Zelgadis-Chan in Wonderlamd
Disclaimer: Insert your own witty disclaimer here.
Chapter 6 : It's a Mad Mad World
The house of the March Gourry was pretty much what Zel had expected. It looked
like it had once been a barn, until someone painted it blue and began hammering boards
over all the holes. In fact, it looked as if the March Gourry had done quite a bit of work
around the house, though every single patch Zel saw was either too big, too small, or
incredibly crooked. He was just about to knock on the oaken door when he heard sounds
from the backyard. He circled around the house and found himself in the middle of a
small garden. In the distance he could see a large banquet table and two small figures. As
Zel got closer he made out a third figure standing on the edge of the table.
At the head of the table, sitting in a high-backed red chair, was Lina. She was
wearing a magenta dress suit with a magenta dress shirt, a large magenta top hat, and a
gold watch. Next to Lina was the March Gourry, who was wearing a tattered blue vest,
blue shirt, and blue pants. Atop his head were a pair of furry blond rabbit ears.
As Zelgadis moved closer to the table he could make out, above the sounds of
squabbling from Lina and the March Gourry, a high, squeaking voice. His eyes fixed onto
a tiny figure at the head of the table. It was Amelia, with a pair of round mouse ears and a
long mousy tail. She was ignoring her companions and giving justice speeches to the
trees.
"You block our sunlight, keeping us from enjoying the true beauty of the sun!
Your leaves fall into our cups, ruining our wonderful tea! You trees are evil, and I, the
DorAmelia, shall smite you with the Hammer of Justice!" The mouse posed, and
Zelgadis sweatdropped.
Meanwhile, Lina and the March Gourry were fighting a pitched battle at the head
of the table.
"That's my tea cookie! Give it back!"
"But I saw it first!"
"Mine mine mine mine mine!"
"Um...excuse me?" Zelgadis ventured, sitting down near the March Gourry and
tapping him on the shoulder. Immediately Lina and the March Gourry jumped to their feet
and looked at him.
"No room! No room!" they both cried at once.
"You have seven empty seats," Zelgadis pointed out, sweatdropping again.
"Hey, he's right, Lina!" the March Gourry said excitedly to his companion. "I
didn't even know I had that many chairs!"
"There's still no room," Lina sniffed. "We're almost out of tea cookies, and with
her here...then again, she doesn't look like she eats much." Lina poked Zel in the chest.
"Hah! Look at that! Her chest is flatter than mine!"
"That's because I'm a boy," Zelgadis grumbled.
"Sure you are," Lina said slyly. The DorAmelia suddenly turned on Zelgadis.
"Masquerading as a boy! How unjust of you! Only a villain and a thief would do
such a heinous act of crossdressing! I shall not forgive you!"
While the DorAmelia ranted, the March Gourry tapped Zel on the shoulder and
said in a very loud whisper,
"I believe that you're a guy. No woman could have a chest flatter than Lina's."
"I heard that!" Lina grabbed the March Gourry by the ears and dragged him back
to his seat, where she proceeded to beat him senseless with a silver cake platter. The cake
was still stuck to the platter, and after each strike to the March Gourry, Lina would take a
bite of the cake. Meanwhile, the DorAmelia had found herself a pair of sugar tongs and
was uselessly prodding Zel in the arm with them, still ranting about the evils of
crossdressing. Zelgadis flicked her away with a silver teaspoon.
Meanwhile, Lina had returned to her seat and was calmly sipping her tea. The
March Gourry sat bandaged beside her, warily reaching for more tea cookies. Lina
gestured to Zel.
"Have some wine," she said pushing a cup in front of him.
"Um...this is tea," Zelgadis said hesitantly, fearing her wrath.
"The DorAmelia wouldn't let us have wine," Lina admitted. The aforementioned
mouse looked up from the plate of butter where she had landed and immediately started
speaking again, butter sliding down her nose.
