Warning: Rated [R] Angst!
Characters: Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Noin and Zechs
Status: Complete
infringe on the rights of Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, Asahi TV, and Bandai Visuals.
Special Dedication to DaMoyre, who not only acted as my selfless and diligent
beta reader, but also put up with my neurotic behavior as I wrote the fic. THANK YOU! =)
Dies Irae
Stephanie
March 2001
-
Dies irae, dies illa
Solvet saeclum in favilla
This day, this day of wrath
shall consume the world in ashes
It was a mix of freezing rain and wind gusts, not fire and brimstone. He had been taught it would be fire and brimstone. But it was cold. So cold. Odd that. Not even fiery hail. There should have at least been hail. He looked around at his surroundings, his mind circling between his immediate environment and his grip on sanity. Perhaps it was too cold to go insane. The frigid air seemed to shock him into an elevated form of instinctual clarity.
Alive. Survive.
He turned and saw that Quatre was there, and so was Trowa. Both remained still, only the breath rising from their mouths proved they were alive and not frozen statues. Perhaps it was trauma that froze them. It was a long time before he himself was able to move from his Gundam and face this new barren and frigid world. He wondered what his comrades thought of it, if they were allowing themselves to think on it at all. And Zechs and Noin, were they somewhere around here too? He couldn't see far in the artificial darkness. He pulled his coat tighter around him and hugged himself for warmth.
"He. . . He really did it. . ." Quatre stuttered. Whether his voice shook in the sheer horror of the deed or because he was cold, Duo could not tell. "He. . . dropped it. . .on the Earth. . . oh God!" he broke off in a sob that erupted into a fit of coughing. The dust was still in the air despite the oppressive rain.
"We need to get out of here," Trowa stated as calmly as he could over the wind. "We'll freeze if we stay."
Duo nodded. It seemed logical. The world had just ended a little less than an hour ago, but Trowa was already working on restoring the logical order. For his own peace of mind, Duo allowed himself to believe that at least. He pushed from his mind that there might not be anywhere for them to go.
"Survivors," Quatre said abruptly, turning to Trowa. His voice cracked as he tried to annunciate over the weather. "We need to see if anyone else here survived this." His eyes brightened and Duo surmised that thinking of others was Quatre's attempt at preserving his own sanity. The biting cold of the sleet hitting his skin was enough for Duo.
"I doubt it," Trowa said as he turned back to the wreck of his former Gundam, trying to keep steady against the elemental forces as he did so. "We were protected by the gundanium. It's still quite surprising we survived." He paused for a moment and looked back over his shoulder. "Maybe Zechs is alive."
"Quatre," Duo spoke softly, the back of his own throat itching from the irritation of the dust, "we should take the supplies that are salvageable and get out fast." He took Quatre by the hand and led him to Shinigami. "We can look for survivors once we secure ourselves."
Quatre nodded and covered his mouth with one hand as he allowed Duo to lead him with the other.
"Duo. . . h. .. how did--" he coughed hard and tried to steady himself against Duo as he did so. Duo slipped an arm around him and pushed them both into the acting-shelter of twisted metal. He had not noticed how bad it was when he left the cockpit to survey the damage the Earth had sustained. The impact of the desolation extinguished all other thoughts he might have had. But now, with somewhat more presence of mind, Duo, like Trowa, thought they were damn lucky to have survived. The reinforcements around the cockpit must have protected them.
He help settled Quatre down in a spot that would protect them the most from the rain and wind. "Hey there, Q, try not to talk too much," he said, trying to contain his own coughing now as the itching burned his throat. "We'll just get what we need now. . . We can discuss things when we find a good spot to rest."
Quatre merely nodded and covered his mouth again. Whatever he wanted to say, he must have decided it could wait. The two opened the cockpit and gathered the emergency equipment that hadn't been damaged. Duo found a rag on the floor of the cockpit that was a bit dirty, but he handed it to Quatre. "Tie that so it's over your mouth and nose. It will keep the dust out of your lungs."
Quatre took it in his hands and looked at Duo. "But what will you use, Duo?"
"Oh, I'll be fine!" Duo said, waving him off, but unable to suppress his own coughing in between ever few words. "You take it. I don't want you coughing too hard and being carried off onto the air by a gust of wind." He forced a little smile for Quatre. "I keep telling you that you need to eat more. But do you listen to me?"
Quatre returned the smile and handed the rag back. "I'm more used to the sand, Duo. Please, take it for yourself. I think I have something in Sandrock."
Duo looked out of the cockpit at the thick darkness that loomed ahead, he could see only a grey silhouette of the two other Gundams nearby. "Yeah, well, if we can find Sandrock in all of this." He tied the rag around his head and picked up his flashlight. "Why don't you stay here and I'll go get the supplies out of Sandrock."
