Chapter 4
Dreams and Realizations
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The cold breeze chills me. The bright moon casts its own shadows. I keep looking up; tears begin to build up. An ache rises in me. I close my eyes. The tears trickle down my face like small streams of water. I force myself to open my eyes.
This time is desperate. I look back up to the sky, gazing for an unknown amount of time. The moon begins to fade away as clouds of gray move in, blocking the eerie light. A feeling uncertainty and a reminder of my futile attempts settle down uncomfortably. I have nothing left to do. Where are you?
I open my eyes. It was the same dream, except it was slightly longer. The emotions that accompany it take a hold of me, controlling me. I curl up in a tight ball, wiping away fresh tears.
I freeze suddenly, realizing the unusual covers and sheets. This is not my bed. I look up and glance around in horror. This is not my room either. Where am I? My breathing quickens. Alone, in an unknown place.
Quickly and instinctively, I look for my things. I am still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. My cloak hangs lazily over a chair. My things are stacked neatly and orderly on the desk. A pile of fresh clothes is also nearby. I breathe a sigh of relief, at least I am not being held as a prisoner or hostage. Though who would hold me? And if I were, who would rescue the fair maiden in the distantly possible reality? Where was Prince Charming?
Shaking away the thoughts, I push the covers away and jump down onto the floor. Cold, the frigid temperature of the polished wood sends chills up my spine. I wince involuntarily. I quickly change out of my clothes and into the new ones. Surprisingly, they fit me perfectly.
The dress is a deep midnight blue that hugs to the contours of my body. It has a low back and a deep neckline with no sleeves. It is a bit too revealing for my tastes, but I accepted it gratefully. The fabric is of a silky material that slides away from your fingers. Whoever has brought me here is clearly rich with quite a bit to spare.
I twirl once or twice around the mirror, satisfied with my appearance. I shiver slightly at the thought of leaving this room. I bite my lip. Walking towards the door, I open it, pondering whether to find the one whom brought me here. Finally, my thirst for answers conquers the possible consequences of my actions. I walk out, closing the door carefully behind me.
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What were you thinking Draco Malfoy? What happened to all those years? All those years, I've never been in love. Love is such a foreign thing. Years, I have been locked behind a façade of coldness and cruelty, but that was how it was in my world. Never show your feelings because they can betray you.
I sigh deeply, staring into the fire. It glows with brilliant sparks of red, orange and yellow. It dances on top of the wood, full of life. Freedom, can anyone actually be free? The rules of society, of which we have created, bind us in the web of annoyance and disappointment.
I reflect back.
I stand there, stunned. Hermione crying onto my shoulder. She's such a pathetic and pitiful sight. I cringe slightly wondering what is bothering her. I put my arms around her, holding her, possibly showing her the kindness and affection I want to be shown. I close my eyes. This isn't happening, it's a dream, denying everything. I open them again, relieved that she hasn't disappeared like so many others. Her sobs softens into sniffling, but by what is a mystery.
I know no comforting words to whisper in her ear. I hold her against me. Her small figure seems to mold against mine. I feel her shiver slightly. A few brief moments passes. She suddenly becomes extraordinarily quiet. I look down at her, alarmed. Letting out a deep sigh, I realize that she is asleep. Why would and how can anyone fall asleep that quickly?
I can't leave her here. The question flashes across my mind for a brief moment, before I accept, willingly.
I turn at the soft footsteps down the halls. I freeze for a few moments listening to the careful and timid footsteps. I take a deep breath, after realizing that it is probably Hermione. I lay back in my chair, ignoring the sounds. Staring off at the burning flames, I sigh again.
Finally, her footsteps are too close that I can't help, but to take notice. Each step gets steadily louder. Suddenly, the footsteps stop. I hold my breath knowing who she is. She doesn't know who I am. I can use that to my advantage, but should I?
"Who are you?" Her voice echoes through the massive library. Her tone is not irritated, but typically curious.
"Why do you want to know?" I bite my lip as soon as the cold words exit my mouth. Why do you care so much? I think to myself in a scolding fashion.
She makes no reply.
I stand up and turn around to look at her.
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I feel pale. I look at him, trying to convince myself that he isn't real, but to my disappointment, it is. My heartbeat quickens because of the heavy and suffocating tension between us.
His hair is slightly tousled, as though he hasn't had much sleep. His gray eyes stare at me with such intensity I can feel it. He wears clothes of black that contrast greatly against his pale skin and blonde hair, but it oddly suits him… and he looks rather nice in them. Damn, I give myself a quick mental scold.
We share this special moment in complete silence. Feeling faint as he examines me, I wonder what is racing through his mind. Is he thinking about me? Of course he is. What else would he be thinking about? Biting my lip, I hope that the his thoughts aren't horrible ones.
He is the one. He is the one that has brought me here. Though the reasons are still undetermined, a part of me is grateful that it is he, but the other half wonders what his intentions are now. You want him, don't you? No, no, I don't, I deny silently. You cannot deny it longer.
My breath quickens with a sharp edge because of the frigid air surrounding me, although there is a fire. I have an odd thought that it isn't quite the temperature that is causing the coldness.
His eyes never leave me. Who will be the first one to make a move? Who is brave enough? Who will be the first to break? Who will be the one?
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I walk towards her, pulled by a tempting force. She stands perfectly still, staring at me with her beautiful brown eyes. I stop as I reach her. Looking down, I feel the energy and heat between us and I am fairly certain that she does too. Gazing into her eyes, I see a quick flicker of fear.