"Wine is evil, Lina-san! It tears at the very fabric of our well-ordered society
founded on good will and true peace and love between all men, and even between some
species of frog! To bring wine to the table would tear at the moral fiber of all that is
righteous and just! To bring alcohol into our fine, upstanding party would--hey!" Lina
picked the DorAmelia up by the tail and carefully deposited her into the teapot, shutting
the lid.
"That should hold her," Lina said smugly. Then a little voice came from inside the
pot.
"Lina-san! Placing someone in a teapot is completely, utterly wrong! In some
societies it is considered an offense punishable by imprisonment or large monetary
reimbursement to the offended party! It is the first sign of true evil! You are on the road
to--" Lina opened the lid of the pot and tossed in a few sugar cubes, then closed it again.
After a moment, the ranting stopped, only to be replaced by the blissful sound of a mouse
licking up sugar.
"Sugar?" The March Gourry offered Zel the butter plate.
"Um, that's..." Zel stopped as the March Gourry shrugged.
"None? That's okay, more for me!" Then the hare placed several pallets of butter
into his tea, where they melted immediately.
Lina sipped the last of her tea, then looked at her empty cup and, more
importantly, at her empty plate.
"Clean cups!" she cried. Immediately the March Gourry jumped to his feet and
moved into Lina's seat, dragging Zel into the seat that the hare had once occupied. Lina
was the only one who got the better of the deal, however, as her cup and plate had yet to
be used.
"What was the point of that?!" Zelgadis demanded.
"So I have a clean cup, of course," laughed Lina, pouring herself another cup of
tea. The DorAmelia, with sugar all over her face, came sliding out of the tea kettle and
rested in Lina's cup.
"Ew!" Lina threw the cup across the table, straight at Zel, who caught it. "Mouse
fur!"
Zelgadis glanced down at the DorAmelia, who was climbing out of the tea cup
and looking in dismay at her stained white clothes. Immediately she began to lecture her
clothes.
"Being stained is a sign of uncleanness! No ally of justice can stand for such a
hideous deed! Repent and clean yourselves using the fire of justice!"
Zel sighed and glanced down at his half-filled tea cup. It looked normal enough,
but he was taking no chances.
"Don't you want any?" the March Gourry asked.
"Um...I'm not thirsty," Zel lied.
"More for us then!" The March Gourry grabbed Zel's cup, which had once been
his own anyway, and drank the last of the tea, then started fighting Lina for the cookies
again.
"You're in my seat!" announced the DorAmelia, having left off lecturing her
clothes and turning her attention to Zel once more.
"But wasn't this seat--" The DorAmelia cut Zel off.
"It was my seat first!" She posed. "Stealing someone's seat is totally, utterly,
completely and wholly wrong! I will now smite you with the Hammer of Justice!" And
she whacked him on the elbow with a teaspoon.
"All right, that's it!" Zelgadis stood. Lina and the March Gourry turned to look at
him in shock, though the DorAmelia simply continued to rant. "I've had enough of this
insane tea party!"
"But didn't you like it?" The March Gourry's lower lip trembled and his eyes got
teary.
"No!" Zelgadis exploded.
"Oh. I'm sorry." The March Gourry smiled and returned to the cookies.
"See ya, girlie!" Lina waved a hand at him as she, too, turned her undivided
attention to the plate of cookies. Zelgadis rolled his eyes and headed away from the table.
Behind him, he could still hear a small voice saying,
"Standing up without being asked! That is morally and socially wrong! It is the
seedy underbelly which is the bane of all that is good and pure in society! Beside that, it's
rude! I shall--"
Zelgadis was thankful when he got too far away to hear her. He was just rounding
the corner back to the front of the house when he caught sight of a tree with a door in it.
Curious, he opened the door and stepped inside.
"Oh, hell!" Zelgadis swore.
He was right back in the room where he had started.
Next chapter, we get to the main event: the Queen's croquet match! Can Zelgadis play
croquet? Probably not, but it should be interesting to watch him try. And the Cheshire
Xellos returns for an encore performance. Interpret that as you will.
