A/N: Yes, yes, this is a pretty weird fic. It features one total and complete Mary Sue (with lots of bashing) and three not so willing CA teens. Let's just say, this is what is called a "JOKE". Dun take this as somethin I write often, though I do love sarcasm.
A fic that went wrong, Ch. 3
"Urgh! Just you wait! When I can move you-ohhh! It's a cat!" Katie squealed. A black british shorthair eyed the four with distaste before turning it's tail up and walking to the window. "What beautiful build! The tail, perfectly proportioned to the body, firm paws, well boned legs, strong chin. I'd definitally give it best of breed, color, and overall if I was a judge. Has she been shown?" Katie questioned, anger totally gone.
"No, Centauri dislikes the smell of other cats. Showing would be impossible unfortuantly," Draco said. He slowly edged towards the door, hoping the crazed Cat woman wouldn't notice anything. **Freak! One moment she's plotting my death, and the next she's in love with my cat!**
"Shame, she's a beauty. Centauri, you said, lovely name for her," she replied, attention focused soely on the cat. **The handle!** Draco thought happily.
"So long Mudbloods!" he yelled, turning the knob and running out the door, slamming it behind him.
Bam!! (lovely sound effects, ne?) The sound of something falling down the stairs rang out. The three mudbloods looked at each other, blinked.
"Damnit that hurt!" Draco's usually drawling voice high-pitched in pain. Looking at each other, they burst out laughing again. "I'll get you mudbloods!" he yelled out, voice cracking half way through.
Snort.
* * *
"I'm so happy! I finally get to go to Hogwarts! Yes!" Christy jumped up and down, quickly talking to her mother about all the wonderful things Hogwarts had to offer. Patricia was just as excited as her daughter. Snape, however, was rather vexed by the young girl. "This will be so fun! I finally get to meet all the people in the books! And I get to start a new school, and make new friends and have fun and..." About this time, Snaped decided to shut out the awful racket. **Another transfer, probably a Gryffindor. Just another one to add to the millions. Argh!** "Are you going to be one of my teachers?" Chrisy asked, realizing that there was another person in the room.
"Professor. I'm the potions master, Professor Snape." The girls eyes went wide, a huge smile on her face.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! The books really are right!"
"Books?" Snape questioned, slowly edging away from the girl. **She's gone crazy. Must. Run. Fast. Crazy. Teenager. Help?**
* * *
The three men sat down in the office. The high ceiling and dark paint made the room appear to go on forever. Two dark leather chairs sat before the great oak desk. Lucius indicated for the two men to sit in the chairs, taking his seat behing the desk.
"Brandy?" Lucius offered. Both men declined.
"Lucius, these four must attend Hogwarts. They are greatly needed! Voldemort is rising and his first target will be Hogwarts! There is no choice," Dumbledore explained, knowing it would be in vain.
"Why can't they attend some school on their side of the Atlantic? And though they may need Auror training according to you, they don't even know the most basic skills. Shouldn't they learn those and then transfer to Hogwarts?" Lucius spat. Cornelius shifted nervously, his gaze flickering from Lucius to Dumbledore.
"These children must come to Hogwarts to learn the skills that they need. They won't have to learn all transfigurations, potions, charms, ecetera. they simply must learn Defense Against the Dark Arts from years five through seven, plus addtional courses in the subject. I expect that they shall be able to do it," said Dumbledore, frowning. Lucius, however, was not in the mood to compromise, discuss, or even think that four more transfers would be accepted to Hogwarts.
"Well, if that's all our children need to learn these days, they why do they learn of the "unnessecary" lessons? May I remind you that working wizards and witches pay for this school?" hissed Lucius.
"Not at all! The lessons are all needed! They give a firm foundation for all magic! Without a good foundation, a building would crumble," Dumbledore said calmly.
"But why then-" Lucius began. A loud bam came from outside.
"Damint that hurt!" A high pitched voice yelled. "I'll get you mudbloods!"