"Oh Duo, I don't--"
"Nah, listen," Duo interrupted. "Maybe you can figure out how to fix the radio or find something else that would be useful to us. I've got to admit, I'm pretty fried by all of this. . . I think reconnaissance is all I can handle right now. You're the brains of this outfit, you need to sit here and figure out the tough stuff." He leaned in closer and put his hand on Quatre's shoulder. "Think you're up to it?"
Quatre's eyes narrowed on Duo, but he nodded. "Yes, Duo. . . I can do that. Do be careful out there. And," he paused for a moment, "make sure Trowa is alright."
Duo smiled. "Sure chief," he said. "Don't worry, at least the rain has slowed down a bit." He then turned to go back out. As he made his way to Sandrock, a light cut through the darkness and illuminated the immediate vicinity. He looked up to the source and found it was coming from Trowa's Gundam. The mecha was turned on it's back with one of it's legs partially buried, but Trowa had managed to raise one of the arms and activate the beam saber.
Duo noted the reflection of the light off the dust and rain, making the area all the more bright. "Hey!" he called out, his voice now raspy from the irritation. "How'd you get that to work?"
"Auxillary power source. It won't last long, get what you need," Trowa shouted back from inside the HeavyArms cockpit.
"Check!" Duo sprinted over to Sandrock and pillaged it for all he could find useful. Another med kit, a small blanket, flashlight, tool kit, a small hand gun, ammunition, food and water rations for five days, even a stash of neatly folded handkerchiefs. "Quatre. . ." Duo smiled and shook his head, "you're a neat little warrior." He slung the water canteen over his shoulder and tucked the emergency case and other items carefully under his arm before rushing back over to HeavyArms.
"Need help, Trowa?" Duo asked as he approached.
"No, I've got everything I can take here." Trowa leaned out of the cockpit with his legs dangling down over the mecha. "I hate to waste this energy now, but I couldn't find a way to separate the generator from the Gundam the way it was built. If Zechs is alive, maybe he can at least use this as a beacon to find us."
"Yeah. . ." Duo surveyed HeavyArms. "I don't image we could carry the generator if you managed get it out. Not with just the three of us and no other transportation. Good call."
"Hn." Trowa looked out across what now appeared to be a grey open field. "It would take more energy than it would be worth. I don't know what we're going to use to keep warm though."
"Well there are matches in the emergency kits we can--"
"Look around you, Duo," Trowa said gesturing to the surrounding field. "This used to be a village, not an open field. Do you see anything left standing? That shockwave that hit us, it flattened everything. We'd have to dig to find anything we could burn."
Duo looked around, once again surveying the devastation. He took a long breath and turned back to Trowa. "It's hard to remember it's all gone."
"Forget about what was, Duo. That won't help us." Trowa jumped to the ground from where he was sitting, a ring of dust kicked up from beneath his feet.
"No. . . no. . . I guess it won't." He looked at Trowa for a long moment, not sure of what to do. It seemed pretty pointless to leave the Gundams in light of their situation. They may be no more than scrap metal now, but they were at least above ground and provided some sort of shelter. "Maybe we should stay put for now. It doesn't look like we'll find shelter tonight."
"There were some larger structures closer to the city. We can probably find something better there. Without power, the Gundams will get very cold, and only one of us can fit in a cockpit. We would fair better to stay together."
Duo nodded. "I guess you're right. How far--"
A clash of metal hitting metal was heard off in a distance followed by the sound of a woman's voice crying out. "Quatre! Duo! Trowa! Do any of you hear me?"
Duo ran out to the clearing still illuminated by the light of the beam. "Noin!" he shouted waving his arms. "Over here! Just follow the light!"
"I need help," The voice of Noin cried out desperately. "Zechs is trapped and injured. Please, if you can help, I need you!"
Duo turned to Trowa who was walking over to him, tying one of the handkerchiefs Duo had set down around his mouth and nose. "I'll help them, go back to Quatre and help him get things ready to move out."
Duo nodded and turned to shout back to Noin. "Trowa's on his way, keep talking so he can find you!"
Trowa disappeared into the dense fog of dust, only the light of his flashlight remained in view. By the look of it, he had only gone about fifty yards before the light stopped and Duo heard the clinking of metal. When he was sure that Trowa had found them, he grabbed the supplies he and Trowa had gathered and headed back to Shinigami, hoping that Quatre had found something in the mecha that could be of more use than what he and Trowa had found.
* * * "Hey there!" Duo eyes widened, seemingly amazed at what he saw. Quatre was siphoning the leftover fuel and oil from Shinigami into two large containers. "You've been busy!"
"I found them in the storage space." Quatre said, referring to the containers. "Just about everything else was destroyed," He stopped for a moment and coughed or sneezed; Duo couldn't really tell which it was. "But these were just dented a little," he continued once he had recovered enough. "Sandrock doesn't even have a compartment like that."
"Yeah, I guess old Prof G really thought ahead when he made Shinigami. The others were more or less designed as weapons of mass destruction, I don't think pilot survival was on the priority list. But G always claimed to have a vision. At least to hear him talk, he did." Duo looked up at the twisted wreckage and frowned. "So much for his legacy. Here," he said as he set down his pile of supplies and pulled out one of Quatre's handkerchiefs, "use this now before you choke to death."
