Zel-Chan in Wonderland, Part Two
Disclaimer: No one belongs to me (except maybe the talking bottles). There, that was quick.
Author's Notes: Oog, hope this works. Stupid chaptering thing...
Chapter 3: Drinking Too Much is Undesirable in Young Ladies
Zelgadis was soon hauled, coughing and wheezing, to the shore, carried there by
the helpful bottle, which hopped up on the shore next to him and attempted to dry his face
with some leaves. How it found shore and leaves, not to mention hands with which to
hold the leaves, remained a mystery.
"Well, that was helpful," Zel said in tones of scathing sarcasm, all the while
glaring at the bottle and feeling like an idiot for yelling at what should have been an
inanimate object.
"I beg your pardon," said the bottle in hurt tones. "I just saved your life."
"And you were the one who made the blasted lake!" Zelgadis replied. "You
bastard!"
"I assure you, I'm a perfectly legitimate bottle," it sniffed, sounding upset. "My
mother and father were married for several years before I was delivered by one of the
most respectable doctors in the county. Really! To call me a bastard! What a remarkably
rude little girl you are."
Zelgadis sighed and rolled his eyes. He was starting to get a headache and, as
always seemed to happen when he got a headache, he thought that he would feel much
better if he killed something. Unfortunately, the only thing in the immediate vicinity was
the bottle, and he wasn't quite sure how to kill it.
He was still trying to think of how one really kills a bottle when the Filia rabbit
hopped past him.
"Mary Ann!" she scolded the amazed chimera. "What are you doing, you lazy
girl! Get back to the house and get me another teacup; I've lost mine! Oh, the Duchess
will be so angry with me! Hurry, Mary Ann!"
Zelgadis opened his mouth to correct her when the bottle nudged him away.
"Go to her house," it advised. "If you get her teacup, she might tell you how to get
somewhere you want to be."
Zelgadis considered this and, as he had no better alternatives, decided to take the
bottle's advice, which a rather strange thing when you think about it, but Zelgadis was in
no position to find it odd. He dutifully headed off in the direction the bottle had pointed
him in, belatedly remembering that he should have informed the rabbit that he was not a
girl.
The Filia rabbit's house was a nice, tidy sort of house, exactly the sort of thing
Zelgadis would imagine her having. The inside was just as neat and tidy as he expected,
though he didn't really explore it. He just wanted to get Filia her teacup and find a way
home (and a tailor shop might be nice too) before anyone else mistook him for a girl.
He was just taking a teacup from off one of the shelves in the kitchen when he
nearly knocked something off a stool near the looking glass. Catching the item, Zelgadis
saw, much to his dismay, that it was another bottle.
"But it doesn't say 'Drink Me'," Zelgadis told himself, ignoring for the time being
the fact that talking to oneself was considered by some a sign of insanity. "So it shouldn't
care if I drink it or not."
"I should so!" the bottle screeched in a voice a lot like the cawing of a crow. "It
would be rude of you not to drink me!"
"Do you think I care?" Zelgadis growled, slamming the bottle back down on the
table as hard as he could. "I'm sick of listening to stupid bottles telling me what a rude
little girl I am--and I'm not a girl, so don't say anything about it!"
He had planned to stalk off with that as his final point, but the bottle would not be
deterred.
"Why don't you want to drink me?" it moaned. "I'm a perfectly good bottle. My
brother, now, he's not much of a bottle. Doesn't even have a shiny stopper like mine." As
if to show off said stopper, the bottle pushed out its own stopper to show Zelgadis.
"Again, I don't care," Zel replied, crossing his arms. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm
leaving."
"You can't leave!" the bottle moaned. "Oh, please don't leave! If you leave
without drinking me, my parents will think I'm a failure as a bottle and it will be all your
fault!"
"Shut up! You're making my ears hurt," Zelgadis grumbled. "Besides, I'm
absolutely certain that, if I drink you, something strange will happen that I probably don't
want to happen. I'm trying to avoid any more unpleasantness, thank you very much."
"Nothing strange will happen if you drink me, I promise!" the bottle hastened to
assure. "Please drink me!"
"I said no," Zelgadis said, crossing his arms.
"Pretty please?"
"Still no."
"I'll be your best friend."
"Yes, that's sure to make me drink you," Zelgadis muttered sarcastically. "What
do you take me for, an idi--mmf!" This last came as the bottle rather aggressively
launched itself at the chimera, sticking itself between his lips and forcing him to drink.