"Stupid boy..." Lucius muttered, taking his head in his hands. Cornelius epped, having slid under his chair at the first sound.
"Is -is-is-is-is it Y-y-y-you Kn-know Who?" he stuttered, small frame shaking the chair. Dumbledore helped the terrified man up, explaining the obvious. Lucius strode out the door.
"No no, Cornelius. It is smiply Draco. From what I heard he fell down the stairs," Dumbledore calmly said. The two walked to the doorway, just in time to see a red-faced Draco being led back to the room he had vacated by his ear. A head adorned with purple hair stuck out from the doorway. It turned, seeing Dumbledore.
"Oy! Old dude! Can you let my friends go?" she said in a loud whisper. Dumbledore nodded, smiling. Upon entering, he saw the two frozen children mocking Draco. Lucius was talking to his son in hushed tones in a corner. "So, can ya fix 'em? Or do I have to steal your 'wand'?" Amanda said, making those nifty finger quotes around the words wand.
"I'll be happy to be of service, m'Lady/" Dumbledore replied, in good spirits. Waving his wand he said,
"Finte Incarment!"
The two previously unmoving people, fell to the ground, their feet having become acustomed to the lack of body weight.
"There has got to be atleast ONE unfreezing spell that doesn't involve me falling on my butt," Katie muttered.
"I just wish people would stop freezing us," Jeff said. "It's like people think we're those Tater-tot thins that reek of freezer burn."
"You know, those things aren't that bad. Atleast, they're not if Mom just bought 'em and cooked 'em," Amanda replied.
"They're really good with lemon juice," Katie said, still sitting on the ground.
"No, they're the best with ketchup," Amanda argued.
"You're both crazy," Jeff said, standing up. "They're the best with sugar." Katie opened her mouth to protest, but a glare from Lucius made her close it again. Lucius stepped out of the corner, eyes flashing.
"No transfers will be allowed. I'll make sure of it."
* * *
"So how exactly do we get on the platform again?" Jeff asked...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Vell then, not very interesting, no? I'm just writin this thing for the sake of writers block and keeping it away. Figured someone else could get a laugh outta it. R./R if you're woman enough!
A fic that went wrong, Ch. 3
"Urgh! Just you wait! When I can move you-ohhh! It's a cat!" Katie squealed. A black british shorthair eyed the four with distaste before turning it's tail up and walking to the window. "What beautiful build! The tail, perfectly proportioned to the body, firm paws, well boned legs, strong chin. I'd definitally give it best of breed, color, and overall if I was a judge. Has she been shown?" Katie questioned, anger totally gone.
"No, Centauri dislikes the smell of other cats. Showing would be impossible unfortuantly," Draco said. He slowly edged towards the door, hoping the crazed Cat woman wouldn't notice anything. **Freak! One moment she's plotting my death, and the next she's in love with my cat!**
"Shame, she's a beauty. Centauri, you said, lovely name for her," she replied, attention focused soely on the cat. **The handle!** Draco thought happily.
"So long Mudbloods!" he yelled, turning the knob and running out the door, slamming it behind him.
Bam!! (lovely sound effects, ne?) The sound of something falling down the stairs rang out. The three mudbloods looked at each other, blinked.
"Damnit that hurt!" Draco's usually drawling voice high-pitched in pain. Looking at each other, they burst out laughing again. "I'll get you mudbloods!" he yelled out, voice cracking half way through.
Snort.
* * *
"I'm so happy! I finally get to go to Hogwarts! Yes!" Christy jumped up and down, quickly talking to her mother about all the wonderful things Hogwarts had to offer. Patricia was just as excited as her daughter. Snape, however, was rather vexed by the young girl. "This will be so fun! I finally get to meet all the people in the books! And I get to start a new school, and make new friends and have fun and..." About this time, Snaped decided to shut out the awful racket. **Another transfer, probably a Gryffindor. Just another one to add to the millions. Argh!** "Are you going to be one of my teachers?" Chrisy asked, realizing that there was another person in the room.
