In a Heartbeat
"When Tomorrow Starts without Me "
Disclaimer: I do not own In a Heartbeat or it's characters (sadly not, Shawn Ashmore).They all belong to Disney.
Visit the site for the petition to save IaHB here : http://www.123petitions.com/sign.cgi?id=lilaznlavgurlio@hotmail.com$2.
* * *
His heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest as he walked into the EMT station. He had vowed that he would tell his friends the truth. However how could he look into Val's blue eyes and lie to her? How could-
"Hey Tyler." greeted Hank interrupting his thoughts.
"Hey man. "he said patting him on the back.
"Thank God you're here. There's tons of paperwork that needs to be finished."
He laughed "Now I know I'm back."
"And just in time for work." Jamie said slyly as a call came in over the radio.
"Ma'am You're going to be fine. We're EMTS." Hank said to the victim.
"No, I'm not. I'm probably going to bleed to death." the woman screamed.
"Calm down. It's just a small abrasion." Val said putting pressure to the wound.
" That isn't going to do any freakin' good."
"Look lady, you were the one who called us out here. Do you want help or not?" Tyler said his anger rising.
"I called because I thought they were going to send people who knew what the hell they were doing."
"Do you know how many people we watch die everyday? Do you know how Goddamn lucky you are that all you have is a little cut?" Tyler spat.
"Tyler!" Hank said surprised. "What are you doing?"
"Verbally abusing me ,that's what. I'm going to sue your asses."
"Ma'am be quiet. Tyler you're not on this case. Get to the rig."
"Hank-"
"Get to the rig!"
"What's you're problem?" Val asked later at the station. "You know Hank's going to have to write you up."
"Nothing. The lady was the one with the problem."
"Yes, she was a pain. But I've never seem you freak out that way. What's wrong?" she said putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Just leave me alone." He said as he walked away. It was better not telling her. he didn't want to hurt her with his secret.
"Mr. Carlson decide to ban cheerleading from all sports?" Caitie said walking in Val's back door.
"Very funny."
"I try. Seriously what's making you look so sad?"
"It's Tyler. He yelled at a patient today. I know something's wrong with him, but he won't tell me."
* * *
"Tyler," a voice called behind him. "Hey Tyler." he turned around.
"Caitie, hi."
"You didn't hear me calling you back there? Jeez those football helmets apparently aren't hard enough. Must have done something to your brain.
"I'm not in the moos Caitie."
"Who says I care. So, what are you doing at the hospital? Are you on call?"
"Actually I was just leaving."
"Look at that, so was I." she said linking arms with him.
Tyler couldn't help but laugh as he said, "What are you doing here? EMT in disguise?"
"Ha, you can make a joke. No, my kid brother broke his arm awhile back, so we were bringing him in to get it taken off."
"Really? I think I hear you family calling."
"Nope. They're gone. So, I really want to know why you're so secretive about why you're here. Want to go out to lunch?"
* * *
"You should really ask Tyler about that." Caitie said looking at the ground.
"Caitlin Elizabeth Roth, do you know something?"
"I promised Tyler I wouldn't say anything."
"Why would he tell me over you?"
"I was just there at the right time. He wants to tell you, but he's afraid how you'll respond."
"Caitie said I should ask you what's wrong" Val asked outside the station.
"She should have. I'm fine."
"No you're not. Come on, tell me the truth."
"I'm dying." he said simply. Inside he let out a breath.
"What? How did this happen?" Val felt as if her whole world had fell crashing down on her. How could Tyler be dying? There must be something, anything that he had over looked. Some cure.
"When my brother Nathaniel was five, the doctors found out he had a genetic disease that causes you're kidneys to shut down. Then when I was Brooke's age and he was sixteen he died. After that Dad couldn't handle it. He blamed himself so much. So, they divorced. They though I wouldn't contract it, but they were wrong."
"Why didn't you tell us about it? Tell me?"
