that sword and stayed in your arms and let the
hellmouth open. So what if we'd all be in hell, that's where I am now
anyway. At least we'd be together.
I know, this is ridiculous talk. These are the things I can't say to
anyone. Not Giles, mom, Xander or Willow. They wouldn't know how to
respond. They'd probably think I've lost my mind. Maybe I have, and I
don't really care."
She brushed the tears from her eyes impatiently, and curled up on the
floor. "I don't care. You're gone, and my life is so empty without
you."
*************
3 am
RING
RING
"Just five more minutes, Mom," Xander mumbled sleepily.
RING
RING
He reached over to his bedside table and threw his alarm clock across
the room.
RING
RING
*Phone.* He reached over and grabbed it, "Hrmpgh?" was what came out
of his mouth.
"Xander, it's Buffy's mom. Joyce Summers."
Xander was sitting up wide awake the instant he heard the worry in her
voice. "What's wrong?" he asked. *Please let her be okay, please let
her be okay, please--*
"I'm so sorry to call so late, but Buffy isn't home yet," Joyce
replied.
"What d'you mean?" Xander asked, confused. "I walked her home, I saw
her go inside the house..." he looked at his watch on the bedside
table "...hours ago."
"I know, but she went back out. I wasn't worried, because she's seemed
so much better lately. I wasn't wrong, was I?"
"No, you weren't," Xander said as he pulled his jeans on and located
his shoes. *She is fine, isn't she?* "I'm sure she just got detained
with some Slayer duties."
"Maybe, and maybe I'm being silly, but I can't help worrying," Joyce
replied.
"I understand. I'm glad you called me. Even though it's probably
nothing it's better safe than.... Well, I'll find her, Mrs.
Summers," Xander assured her.
"Thank you, Xander," Joyce said gratefully. "And again, I'm sorry for
disturbing you."
"You didn't," Xander said. "I'll have her home in no time. Try not to
worry." As he hung up the phone, and started out the door, he
repeated to himself, *Try not to worry.*
********
And I don't know where it went to
Somebody caused me strife
And it's not what I was seeking.
Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me
Didn't you see me standing there
Why did you turn out the lights
Did you know that I was sleeping
Say a prayer for me
Help me to feel the strength I did
My identity has been taken
Is my heart breaking on me
All my plans fell though my hands
They fell
Though my hands on me
All my dreams, it suddenly seems
Empty
(Empty - Cranberries)
****
One week Later
Friday Night, 10 pm
Buffy had felt herself drawn to the Mansion ever since the night a
week ago, when she'd been there with Xander fighting the Chaos Demons.
Tonight, she'd spent the evening with the gang at Willow's house, and
then Xander had walked her home. After he'd left, she'd decided to go
to the Mansion, even though she didn't quite understanding why. "I'll
be back," she told her mom as she went back out.
She walked down the street with her stake handy. She hadn't been out
alone yet at night since the night she'd gotten beaten by the vampire,
and knew that situation had probably been broadcast to the entire
population of the hellmouth. She expected to at least be confronted
by a demon. Amazingly, not a single hell-creature stopped her on her
way to the Mansion. She walked in and looked around.
It didn't look any different from the previous night she'd been there,
or the night of the show-down with Angelus. *What did you expect?
It's just a house. An abandoned house. Just because the worst moment
of your life happened here, doesn't mean it's anything more than an
empty pile of bricks.*
She walked further into the living area, and found herself drawn to
the spot. *That's where he died.* She knelt at the ground, and
noticed a few dried drops of blood on the ground.
*Wonder if it's his or mine?*
"I'm sorry!" she whispered. "I wish I could've done something
differently. I wish I could've stopped it. Can you ever forgive me,
Angel? Do you hate me now? I hate myself, and I don't think I'll ever
forgive myself.
I had so many dreams for us, Angel. I really believed that we could
make it work. I thought, somehow, that our love would be enough to
save us. I was wrong, though. In the end I had to choose; it was
either You or Everyone Else.
I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I'd chosen Everyone Else.
If I'd dropped that sword and stayed in your arms and let the
hellmouth open. So what if we'd all be in hell, that's where I am now
anyway. At least we'd be together.
I know, this is ridiculous talk. These are the things I can't say to
anyone. Not Giles, mom, Xander or Willow. They wouldn't know how to
respond. They'd probably think I've lost my mind. Maybe I have, and I
don't really care."
She brushed the tears from her eyes impatiently, and curled up on the
floor. "I don't care. You're gone, and my life is so empty without
you."
*************
3 am
RING
RING
"Just five more minutes, Mom," Xander mumbled sleepily.
RING
RING
He reached over to his bedside table and threw his alarm clock across
the room.
RING
RING
*Phone.* He reached over and grabbed it, "Hrmpgh?" was what came out
of his mouth.
"Xander, it's Buffy's mom. Joyce Summers."
Xander was sitting up wide awake the instant he heard the worry in her
voice. "What's wrong?" he asked. *Please let her be okay, please let
her be okay, please--*
"I'm so sorry to call so late, but Buffy isn't home yet," Joyce
replied.
"What d'you mean?" Xander asked, confused. "I walked her home, I saw
her go inside the house..." he looked at his watch on the bedside
table "...hours ago."
"I know, but she went back out. I wasn't worried, because she's seemed
so much better lately. I wasn't wrong, was I?"
"No, you weren't," Xander said as he pulled his jeans on and located
his shoes. *She is fine, isn't she?* "I'm sure she just got detained
with some Slayer duties."
"Maybe, and maybe I'm being silly, but I can't help worrying," Joyce
replied.
"I understand. I'm glad you called me. Even though it's probably
nothing it's better safe than.... Well, I'll find her, Mrs.
Summers," Xander assured her.
"Thank you, Xander," Joyce said gratefully. "And again, I'm sorry for
disturbing you."
"You didn't," Xander said. "I'll have her home in no time. Try not to
worry." As he hung up the phone, and started out the door, he
repeated to himself, *Try not to worry.*
********