Chapter 11
Death
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"Death is what makes us alive," it reads on the gray granite. I kneel down, tracing the name, "Draco Malfoy," with my finger. A few tears roll down my face. I place a small bunch of flowers down before the headstone. I stand up, picking up the wilted ones. I give one last glance at it, before walking away.
I walk down the path, holding the old flowers in one hand. "Horrible, stubborn person, you were, weren't you Draco?" I mutter to the towering trees. "Couldn't make do with less than perfection?"
I stop as though waiting for a witty remark. No one answers me.
"I hate you!" I scream at the top of my lungs, tears welling up in my eyes. "Now what am I supposed to do? You know I can't love another man! How could you do this to me! I thought you loved me!" I yell. My throat burns and breathing is uneven as a steady stream of tears pour down.
I fall down to the ground. My misery overwhelms me to the point of exhaustion and insanity. I reflect back to the night he died.
"Don't die on me."
He looks at me with slate gray eyes. He's so pale, so calm. "I guess I was wrong," he says softly, smirking with such fragility.
I nod, unable to control the tears. I quickly blink them away, not wanting them to blur my vision. I hold his cold hand.
He doesn't seem to be in pain, but death is inevitably dawning on him. He closes his eyes.
Don't close them. Open them, don't die, yet, please don't. We have so much to do.
He opens them and looks at me with such intensity. "Death is what makes us alive," he whispers as though he can read my thoughts. He looks at me one last time, before closing his eyes forevermore. His last breath is calm and steady because death pulls him away slowly, taking the time to torture and comfort me at the same time. His hand goes limp. He is gone.
This is what you've reduced me to, Draco, a piece of insane flesh. I wallow in my misery and self-pity. An odd warmth sinks into me, the same warmth I've felt a few times before.
I stand up and whirl around. "Draco! Are you there?"
No one answers. I see nobody. I see nothing, but the woodland scenery that surrounds me. There is no white outline proving to me that he is a ghost. There is nothing.
I bite my lip, tears falling. I kneel down onto the pine-covered ground. I look up at the bright light coming from the tops of green. I look away; the brightness is too much. I look down at my hands.
The ring is still there, exactly in the same state as the first day. I glance down at the names, "Draco" and "Hermione", wincing. I run my fingers over the hard diamonds and the smooth metals. The words engraved on the bottom are still there, though I've been reluctant to take it off. It doesn't matter, I remember it well. In a graceful, slanted lettering is written, "Together forever for eternity, we cannot be separated."
I wear my engagement ring as though we'll be together one day. I wear it as a promise. The only question is whether he fulfilled his. I wake up shivering. I feel the partially dried tears on my face. His warm body besides me confirms that he is well. I close my eyes, shaking away the images.
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I have only seen my mother only a few times after my father's death. When I did see her, she would give me a dark piercing glance before walking away. In my father's will, everything was left to me. Nothing was left to my mother. That was tradition, in which all the property and wealth goes to the heir.
In a way, I understand her coldness towards me. I do not miss her presence for she ignored me as much as possible while I was growing up -- but I do miss the motherly figure I've never had.
I stare off into the flickering fire. The bitter coldness surrounds me. You can't escape destiny. I wince as the saying flashes through my mind. What is my destiny?
~~~~
I tremble slightly as the wind's chill passes by me. I brush my wavy hair away from my face. I sigh contented as I sit on the park bench. I come here to this small park when I need to take a well-deserved break from the world around me.
I watch the groups of children play in the white snow. They look so happy, free, innocent. They don't have any worries or troubles. I look at them sadly and longingly, wondering if Draco will be alive to see any of ours.
I look away, quickly blinking away the blinding tears. My breathing is sharp as it takes in the frigid air. The coldness that touches my skin makes it raw. The ring on my finger is like a bitter cold Hell, weighing it down with a metaphorical block of ice. The bitter irony is almost enough to make me laugh, almost.
My dreams are worse now. I've become an insane lunatic in them, complaining about the cruel world because I've lost my love. I frown harshly. I don't want to be like that. I want to have a long life to live, and I want to live every moment with him.
I stand up, not wanting to be in the severe arctic weather. In the distance, I hear my name being called. I'm too irritated to bother to see who's the speaker. I stand up and walk slowly down the path, cautious about the ice that is glazed over it. I hear footsteps behind me. I feel a hand on my shoulder.
Turning around, I see that it is Harry. Stunned, I wait for him to explain himself.
"Hermione?"
I look up into those emerald green eyes of his, but I stay silent. I tremble under his gaze.
"I'm sorry." I hear his voice waver slightly.
I look down at the snow covered ground. I don't him to see my face.
"Ginny told me about you and Malfoy. I really hope your marriage turn out well," he says gently.
I fall suddenly, whether because of the ice or the emotions, I am not sure.
He catches me, trying to steady me.
"I'm so worried," I begin, biting my lip as a few tears falls. I lean against him.
He gingerly puts his arms around me, wondering whether this is considered crossing the thin dimly marked line.