"Nat told his friends about his disease , and I saw how they treated him. A lot of kids at school wouldn't talk to him. like they were afraid they'd catch it. I didn't want the same thing to happen to me."
"You know Tyler, we're EMTs we would have understood."
"I'm sorry… Val I don't want to die. There's so much I wanted to do with my life… and my mom, I don't think she could handle losing another son…"he rambled on holding back tears. Val held him, though he tried to resist. Wising desperately that she could say everything was going to be alright.
* * *
"When's Nat coming home?" twelve year-old Tyler asked his mom.
"Honey, you brother's-" the woman stopper herself as her voice broke.
"The doctors say he's kidney have completely shut down. He won't last the night."
"Can I go see him?"
Mrs. Connell but on a fake smile, pretending everything was fine. "If we leave right now."
"Hey little brother." Nat said weakly.
Tyler stood away from the bed. He had never really seen his brother like this. His parents had kept him sheltered from seeing his brother slowly withering away. Seeing Nat hooked up to all those machines seemed unreal. Death was just something that happened in TV or to other people's families. Not his brother, not his family.
"Hey ,Nat."
"I want you to do something for me."
"What is it?"
"I want you to take care of Mom and Dad okay?"
" Sure ." he had promised. But he hadn't kept it. He let his parents divorce a year later. That fact was something he could never forgive himself for.
* * *
Tyler remembered that day as he lay in his hospital bed. Not long after he had told Val the disease had become rampant. The doctors had smiled and said they weren't giving up hope, but Tyler knew the reality. He was never going to leave the hospital .
"How are you feeling today?" asked Val coming into the room. It was strange seeing him like this. A boy who was once strong was now weak and frail.
"Okay," he said quietly. Val leaned over and kissed him in the forehead. "Truthfully?"
"A little worse than yesterday, but I'm still here."
"Caitie and Jamie said they would stop by later."
"And Hank?"
"You know how he feels about hospitals"
"Always hated them. Ironically he wants to be a doctor. So, how's the squad."
"You mean without you? We can barely manage." she joked her eyes dancing.
"Funny. Seriously."
"We got a few tough calls, but nothing out of the ordinary."
"I miss it."
"I wish you didn't have to.'"
* * *
"Is Nat really gone?" Tyler asked his dad.
"Well, are you ready for him to be?"
"No."
"Then for you he's still alive. When you ready ,not to forget, but to move on. Then he'll be gone." His dad had been like that never telling you what you though was wrong.
Tyler felt miserable and alone as he watched Nat's coffin be lowed into the ground. Nathaniel had been his hero, his protector, someone he had childishly had though could never die. After that he decided not to tell his friends about his brother. He didn't want to see the pity in their eyes or their "I'm sorry" s.
* * *
"Hey Mom, Where's William?"
"Getting us some food. So, how's my boy?"
"Fine. Mom , I want to ask you something."
"What, honey?"
"The doctors have been talking about signing a DNR. That's a -"
'I know what it is. Nat signed one."
"I want to sign it."
"Not yet," she said as she warmly stroked his hair. "There's still more time."
"Mom there's nothing the doctors can do for me. If I code they might not be able to bring me back. And even if they did. What would it be for? A month? A week? I don't want to live like that."
"Tyler I love you more than anything. And I wish I could take this all away from you." She said through tears. "But I can't. And if this is the decision you want to make, I can't stop you."
His had shook as he took the paper. With a simple action his life would be over. Tyler took the pen and signed. There it was done. All of it.
"Tyler there's something I never told you." Val said. After months of hiding it she was going to tell him. He was the only boy she had love, and she would never love anyone the same way again.
"Val ,you don't have too-"
"I love you." she said kissing him.
"I love you too." she bent down to hug him as Jamie, Caitie, Brooke, and Hank walked in.
"Did we interrupt anything?" Jamie said smugly.
"Nothing they want us to know, I sure." Brooke said.
" Of course." Val grinned.
"Would you guys mind if I talked to Tyler alone for sec?" Caitie asked suddenly.