Quatre smiled and took the cloth and looked back over to the containers. "I guess I should finish extracting the fuel. Do you think Zechs will be okay?" he said, turning back to the job at hand.
"Oh, you heard that, huh?" Duo, looked over to where he saw Trowa light. The sound of clanking metal could be heard as they spoke. "I don't know. He must be wedged in that thing or something. Hard to believe Noin is alive, though. Damn lucky dame, if you ask me."
"Did you know your radio receiver is portable?" Quatre ask, keeping his eye on fuel container.
"Huh. . . Really?" Duo looked at Quatre. "Damn, I guess G really cared after all. He was all about the details, you know?" He climbed up into the cockpit and took a look at all the equipment Quatre was able to remove. He picked up the radio and turned it on with no effect. "Eh, it seems to be dead."
"I know, but maybe one of us could fix it later. We should take it with us."
"Yeah, it could be useful." Duo nodded in agreement. "Ah! The barometer still works!" he said picking up the tool. "This can be useful! And it looks like the pressure is dropping. That's a good sign, isn't it?"
Quatre looked up at his friend and smiled. "I think so. Maybe the rain will stop soon."
"At least it's just a light drizzle now, that sleet was hell! Crazy weather. . ." Duo mumbled and continued to check out some of the gadgets.
"I'd say it has a reason to be crazy," Quatre said as he capped the fuel container. He then moved to work on siphoning the oil. "We're lucky that colony hit land and not one of the oceans--" He stopped talking abruptly and Duo peered out of the cockpit to see if he was okay. Quatre was leaning up against the mecha with his head facing down.
"Q? Everything alright there?" Duo asked in concern.
"It's just. . ." He looked back at Duo with his eyes brimmed in tears. "We're acting and talking like it's just another job but. . . well look at this place!" Quatre gestured with his hand at the nothingness before him. "Everything is gone and we're just carrying on like normal! It's not right! The Earth deserved more than this, Duo. . ." He let out a sob and covered his face with his hands. He was right, Duo thought. The Earth did deserve more. But they deserved to live too, and stopping to mourn was not a luxury they had right now. He set the equipment aside and jumped down to Quatre's level.
"Hey, buddy, don't break apart on me now!" He reached out to Quatre and pulled him into his arms. "It looks pretty damn bad now, I know. But nature has it's way, you know? This dust is all going to settle one day and things are going to get back to normal. And maybe there were parts that weren't hit so hard. We've got to think about what has survived and surviving ourselves first. There will be time for grieving later, Quatre." He stopped for a moment and sighed. "There always is." Duo pulled away a little from him and cupped Quatre's chin in his hand. "You need to be strong now, okay?"
Quatre nodded, the tears spilling over his cheeks, but he seemed to have heard Duo's words. "Okay, Duo. . . I just.. . I'm sorry," he said shaking his head. "I'll get back to work." He stepped aside and returned to his job siphoning the oil.
* * * Once Duo and Quatre had finished their salvage efforts with Shinigami, they headed over to where Trowa and Noin were diligently working at releasing Zechs from the wreckage of the Tallgeese. Duo's eyes marvelled at the spectacle before him. The Tallgeese and Noin's white Taurus almost seemed fused together and it wasn't hard to guess that Zechs attempted to shield Noin when the shockwave hit.
"He shouldn't have done that," Noin kept saying sporadically during those hours of trying to release Zechs from the Tallgeese. She'd then shake her head and continue to loosen another bolt. Zechs himself was vaguely conscious, drifting in and out of lucidity as the others worked at releasing him from the confines of the cockpit. It had taken nearly three hours of their combined efforts before they were able to pry him loose.
"Can you hear me, Zechs? Are you still with me?" Noin would ask him every so many minutes. If he didn't answer she'd persist with the question in a louder more forceful tone. Once he nodded, she'd move on to the next question. "Can you move your arms and legs?" When they had finished removing all obstacles, she repeated the questions again before allowing them to move him. His movements became a bit more pronounced, and it seemed at though he might have tried to speak, though no sound could be heard from him. Satisfied enough with Zechs' ability to move his limbs, Noin ruled out a back injury and gave the go ahead to remove him from the Tallgeese. Not that there would have been much choice if he had, Duo thought to himself, but he kept his mouth shut and followed her instructions. The four of them, positioned at various levels of the mecha, worked as a skilled team to lower the taller and much heavier body of Zechs to the ground.
Once they were all back on the ground, Noin and Quatre were finally able to look over Zechs' injuries. It was determined that they were not too serious. Not under normal circumstances at least. A broken right forearm and a concussion, were all Quatre and Noin could detect, though without the proper equipment, it was difficult to tell. But it was serious enough under the grim circumstances and Duo was afraid for the life of his former enemy. Whatever their previous relationship, Zechs had worked hard at stopping Dekim and had put his own life on the line trying to limit the death toll from the war. Not that it mattered now, but Duo had appreciated the thought.
