Part 19 - Why
"Buffy?" Willow entered the mansion, and shivered instinctively. She
didn't like the atmosphere of the place, it had been home to too much
evil and it still felt oppressive.
She found Buffy sitting in a corner to the left of the fireplace.
Buffy looked up at her, and Willow could see that she had been
crying. "If he sent you here to plead his case, you can just turn
around and go back out the way you came," Buffy said angrily.
"Xander did ask me to come, but that wasn't the reason," Willow said,
moving to sit next to her friend. "He's worried sick about you, Buffy,
and he doesn't want you to be alone. He asked me to find you and make
sure you got home safely."
"'Willow said kick his ass'," was the next thing Buffy said. At
Willow's puzzled look, she explained, "That's what he said to me that
night, Will. He didn't just _not_ tell me about the curse, he lied to
me too!" Her eyes welled up with tears, and she said, "I thought he
was someone that I could trust, and I was wrong all this time."
"No you weren't," Willow argued. "You _can_ trust him. He cares about
you, and he was trying to protect you, Buffy."
"And that makes it okay???!" Buffy yelled. She jumped up and started
pacing. "I know he's your best friend Will, but give me a break!"
"I didn't say it made it okay," Willow said calmly. "I'm not excusing
it, I'm explaining it. Xander Harris would give his life for you, and
you know it! Or you would if you'd let go of your anger for two
seconds."
"You would take his side," Buffy replied, irritated.
Willow sighed, sadly. "This isn't about sides, Buffy. I know you're
angry right now, and that's a valid emotion. And I understand why you
would feel betrayed. But I also know how much it tears Xander up
inside that he hurt you. If he could go back in time and do things
over, now that he knows what happened, he would."
"Let me ask you a question, Will," Buffy said.
"Ookaaay," Willow said hesitantly.
"Why do _you_ think that Xander didn't tell me the truth? You know him
better than anyone, I want your opinion. Not Xander's reasons, but
your best guess."
Willow was silent for a few moments, contemplating her answer. She
finally spoke, "Two reasons. First, he was afraid that you'd get hurt
if he did tell you. You would've gone easier on Angelus. And maybe
that would've been the little bit of advantage Angelus needed to kill
you. Second, because of everything Angelus did to us."
"Angelus, NOT Angel," Buffy said.
"Right," Willow said. "But as long as I've known Xander, he's never
seen things in anything but black and white. He doesn't separate
Angelus from Angel, Buffy. You do, because you love Angel. I do,
because I guess I've had a little experience with the Jekyll and Hyde
situation too," this referring to Oz's wolf.
"Xander, well, Xander sees death and suffering, and wants someone to
pay. I don't think that makes him a bad person, it's just his
perception. I don't think it was the major reason he didn't tell you
my plans, though. I think he was trying to keep you from getting hurt,
which he thought you would if you knew there was a possibility Angel
could be saved."
Buffy was silent, and Willow hoped it was because she'd heard her.
"Buffy, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Buffy shrugged indifferently.
"Do you think that if Xander had told you about me trying the curse
that things would have ended better?"
"I've asked myself the 'what if I'd known' question about a hundred
times, Willow. And I never figured out the answer. I guess we'll never
know, because we can't turn back time and find out."
"True," Willow agreed. "Well, come on, let me walk you home. The sun
will be up soon. You should try to rest."
Buffy nodded, and Willow put her arm around the girl, leading her back
out of the Mansion.
************
"Come in," Xander called to whoever was on the other side of his door.
He was glad to see that it was Willow. "How is she?" he asked.
"She's hurt," Willow said honestly. "She feels like you betrayed her."
"I did," Xander replied. "I hate myself."
"Now, that's not going to do anyone any good," Willow said. "Give her
some space and some time, and I think she'll come around. Deep down,
she knows you love her. She just needs..."
"Space and time," Xander finished for her. "Do you really think she
can forgive me?"
"I don't know for sure," Willow admitted. "What happened was really
big, and the role you played in it was too. All we can do is hope,
Xander."
"I guess a small hope is better than none," Xander sighed.