"Ah sure. Come on guys." Jamie said ushering them out the room.
"What did you wan to talk to me about?" Tyler asked.
"We're friends now right?"
"One of my best actually. What are you getting at?"
"I don't want you to do anything to brake Val's heart."
"How could I ? I'm dying remember?" he joked slightly.
"That's just it. You are dying. You start a relationship, after months of annoyingly trying to hid it I might add, and then you're gone and Val's left alone. Still loving you."
"We can't help the way we feel."
'Just remember what I said okay?" she said as she kissed him on the cheek." I talk to you later."
"Here's the coffee you like. I wasn't sure-" Val said as she heard the loud wine of the heart monitor go off.
"Tyler? Wake up?"
She looked franticly for help. "Doctor!" The man solemnly looked at the chart as he turned off the machines. "Time of death, 10:27.I'm sorry." he said as he patted her shoulder and walked out the room. Val felt her back go against the wall. She couldn't move, couldn't think. They had just been talking. How could he be gone without giving her the chance to say goodbye? She looked down at her hands. The coffee cups and a note Tyler had give her before she had left the room was still in her hands. Somehow she couldn't let go. Like if she did she would have to let Tyler go as well.
"Come on Val, you have to leave." Caitie said awhile later coming into the room.
"I-I can't."
"Val, sweetie, Tyler's gone ,he's dead."
"No,"
"It's going to be okay." she said wrapping Val into a hig. It was later that Val read the note. It read:
Val,
I didn't know how to say goodbye to you. When I found this poem, I thought it would be the best way.
"When Tomorrow Starts Without me"
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life,
I'd always though,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I though of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile,
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I though of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I though of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
From His great golden throne,
He said 'This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same day
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Through there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in you heart.
Love always,
Tyler
* * *
I found the poem on a Lurlene Mcdaniel's message board site, but the author of it is unknown. Well, I hope you guys like it. It was my first IAHB fanfic. Please give me any feedback, good or bad. Thanks
"When Tomorrow Starts without Me "
Disclaimer: I do not own In a Heartbeat or it's characters (sadly not, Shawn Ashmore).They all belong to Disney.
Visit the site for the petition to save IaHB here : http://www.123petitions.com/sign.cgi?id=lilaznlavgurlio@hotmail.com$2.
* * *
His heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest as he walked into the EMT station. He had vowed that he would tell his friends the truth. However how could he look into Val's blue eyes and lie to her? How could-
"Hey Tyler." greeted Hank interrupting his thoughts.
"Hey man. "he said patting him on the back.
"Thank God you're here. There's tons of paperwork that needs to be finished."
He laughed "Now I know I'm back."
"And just in time for work." Jamie said slyly as a call came in over the radio.
"Ma'am You're going to be fine. We're EMTS." Hank said to the victim.
"No, I'm not. I'm probably going to bleed to death." the woman screamed.
"Calm down. It's just a small abrasion." Val said putting pressure to the wound.
" That isn't going to do any freakin' good."
"Look lady, you were the one who called us out here. Do you want help or not?" Tyler said his anger rising.
"I called because I thought they were going to send people who knew what the hell they were doing."
"Do you know how many people we watch die everyday? Do you know how Goddamn lucky you are that all you have is a little cut?" Tyler spat.
"Tyler!" Hank said surprised. "What are you doing?"
"Verbally abusing me ,that's what. I'm going to sue your asses."
"Ma'am be quiet. Tyler you're not on this case. Get to the rig."
"Hank-"
"Get to the rig!"
"What's you're problem?" Val asked later at the station. "You know Hank's going to have to write you up."
"Nothing. The lady was the one with the problem."
"Yes, she was a pain. But I've never seem you freak out that way. What's wrong?" she said putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Just leave me alone." He said as he walked away. It was better not telling her. he didn't want to hurt her with his secret.
"Mr. Carlson decide to ban cheerleading from all sports?" Caitie said walking in Val's back door.