He couldn't help but wonder what Zechs would think when he was fully awake and the reality of what happened began to set in. As much as Duo wanted to see the man live, there was a part of him that wanted Zechs to acknowledge his own guilt for his plan to destroy the earth a year earlier. No matter how noble Zechs' thoughts were back then, or how insane he was at the time, Duo felt a need to make sure Zechs understood that *this* would have been the outcome.
He shook his head and tried to force the thought from his mind. There wasn't time for such indulgences and what would Trowa and Quatre think? Or Miss Noin, who was a good and devout women, if not a little misguided at times. He left Quatre and Noin to tend to Zechs' injuries and set to work with Trowa to build a makeshift sled for Zechs and their supplies.
* * *
"Go easy on the wood," Trowa reprimanded Duo as the boy attempted to toss another plank on the fire, "we don't know when we'll find more."
"Well, we've got a good supply here, Trowa," Duo countered. "We can't take it all with us when we move out tomorrow. It's cold, I'd say we should use it."
"I think Duo's right, Trowa." Quatre peeked out from his position wedged between Duo elbow and Noin's shoulder. "There's quite a bit in this area, it should be okay to use more of it. It won't do us much good if we're still cold."
"It's enough to keep us alive," Trowa poked at the wood with a rod iron he found, causing the flames to momentarily rise before settling back down again.
"Christ, Trowa!" Duo yelled, frustrated at Trowa's inability to see their logic. "What, do you want to claim this piece of land and build a house here? Use the goddamn wood, Trowa!"
"Guys!" Noin cut in, "conserve the wood, but keep the flames alive, I'm confident that you can accomplish both." She pulled Zechs tighter in her arms and seemed to keep nudging him to keep him awake.
The five survivors huddled together in their little dirt shelter made by a shockwave when the colony hit. It looked like a tidal wave of earth frozen in midair. Trowa had declared it a good place to make camp for the night and the others agreed that it would probably be the best thing they would find that evening. It was their fortune to discover, lodged in the underside of the shelter, the remains of what probably was a house or a barn. The four able survivors pulled what they could from the alcove and were pleased to discover there was quite a bit of wood to keep them going for a while. All but Trowa, Duo thought, who didn't seem to take gift horses very lightly.
Noin held Zechs while Quatre huddled with her and Duo. Only Trowa remained apart from them, as he made an inventory of everything they had been able to salvage.
"We're good on medical supplies," Trowa announced, "but a little low on food and water, since we weren't able to retrieve the rations from the Tallgeese. Still," he amended, "if we divide it evenly among the five of us and conserve, we should be able to last a little over a week on just what we have. Eight to nine days, I think."
Duo narrowed his eyes on his friend. "Those are only five day rations, Trowa. How do you figure we'll get that much out of them?"
"Cut them in half. We can live on that."
Duo laughed and shook his head. "How are we suppose to maintain strength on half of our rations? Are you nuts? Do you realize the amount of energy we'll need in relation to the work we'll have to put forth? We can't do that on half rations!"
Trowa looked at Duo for a moment, his face impassive and as calm as it usually was on any normal day. "I did not put us in this situation, Duo. We will look for other forms of food as we go, but in the meantime, if we wish to survive, we need to cut the rations in half." He took the blanket he had over his lap and wrapped it around his shoulders. Duo thought he would say more for a moment, but Trowa remained quiet.
He sighed for a moment and looked over at Quatre, whose face he could barely see as the Arabian was buried under the blanket. "What do you think, Q?"
"I think Trowa's right in the case of the food," he mumbled from beneath the fabric. "We can make it on cut rations for a while. Maybe some of the animals survived and will come out of hiding soon. They'll have to search for food too."
"Oh great!" Duo laughed sardonically. "The little forest animals survive Armageddon only to be killed for dinner. . ." He quickly reached out and tossed another piece of wood onto the fire. Trowa said nothing.
"You won't have a problem eating them once the rations run out." They all turned to look at Zechs, who had finally spoken. He seemed completely awake and aware now as he shifted himself from Noin's arms so that his back was now against the dirt wall. "If any animals survived this, that is."
Noin discarded his actual words and immediately began to fuss over him, looking into his eyes with a flashlight and asking him questions on what hurt and where.
"Please, Noin. . ." he said brushing her away. "I'll be fine. There are other things to tend to now." He sounded like his normal self, and Duo wondered briefly if Zechs had waited till he knew he had enough control to speak.
She sighed and shook her head, but acquiesced to his request. "Alright, but you must let me know if anything is wrong. Don't treat me like a fretting mother hen, your health is the health of the group." She looked over at the other three pilots, "and that goes for the rest of you too! No stoics here, okay? Don't make me go into clichés of how we're only as strong as the weakest link. Everyone needs to be responsible about that and let us know if they're injured or sick, okay guys?"