Zelgadis, having swallowed enough strange things for one day, pulled the bottle out of his
mouth and, with a strange type of glee, smashed the thing against a wall.
"You've killed me!" the bottle moaned, lying in shards on the ground. "Now,
look, I'm dying! How upsetting! How could you? You're so mean! I hate you!"
"Just die already!" Zelgadis complained. He might have said more, but at that
moment he noticed that the room was seeming a little....cramped. In fact, the house was
seeming a little cramped. Within a few moments, Zelgadis had grown too large to fit
through the door, and, as his size increased, so did his temper. His temper only became
worse when his head hit the roof and his bow flopped down over his eyes.
"Bloody, idiotic talking bottle," he snarled, crossing his arms. " 'Nothing will
happen,' my ass!"
"Little girls shouldn't swear!" the remains of the bottle reminded him.
"Oh, shut up. Fireball!" The last of the bottle was immediately incinerated, which
didn't do anything to solve Zel's problem of being too large to move, but did make him
feel considerably better.
However, the problem remained. Zelgadis was now very large, and, from the
noise outside, he suspected that the Filia rabbit had returned home and she and her
servants were making quite a fuss.
"There's an elbow stuck in my window. Why is there an elbow in my window?"
Filia's voice demanded.
"Maybe it's enjoying the scenery," suggested another voice.
"It's a rather pretty elbow, don't you think?" a third voice said. "Small and
feminine. If you have to have an elbow in the window, that's the elbow I'd want in mine."
"Well, I want it removed!" Filia stated.
"But we can't get inside, Filia-sama!" complained the second voice. "The door's
stuck and the window...well, there's the elbow."
"Then try the chimney!" Filia decided. "Milgasia, you try the chimney."
"Yes, ma'am," said the third voice. In moments, Zelgadis heard a scrambling
noise near the chimney. The chimera looked at the chimney, then at its relationship to
himself. Filia's servant would come down right in the perfect place to see underneath his
dress.
"Oh no you don't, you pervert," muttered Zelgadis, blushing slightly. He waited
until he heard the sounds of Milgasia heading down the chimney, then aimed his foot and
kicked.
There was a whooshing noise and the sound of flapping wings.
"The chimney just vomited me out!" Milgasia complained. "D'you think it might
be sick?"
"That should keep them out for a while," Zel sighed. "Now, how to get out of
here?"
His (far too large) eyes scanned the room and fell upon a silver platter full of
small bits of cake.
"The cake reversed the bottle's effect last time," he murmured, thinking out loud.
"So maybe it'll do the same this time. Or it'll make me big enough that I break the house
in two, either or."
Deciding that either way was still better than being stuck, Zelgadis reached over
and grabbed a bit of cake, which he swiftly devoured. Soon he was shrinking again but, as
his luck wasn't exactly the best in the world, he shrunk far too much and was soon only
three inches tall.
"Well, it's better than nothing," he decided. Destroying a few pieces of furniture
just for the hell of it, the chimera exited the house. The Filia rabbit stood outside, and
with her were several chibi black and gold dragons. The moment they saw him, they all
began to point and murmur.
" 'Tis a little girl!" Milgasia, a tiny black dragon, stated. He was hovering in the
air above the others. "My, she's awfully cute, isn't she?"
Murmurs of "Oh, indeed," and "She is a pretty little thing," filled the air.
Zelgadis's temper hit the breaking point and snapped like a twig.
"Screw you," he growled and raised a hand. "Flare arrow!"
While Filia and the dragons were busy being charred by the spell, Zelgadis calmly
walked off into the woods.
Chapter 4: Even Caterpillars Can be Well-Endowed
Zelgadis wandered aimlessly through the woods for at least a good five minutes
before he found any sign of life. Unfortunately, that sign of life came as an incredibly
annoying laugh.
"Ohohohohohoho! Ohohohohoho!"
The chimera peered into a clearing, where he beheld one of the strangest sights yet
and, when one considers the things he had been seeing lately, that's saying something. In
the middle of the clearing was a large pink mushroom, and, atop the mushroom, was a
white caterpillar with a woman's face, black hair, and enormous....tracks of land. Zelgadis
could feel himself blushing. Against his better judgment, he approached the laughing
caterpillar.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"Nothing," the caterpillar replied. "Ohohohohoho! I just feel like laughing!"
"Isn't that nice for you," Zel muttered under his breath. Louder, he said, "Could
you tell me how to get out of here?"
"No!" laughed the caterpillar. "Who are you anyway, you flat-chested little girl?