***********
"Buffy?" Willow entered the mansion, and shivered instinctively. She
didn't like the atmosphere of the place, it had been home to too much
evil and it still felt oppressive.
She found Buffy sitting in a corner to the left of the fireplace.
Buffy looked up at her, and Willow could see that she had been
crying. "If he sent you here to plead his case, you can just turn
around and go back out the way you came," Buffy said angrily.
"Xander did ask me to come, but that wasn't the reason," Willow said,
moving to sit next to her friend. "He's worried sick about you, Buffy,
and he doesn't want you to be alone. He asked me to find you and make
sure you got home safely."
"'Willow said kick his ass'," was the next thing Buffy said. At
Willow's puzzled look, she explained, "That's what he said to me that
night, Will. He didn't just _not_ tell me about the curse, he lied to
me too!" Her eyes welled up with tears, and she said, "I thought he
was someone that I could trust, and I was wrong all this time."
"No you weren't," Willow argued. "You _can_ trust him. He cares about
you, and he was trying to protect you, Buffy."
"And that makes it okay???!" Buffy yelled. She jumped up and started
pacing. "I know he's your best friend Will, but give me a break!"
"I didn't say it made it okay," Willow said calmly. "I'm not excusing
it, I'm explaining it. Xander Harris would give his life for you, and
you know it! Or you would if you'd let go of your anger for two
seconds."
"You would take his side," Buffy replied, irritated.
Willow sighed, sadly. "This isn't about sides, Buffy. I know you're
angry right now, and that's a valid emotion. And I understand why you
would feel betrayed. But I also know how much it tears Xander up
inside that he hurt you. If he could go back in time and do things
over, now that he knows what happened, he would."
"Let me ask you a question, Will," Buffy said.
"Ookaaay," Willow said hesitantly.
"Why do _you_ think that Xander didn't tell me the truth? You know him
better than anyone, I want your opinion. Not Xander's reasons, but
your best guess."
Willow was silent for a few moments, contemplating her answer. She
finally spoke, "Two reasons. First, he was afraid that you'd get hurt
if he did tell you. You would've gone easier on Angelus. And maybe
that would've been the little bit of advantage Angelus needed to kill
you. Second, because of everything Angelus did to us."
"Angelus, NOT Angel," Buffy said.
"Right," Willow said. "But as long as I've known Xander, he's never
seen things in anything but black and white. He doesn't separate
Angelus from Angel, Buffy. You do, because you love Angel. I do,
because I guess I've had a little experience with the Jekyll and Hyde
situation too," this referring to Oz's wolf.
"Xander, well, Xander sees death and suffering, and wants someone to
pay. I don't think that makes him a bad person, it's just his
perception. I don't think it was the major reason he didn't tell you
my plans, though. I think he was trying to keep you from getting hurt,
which he thought you would if you knew there was a possibility Angel
could be saved."
Buffy was silent, and Willow hoped it was because she'd heard her.
"Buffy, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Buffy shrugged indifferently.
"Do you think that if Xander had told you about me trying the curse
that things would have ended better?"
"I've asked myself the 'what if I'd known' question about a hundred
times, Willow. And I never figured out the answer. I guess we'll never
know, because we can't turn back time and find out."
"True," Willow agreed. "Well, come on, let me walk you home. The sun
will be up soon. You should try to rest."
Buffy nodded, and Willow put her arm around the girl, leading her back
out of the Mansion.
************
"Come in," Xander called to whoever was on the other side of his door.
He was glad to see that it was Willow. "How is she?" he asked.
"She's hurt," Willow said honestly. "She feels like you betrayed her."
"I did," Xander replied. "I hate myself."
"Now, that's not going to do anyone any good," Willow said. "Give her
some space and some time, and I think she'll come around. Deep down,
she knows you love her. She just needs..."
"Space and time," Xander finished for her. "Do you really think she
can forgive me?"
"I don't know for sure," Willow admitted. "What happened was really
big, and the role you played in it was too. All we can do is hope,
Xander."
"I guess a small hope is better than none," Xander sighed.
***********