Zelgadis-chan in Wonderland
Disclaimer: Second verse, same as the first.
Author's Notes: Yay! Last chapter! I'm done, done I say! Mwhahaha!
Chapter 10 : Who is Miranda Rights, and Why Do All the Policemen Know Her?
"Huh?" Zelgadis sat up straight upon hearing his name. "Me?"
"No, the guy next to you," Lina said sarcastically. "Of course you!" She gave him
a shove towards the witness stand.
"But--but I don't know anything!" Zel protested.
"I'll say," muttered Lina.
"The witness will come to the stand!" Filia stomped her foot impatiently. "Hurry
it up! We have other things to do, you know!"
"I'm sure," Zel grumbled, rolling his eyes. Nevertheless, he sat down in the
witness chair, crossing his legs modestly.
"How ladylike!" murmured Milgasia, and the rest of the jurors agreed.
"Fireball!" Zelgadis, face burning in anger, launched a fireball at the jury box,
scattering the dragons everywhere.
"That was uncalled for!" moaned one little dragon from under a chair where he
was hiding. The other jurors muttered their agreement.
"Shut up!" Zelgadis snapped. The rest of the mumbling subsided and the
DorAmelia walked up to Zelgadis with the platter.
"Do you--"
"We get it already!" Martina shouted in annoyance, her arms wrapped around the
blushing King's neck. "Proceed."
"Phooey." The DorAmelia went dejectedly back to her seat. The Filia rabbit
turned to Zelgadis.
"Please deliver your evidence," she said.
"I--I don't have any," Zelgadis informed her. He crossed his arms in annoyance.
"This is ridiculous."
"Do you want that on the record?" The Gryphiel, who was now serving as
recorder, turned to the Queen of Hearts.
"Write that down," the Queen affirmed. "We don't want to forget that this is
ridiculous." Then she turned her attention to giving Zangulus a tonsillectomy. Zelgadis
sweatdropped and looked away, blushing madly.
"You must have evidence," the Filia rabbit stated. "Everyone has some. Now
when did you last see the tarts?"
"I never saw them," Zelgadis said.
"Did you eat them with your eyes closed then?"
"No!"
"Aha! Then you did eat them?" The Filia rabbit raised her scroll triumphantly.
"I--That's not what I meant!" Zelgadis huffed. "I don't know anything about the
stupid tarts."
"What about the smart ones?"
"Excuse me?"
"If you didn't eat the stupid tarts, then you must have eaten the smart ones, yes?"
The Filia rabbit smiled triumphantly.
"I didn't eat any damn tarts!" Zelgadis growled. "I didn't even know that there
were any!"
"Then you ate the tarts without knowing what they were!" the Filia rabbit
declared.
"I didn't eat anything!" Zelgadis hissed.
"We have evidence against that." The Filia rabbit reached into the pocket of her
robes and pulled out a bottle. Zelgadis groaned and looked for something to start banging
his head on.
"She ate some cake!" the bottle said in a familiar voice. "I saw her! She was quite
the pig, let me tell you! And she drank me!"
The entire court recoiled in horror. Immediately everyone began whispering
amongst themselves. Zelgadis contented himself in giving the entire court a Glare of
Death.
"And there's more!" The Filia rabbit whistled, and Naga the White Caterpillar
came slinking up.
"Ohohohoho!" Naga laughed, and everyone covered their ears. "That's the little
flat-chested girl! She ate some mushroom! Ohohohoho!"
"There, you see?" Filia turned to the rest of the courtroom. "This girl is a
confirmed glutton! Look at all she's eaten! No doubt the Queen's tarts were too tasty a
treat to pass up!"
"Now wait just a minute!" Zelgadis shouted, jumping to his feet and grabbing the
Filia rabbit by the collar. "Listen to me. One, I haven't eaten a thing since the bloody
mushroom, and I don't plan to. Two, I am not on trial here. And three, I am not, nor have
I ever been, a girl!"
"A crossdresser!" stated Filia, raising one hand. "Surely such a disturbed
individual could easily stoop to stealing precious tarts which do not belong to him!"
"What is wrong with you people?!" Zelgadis dropped Filia on her head. Power
began to gather in his hands. "I am sick of being called rude. I am sick of being accused
of doing things I didn't do. I am sick of being forced to ingest strange substances and
being made to play absurd games. And, most of all, I am sick of being called a girl! RA
TILT!"