They all grunted in agreement, which seemed to satisfy Noin for the time. Duo was sure she'd keep them all to it, though, and he had to admit that she had a point. The injury of one of them could slow them down and possibly spell death for the rest of the group. He knew Quatre would speak up, both out of the pact and probably in complete agreement with her. Zechs was already being watched by all of them, so they would probably pick up trouble from him before he said anything. For himself, Duo never lied. He'd speak up because he promised he would. Trowa was the only unknown. Though if Trowa were injured and he knew he was a liability, he had proven in the past that he would sooner sacrifice himself and die than risk the lives of his friends. Both Duo and Quatre knew this about him, and there was no doubt that Quatre would be keeping as close an eye on Trowa as Duo would be.
"We should probably make Dekim's bunker our goal," Trowa said, changing the subject.
"Why there?" Noin asked. "God only knows what could be in store for us there if he's still in charge, and that's assuming we can find it."
"I doubt Dekim is still in charge of anything," Zechs replied to her. "We wouldn't be in this situation now had Dekim won."
"Yeah," Duo cut in, "can someone please tell me how the hell he still managed to drop that colony after Heero, Trowa and I--" he stopped for a moment as his mind stuck, for the first time since waking up to the nightmare, on Heero Yuy. "God, Heero. . ." he said softly. "Are you even still alive?"
"A failsafe," Trowa answered, ignoring Duo's lost train of thought. "It wasn't the colony we saved that he dropped, it was another one. Possibly something he setup just in case he lost. . . something we wouldn't have enough time to think about with everything else that was happening."
"He did it out of spite. . ." Quatre said, his voice shook with the sound of both horror and rage. "He did it just because he lost!"
"It would appear so," Zechs agreed.
"It hardly matters why," Trowa said, sitting back against the dirt wall and moving a bit closer to Duo for warmth. "He did it. Now we must carry on the best that we can." Duo slipped an arm around Trowa, for the sake of both of their comfort. While Trowa said nothing to the gesture, he leaned into the welcoming arm. "The bunker was north of our location at the battle," he continued. "We can go north. Hopefully the blast did not throw us too far off. If we can fix the radio, maybe we can pick up a signal from the bunker as well."
"The bunker should be stocked with provisions," Zechs added. "I agree that it would be the best goals for us right now."
"Then we'll make plans for the bunker," Quatre said in agreement. "Hopefully it still intact and in friendly hands."
* * *
The first day of their travel comprised mostly of walking and scavenging for food or anything else they could find helpful. Food remained scarce, however, though they occasionally happened upon a tool or trinket here and there that made life a little easier for them. Duo had found a pocket watch that still worked, which he proclaimed in his own special grandiose style to be a special omen of good fortune. At least to him. As the God of Death he was, indeed, the keeper of time, and they had all ought to remember that and be extra nice to him by giving him additional rations. He kept them amused with these little antics, and if nothing else, he kept their spirits up. That was at least something and he would take it.
Zechs had manged to walk on his own that first day. He seemed well and strong, if a little disoriented, but that was to be expected with the concussion. But on the second day, he could not even get up from where he slept. He had fallen over, out of breath and apparently in pain. Noin and Quatre examined him and again asked him a barrage of questions. But in the end, they could only assume that they had missed an injury and that perhaps he had an internal hemorrhage.
They continued to move north, or at least what they thought was north. Trowa had long thrown their compass away, since the crash of the colony rendered a magnetic reading impossible. He and Noin tried to ascertain which way was north using the skills they had acquired as part of earth based militias. But with no stars to guide them and the weather patterns far from normal, they had only the dim light of the sun to help them. East and West where easy as long as the sun filtered through the dense dust in the atmosphere, but without landmarks, they could not tell if they were going north or south. They decided to guess and keep moving.
All of them took turns pulling Zechs along in the same sled they had made from a piece of sheet metal and a rope. It was when Duo's turn had come that he would let his mind wander as he merely watched the feet in front of him as he walked. Frequently his mind would drift back to the day that it all ended. The Day of Wrath, he had dubbed it, recalling stories he had heard from Father Maxwell and the nuns at the orphanage. Whether it was Dekim's wrath or God's, Duo wasn't sure, but the name certainly fit either way. It seemed that no day could have existed before it, and he could not think of any possible future that would be worth living in a world like this. He felt as though he had truly become the God of Death, walking the earth after he had claimed everything there was to claim.
Sometimes he would think of Heero and wonder if he was still alive somewhere out there like he was. It was possible, Heero had been in a Gundam too. Maybe he'd even made it inside the bunker they were now in search of. Perhaps he was even the one that killed Dekim and brought all of this upon them. He couldn't blame Heero though, they all would have done the same. It was, in fact, the thought of Heero living in the bunker that kept Duo going. If he were too tired or could no longer see the point of going on, he would think of Heero in that bunker asking him what took him so long to get there. "Nothing short of the end world, my friend," he planned on telling him. He'd live for saying those words to Heero. It was enough.
