one week later, Friday afternoon
"Hey," Buffy said, as she found Xander in, of all places, the
library. "What on earth are you doing here?"
"Research?" he answered, and at her disbelieving look, said,
"Okay, you caught me. I'm being a two year old and avoiding being
alone with you this week. There, I admitted it. You happy?"
"No," Buffy replied. "I'm not. We finally got things back to good
between us, and now you're avoiding me. I miss you coming over
every night so we can talk about nothing. I miss you trying your
hardest to get me to let you throw that Chris Isaak CD out the
window. But mostly, I just miss you."
"I miss you too," Xander replied. "I'm sorry. I promised myself
that I wouldn't let this get in the way of our friendship, and I
went and let it do just that. I don't want that."
"Then we need to talk," Buffy said, sitting next to him. "We've
been through a lot this past summer, Xander. You stood by me at
the worst time in my life, and you never let me give up. And then
when we got in that fight... well, the important thing is we
worked through it. I'm so glad we did, too. But after all that,
you're going to let this get in the way?"
"No, you're right," Xander said. "Not talking about something is
worse than just getting it out in the open. I should have learned
that by now." He found the courage to meet her eyes, and said, "I
love you. There, I said it."
"Yes, you did," Buffy agreed, surprised that he had. "Xander, you
are my best friend. I think you and I are even closer than me and
Willow. What with her relationship with Oz, I don't see her that
much. But it's not just that," she added. "You saved me when I
was ready to give up, you kept me from losing it completely. I
know I can depend on you. And I do. I care about you so much."
"There's a but here. There's always a but," Xander sighed, and
looked down at the table.
"I need time, Xander. I'm pretty dense, so I didn't realize for
so long how you felt about me. And now that I do, I don't really
know what to say. So I guess the 'but' is a 'but I need a little
time to think things out before I can say yes or no about this.'"
I think I can live with that," Xander said. "It's a lot better
than an outright 'not in a million years'."
"Good. Whatever happens...are we going to be okay?" Buffy asked.
"We'll be fine," Xander nodded. He looked over at her, and she
was obviously not convinced. He smiled, and repeated, "We'll be
fine, Buffy. Really."
"If that's true, can I have a hug?" she asked.
"You never have to ask," Xander replied, and pulled her into his
arms.
"Hang out with me Friday?" Buffy asked when she pulled away. "Mom
wanted me to hang out with her for once after patrol and I know
she'd love it if you joined us. We'll probably rent some movies,
and we won't rent _only_ girl movies if you come. So? Will you?
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"
"How could I say no to that?" Xander chuckled. "Yes, I'll come
over Friday."
"Good," Buffy said with a smile. "Well, now that my work here is
done, I have to run to class. See you at lunch, I'm sure." And
with that, she ran out to her next class.
Xander looked up a few minutes later to see Willow walk in.
"Giles said he had to run an errand to the magic shop," he said.
"Didn't come to see Giles, I was in search of you," Willow
replied. "Did Buffy find you?"
"Yeah," Xander nodded.
"And?"
"And we talked."
"And?"
"And then she left?" Xander offered with a mischeivous grin.
"Xaaanderrrrr," Willow approached him menacingly, and Xander
grabbed her arms so she couldn't hit him.
"We gotta break you of the need to hit me constantly," he said
with a grin. "Sit down, I was just playing with you. Of course
I'll tell you what happened."
Willow sat next to him, and looked at him expectantly.
"So I told her how I felt, and then she said she needed time to
think. I guess that's better than a 'Gee, Xander, I don't think
of you that way.' At least she hasn't said it yet. So, when we'd
gotten everything out in the open, she invited me to hang out
with her Friday."
"So, are you okay?" Willow asked.
"I'll survive," Xander said. "It's not like this is the first
time I've been in love with a girl who didn't feel the same way."
"Don't do that," Willow frowned, "Because that's not necessarily
the case."
"You really think I can compete with Angel?"
Xander asked.
"You don't have to compete, Xander, he's gone. She can't be alone
the rest of her life."
"Maybe," Xander shrugged. "I don't want to think about all the
maybes though. I just want to take it one day at a time. It's
better that way."
"I guess," Willow said. She sighed, and added, "Well, I promised
Oz I'd meet him, this is my free hour. As long as you're okay?"
"Go see your boyfriend," Xander said. "I'm good. I'll see you
later."
