I hate Wormy, you all know that I do, but I guess I can't let him out any longer, not if I want to keep this story at least a bit realistic. How I dislike writing about the stupid rat, but I have no choice. Why can't I just let Peter die before he's able to do any damage? Because I have to follow the story in the books, yeah, I know, and so Lily and James will die, Sirius will be in Azkaban for some time, and so on... Buhu!
Nail a pudding on the wall!
Part 7
You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
The world will turn and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn
will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
My only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
when the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
we can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show that you will always grow
ever more beautiful in my eyes.
Joshua Kadison - Beautiful in my eyes
*
Even if the plan of their friends hadn't been enough to make Lily and James 'confess their undying love for each other' (quotation Remus), their efforts hadn't been wasted. The overpowering sorrow he had felt when he heard Lily scream, the feeling he had when he saw that she wasn't hurt, how good it was to hold her in his arms... Yes, James admitted that he was in love with Lily. At least, to himself, but he wasn't ready yet to let anyone know about his feelings. But even if he did, they wouldn't believe him and he couldn't blame them. For two years now, James had asked out just about every girl that was neither a Slytherin nor rather ugly, except for Sarah, Jessie - and Lily. Because, even if they were extremely pretty, they were his friends, and you don't try to break a friend's heart, right? That he had asked Lily to the Ball wasn't a try to make her love him, not in the beginning, at least, it had more... Well, somehow, he hadn't wanted to go with a girl who would be smiling, nodding and admiring him the whole evening, he had wanted to have some fun with his companion, and who would better come up to his expectations than Lily who was bubbling over with happiness wherever she went? She had the rare gift to brighten up a room by just walking in, although she didn't know it. And so he had asked her. And now, suddenly, he stood there and had to realize that he was in love with one of his best friends. It was ridiculous, and yet...
James folded back his cover, got up, carefully avoiding to make any noise, seized his diary and a quill, and went down to the deserted common room, took a chair near the fire and stared in the flames for some time, until he finally knew what to write. James' diary had never really been a diary, he had never reported what had happened to him on the fourth of October or the seventh of July (just some stupid examples), it was more a sort of note book where he wrote down his thoughts, most of them in more or less good poems. Not that it really mattered if they were good or bad, this book was far too private to show it even to his best friends.
*
It's rubbish
says the reason
it is what it is
says the love
It's misfortune
says the calculation
It's nothing but pain
says the fear
It's hopeless
says the insight
It is what it is
says the love
It's ridiculous
says the pride
It's reckless
says the care
It's impossible
says the experience
It is what it is
says the love
*
James looked down at the lines he had just written and was pleased with himself. Maybe it wasn't that bad that he was in love. At least, it seemed to make him more creative. And this poem expressed perfectly what he was thinking. Yes, it was rubbish and misfortune and hopeless and ridiculous and impossible because he would never be more than a good friend for Lily, and probably he would have to live with it, and wait until he would get over her, but anyway: It was what it was.
Suddenly, the portrait swung open and with hardly stifled giggles, the girls climbed in, greeted James and dropped down in the chairs next to him the moment they saw him. He looked at them, slightly reproachful.
"What have you done? And why didn't you initiate us?"
"Oh, we wanted to wake you up, but when we came in your dormitory... You all looked so deadly innocent, we couldn't wake you up!" Jessie tried not to yawn, but she failed.
"Yeah, and so we decided to go to the kitchen on our own. You know, Snape's always sitting at the same place at the Slytherin table, and so we thought it'd be a good idea to... er, modify his food a bit..."
"Not bad." He grinned. "What'll happen to him?"
"It's a charm that we discovered in the same book we got this backwards-talking spell from." Lily yawned, though still looking rather excited. "I think I'll buy it, it's quite useful. '1001 spells to enchant a voice'. However, Snape won't be able to insult anyone at the Ball tomorrow - oh, no, it's already today. Instead, he can entertain us with his new-found ability to spew fire. And there's no counterspell this time." Seeing that he was about to say something, she shook her head. "No, I know what you're about to say, but we aren't that mad. He can't do any damage, it's not real fire. It's a sort of steam, but it looks like fire, and it stops him from talking, and that's the most important thing."
Sarah had spotted the red book in James' lap and was pointing at it. "Oh, you were about to write in your diary? Don't let us stop you! Just keep on writing." She grinned evilly.
"How..."
"Well, we were in your dormitory one night, and you weren't there, and then we saw this nice little book..."
Seeing the horror in James' eyes, Lily interrupted her friend. "Don't listen to Sarah, James, she had way too much of these Bourbon-Pralines. We haven't read one single word, I swear it. We just spotted it lying on your bedside table, that's all."