Disclaimer: Insert your own witty disclaimer here.
Chapter 6 : It's a Mad Mad World
The house of the March Gourry was pretty much what Zel had expected. It looked
like it had once been a barn, until someone painted it blue and began hammering boards
over all the holes. In fact, it looked as if the March Gourry had done quite a bit of work
around the house, though every single patch Zel saw was either too big, too small, or
incredibly crooked. He was just about to knock on the oaken door when he heard sounds
from the backyard. He circled around the house and found himself in the middle of a
small garden. In the distance he could see a large banquet table and two small figures. As
Zel got closer he made out a third figure standing on the edge of the table.
At the head of the table, sitting in a high-backed red chair, was Lina. She was
wearing a magenta dress suit with a magenta dress shirt, a large magenta top hat, and a
gold watch. Next to Lina was the March Gourry, who was wearing a tattered blue vest,
blue shirt, and blue pants. Atop his head were a pair of furry blond rabbit ears.
As Zelgadis moved closer to the table he could make out, above the sounds of
squabbling from Lina and the March Gourry, a high, squeaking voice. His eyes fixed onto
a tiny figure at the head of the table. It was Amelia, with a pair of round mouse ears and a
long mousy tail. She was ignoring her companions and giving justice speeches to the
trees.
"You block our sunlight, keeping us from enjoying the true beauty of the sun!
Your leaves fall into our cups, ruining our wonderful tea! You trees are evil, and I, the
DorAmelia, shall smite you with the Hammer of Justice!" The mouse posed, and
Zelgadis sweatdropped.
Meanwhile, Lina and the March Gourry were fighting a pitched battle at the head
of the table.
"That's my tea cookie! Give it back!"
"But I saw it first!"
"Mine mine mine mine mine!"
"Um...excuse me?" Zelgadis ventured, sitting down near the March Gourry and
tapping him on the shoulder. Immediately Lina and the March Gourry jumped to their feet
and looked at him.
"No room! No room!" they both cried at once.
"You have seven empty seats," Zelgadis pointed out, sweatdropping again.
"Hey, he's right, Lina!" the March Gourry said excitedly to his companion. "I
didn't even know I had that many chairs!"
"There's still no room," Lina sniffed. "We're almost out of tea cookies, and with
her here...then again, she doesn't look like she eats much." Lina poked Zel in the chest.
"Hah! Look at that! Her chest is flatter than mine!"
"That's because I'm a boy," Zelgadis grumbled.
"Sure you are," Lina said slyly. The DorAmelia suddenly turned on Zelgadis.
"Masquerading as a boy! How unjust of you! Only a villain and a thief would do
such a heinous act of crossdressing! I shall not forgive you!"
While the DorAmelia ranted, the March Gourry tapped Zel on the shoulder and
said in a very loud whisper,
"I believe that you're a guy. No woman could have a chest flatter than Lina's."
"I heard that!" Lina grabbed the March Gourry by the ears and dragged him back
to his seat, where she proceeded to beat him senseless with a silver cake platter. The cake
was still stuck to the platter, and after each strike to the March Gourry, Lina would take a
bite of the cake. Meanwhile, the DorAmelia had found herself a pair of sugar tongs and
was uselessly prodding Zel in the arm with them, still ranting about the evils of
crossdressing. Zelgadis flicked her away with a silver teaspoon.
Meanwhile, Lina had returned to her seat and was calmly sipping her tea. The
March Gourry sat bandaged beside her, warily reaching for more tea cookies. Lina
gestured to Zel.
"Have some wine," she said pushing a cup in front of him.
"Um...this is tea," Zelgadis said hesitantly, fearing her wrath.
"The DorAmelia wouldn't let us have wine," Lina admitted. The aforementioned
mouse looked up from the plate of butter where she had landed and immediately started
speaking again, butter sliding down her nose.