Ohohohoho!"
"I'm not a girl!" Zelgadis growled, though his hands went up to his chest anyway.
"And I'm supposed to be flat-chested because I'm a boy," he added defensively. "Why do
you care who I am? Who are you?"
"I am Naga, the White Caterpillar!" the caterpillar said, striking a pose that
made...certain parts of her anatomy bounce up and down. Zelgadis found himself having
to work to keep his composure in the face of all that cleavage. "Now, little flat-chested
girl, who are you?"
"My name is Zelgadis, and I am not a girl!" Zelgadis practically screeched. Then
he remembered that only girls screech and clapped a hand over his mouth.
"You look like a girl," Naga told him and started to laugh some more.
Zelgadis let her laugh for about three seconds before he couldn't stand it anymore.
"I don't suppose you could tell me how to get out of here?" he asked. "And maybe
how to grow, as well?"
"You would need to grow, wouldn't you?" Naga said, giving him a smug look.
"Your chest is flat as a board. If you didn't look so feminine, I'd swear you were a boy!
Ohohohoho!"
"I am a--never mind." Zelgadis sweatdropped and wondered if he had any spells
which he could use on the caterpillar that would leave her still capable of speech. Having
no better ideas, he simply clobbered her over the head with his sweatdrop. Unfortunately
it was a rather large sweatdrop, so it knocked her out and Zelgadis had to wait a few
minutes before she came to again.
"Oog...where am I?" Her eyes found the scowling Zelgadis. "Oh, are you still
here?"
"Yes, I'm still here," Zelgadis said. Naga started to say something, but Zelgadis
cut her off. "And if you say one word--just one word--about my chest, you're dead, got
it?"
"Hmmph." Naga sniffed, turning her head away from him. "Well, if you're going
to be rude, I'm leaving!" She climbed off the mushroom and began to stalk off.
"Wait a minute!" Zelgadis called after her. "You never answered my questions!"
"One side makes you shrink, one side makes you grow," Naga replied, waving a
hand at him. "Of the mushroom, I mean. Goodbye, little flat-chested one! Know that you
are still no match for Naga, the White Caterpillar! Ohohohoho!" With that, she was gone,
which Zelgadis didn't consider any great loss. He turned his attention to the mushroom.
"What is it with these people and eating things?" he muttered, staring at it. "Well,
I guess I have no choice." He broke off a piece from each side of the mushroom and took
a bite of one.
Immediately he found his chin hitting his feet. The chimera sighed yet again and
felt another headache coming on.
"Why the hell can't anything I eat around here act normal?" he grumbled, and
took a bite from the other piece of mushroom.
Zelgadis's head shot up almost immediately. Then it shot up higher and higher
until he resembled a giant stone giraffe. A really really reeeeally angry stone giraffe.
"When I get to be my right size, I'm going to find that caterpillar and squish her,"
he vowed, snaking his neck downwards in hopes of taking another bite from the
mushroom and getting back to a more reasonable size.
"Serpent!" a voice screamed in his ear. And when you consider how good Zel's
hearing was, someone screaming in his ear probably hurt a lot. The chimera turned his
head to see a pigeon with the face of Hellmaster Phibrizzo flapping next to him.
"I am not a serpent," Zel growled.
"You look like a serpent," Phibrizzo stated. "Are you going to eat my eggs? Are
you? Huh? Huh?" He sounded very enthused by the prospect.
"I don't want your eggs," Zelgadis sighed.
"Are you sure? They're reeeally good." Phibrizzo pointed with one wing to a dirty
little nest in a nearby tree. Nestled in it were four little yellow balls. Zelgadis
sweatdropped yet again.
"There's no way in hell that I'm eating those," he swore.
"Really? Darn." Phibrizzo shrugged. "Oh well. Bye bye, Ms. Serpent!" He flew
off before Zelgadis could say a word about being male.
Zel finally managed to get a bite of the mushroom. By alternating between sides,
he managed to get himself down to a very respectable nine inches tall. When he tried to
get any larger, nothing happened.
"Stupid thing's probably broken," he decided. Just in case, he stuffed a few bits of
mushroom into the newly discovered pockets in his dress and headed off in a random
direction.
As he walked, Zelgadis swore that, except for the mushroom bits in his pocket, he
wasn't going to eat a single other thing in this screwy land unless he saw someone else
eat it first.
Next chapter, Zel learns the answer to that eternal question: What is a Cheshire Xellos? The
author continues to try to figure out chaptering, though all attempts continue to be
thwarted by her head cold.