* * *
On the evening of the fourth night, they found a small miracle. A barn, protected in the valley of two large hills, had remained standing. The house adjacent to it laid in ruins. Though not in the best of conditions, the barn was ideal for keeping them out of the winter elements. They made camp there for the night in what was to be the best night of sleep any of them had since it all began.
The next morning, however, Noin had announced through misted eyes, that Zechs' condition had worsened and that he was probably in a coma. The mood had darkened considerably among the young survivors, as the thought of losing one of their own was almost unbearable. Zechs himself seemed peaceful as he laid on the straw covered ground. Duo almost thought it would be better for Zechs to die in peace than wake to this nightmare again. But his fondness for Noin, made him want to see Zechs pull through. She had since put most of her efforts to taking care of Zechs, while the pilots took care of their other needs. The strain of two people not pulling the same weight, however, was beginning to strain their relations, especially with Trowa.While he never said anything directly to Noin about it, Duo could tell from the meaningful silence whenever Noin made a report on Zechs' condition, that Trowa was not happy about the continuing situation. Noin, to her credit, as least did not insist on giving Zechs more than his fair share of the rations.
Duo's own restlessness over the food dilemma was beginning to help feed the tension between Trowa and the rest of them."We need to find food, Trowa! We're running out of strength and our rations will only last four or five days at most." Duo continued to point out the obvious to Trowa, who ignored him yet again as he did so. Trowa was sitting on the ground with his back to the wall trying to fix the radio from Shinigami - a task he worked on whenever he was resting. "Trowa!" Duo disturbed him again. "Do you even care?"
"I know about the food shortage, Duo." Trowa replied calmly. "I sent Quatre out to look this morning. If there is food out there, he'll find it."
"And if he finds nothing?" Duo asked.
"What do you want me to tell you, Duo?" Trowa stopped fiddling with the radio and looked up at him. "Eventually I guess we'll all starve to death." He shrugged, "or maybe we'll make it to the bunker before then, I don't know. I don't have all the answers."
"We can't just let it all end like that!" Duo shouted and punched his hand into the wall of the barn. He knew he was being irrational, but all the rage and emotion that had been building for days suddenly rose up within him. He wanted to level the whole barn just like the earth had been leveled.
"Stop that." Trowa said and turned back to his work.
"How can you be so fucking calm, Trowa! Everything is gone, we have no food, and you act like starving to death is an option! And then you just sit there screwing around with a radio that you know is never going to work!"
It was then that Trowa showed what was to be his most elaborate display of irritation up to that point. He picked up his radio and stood facing Duo. "Zechs probably won't last the rest of the journey," he said in the same voice he might give out the time. "You can always eat him, Duo." With that, he walked out.
Duo remained still with his mouth gapped open as he stood in the wake of his friend's words. He slowly turned to Noin, whose eyes were widen and filled with tears. She held Zechs to her protectively, even though she must have known that Trowa wasn't serious. While part of Duo knew that he had driven Trowa to the harsh, if not warped, words, another part of him wanted to beat Trowa to a bloody pulp for saying something like that in front of Noin.
He nodded apologetically to her and forced a smile before running out of the barn to confront the man. He found him sitting on a rock not far from the barn still working on the radio.
"Has anyone ever told you what a complete bastard you are?" Duo asked, walking up behind him.
"Yes," Trowa replied as he picked up another screwdriver.
"That was so totally uncalled for! That was cruel, just plain cruel. How can you dash her hopes like that? People need something to hold on to. We're human, Trowa, we have feelings."
Without looking away from his work, Trowa replied with the same calm and patient tone he always had when dealing with Duo. "I'm trying to keep us alive, Duo. If you want to be comforted, go find Quatre. I have little time for your whining while you do nothing to help the situation. We already have two that take up resources and do little, I don't need a third."
"Who the hell died and made you fearless leader?" Duo spat at him.
Trowa looked up at him and stared for a moment. The corners of his mouth curved and a soft sound of laughter escaped from him. He bit his lip to quell the sound and shook his head, turning back to the radio he was repairing.
Duo felt a shiver down his spine as he heard that laugh, something was in it that wasn't humor. It wasn't altogether madness, but it wasn't quite sanity either. But it made Duo angry, that laugh. "You've got a real twisted sense of humor, Trowa!" Duo shouted at him.
"Get to work," Trowa replied.
"You're unbelievable, you know? Really unbelievable. . ." Duo placed his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Work isn't the only thing that's going to make us keep pushing! You ever hear of morale? It's pretty low right now, Trowa. And with the way you've been acting, you're only making it worse! If you think you're the leader, then learn how to inspire people to want to go on and keep working!"
Trowa set the radio down and stood to face Duo, his voice remained neutral as he spoke. "Then do something about it, Duo. I never claimed to be a leader. That position fell to me by virtue of my experience. If I have reached my limitation, then follow the next person, or step up to the task yourself." He stared into Duo's eyes for a moment, but suddenly, the energy seemed to drain from him and his eyes softened in Duo's gaze. "Quatre is learning fast, look to him. He is. . . much better at leadership." He then sat back on his rock and continued his work on the radio.