"Wine is evil, Lina-san! It tears at the very fabric of our well-ordered society
founded on good will and true peace and love between all men, and even between some
species of frog! To bring wine to the table would tear at the moral fiber of all that is
righteous and just! To bring alcohol into our fine, upstanding party would--hey!" Lina
picked the DorAmelia up by the tail and carefully deposited her into the teapot, shutting
the lid.
"That should hold her," Lina said smugly. Then a little voice came from inside the
pot.
"Lina-san! Placing someone in a teapot is completely, utterly wrong! In some
societies it is considered an offense punishable by imprisonment or large monetary
reimbursement to the offended party! It is the first sign of true evil! You are on the road
to--" Lina opened the lid of the pot and tossed in a few sugar cubes, then closed it again.
After a moment, the ranting stopped, only to be replaced by the blissful sound of a mouse
licking up sugar.
"Sugar?" The March Gourry offered Zel the butter plate.
"Um, that's..." Zel stopped as the March Gourry shrugged.
"None? That's okay, more for me!" Then the hare placed several pallets of butter
into his tea, where they melted immediately.
Lina sipped the last of her tea, then looked at her empty cup and, more
importantly, at her empty plate.
"Clean cups!" she cried. Immediately the March Gourry jumped to his feet and
moved into Lina's seat, dragging Zel into the seat that the hare had once occupied. Lina
was the only one who got the better of the deal, however, as her cup and plate had yet to
be used.
"What was the point of that?!" Zelgadis demanded.
"So I have a clean cup, of course," laughed Lina, pouring herself another cup of
tea. The DorAmelia, with sugar all over her face, came sliding out of the tea kettle and
rested in Lina's cup.
"Ew!" Lina threw the cup across the table, straight at Zel, who caught it. "Mouse
fur!"
Zelgadis glanced down at the DorAmelia, who was climbing out of the tea cup
and looking in dismay at her stained white clothes. Immediately she began to lecture her
clothes.
"Being stained is a sign of uncleanness! No ally of justice can stand for such a
hideous deed! Repent and clean yourselves using the fire of justice!"
Zel sighed and glanced down at his half-filled tea cup. It looked normal enough,
but he was taking no chances.
"Don't you want any?" the March Gourry asked.
"Um...I'm not thirsty," Zel lied.
"More for us then!" The March Gourry grabbed Zel's cup, which had once been
his own anyway, and drank the last of the tea, then started fighting Lina for the cookies
again.
"You're in my seat!" announced the DorAmelia, having left off lecturing her
clothes and turning her attention to Zel once more.
"But wasn't this seat--" The DorAmelia cut Zel off.
"It was my seat first!" She posed. "Stealing someone's seat is totally, utterly,
completely and wholly wrong! I will now smite you with the Hammer of Justice!" And
she whacked him on the elbow with a teaspoon.
"All right, that's it!" Zelgadis stood. Lina and the March Gourry turned to look at
him in shock, though the DorAmelia simply continued to rant. "I've had enough of this
insane tea party!"
"But didn't you like it?" The March Gourry's lower lip trembled and his eyes got
teary.
"No!" Zelgadis exploded.
"Oh. I'm sorry." The March Gourry smiled and returned to the cookies.
"See ya, girlie!" Lina waved a hand at him as she, too, turned her undivided
attention to the plate of cookies. Zelgadis rolled his eyes and headed away from the table.
Behind him, he could still hear a small voice saying,
"Standing up without being asked! That is morally and socially wrong! It is the
seedy underbelly which is the bane of all that is good and pure in society! Beside that, it's
rude! I shall--"
Zelgadis was thankful when he got too far away to hear her. He was just rounding
the corner back to the front of the house when he caught sight of a tree with a door in it.
Curious, he opened the door and stepped inside.
"Oh, hell!" Zelgadis swore.
He was right back in the room where he had started.
Next chapter, we get to the main event: the Queen's croquet match! Can Zelgadis play
croquet? Probably not, but it should be interesting to watch him try. And the Cheshire
Xellos returns for an encore performance. Interpret that as you will.