Disclaimer: No one belongs to me (except maybe the talking bottles). There, that was quick.
Author's Notes: Oog, hope this works. Stupid chaptering thing...
Chapter 3: Drinking Too Much is Undesirable in Young Ladies
Zelgadis was soon hauled, coughing and wheezing, to the shore, carried there by
the helpful bottle, which hopped up on the shore next to him and attempted to dry his face
with some leaves. How it found shore and leaves, not to mention hands with which to
hold the leaves, remained a mystery.
"Well, that was helpful," Zel said in tones of scathing sarcasm, all the while
glaring at the bottle and feeling like an idiot for yelling at what should have been an
inanimate object.
"I beg your pardon," said the bottle in hurt tones. "I just saved your life."
"And you were the one who made the blasted lake!" Zelgadis replied. "You
bastard!"
"I assure you, I'm a perfectly legitimate bottle," it sniffed, sounding upset. "My
mother and father were married for several years before I was delivered by one of the
most respectable doctors in the county. Really! To call me a bastard! What a remarkably
rude little girl you are."
Zelgadis sighed and rolled his eyes. He was starting to get a headache and, as
always seemed to happen when he got a headache, he thought that he would feel much
better if he killed something. Unfortunately, the only thing in the immediate vicinity was
the bottle, and he wasn't quite sure how to kill it.
He was still trying to think of how one really kills a bottle when the Filia rabbit
hopped past him.
"Mary Ann!" she scolded the amazed chimera. "What are you doing, you lazy
girl! Get back to the house and get me another teacup; I've lost mine! Oh, the Duchess
will be so angry with me! Hurry, Mary Ann!"
Zelgadis opened his mouth to correct her when the bottle nudged him away.
"Go to her house," it advised. "If you get her teacup, she might tell you how to get
somewhere you want to be."
Zelgadis considered this and, as he had no better alternatives, decided to take the
bottle's advice, which a rather strange thing when you think about it, but Zelgadis was in
no position to find it odd. He dutifully headed off in the direction the bottle had pointed
him in, belatedly remembering that he should have informed the rabbit that he was not a
girl.
The Filia rabbit's house was a nice, tidy sort of house, exactly the sort of thing
Zelgadis would imagine her having. The inside was just as neat and tidy as he expected,
though he didn't really explore it. He just wanted to get Filia her teacup and find a way
home (and a tailor shop might be nice too) before anyone else mistook him for a girl.
He was just taking a teacup from off one of the shelves in the kitchen when he
nearly knocked something off a stool near the looking glass. Catching the item, Zelgadis
saw, much to his dismay, that it was another bottle.
"But it doesn't say 'Drink Me'," Zelgadis told himself, ignoring for the time being
the fact that talking to oneself was considered by some a sign of insanity. "So it shouldn't
care if I drink it or not."
"I should so!" the bottle screeched in a voice a lot like the cawing of a crow. "It
would be rude of you not to drink me!"
"Do you think I care?" Zelgadis growled, slamming the bottle back down on the
table as hard as he could. "I'm sick of listening to stupid bottles telling me what a rude
little girl I am--and I'm not a girl, so don't say anything about it!"
He had planned to stalk off with that as his final point, but the bottle would not be
deterred.
"Why don't you want to drink me?" it moaned. "I'm a perfectly good bottle. My
brother, now, he's not much of a bottle. Doesn't even have a shiny stopper like mine." As
if to show off said stopper, the bottle pushed out its own stopper to show Zelgadis.
"Again, I don't care," Zel replied, crossing his arms. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm
leaving."
"You can't leave!" the bottle moaned. "Oh, please don't leave! If you leave
without drinking me, my parents will think I'm a failure as a bottle and it will be all your
fault!"
"Shut up! You're making my ears hurt," Zelgadis grumbled. "Besides, I'm
absolutely certain that, if I drink you, something strange will happen that I probably don't
want to happen. I'm trying to avoid any more unpleasantness, thank you very much."
"Nothing strange will happen if you drink me, I promise!" the bottle hastened to
assure. "Please drink me!"
"I said no," Zelgadis said, crossing his arms.
"Pretty please?"
"Still no."
"I'll be your best friend."
"Yes, that's sure to make me drink you," Zelgadis muttered sarcastically. "What
do you take me for, an idi--mmf!" This last came as the bottle rather aggressively
launched itself at the chimera, sticking itself between his lips and forcing him to drink.