"You can thank Lily that this was all we've done. I would've liked to risk a look, but Lily said that I shouldn't. Anyway, I guess I would've read the first two or three words, and then I would've been ashamed of myself and would've tried to forget it completely. Unless it would've been very, very interesting."
He stared at her. "Sa, sometimes I think your Sirius' twin sister."
She thought for a moment. "I think I'll take this as a compliment. However, would you mind to read your latest entry to us?"
"Yeah, I would."
She shrugged. "It's a pity!"
Lily rose. "Girls, let's go to bed, or we'll look awful tomorrow. You wouldn't be too happy if I'd fall asleep during the Ball, would you, James?"
"'Course he would." A grin spread over Sarah's face. "As long as he'd be the one to carry you to bed..."
"Sa, how much of this Pralines have you eaten? Jess, I think we should carry her to bed." Lily smiled at James (who was grateful that, in the light of the fire, it wasn't too obvious how red his face was). "Night."
And with this, the girls vanished through the door to their dormitory, waving him all a last goodnight and dragging Sarah, who was giggling madly, along with them.
***
"Gooooood moooorning!" Lily, Sarah and Jessie awoke with a start, sat up in their beds and tried to glare at the three boys who were standing in their dorm, but as nobody with tousled hair, puzzled face and half-open eyes is able to look really frightening, they failed completely. The other two girls in their dorm just sighed and turned their faces to the wall.
"What the hell are you doing here? First, you aren't allowed to come in the girl's dorms - yes, I know that this doesn't stop you, but anyway - and then, it's still dark. Can't be later than 6 in the morning!" Lily was rubbing her eyes, trying to stifle a yawn.
"5.30, to be exact. - Well, we were sleeping, dreaming innocently" - Sirius was interrupted by three identical snorts of laughter - "and suspecting nothing bad, when suddenly a tiny rooster in James' trunk began to crow. And as we're all completely sure that you three haven't the faintest idea how it came in there, we thought it would be a good idea to wake you up to make sure that you'll have enough time to dress you up for the Ball."
"Why should we go to the trouble of dressing up?" Sarah smiled at him archly. "We're only going with you three, so it's not worth it."
"I think we didn't quite catch this." James sat down on Lily's bed, startling Nero who had buried himself under her cover. "Sorry, sleepyhead."
"Er, this rooster, you said he crowed today? But we hexed it... dunno, about two months ago!"
"Maybe it has its own will, Jess."
Sirius sat down as well. "So will you finally get up??"
"As long as you're sitting in our dorm, we won't even leave our beds!"
The boys faked offended looks, but after a few well-chosen words (something about new curses the girls had found in a book), they hurried out of the door and waited in the common room.
***
Barely two hours later, after an early Quidditch game, six rather exhausted Gryffindors walked back to school, laughing, teasing each other, their brooms over their shoulders. (Sirius had found James' broom again after his friend had thrown it away to help Lily)
"D'you think that Snape has managed to find a date for the Ball?"
"Dunno. Doesn't matter anyway, Lil, he won't be able to talk about it."
"Yeah, I was just wondering if any girl in our school has as little pride to go with him."
"So you prefer going with Jamsie, eh?"
"Stupid question, Sirius, 'course I do!" She glared at him, but he just grinned and opened the door to the Great Hall for them.
***
Snape was always one of the first to have breakfast, Sarah said that it was his malice that woke him up so early (as she really wasn't a morning person, she had no understanding for people who used to rise early). And sure enough, when the six friends entered the Hall and walked over to their house table, Snape already sat at his favorite seat and darted them a nasty look.
"Huh, it's always nice to be greeted like that early in the morning..." Remus pulled a face when they sat down.
"Oh, come on, at least he's the perfect victim, don't you think so? Couldn't wish for more!" Sirius had filled his plate with just about everything he could reach. Sarah stared at it and shook her head.
"It's unbelievable, Sirius. You're eating enough for three, but instead of resembling more and more a whale..."
At this moment, the owl post arrived, and Lily was surprised and somehow delighted when an brown owl dropped a letter in front of her, but her joy disappeared an instant later, when she had seen who sent it to her. She scowled. "Petunia is sending me a letter. By owl! Can you believe it? Probably, she was bored and wanted to throw some good insults at me... I'll open the letter tomorrow, I really don't want to read something Petunia has written to me before the Ball..."
She was interrupted by screams from the Slytherin table, and when they turned around, they roared with laughter in view of a fire-spewing Snape.
"Lil?" James snorted with laughter. "Why's it pink?"
She shrugged. "Dunno. Actually, I wanted it to be poisonous green, just like Mrs. Norris."
"Get up!" Sirius hissed while dragging Remus out in direction of the next exit. When the others caught up with them, he explained hurriedly. "McGonagall was approaching. Looked furious, and that's even understatement. Thought we should better get out of her way."