"We aren't supposed to get married, because of it, Draco might die," I explain quickly, sniffling slightly.
He guides me over to a nearby park bench.
I sit down, brushing the tears away from my eyes. I look at him, wondering about his reaction. I need comfort that one can only get from a close friend.
"What do you mean he might die?" he asks cautiously.
I feel slightly reluctant to tell him, but the pressures are too much for me to bear alone. "Malfoys aren't supposed marry people like me," I say slowly. I feel a drop trickle down my cheek. "You can call it a curse that runs in the family, for every Malfoy who has crossed the thin line…" I pause, pondering whether to go on or not. "They've died before marriage," I say softly.
He looks at me thoughtfully, not knowing how to respond.
I take in a deep breath of cold air. "But, he's the last of the Malfoys, so that may not effect him. Even then, he'll probably never live to see his grandchildren." My voice is slightly airy as I confess to him what has been on my mind for such a long time.
"What do you mean?" he asks, slowly. His eyes stare at me intensely.
"Lucius is dead," I start. "All of them die when their heir is old enough to continue the… tradition." I look at him. I'm slightly nervous about his response, but Harry isn't known for his temper.
"I…" He pauses and looks at me. "I think you should do what you know is right."
I look down. He gave me the response that assures that whatever the consequences are, the fault wouldn't be blamed on him. This brings my burden back on me. I have told one of my best friends what is on my mind. I am back to where I started, except I have gained one of my friends back.
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Alone in the world, that is where I stand. I take in a deep breath. The moon above me glows with an eerie brilliance. The stars are small spots of yellow that shine weakly. I hear the roaring of the ocean waves below me. The wind chills me to the bone, but oddly enough, I do not shiver.
The heavy stones and metals weigh my hand down. I feel the dress I was supposed to wear for my wedding, rustle around me. The delicate lace veil I wear in my hair flows freely.
I stand on the edge of the rocky cliff that overlooks the vicious and unforgiving sea. It is bright enough to allow me to see the glistening waves lapping against the hard surface of the rock. I look out at the grand sea of midnight blue.
"Why did you leave me?" I whisper.
Only the rushing wind around me responds with its lonely holler.
"See what you have done to me?" I say softly. I smile weakly. "You've driven me to the point of near insanity."
The familiar odd feeling of warmth surrounds me. A single tear falls down my face.
"Draco?" My voice is trembling. "Is that you?"
Instead of the warmth weakening, it gets slightly stronger.
I close my eyes. "I want to be where you are. I don't want to be alone anymore," I whisper, a few more tears drip down my face.
I wait, almost expecting a response. I look down. Why won't you answer me?
"Hermione."
I turn at the sound of my name. I see a faint white shadow of him. The stone beneath me crumbles and I fall. I feel the wind rushing past me. I close my eyes tightly. I don't want to see anymore. I want his face to be imprinted in my mind forever.
~
I open my eyes. I look down at my body. I can see through it. I'm like a faint wisp of smoke with a distinctive form. I look around. I've been here before, I think as I look over the edge of the rock. I see an ocean of black. A memory sparks to life in me. I died here.
"Having fun?" I hear a familiar amused voice behind me say.
I turn suddenly. I can feel the rock slipping below me. Not this again. I start to fall. This time, someone's arms catches me. I gasp, but it feels as though I have no need for air.
I turn around. My jaw drops as I see the familiar face, Draco. I stare at him blankly. He is like me, a mist of nothingness. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out.
I watch him intently as he gives me his trademarked smirk.
I have been mourning his death for so long. I have been driven to insanity and suicide just to be with him. Now that he's here… I know that I have embellished on the past.
I open my eyes and stare up at the darkness. The dreams or nightmares, depending on what you call them, are getting more extreme and intense. I take in a deep breath, calming my knotted and sensitive nerves.
The meaning of the dream was cryptic, but it was coherent enough to allow me to realize it. The dream itself was reminding me of the possible fate we may have together. It was also reminding me that I might be making the wrong choice.
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True love never dies, I think to myself, running my fingers through my blonde hair. I frown at the words. Even the most deathless love wears out.
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"Never fall in love." The words play in my mind. A long time ago, my father said that line. He never allowed himself to be complicated with emotions. He didn't marry for love. That was as clear as glass. He married for his social standing and other things that were considered a value to him.
A sense of self-pity lingers in me, along with that horrible settling feeling that depresses me slightly. I feel guilty of the uncertain fate before me. I cannot bear the burden of guilt if something happened, to her. I would rather have her hate me, but alive, than to have her love me with her last breath. I would not be able to bear it.
I turn my head suddenly, looking down at the red carpeting. My weakness and confusion disgust me. Draco Malfoy, you were always a hopeless romantic weren't you? I grimace, unsatisfied by my thoughts. I stare, not daring to blink, into the fiery flame of a small white candle. Looking at it, I notice that it is nearing its end. I feel a sudden brush of a chill sweep around me, tousling my hair.
The candle blows out.
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