When the smoke cleared, the courtroom was in shambles and only Zelgadis was
still standing. He was breathing heavily and growling. From the rubble, the Queen of
Hearts stirred.
"*Cough* Off with his head."
"Temper, temper." The Cheshire Xellos appeared in front of Zel's face, wagging a
finger.
"You!" Zelgadis hissed. "Go away and leave me alone!"
"But I love you too much to do that!" the Cheshire Xellos squealed. "You're so
much fun!"
"I'll show you fun." Zelgadis reached over and managed to grab the cat by its
neck. "Tell me how to get home before I strangle you."
"You don't need to be so rude about it," the cat sniffed. "It's very simple for you
to get home. Just....wake up!"
Zelgadis was about to say something else when something hit him on the back of
the head. He fell to the ground, unconscious.
Chapter 11 : Good Morning, Sunshine
"Zelgadis-san! Zelgadis-san, are you awake?" The chimera blinked his eyes in
confusion as he sat up. Taking in his surroundings, he saw that he was back at the inn.
Amelia was knocking on the door and calling to him.
"Ugh..." Zel rubbed his head. "Was--was that all just a dream?" He sighed. "That
is the last time I let Lina talk me into eating sashimi before bedtime."
"Zelgadis-san! Are you in there?" Amelia's voice was turning worried.
"I'm here, I'm here," Zel assured her, getting to his feet. "Come in."
"Zelgadis-san, Lina-san says to--" Amelia bounded into the room and stopped
dead. "Um...Zelgadis-san?!"
"What?" Zelgadis noticed her staring wide-eyed at him. "What is it?"
Amelia pointed at him mutely. Zelgadis looked down....to see the skirt of the
pretty blue dress he was wearing, as well as nice white socks and black shoes. His face
blazed red.
"What's wrong? Xellos phased in behind him, smiling widely. "I thought that blue
would bring out your eyes."
Zelgadis turned to look at the fruitcake, his eyes burning with anger.
"XELLOS! I'M GOING TO GUT YOU, I SWEAR!"
And thus, the insanity ends. Maybe sometime when I'm in a weird mood I'll write a sequel
using Through the Looking Glass...or not. Zel's refused to appear in any more of my fics
if I put him in a dress again, so I'll have to wear him down first.
Disclaimer: Second verse, same as the first.
Author's Notes: Yay! Last chapter! I'm done, done I say! Mwhahaha!
Chapter 10 : Who is Miranda Rights, and Why Do All the Policemen Know Her?
"Huh?" Zelgadis sat up straight upon hearing his name. "Me?"
"No, the guy next to you," Lina said sarcastically. "Of course you!" She gave him
a shove towards the witness stand.
"But--but I don't know anything!" Zel protested.
"I'll say," muttered Lina.
"The witness will come to the stand!" Filia stomped her foot impatiently. "Hurry
it up! We have other things to do, you know!"
"I'm sure," Zel grumbled, rolling his eyes. Nevertheless, he sat down in the
witness chair, crossing his legs modestly.
"How ladylike!" murmured Milgasia, and the rest of the jurors agreed.
"Fireball!" Zelgadis, face burning in anger, launched a fireball at the jury box,
scattering the dragons everywhere.
"That was uncalled for!" moaned one little dragon from under a chair where he
was hiding. The other jurors muttered their agreement.
"Shut up!" Zelgadis snapped. The rest of the mumbling subsided and the
DorAmelia walked up to Zelgadis with the platter.
"Do you--"
"We get it already!" Martina shouted in annoyance, her arms wrapped around the
blushing King's neck. "Proceed."
"Phooey." The DorAmelia went dejectedly back to her seat. The Filia rabbit
turned to Zelgadis.
"Please deliver your evidence," she said.
"I--I don't have any," Zelgadis informed her. He crossed his arms in annoyance.
"This is ridiculous."
"Do you want that on the record?" The Gryphiel, who was now serving as
recorder, turned to the Queen of Hearts.
"Write that down," the Queen affirmed. "We don't want to forget that this is
ridiculous." Then she turned her attention to giving Zangulus a tonsillectomy. Zelgadis
sweatdropped and looked away, blushing madly.
"You must have evidence," the Filia rabbit stated. "Everyone has some. Now
when did you last see the tarts?"
"I never saw them," Zelgadis said.
"Did you eat them with your eyes closed then?"
"No!"
"Aha! Then you did eat them?" The Filia rabbit raised her scroll triumphantly.