Duo said nothing in return, but stood and stared at Trowa's crouched form over the radio. It occurred to him then that Trowa hadn't a clue of what he was doing. He sighed and turned back to their barn to check on Zechs and wait for Quatre to hopefully return with more food.
* * *
Mid afternoon, Quatre arrived back to their shelter triumphantly. Three rabbits he managed to kill were tied carefully together and slung over his back. Duo was the first to spot the pilot turned hunter and ran up to the boy taking him in a fierce hug that lifted him off the ground.
"Oh man are you a sight for sore eyes!" Duo exclaimed happily. "I was worried when I heard the shots at first, but Trowa insisted that you probably just found something for us. . . I guess he was right this time."
Quatre laughed and pushed Duo apart from him. "You wouldn't believe it, Duo! There are rabbits around here! I followed the tracks, just like Trowa said I should if I found them, and there were a bunch of them!" he said excitedly as he pulled the rabbits he caught from over his shoulder to show Duo.
Duo whistled and shook his head. "Not bad for a rich colony boy like yourself. Three rabbits, three shots! A regular Daniel Boone, that's what you are!" Duo exaggerated. "Or is that Davy Crockett?" He shook his head a little. "Maybe Johnny Appleseed. . . Well it doesn't matter. Food! We have food!"
Trowa walked over to them, looking momentarily amazed at what Quatre had caught. He took the rabbits from Quatre and gestured for Quatre and Duo follow him into the barn. "I'll show you how to skin one, then you can each do one yourselves," he said. "Be careful with the skins. Maybe if we can catch more rabbits later we can use the pelts to. . ." He glanced over where Noin was tending to Zechs, "make a heavier blanket for Zechs."
Duo smiled a little, understanding that this was Trowa's way of apologizing to Noin. The woman looked over at him and sighed. She ran her hand softly to Zechs hair as she made what would be her last announcement concerning Zechs' condition.
"That. . . that won't be necessary, Trowa," Her voice wavered, but there were no tears in her eyes. "He's gone." Lucrezia Noin looked down at the peaceful face of Zechs Merquise and smiled tenderly at him. "About an hour ago," she said. "I'll stay with him through the night and then. . ." She brushed his bangs out of his closed eyes, "then we can find a good spot for him."
There was silence in the shelter after Noin's words. No one dared to speak. Trowa continued to quietly show them how to skin a rabbit. There were no words, but his movements were slow and deliberate. Though his face was blank, there was a hollowness that did not seem present before, and Duo understood it to be Trowa's own sorrow and fear that he dare not show.
The tears spilled from Quatre's eyes, but he merely wiped them away and followed Trowa's silent instructions. The joy of his recent accomplishment was already banished from his thoughts.
Duo, liked the others, continued to work, turning every so often to catch a momentary glance of the platinum hair as he gutted the rabbit.
* * *
It was the day after Zechs' death that Duo noted how quiet Trowa had become. He did his work, shared their meals, but spoke only when it was necessary. In many ways, he had once again become the young pilot they had met and the Edwards base a lifetime ago, preferring to work alone when possible. But Noin and Quatre had jointly picked up the position that Trowa left vacant. Noin put a hundred percent of herself into their work now that Zechs had been laid to rest, and they moved at a much faster pace without having to carry him with them. Despite the convenience, however, Zechs' death continued to weigh heavily on their collective minds.
Quatre had confided to Duo one night that he was worried for Trowa. "I'm sometimes afraid he only stays alive out of duty to the rest of us, Duo!" he would cry. "He scares me. I'm afraid if he thinks we've become stable enough to exist without him, Trowa might try to. . . do something to himself!"
Duo would merely shake his head and assure Quatre that Trowa was fine, and would get better once some sort of normalcy was set in their lives. He really didn't think that Trowa would kill himself, unless he felt that he was too sick and worthless to be of any use, and Trowa seemed able and well enough. But in the small hours of the morning, when Duo couldn't sleep, Quatre's words nagged at him, and he wondered if Trowa's retreat from them was a direct response to his guilt over his words to Noin the day of Zechs' death. Maybe it wasn't related at all. Maybe Trowa had simply come to the conclusion that life was bad enough before, and now that it was worse and bound to become even more difficult, he wanted out of it. Whatever the case, it unsettled Duo and he decided that he would take a special watch over their mutual friend just in case.
He saw Trowa one afternoon, after Duo had returned from hunting, sitting atop a boulder that seemed to have been dropped onto the field from the sky. He didn't have the radio with him for once and he seemed to be gazing out into the vast expanse of nothingness before him. Duo studied him in his absolute stillness for a little while, wondering what Trowa thought in quiet moments like these, if anything at all. The only certainty about Trowa, was that his thoughts would always remain private.