I have a sudden urge to kiss her, but my years of control wouldn't allow me. I give her one last look before walking away.
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He leaves me.
I am left with nothing to do. I give him one last and longing glance before walking back to "my" room. I open the door and smile slightly. There's a crackling fire. A feeling of warmth drifts over me like a soothing bath. I sigh.
I sit onto the bed. My feelings mix and tumble together. I lean back with the pillow comforting my head. Staring up at the high ceiling, I relive the moment, savoring the vivid images, and emotions.
I see him walking towards me. I feel the dreaded pang of fear. I thought I knew him years ago, but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe he is still the same cruel boy who used to tease and taunt me. Maybe my mind is playing illusions on my heart. The only thing that keeps me from screaming is the possibility that it could be real.
My heart quickens. Though every animal instinct in my body is urging me to run, I don't. I just stand there, mesmerized, watching him in a way a rabbit watches a wolf. He's inches from me now. I look up at him. Those familiar lonely gray eyes look down. I see a small flicker of something behind them, but it is gone before I can have a closer look.
He's so close. I can hear his steady heat beating, and feel his breath moving my hair. Every nerve in my body tenses in anticipation. A sudden vision of him kissing me flows into my mind, but it is interrupted by his turn. He leaves me.
I grimace because of the emptiness in result of the scene. Lowering my view, I stare at my hand. No jewel adorns my ring finger. A sense of sadness and lonely desperation enters. An uncertain feeling of an internal struggle sinks in. A few unshed tears rises to my eyes.
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The still night haunts me. The world is silent. The moon, gone. I look up at the dark sky. A glum sense overtakes me. He's gone, like the moon. I let him go. Why did I let him go? I lied to him and myself. Now, my misery is my own fault
I bend over the stone that prevents me from falling. My hair obscures my vision. The ground, so close, you can end it all. You can run from this misery. You won't have to live like this anymore. You'll be with him.
"You promised me!" I yell so abruptly that I surprise even myself. My scream shatters the silence. "You promised that we would be together!"
There is no answer. Fresh tears rise into my eyes. I have nothing to live for anymore. I cannot feel the way I felt to him to anyone else. I can't.
The wind rushes around my body. I fall, down to the ground. The earth gets closer and closer. It's so close.
I wake up screaming. My lungs race for breath. My breathing is harsh. It seemed so real. It was the same as before, but it's longer. I close my eyes trying to regain my control and dignity. The fire is out and the coldness freezes me to the core as if there is no end.
The door bursts open.
~~~~
"Are you all right?" I ask her. She looks clearly distraught and irritated.
"Go away." Her voice is slightly hurt as she curls up in a ball. I catch a few tears rolling down her face.
I walk towards her, almost cautious. My conscious mind warns me against this action, but I brush it aside. I sit down beside her on the bed.
She ignores me completely.
I turn to look at her.
Her brown hair flows messily down her back and the sides of her face. The dress she's wearing matches her perfectly. There are a few deep creases and folds in the lush fabric, but money is not a factor. I notice that her skin is a deathly pale.
I watch a single tear run down her face. Don't give in. Don't give into the innocent routine. Have you learned nothing? I ignore all the warnings and continue to study her. An unknown feeling of pity rests in me.
I brush a few strands of hair from her face.
She glances up at me. She looks so innocent. I can almost sense her fear. I can hear her heart fluttering rapidly as she gazes mistily into my own eyes.
With the tips of my fingers, I raise her chin up to me so I can see her a bit better.
She makes no movement to stop me.
I wipe away a few drops of water.
~~~~
I look into his slate gray eyes. I see something there that I've never seen before. There's an extra spark of life behind them. It seems foreign to see such a passion in them.
My heart flutters at the closeness between us. I feel his light breath. I can hear his heart beating. He radiates warmth, which I crave for at the moment.
A sudden lust enters my mind, before I can think of anything else, I feel his lips on mine. I'm flown into a world of rapture and affection. He kisses me passionately making me feel lightheaded. Suddenly, it stops as soon as it started. He pushes me away from him and he turns away from me.
Gasping, I look at him in disbelief, not understanding his gesture. "What's wrong with you?" I blurted out before realizing that it didn't come out the way I had meant it to.
"Do you really want to know what's wrong with me?" he snapped back, glaring at me.
I bite my lip, not knowing how to answer.
"I love you," he says softly. A tinge of regret and hurt can be heard in his voice. He looks at me waiting for my reply.
You can't deny your feelings. You can't run away from them either. Suddenly I think back to the dream. The person I was waiting for was Draco Malfoy. He won't wait around forever or will he…
"There, you have the truth." His voice is gentle and slightly weak, not like the strong, confident one I have grown used to.
A welcome feeling of relief calms me. My emotions stir in my heart. I bite my lip again and look off at the window.
I feel his eyes scanning me for any sign of a response. I feel pale, wondering what to do. "I love you too," I say meekly. I turn to look at him.
No emotions taint his face for a few moments. He sits there looking at me, not quite believing his ears.
"I love you," I repeat again, this time with more confidence. I bite my lip and look at him, uncertain about his reaction.
He picks up my hand and holds it for a brief moment. "You're cold," he says absentmindedly.
"I know," I say. This is the first actual conversation I'm having with him. There is a sparkling tense energy between us.
His hand reaches out to touches my face. I look down, not quite wanting to meet his gaze. He leans towards me and kisses me. My eyes flutter close as the passion surrounds me.
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