"I--That's not what I meant!" Zelgadis huffed. "I don't know anything about the
stupid tarts."
"What about the smart ones?"
"Excuse me?"
"If you didn't eat the stupid tarts, then you must have eaten the smart ones, yes?"
The Filia rabbit smiled triumphantly.
"I didn't eat any damn tarts!" Zelgadis growled. "I didn't even know that there
were any!"
"Then you ate the tarts without knowing what they were!" the Filia rabbit
declared.
"I didn't eat anything!" Zelgadis hissed.
"We have evidence against that." The Filia rabbit reached into the pocket of her
robes and pulled out a bottle. Zelgadis groaned and looked for something to start banging
his head on.
"She ate some cake!" the bottle said in a familiar voice. "I saw her! She was quite
the pig, let me tell you! And she drank me!"
The entire court recoiled in horror. Immediately everyone began whispering
amongst themselves. Zelgadis contented himself in giving the entire court a Glare of
Death.
"And there's more!" The Filia rabbit whistled, and Naga the White Caterpillar
came slinking up.
"Ohohohoho!" Naga laughed, and everyone covered their ears. "That's the little
flat-chested girl! She ate some mushroom! Ohohohoho!"
"There, you see?" Filia turned to the rest of the courtroom. "This girl is a
confirmed glutton! Look at all she's eaten! No doubt the Queen's tarts were too tasty a
treat to pass up!"
"Now wait just a minute!" Zelgadis shouted, jumping to his feet and grabbing the
Filia rabbit by the collar. "Listen to me. One, I haven't eaten a thing since the bloody
mushroom, and I don't plan to. Two, I am not on trial here. And three, I am not, nor have
I ever been, a girl!"
"A crossdresser!" stated Filia, raising one hand. "Surely such a disturbed
individual could easily stoop to stealing precious tarts which do not belong to him!"
"What is wrong with you people?!" Zelgadis dropped Filia on her head. Power
began to gather in his hands. "I am sick of being called rude. I am sick of being accused
of doing things I didn't do. I am sick of being forced to ingest strange substances and
being made to play absurd games. And, most of all, I am sick of being called a girl! RA
TILT!"
When the smoke cleared, the courtroom was in shambles and only Zelgadis was
still standing. He was breathing heavily and growling. From the rubble, the Queen of
Hearts stirred.
"*Cough* Off with his head."
"Temper, temper." The Cheshire Xellos appeared in front of Zel's face, wagging a
finger.
"You!" Zelgadis hissed. "Go away and leave me alone!"
"But I love you too much to do that!" the Cheshire Xellos squealed. "You're so
much fun!"
"I'll show you fun." Zelgadis reached over and managed to grab the cat by its
neck. "Tell me how to get home before I strangle you."
"You don't need to be so rude about it," the cat sniffed. "It's very simple for you
to get home. Just....wake up!"
Zelgadis was about to say something else when something hit him on the back of
the head. He fell to the ground, unconscious.
Chapter 11 : Good Morning, Sunshine
"Zelgadis-san! Zelgadis-san, are you awake?" The chimera blinked his eyes in
confusion as he sat up. Taking in his surroundings, he saw that he was back at the inn.
Amelia was knocking on the door and calling to him.
"Ugh..." Zel rubbed his head. "Was--was that all just a dream?" He sighed. "That
is the last time I let Lina talk me into eating sashimi before bedtime."
"Zelgadis-san! Are you in there?" Amelia's voice was turning worried.
"I'm here, I'm here," Zel assured her, getting to his feet. "Come in."
"Zelgadis-san, Lina-san says to--" Amelia bounded into the room and stopped
dead. "Um...Zelgadis-san?!"
"What?" Zelgadis noticed her staring wide-eyed at him. "What is it?"
Amelia pointed at him mutely. Zelgadis looked down....to see the skirt of the
pretty blue dress he was wearing, as well as nice white socks and black shoes. His face
blazed red.
"What's wrong? Xellos phased in behind him, smiling widely. "I thought that blue
would bring out your eyes."
Zelgadis turned to look at the fruitcake, his eyes burning with anger.
"XELLOS! I'M GOING TO GUT YOU, I SWEAR!"
And thus, the insanity ends. Maybe sometime when I'm in a weird mood I'll write a sequel
using Through the Looking Glass...or not. Zel's refused to appear in any more of my fics
if I put him in a dress again, so I'll have to wear him down first.