Zelgadis, having swallowed enough strange things for one day, pulled the bottle out of his
mouth and, with a strange type of glee, smashed the thing against a wall.
"You've killed me!" the bottle moaned, lying in shards on the ground. "Now,
look, I'm dying! How upsetting! How could you? You're so mean! I hate you!"
"Just die already!" Zelgadis complained. He might have said more, but at that
moment he noticed that the room was seeming a little....cramped. In fact, the house was
seeming a little cramped. Within a few moments, Zelgadis had grown too large to fit
through the door, and, as his size increased, so did his temper. His temper only became
worse when his head hit the roof and his bow flopped down over his eyes.
"Bloody, idiotic talking bottle," he snarled, crossing his arms. " 'Nothing will
happen,' my ass!"
"Little girls shouldn't swear!" the remains of the bottle reminded him.
"Oh, shut up. Fireball!" The last of the bottle was immediately incinerated, which
didn't do anything to solve Zel's problem of being too large to move, but did make him
feel considerably better.
However, the problem remained. Zelgadis was now very large, and, from the
noise outside, he suspected that the Filia rabbit had returned home and she and her
servants were making quite a fuss.
"There's an elbow stuck in my window. Why is there an elbow in my window?"
Filia's voice demanded.
"Maybe it's enjoying the scenery," suggested another voice.
"It's a rather pretty elbow, don't you think?" a third voice said. "Small and
feminine. If you have to have an elbow in the window, that's the elbow I'd want in mine."
"Well, I want it removed!" Filia stated.
"But we can't get inside, Filia-sama!" complained the second voice. "The door's
stuck and the window...well, there's the elbow."
"Then try the chimney!" Filia decided. "Milgasia, you try the chimney."
"Yes, ma'am," said the third voice. In moments, Zelgadis heard a scrambling
noise near the chimney. The chimera looked at the chimney, then at its relationship to
himself. Filia's servant would come down right in the perfect place to see underneath his
dress.
"Oh no you don't, you pervert," muttered Zelgadis, blushing slightly. He waited
until he heard the sounds of Milgasia heading down the chimney, then aimed his foot and
kicked.
There was a whooshing noise and the sound of flapping wings.
"The chimney just vomited me out!" Milgasia complained. "D'you think it might
be sick?"
"That should keep them out for a while," Zel sighed. "Now, how to get out of
here?"
His (far too large) eyes scanned the room and fell upon a silver platter full of
small bits of cake.
"The cake reversed the bottle's effect last time," he murmured, thinking out loud.
"So maybe it'll do the same this time. Or it'll make me big enough that I break the house
in two, either or."
Deciding that either way was still better than being stuck, Zelgadis reached over
and grabbed a bit of cake, which he swiftly devoured. Soon he was shrinking again but, as
his luck wasn't exactly the best in the world, he shrunk far too much and was soon only
three inches tall.
"Well, it's better than nothing," he decided. Destroying a few pieces of furniture
just for the hell of it, the chimera exited the house. The Filia rabbit stood outside, and
with her were several chibi black and gold dragons. The moment they saw him, they all
began to point and murmur.
" 'Tis a little girl!" Milgasia, a tiny black dragon, stated. He was hovering in the
air above the others. "My, she's awfully cute, isn't she?"
Murmurs of "Oh, indeed," and "She is a pretty little thing," filled the air.
Zelgadis's temper hit the breaking point and snapped like a twig.
"Screw you," he growled and raised a hand. "Flare arrow!"
While Filia and the dragons were busy being charred by the spell, Zelgadis calmly
walked off into the woods.
Chapter 4: Even Caterpillars Can be Well-Endowed
Zelgadis wandered aimlessly through the woods for at least a good five minutes
before he found any sign of life. Unfortunately, that sign of life came as an incredibly
annoying laugh.
"Ohohohohohoho! Ohohohohoho!"
The chimera peered into a clearing, where he beheld one of the strangest sights yet
and, when one considers the things he had been seeing lately, that's saying something. In
the middle of the clearing was a large pink mushroom, and, atop the mushroom, was a
white caterpillar with a woman's face, black hair, and enormous....tracks of land. Zelgadis
could feel himself blushing. Against his better judgment, he approached the laughing
caterpillar.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"Nothing," the caterpillar replied. "Ohohohohoho! I just feel like laughing!"
"Isn't that nice for you," Zel muttered under his breath. Louder, he said, "Could
you tell me how to get out of here?"
"No!" laughed the caterpillar. "Who are you anyway, you flat-chested little girl?
Ohohohoho!"