"Professor. I'm the potions master, Professor Snape." The girls eyes went wide, a huge smile on her face.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! The books really are right!"
"Books?" Snape questioned, slowly edging away from the girl. **She's gone crazy. Must. Run. Fast. Crazy. Teenager. Help?**
* * *
The three men sat down in the office. The high ceiling and dark paint made the room appear to go on forever. Two dark leather chairs sat before the great oak desk. Lucius indicated for the two men to sit in the chairs, taking his seat behing the desk.
"Brandy?" Lucius offered. Both men declined.
"Lucius, these four must attend Hogwarts. They are greatly needed! Voldemort is rising and his first target will be Hogwarts! There is no choice," Dumbledore explained, knowing it would be in vain.
"Why can't they attend some school on their side of the Atlantic? And though they may need Auror training according to you, they don't even know the most basic skills. Shouldn't they learn those and then transfer to Hogwarts?" Lucius spat. Cornelius shifted nervously, his gaze flickering from Lucius to Dumbledore.
"These children must come to Hogwarts to learn the skills that they need. They won't have to learn all transfigurations, potions, charms, ecetera. they simply must learn Defense Against the Dark Arts from years five through seven, plus addtional courses in the subject. I expect that they shall be able to do it," said Dumbledore, frowning. Lucius, however, was not in the mood to compromise, discuss, or even think that four more transfers would be accepted to Hogwarts.
"Well, if that's all our children need to learn these days, they why do they learn of the "unnessecary" lessons? May I remind you that working wizards and witches pay for this school?" hissed Lucius.
"Not at all! The lessons are all needed! They give a firm foundation for all magic! Without a good foundation, a building would crumble," Dumbledore said calmly.
"But why then-" Lucius began. A loud bam came from outside.
"Damint that hurt!" A high pitched voice yelled. "I'll get you mudbloods!"
"Stupid boy..." Lucius muttered, taking his head in his hands. Cornelius epped, having slid under his chair at the first sound.
"Is -is-is-is-is it Y-y-y-you Kn-know Who?" he stuttered, small frame shaking the chair. Dumbledore helped the terrified man up, explaining the obvious. Lucius strode out the door.
"No no, Cornelius. It is smiply Draco. From what I heard he fell down the stairs," Dumbledore calmly said. The two walked to the doorway, just in time to see a red-faced Draco being led back to the room he had vacated by his ear. A head adorned with purple hair stuck out from the doorway. It turned, seeing Dumbledore.
"Oy! Old dude! Can you let my friends go?" she said in a loud whisper. Dumbledore nodded, smiling. Upon entering, he saw the two frozen children mocking Draco. Lucius was talking to his son in hushed tones in a corner. "So, can ya fix 'em? Or do I have to steal your 'wand'?" Amanda said, making those nifty finger quotes around the words wand.
"I'll be happy to be of service, m'Lady/" Dumbledore replied, in good spirits. Waving his wand he said,
"Finte Incarment!"
The two previously unmoving people, fell to the ground, their feet having become acustomed to the lack of body weight.
"There has got to be atleast ONE unfreezing spell that doesn't involve me falling on my butt," Katie muttered.
"I just wish people would stop freezing us," Jeff said. "It's like people think we're those Tater-tot thins that reek of freezer burn."
"You know, those things aren't that bad. Atleast, they're not if Mom just bought 'em and cooked 'em," Amanda replied.
"They're really good with lemon juice," Katie said, still sitting on the ground.
"No, they're the best with ketchup," Amanda argued.
"You're both crazy," Jeff said, standing up. "They're the best with sugar." Katie opened her mouth to protest, but a glare from Lucius made her close it again. Lucius stepped out of the corner, eyes flashing.
"No transfers will be allowed. I'll make sure of it."
* * *
"So how exactly do we get on the platform again?" Jeff asked...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Vell then, not very interesting, no? I'm just writin this thing for the sake of writers block and keeping it away. Figured someone else could get a laugh outta it. R./R if you're woman enough!