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Sari's heart was urging her to grab Obi-Wan Kenobi and promise her undying devotion to him for all eternity.
Then there was her mind. As usual, it was thinking too much---- being too practical... too logical. The tug-of-war taking place inside of her was almost too much to bear.
"I...I...," she stuttered. Obi-Wan was locked on her face, awaiting her response. He was so sincere--- the most honest, kind, loyal man she had ever met. She knew he would keep his word and provide for her no matter the cost to himself, and she didn't think she could go through life knowing she had been the cause of his departure from the only way he had ever known.
"I need to think about this," she finally said. He was surprised, to say the least, and he unconsciously backed away and dropped her hand from his.
"Alright," he said quietly. Sari could see the hurt in his eyes and almost threw her own caution to the wind, but kept herself under control. The uncomfortable silence hung heavy in the air like the smog on Coruscant during the summer. Neither knew what to say, and both started fidgeting and looking around the room for a place to rest their eyes besides one another's faces.
"Well, this is quite awkward, isn't it?" Obi-Wan said after a few more seconds.
"Yeah," Sari replied.
"Um... I think I'll go use your refresher and clean up a bit."
"Sure," she said as he stood and left the room. Once she heard the door shut and the water start running, Sari exhaled the huge breath she had been holding. Then she grabbed a pillow and proceeded to smash it into her face hoping to stifle her screams of frustration with her current situation.
//I can't believe this!// she screamed inwardly. //The man of my dreams is practically begging me to be with him, and I'm being logical?! I am now certifiably insane!// she concluded. Her heart was ripping in two.
The beeper on her holoprojector startled her, and she jumped before realizing what it was. After her heartbeat slowed its pace, she moved to her desk and answered the call.
"Hello, dear."
"Hi, Mom," Sari replied to her caller.
"You know, your father and I have been so worried about you. You haven't called in over a week, and I haven't been able to get you on the holo. Are you okay?"
Sari smiled at her mother's sincere concern for her. "Yeah, Mom. I'm fine... I've just been really... busy this week."
"Well, I can't tell you how relieved I am to finally talk to you. I was starting to think such horrible things, but your father-- you know how silly he thinks I am when I worry. I know you're an adult, but you're still my baby girl, and you always will be. I'll never stop worrying."
Sari chuckled as her mother continued to talk. She had always been close to her parents. While all of her brothers had moved offworld, she had been the one to remain. Even though they were in another city, she had always liked the comfort of having them only hours away. If she were to go with Obi-Wan, when would she get to see them again? Sari refocused on her mother's chatter.
"...just so proud of you, Sari, and all you do for those children. They are so lucky to have you at that school. I just don't know what they'd do without you." The words pierced Sari's heart like a vibroblade.
"Me neither, Mom," she replied. The children did need her. Did Obi-Wan need her more? As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was sure he could manage just fine without her. However, the children were going to need her to help them get through this. How could she leave them now?
Their conversation went on for a few more minutes. After the transmission ended, Sari knew what she would do. She plopped down onto her bed and decided to rest her eyes until Obi-Wan came out of the refresher. Then they would talk.
Over and over, she rehearsed what she would say to him. She wouldn't get too close to him or let him touch her. And she definitely wouldn't look too long into his eyes. His eyes always managed to undo her resolve. No, she would be strong for the both of them. It had to be done--- even if it broke her heart.
As the minutes dragged on, Sari found it harder and harder to focus her thoughts and keep her eyes open. Finally, she surrendered to sleep, all thoughts of Obi-Wan and the children gone from her slumbering mind.
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Obi-Wan stared at himself in the mirror. Not since he was a teenager had he cut himself shaving, but now there were three...no, four cuts on his face. All focus was gone. He had tried a Jedi calming technique, but the current state of his heart and mind couldn't seem to be manipulated by the Force.
"Sithspawn!" he cursed. //What is wrong with you, Obi-Wan Kenobi? You're a fool, that's what's wrong.// He couldn't take this 'not knowing' and determined to settle the matter right then.
As he opened the refresher door, he called Sari's name and readied himself to hear the final verdict. When she didn't answer, he tried again as he walked into her room.
"Sari, we need to--" He didn't finish his sentence because it would have been pointless. There, curled up on the bed lay a sleeping Sari. Obi-Wan chuckled and sighed. "Not again." Only, he couldn't be angry. She had been through so much for someone not used to such adventures.
He walked over to the bed and looked down upon her resting form. //Her face is that of an angel,// he said to himself as he pushed the hair away from her cheeks. He let his hand linger to feel the softness of her skin, and as he touched her, he got a sudden overwhelming sense of what she had been feeling. Not being awake, she could not put up any Force barriers to block her emotions from being read, and even though he knew it probably wasn't ethical to read her while she was asleep, he couldn't help himself.
The complexity of her thoughts and emotions was astonishing. He could feel her inner turmoil and everything became crystal clear to him. She loved him. That much he knew was true. She wanted to be with him.... yet, her sense of duty was holding her back. Even though it tore his heart asunder, he couldn't fault her for those feelings because that had been his own mindset many times throughout his life--- duty before self. Only now he was wishing for duty to clear out of the way, even if he was being selfish. He felt how much she cared for the children and her family... how she would be heartbroken if forced to give them up. He lowered his head. He couldn't do this to her. It wasn't fair.
Obi-Wan Kenobi knew what he had to do. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be for the best. However, there was one thing he wanted to do first.
Carefully, so as not to wake Sari, he climbed into bed beside her and snuggled up against her back. Just once he wanted to lie down with his wife before he left. Gently touching her temple, he sent a light brush of the Force to make sure she wouldn't wake up. Then he tenderly pulled her into his arms and softly kissed her head as a single tear fell down his cheek. For once in his life, he had let go-- lived a little--- fell in love...... and it was the best and worst feeling he had ever felt.