*********
"Hey," Buffy said, as she found Xander in, of all places, the
library. "What on earth are you doing here?"
"Research?" he answered, and at her disbelieving look, said,
"Okay, you caught me. I'm being a two year old and avoiding being
alone with you this week. There, I admitted it. You happy?"
"No," Buffy replied. "I'm not. We finally got things back to good
between us, and now you're avoiding me. I miss you coming over
every night so we can talk about nothing. I miss you trying your
hardest to get me to let you throw that Chris Isaak CD out the
window. But mostly, I just miss you."
"I miss you too," Xander replied. "I'm sorry. I promised myself
that I wouldn't let this get in the way of our friendship, and I
went and let it do just that. I don't want that."
"Then we need to talk," Buffy said, sitting next to him. "We've
been through a lot this past summer, Xander. You stood by me at
the worst time in my life, and you never let me give up. And then
when we got in that fight... well, the important thing is we
worked through it. I'm so glad we did, too. But after all that,
you're going to let this get in the way?"
"No, you're right," Xander said. "Not talking about something is
worse than just getting it out in the open. I should have learned
that by now." He found the courage to meet her eyes, and said, "I
love you. There, I said it."
"Yes, you did," Buffy agreed, surprised that he had. "Xander, you
are my best friend. I think you and I are even closer than me and
Willow. What with her relationship with Oz, I don't see her that
much. But it's not just that," she added. "You saved me when I
was ready to give up, you kept me from losing it completely. I
know I can depend on you. And I do. I care about you so much."
"There's a but here. There's always a but," Xander sighed, and
looked down at the table.
"I need time, Xander. I'm pretty dense, so I didn't realize for
so long how you felt about me. And now that I do, I don't really
know what to say. So I guess the 'but' is a 'but I need a little
time to think things out before I can say yes or no about this.'"
I think I can live with that," Xander said. "It's a lot better
than an outright 'not in a million years'."
"Good. Whatever happens...are we going to be okay?" Buffy asked.
"We'll be fine," Xander nodded. He looked over at her, and she
was obviously not convinced. He smiled, and repeated, "We'll be
fine, Buffy. Really."
"If that's true, can I have a hug?" she asked.
"You never have to ask," Xander replied, and pulled her into his
arms.
"Hang out with me Friday?" Buffy asked when she pulled away. "Mom
wanted me to hang out with her for once after patrol and I know
she'd love it if you joined us. We'll probably rent some movies,
and we won't rent _only_ girl movies if you come. So? Will you?
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"
"How could I say no to that?" Xander chuckled. "Yes, I'll come
over Friday."
"Good," Buffy said with a smile. "Well, now that my work here is
done, I have to run to class. See you at lunch, I'm sure." And
with that, she ran out to her next class.
Xander looked up a few minutes later to see Willow walk in.
"Giles said he had to run an errand to the magic shop," he said.
"Didn't come to see Giles, I was in search of you," Willow
replied. "Did Buffy find you?"
"Yeah," Xander nodded.
"And?"
"And we talked."
"And?"
"And then she left?" Xander offered with a mischeivous grin.
"Xaaanderrrrr," Willow approached him menacingly, and Xander
grabbed her arms so she couldn't hit him.
"We gotta break you of the need to hit me constantly," he said
with a grin. "Sit down, I was just playing with you. Of course
I'll tell you what happened."
Willow sat next to him, and looked at him expectantly.
"So I told her how I felt, and then she said she needed time to
think. I guess that's better than a 'Gee, Xander, I don't think
of you that way.' At least she hasn't said it yet. So, when we'd
gotten everything out in the open, she invited me to hang out
with her Friday."
"So, are you okay?" Willow asked.
"I'll survive," Xander said. "It's not like this is the first
time I've been in love with a girl who didn't feel the same way."
"Don't do that," Willow frowned, "Because that's not necessarily
the case."
"You really think I can compete with Angel?"
Xander asked.
"You don't have to compete, Xander, he's gone. She can't be alone
the rest of her life."
"Maybe," Xander shrugged. "I don't want to think about all the
maybes though. I just want to take it one day at a time. It's
better that way."
"I guess," Willow said. She sighed, and added, "Well, I promised
Oz I'd meet him, this is my free hour. As long as you're okay?"
"Go see your boyfriend," Xander said. "I'm good. I'll see you
later."
*********