James made a thoughtful face. "Girls, you're sure you don't need the whole day to get dressed for the Ball?" He ducked to avoid the glares they were giving him. "Okay, okay, got it! So, why don't we spend the day in Hogsmeade? McGonagall won't search for us there."
And so they set off for the secret passage.
***
Actually, the six wanted to be back in their common room at 5 p.m., but as Honeydukes was supplied with new sweets just as they wanted to go down the stair to the hidden trapdoor, they found it difficult to enter the secret passage again. When they finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, it was a quarter to 6, and they were awaited by an angry looking Peter.
"Where have you been? I was searching for you the whole day. Ms Stevens finally let me leave the infirmary, and then, you aren't even there and the Ball is starting in 15 minutes!"
"Sorry, Peter." Remus apologized. "We were in Hogsmeade, trying to avoid McGonagall."
"Why? What have you done?" If this was possible, the little boy was even looking angrier now, but at the same time as if he was about to cry.
"We'll explain later. Just as you said: There are only 15 minutes left before the Ball will start." And with that, the boys set off for the stairs to the dorm, while the girls had already disappeared in the other direction.
***
Just under twenty minutes later, Sirius, Remus, James and Peter sat in the Gryffindor common room, waiting for their dates to come down the stair (or, in Peter's case, waiting for the dates of his friends to come down the stair, he hadn't managed to ask someone and had complained about it since the other boys were dressing themselves up).
"Yeah, I'm sure that you will enjoy the Ball, you have someone to go with, but there's not much possibility to ask a girl to it if you're lying in the hospital wing. I hope it'll be over soon!"
"Oh Peter, shut up!" Sirius was losing his patience. "Even if you don't have a date, you don't need to spoil our fun, okay?"
"I'm not spoiling..." The stupid rat, er, sorry, the little boy wasn't able to say anything more, as Lily, Sarah and Jessie were walking down the stair, each one in robes of different colors. Lily, of course, wore the robe James gave her for her birthday. The gleaming blue was a nice contrast to her red hair, and her eyes were sparkling even more than they already did normally. Her hair was falling down her back in silky waves, while Sarah had plaited her black hair into a long, shining pigtail. She wore scarlet robes, and around her brown eyes, something was glittering slightly. Jessie, with her blue eyes and blonde hair that were tied together, was wearing also a blue robe, but the color was paler than the one of Lily's robe, it was more like the blue sky on early spring mornings. However, they were all looking gorgeous, and the four boys were staring at them, eyes almost as wide open as their mouths, gasping. Sirius was the first to recover.
"Er, you look... Huh! Shall we go?"
***
When they entered the Great Hall, the first couples were already dancing, and after a short excursion to the buffet, six of the seven friends joined them, while Peter was sitting down at a table, looking grumpy and folding his arms before his chest.
"I have another one for you." James was smiling at Lily, then he quickly tore his eyes away from her, before he would blush furiously.
"'O, she doth teach the torches burning bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
As a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear -
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand
And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."
Lily was staring at him in amazement, speechless for a moment, then she shook her head and smiled. "Well, thanks, I'm flattered. How long did it took you to learn this by heart?"
"I didn't." He grinned at her sheepishly. "I just read it, and it came sort of back to my mind when I saw you."
***
At the same time, another couple on the dance floor was having a conversation. Sirius and Sarah were glancing by turns at Lily and James or Jessie and Remus, both making suggestions on how long it would take the two couples to leave the floor and to go outside or which one of the two couples would be the first to kiss. Sarah had difficulties in keeping her voice quiet, while she was laughing hard, she also contradicted Sirius emphatically.
"Never, Sirius, they are much too shy. I bet that the first kiss'll be between Remus and Jessie, James and Lily are too busy in staring at each other, they haven't even the time for a kiss."
"They aren't staring at each other, they are even avoiding each others eyes. And that's why I think that they'll be the first to go outside, sitting down on a bench, talking nervously, and then James'll kiss her."
"Sirius, I said I was ready to bet that it will be Remus and Jessie. Just look at them, I doubt that they turned away their eyes from each other for the last twenty minutes."
"Yeah, maybe, but Remus? Our timid, shy Remus kissing the girl he loves before James 'King of heartbreak' Potter kisses his? Not likely, Sarah!"
"But this time is different, can't you see? He's in love for the first time, and he hasn't the faintest idea how to deal with it. And will you finally accept our bet? Five Galleons on Remus and Jessie!"
"Do you want to lose your money so badly? Okay then, five Galleons on James and Lily!"
"You've as good as lost, Sirius. Jessie and Remus are going outside, hand in hand!"
***
A few seconds earlier.
"Jessie? Can we go outside for a moment? I... Well, there's something I have to tell you. It's important, really."