"I'm not a girl!" Zelgadis growled, though his hands went up to his chest anyway.
"And I'm supposed to be flat-chested because I'm a boy," he added defensively. "Why do
you care who I am? Who are you?"
"I am Naga, the White Caterpillar!" the caterpillar said, striking a pose that
made...certain parts of her anatomy bounce up and down. Zelgadis found himself having
to work to keep his composure in the face of all that cleavage. "Now, little flat-chested
girl, who are you?"
"My name is Zelgadis, and I am not a girl!" Zelgadis practically screeched. Then
he remembered that only girls screech and clapped a hand over his mouth.
"You look like a girl," Naga told him and started to laugh some more.
Zelgadis let her laugh for about three seconds before he couldn't stand it anymore.
"I don't suppose you could tell me how to get out of here?" he asked. "And maybe
how to grow, as well?"
"You would need to grow, wouldn't you?" Naga said, giving him a smug look.
"Your chest is flat as a board. If you didn't look so feminine, I'd swear you were a boy!
Ohohohoho!"
"I am a--never mind." Zelgadis sweatdropped and wondered if he had any spells
which he could use on the caterpillar that would leave her still capable of speech. Having
no better ideas, he simply clobbered her over the head with his sweatdrop. Unfortunately
it was a rather large sweatdrop, so it knocked her out and Zelgadis had to wait a few
minutes before she came to again.
"Oog...where am I?" Her eyes found the scowling Zelgadis. "Oh, are you still
here?"
"Yes, I'm still here," Zelgadis said. Naga started to say something, but Zelgadis
cut her off. "And if you say one word--just one word--about my chest, you're dead, got
it?"
"Hmmph." Naga sniffed, turning her head away from him. "Well, if you're going
to be rude, I'm leaving!" She climbed off the mushroom and began to stalk off.
"Wait a minute!" Zelgadis called after her. "You never answered my questions!"
"One side makes you shrink, one side makes you grow," Naga replied, waving a
hand at him. "Of the mushroom, I mean. Goodbye, little flat-chested one! Know that you
are still no match for Naga, the White Caterpillar! Ohohohoho!" With that, she was gone,
which Zelgadis didn't consider any great loss. He turned his attention to the mushroom.
"What is it with these people and eating things?" he muttered, staring at it. "Well,
I guess I have no choice." He broke off a piece from each side of the mushroom and took
a bite of one.
Immediately he found his chin hitting his feet. The chimera sighed yet again and
felt another headache coming on.
"Why the hell can't anything I eat around here act normal?" he grumbled, and
took a bite from the other piece of mushroom.
Zelgadis's head shot up almost immediately. Then it shot up higher and higher
until he resembled a giant stone giraffe. A really really reeeeally angry stone giraffe.
"When I get to be my right size, I'm going to find that caterpillar and squish her,"
he vowed, snaking his neck downwards in hopes of taking another bite from the
mushroom and getting back to a more reasonable size.
"Serpent!" a voice screamed in his ear. And when you consider how good Zel's
hearing was, someone screaming in his ear probably hurt a lot. The chimera turned his
head to see a pigeon with the face of Hellmaster Phibrizzo flapping next to him.
"I am not a serpent," Zel growled.
"You look like a serpent," Phibrizzo stated. "Are you going to eat my eggs? Are
you? Huh? Huh?" He sounded very enthused by the prospect.
"I don't want your eggs," Zelgadis sighed.
"Are you sure? They're reeeally good." Phibrizzo pointed with one wing to a dirty
little nest in a nearby tree. Nestled in it were four little yellow balls. Zelgadis
sweatdropped yet again.
"There's no way in hell that I'm eating those," he swore.
"Really? Darn." Phibrizzo shrugged. "Oh well. Bye bye, Ms. Serpent!" He flew
off before Zelgadis could say a word about being male.
Zel finally managed to get a bite of the mushroom. By alternating between sides,
he managed to get himself down to a very respectable nine inches tall. When he tried to
get any larger, nothing happened.
"Stupid thing's probably broken," he decided. Just in case, he stuffed a few bits of
mushroom into the newly discovered pockets in his dress and headed off in a random
direction.
As he walked, Zelgadis swore that, except for the mushroom bits in his pocket, he
wasn't going to eat a single other thing in this screwy land unless he saw someone else
eat it first.
Next chapter, Zel learns the answer to that eternal question: What is a Cheshire Xellos? The
author continues to try to figure out chaptering, though all attempts continue to be
thwarted by her head cold.