He set the rabbit he caught in the shelter and returned to the rock where Trowa was sitting. "Hey there!" Duo said looking up at Trowa. "How's it going?"
"Hi, Duo," he replied quietly.
"See anything different from up there?" Duo asked.
"Maybe," he said.
"Oh? What do you see?"
"Everything."
Duo looked out in the same direction and frowned. Trowa was right, you could see everything that was left, pretty much. But it was the same wherever they went, he doubted Trowa would need to climb a rock to see that. He moved closer and braced his hands above him on the rock and began to climb. When he reached the top he brushed off his pants and sat next to Trowa, who continued to gaze before him undisturbed by Duo's arrival.
Duo put his hand above his eyes to shield the bright glare of the grey sky and looked to where he thought Trowa was gazing. "It looks the same," Duo declared. "Maybe a bit more grey from this height, but pretty much the same." He looked back to Trowa, who was staring down toward the ground now with a slight smile on his face. It was perhaps the only time Duo had seen a genuine smile from him. "What?" he asked and leaned in closer.
"Nothing. . ." Trowa replied looking back up. He hugged one knee to his chest and let the other dangle off the edge of the boulder. "It's just. . . Look at it, Duo. It's a clean slate. There is a certain freedom in it, isn't there?" He looked at Duo, his eyes questioning and unsure about what he had said and how it would be received.
Duo looked at him and smiled. "You know I think that's the most positive thing I've ever heard you say, even before this whole mess began." He shook his head and laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're kind of right. There is a freedom in all this. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather none of it happened, but yeah, it's kind of neat to think that we get to design the future, or that no one will bother us and tell us we're doing things wrong."
"And all that was ever bad or wrong with the Earth is gone. Purged." Trowa laid back on the rock, putting his hands behind his head and looked up into the ash-grey sky.
"Well yeah, but a lot of good things went with it, Trowa. I wouldn't call this a win-situation or anything. All the books, art and science that are forever lost, it's a tragedy."
"And animals and plants," Trowa added.
"Yeah, them too," Duo nodded.
"Maybe the colonies will help to restore some of that one day," Trowa said.
"Yeah, they probably will once they can get down to us." Duo leaned back against the rock in the same fashion as Trowa. He looked up into the grey and wondered where the hell the colonists were, now that they so desperately needed their help. He hoped that it was a technical difficulty and not the result of past strained relations.
"The radio works." Trowa suddenly dropped the news on Duo and the pilot instinctually shot up, staring at his comrade in shock and amazement.
"You fixed it?" Duo shook his head letting the news sink in for a moment. "Of course you fixed it, this it the first time you ever let that thing out of your site! Where is it now?"
"Quatre and Noin have it. They're over on that hill," he said as he crooked his head to the left, "trying to determine if anyone is broadcasting nearby. If anyone is out there, we'll try to head in that direction."
"So that's what they're doing! Hot damn!" Duo clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "That's the best news I've heard in forever! Why the hell didn't you tell me that first, Trowa? Aren't you excited?"
Trowa shrugged. "It will help."
"Help? You just saved our lives by fixing that thing!"
Trowa said nothing.
Duo narrowed his eyes on his friend and cocked his head to the side. "Hey, what's wrong there, Trowa? Don't tell me you like being lost out here. What's going on?" Maybe Quatre was right, maybe Trowa had lost all hope, even if they were on the verge of being saved. Or maybe he felt he didn't deserve to be saved. Or possibly, he just liked to sit on rocks staring into vast amounts of nothingness, it was hard to tell with Trowa.
Trowa lifted himself up on his elbows and looked over to the hill were the silhouettes of Quatre and Noin could be seen in a distance. "Nothing is wrong, Duo. Come," he said he sat up and jumped down from the rock, "lets see if they're having any luck."
Duo jumped and followed Trowa to the small hill where Quatre and Noin sitting. As they drew closer, Duo could make out the voice of Quatre speaking, though it didn't seem to be to Noin. He ran up the hill, leaving Trowa behind him as heard a faint voice being carried over the loud static sound coming from the radio.
He knelt down next to Noin, who gestured for him to remain quiet as they tried to communicate with the woman on the other side of the transmission. Trowa quietly sat next to Duo and watched Quatre expectantly.
"Pilot 04, please state your position," the crackling voice of Lady Une requested.
"Uh. . ." Quatre looked to Noin, Duo and Trowa, who all looked back at him blankly. "We're not quite sure where we're at.
"Stay in the position you're at now, Quatre," the new and familiar voice of Heero Yuy now filled the air. "Keep the radio on, we'll find you."
"Heero!" Duo shouted out and pushed Quatre aside, offering an apologetic shrug before taking over the radio. "Heero is that really you?"
"Duo?" came the gabled the response. There was a pause and then he spoke again. "What's taking you so long to get here?"
Duo laughed, nearly in tears as Heero spoke the words. "Nothing short of the end of the world, my friend. . ."
The End