She smiled at him. "'Course, Remus, whatever you want."
They went outside and Remus conjured a blanket out of thin air. "I think it's better if you sit down, otherwise..."
Looking surprised, Jessie sat down, wondering what this was all about. First, she had thought that Remus wanted to tell her... well, that he loved her or something like that, but it seemed to be a lot harder to say.
Remus was muttering some words, looked down at the ground, then, he sat down as well and took her hand. "Okay, this is not easy for me to say. You're the first one I'll tell it. James, Sirius and Peter found it out on their own, and Lily, well, I guess she knows something, but I dunno how she found out. Anyway..." He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, then he opened them again and looked in Jessie's. "I'm a werewolf, Jess. That's why I'm always ill when the moon's full."
He stared at her, trying not to miss a single move, a jerk, whatsoever, but she just sat there, gazing at him as if she was searching something on his face. Then, so suddenly that he winced, she sighed.
"Uh, that's not what I expected... Please, let me a minute to think it over, kay?"
***
Lily and James were leaning against the balustrade, they had followed Remus and Jessie a few minutes after they went outside and were both watching the stars in complete silence. Lily shivered suddenly, and James put an arm around the girl's shoulder.
"You can't freeze, can you? This robe is supposed to keep you warm no matter where you are."
She shook her head, not bothering about him holding her. "No, it's just... I was thinking about Jessie, how she's feeling now. He'll tell her, don't you think?"
"What? What will he tell her?" He stared at her, slightly shocked. Could she know? And if she did, how had she found out?
"That he's a werewolf, I mean. Or about you being Animagi." Lily was paying no attention to her words, not until James turned her around, staring at her, his face a few inches away so that she could feel his breath.
"How... How do you know?"
Somehow, Lily had difficulties in understanding his question, it made her nervous that he was so close to her, but she tried to ignore this feeling. "I saw you, one night. I was standing on the balcony, couldn't sleep. And then I saw a wolf, a stag and a dog. At least, I thought it was a wolf, until I was wondering why a stag should be accompanied by a wolf and a dog. And then... Well, that's it." It wasn't the truth, not really, but she didn't want to tell him that she overheard Remus and Ms Stevens in the corridor.
It seemed James to take some time to realize what she had said, then: "You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"Of course not! I found it out 7 weeks ago, and I didn't tell anyone till now. Why should I?"
He grinned, relief all over his face, then he lifted one hand and touched her cheek, their faces still only a few inches apart. He looked her in the eyes, took a deep breath - and kissed her on the lips, gently and soft, but firmly.
***
"So, have you decided if you hate me or not?"
The pained sound in his voice made Jessie almost cry, and before she knew what she was doing, she had kissed him, then backed away and smiled at him in embarassement.
"Er, yeah, I think so."
He was nearly laughing, his heart felt as if it was about to fly away. She had kissed him although she knew he was a werewolf, she didn't hate him, everything was fine. He put her in a tight hug, kissed her hair, and when she leaned her head against his chest, he felt as if it was a warm, bright day in summer and as if he could never freeze again.
***
Lily stared at him, in complete surprise, then, she began to smile. At least, that's what James thought for five seconds. Until her hand hit his face, to be exact.
"Never ever do that to me again, James." Her voice was quiet, but trembling slightly. "I'm not one of your many toys, James, you can't play around with me, and if you're now trying to say that you love me or something like that, then I might slap you once again, because I'm ready to bet that you said that to every girl you had so far."
She turned around, blinking to dry her eyes, then she seized his hand and dragged him back in the Hall. "Let's just forget about this, okay? We're friends, and you should go for another girl to break her heart."
James didn't answer. He was staring at the ground and didn't notice anything around him.
*****
Juhu! I'm done with another part! And somehow, I'm not able to get Lily and James together, it seems. Now she even slapped him for kissing her. Uh, how can I sort this out? Any ideas? - Well, at least Remus and Jessie are a couple now...
The next part will be up on Friday or Saturday, I guess. Our teachers are about to go crazy, so I don't know when I'll have any time. But at least, Monday and Thursday are free!
Commet: Thanks! :) It's the fourth year that I'm learning English. First French, then English, and finally Italian. *sighs* Lot of work, sometimes, or I'm mixing up French with Italian or something like that. But anyway, it's a lot better than Physics, Chemistry or whatever! *g*
Disclaimer: Same as ever. Sarah and Jessie are mine, if you want them, you can have them. The rest belongs to J. K. Rowling, and I don't know how I can stand the time until the fifth book's finally there. - Oh, yes, the poem belongs to one of the greatest poets ever (okay, that's my opinion), Erich Fried, dunno if his poems were translated into English. This poem's called "What it is" (Was es ist) and I tried my best to translate it, but well, the original is better, I guess....