"Very funny."
"I try. Seriously what's making you look so sad?"
"It's Tyler. He yelled at a patient today. I know something's wrong with him, but he won't tell me."
* * *
"Tyler," a voice called behind him. "Hey Tyler." he turned around.
"Caitie, hi."
"You didn't hear me calling you back there? Jeez those football helmets apparently aren't hard enough. Must have done something to your brain.
"I'm not in the moos Caitie."
"Who says I care. So, what are you doing at the hospital? Are you on call?"
"Actually I was just leaving."
"Look at that, so was I." she said linking arms with him.
Tyler couldn't help but laugh as he said, "What are you doing here? EMT in disguise?"
"Ha, you can make a joke. No, my kid brother broke his arm awhile back, so we were bringing him in to get it taken off."
"Really? I think I hear you family calling."
"Nope. They're gone. So, I really want to know why you're so secretive about why you're here. Want to go out to lunch?"
* * *
"You should really ask Tyler about that." Caitie said looking at the ground.
"Caitlin Elizabeth Roth, do you know something?"
"I promised Tyler I wouldn't say anything."
"Why would he tell me over you?"
"I was just there at the right time. He wants to tell you, but he's afraid how you'll respond."
"Caitie said I should ask you what's wrong" Val asked outside the station.
"She should have. I'm fine."
"No you're not. Come on, tell me the truth."
"I'm dying." he said simply. Inside he let out a breath.
"What? How did this happen?" Val felt as if her whole world had fell crashing down on her. How could Tyler be dying? There must be something, anything that he had over looked. Some cure.
"When my brother Nathaniel was five, the doctors found out he had a genetic disease that causes you're kidneys to shut down. Then when I was Brooke's age and he was sixteen he died. After that Dad couldn't handle it. He blamed himself so much. So, they divorced. They though I wouldn't contract it, but they were wrong."
"Why didn't you tell us about it? Tell me?"
"Nat told his friends about his disease , and I saw how they treated him. A lot of kids at school wouldn't talk to him. like they were afraid they'd catch it. I didn't want the same thing to happen to me."
"You know Tyler, we're EMTs we would have understood."
"I'm sorry… Val I don't want to die. There's so much I wanted to do with my life… and my mom, I don't think she could handle losing another son…"he rambled on holding back tears. Val held him, though he tried to resist. Wising desperately that she could say everything was going to be alright.
* * *
"When's Nat coming home?" twelve year-old Tyler asked his mom.
"Honey, you brother's-" the woman stopper herself as her voice broke.
"The doctors say he's kidney have completely shut down. He won't last the night."
"Can I go see him?"
Mrs. Connell but on a fake smile, pretending everything was fine. "If we leave right now."
"Hey little brother." Nat said weakly.
Tyler stood away from the bed. He had never really seen his brother like this. His parents had kept him sheltered from seeing his brother slowly withering away. Seeing Nat hooked up to all those machines seemed unreal. Death was just something that happened in TV or to other people's families. Not his brother, not his family.
"Hey ,Nat."
"I want you to do something for me."
"What is it?"
"I want you to take care of Mom and Dad okay?"
" Sure ." he had promised. But he hadn't kept it. He let his parents divorce a year later. That fact was something he could never forgive himself for.
* * *
Tyler remembered that day as he lay in his hospital bed. Not long after he had told Val the disease had become rampant. The doctors had smiled and said they weren't giving up hope, but Tyler knew the reality. He was never going to leave the hospital .
"How are you feeling today?" asked Val coming into the room. It was strange seeing him like this. A boy who was once strong was now weak and frail.
"Okay," he said quietly. Val leaned over and kissed him in the forehead. "Truthfully?"
"A little worse than yesterday, but I'm still here."
"Caitie and Jamie said they would stop by later."
"And Hank?"
"You know how he feels about hospitals"
"Always hated them. Ironically he wants to be a doctor. So, how's the squad."
"You mean without you? We can barely manage." she joked her eyes dancing.
"Funny. Seriously."
"We got a few tough calls, but nothing out of the ordinary."
"I miss it."
"I wish you didn't have to.'"
* * *
"Is Nat really gone?" Tyler asked his dad.
"Well, are you ready for him to be?"
"No."
"Then for you he's still alive. When you ready ,not to forget, but to move on. Then he'll be gone." His dad had been like that never telling you what you though was wrong.
Tyler felt miserable and alone as he watched Nat's coffin be lowed into the ground. Nathaniel had been his hero, his protector, someone he had childishly had though could never die. After that he decided not to tell his friends about his brother. He didn't want to see the pity in their eyes or their "I'm sorry" s.
* * *
"Hey Mom, Where's William?"
"Getting us some food. So, how's my boy?"
"Fine. Mom , I want to ask you something."
"What, honey?"
"The doctors have been talking about signing a DNR. That's a -"
'I know what it is. Nat signed one."
"I want to sign it."
"Not yet," she said as she warmly stroked his hair. "There's still more time."
"Mom there's nothing the doctors can do for me. If I code they might not be able to bring me back. And even if they did. What would it be for? A month? A week? I don't want to live like that."
"Tyler I love you more than anything. And I wish I could take this all away from you." She said through tears. "But I can't. And if this is the decision you want to make, I can't stop you."
His had shook as he took the paper. With a simple action his life would be over. Tyler took the pen and signed. There it was done. All of it.
"Tyler there's something I never told you." Val said. After months of hiding it she was going to tell him. He was the only boy she had love, and she would never love anyone the same way again.
"Val ,you don't have too-"
"I love you." she said kissing him.
"I love you too." she bent down to hug him as Jamie, Caitie, Brooke, and Hank walked in.
"Did we interrupt anything?" Jamie said smugly.
"Nothing they want us to know, I sure." Brooke said.
" Of course." Val grinned.
"Would you guys mind if I talked to Tyler alone for sec?" Caitie asked suddenly.
"Ah sure. Come on guys." Jamie said ushering them out the room.
"What did you wan to talk to me about?" Tyler asked.
"We're friends now right?"
"One of my best actually. What are you getting at?"
"I don't want you to do anything to brake Val's heart."
"How could I ? I'm dying remember?" he joked slightly.
"That's just it. You are dying. You start a relationship, after months of annoyingly trying to hid it I might add, and then you're gone and Val's left alone. Still loving you."
"We can't help the way we feel."
'Just remember what I said okay?" she said as she kissed him on the cheek." I talk to you later."
"Here's the coffee you like. I wasn't sure-" Val said as she heard the loud wine of the heart monitor go off.
"Tyler? Wake up?"
She looked franticly for help. "Doctor!" The man solemnly looked at the chart as he turned off the machines. "Time of death, 10:27.I'm sorry." he said as he patted her shoulder and walked out the room. Val felt her back go against the wall. She couldn't move, couldn't think. They had just been talking. How could he be gone without giving her the chance to say goodbye? She looked down at her hands. The coffee cups and a note Tyler had give her before she had left the room was still in her hands. Somehow she couldn't let go. Like if she did she would have to let Tyler go as well.
"Come on Val, you have to leave." Caitie said awhile later coming into the room.
"I-I can't."
"Val, sweetie, Tyler's gone ,he's dead."
"No,"
"It's going to be okay." she said wrapping Val into a hig. It was later that Val read the note. It read:
Val,
I didn't know how to say goodbye to you. When I found this poem, I thought it would be the best way.
"When Tomorrow Starts Without me"
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life,
I'd always though,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I though of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile,
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I though of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I though of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
From His great golden throne,
He said 'This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same day
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Through there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in you heart.
Love always,
Tyler
* * *
I found the poem on a Lurlene Mcdaniel's message board site, but the author of it is unknown. Well, I hope you guys like it. It was my first IAHB fanfic. Please give me any feedback, good or bad. Thanks