X (me) and Jigglypuff successfully killed the Olsen Twins because of
their low sex appeal, cheap movies, crappy merchandise, and making Full
House
so evil...
"Jigglypuff, did you take one of Ashley's vibrators?" X said. He noticed that Jigglypuff was a little bigger than usual and her whole
body was
jiggling.
"NNNNOOOOOO. WWWWHHHHYYYYY DDOOOO YOOOOUUUUU AAAASSSSSKKKKKK??????"
"Oh, nutting"
Then, without X looking, she took the vibrator out and threw it in the back seat.
An hour later...
"STOP!!!" X yelled. Jigglypuff hit the brakes.
"VAT NOW? THIS IS ZEE TENTH TIME U WENT FOR A BATHROOM BREAK! DO U HAVE DIHERIHA OR SUMTHANG???"
X pointed out the window. They were conveniently parked in front of X's house.
"I gotta go get something from here. I'll be back in a few minutes." X said.
2 hours later...
X shoved 2 ammo crates and a box of illegal guns into the trunk of the
Puffmobile. He shoved another ammo crate in the back seat. He then ran to his
garage.
"NOW VAT?"
X came out of the garage in a Lugia PT Cruiser.
(Author's note: I do not own a Lugia PT Cruiser, Nintendo's latest Pokemon promo car.)
"YOW! THA' SOME BIG MOTHA FRICKIN BEAST, BOY!"
"Yup. It's got stuff like rocket launchers in those little purple
things on the roof,
a bomb cannon/launcher in the tail, and lazer rifles in the headlights. It's even equipped for the rigors of flight!"
"THA' KICKS ASS, DUDE!"
"WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPPPP!?!" someone yelled out. X's Lickitung appeared.
"WHAT THE???" Jigglypuff sweatdropped.
" *sigh* This is my Lickitung X said, slightly worried and embarrassed.
"WHHAAAASSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!" he said, swinging his tongue around.
X fell down. (Anime-fall)
"ARE WEE DONE ALREADY?"
"Yes. Now let's get to X pauses.
"TO?"
" (long pause)..., ...I don't know." X sadly said.
Everyone reading this fic fell down, even you.
"U mean u forgot where u guys were goin'?" asked Lickitung.
"AWW...FUCK!" yelled Jigglypuff.
(X and Jigglypuff's Pop Star Killing spree has been put on hiatus until further notice)
An' now, a word form me sponsor... (a kid and his Smeargle appear)
Kid: Whatcha wanna do today, Smeargle?
Smeargle: Smear, smear! Gle!
Kid: What???
(announcer suddenly appears on a pink dragon)
Announcer: Hey, kid! Ever wonder what the @$&% your
Pok mon are sayin'? Then get the official Pok hearing aid! Just coat it in petroleum jelly,
attach a pipe bomb to it, throw it in the toilet, and press the purty
red button. Now you can hear what Pok mon are saying and remodel
your bathroom
at the same time! See and hear the difference!
Kid: Now whatcha wanna do today?
Smeargle: Smear, smeargle!
Kid: What are you saying? I don't think this thing...
Announcer: Act now and get a crate-load of them! 6,000 Pok
hearing aids for the low, low price of...of...(long pause) (whispers) how
much are these
things? (more whispers) WHAT THE @#$T$%@^&*#!$*!!!!!!!!
Announcer: ¥ 1,000,000 or a new bike! Don't delay, act today!
(goes to order info screen)
CALL 1-800-BITE-MYASS. No credit cards accepted, just COLD, HARD
CASH!
Doctor's note: Use of this product has no effect whatsoever in
the aid of hearing pok mon talk crap. Only for the use of remodeling
your John.
Just get a Slowking, fer cryin' out loud!
Kid: What's a credit card?
(And now we return to X's and Jigglypuff's Pop Star Killing Spree!)
"Have any of us figured out what we were going to do?" X whined.
"Nope." said Lickitung.
"WEELLL, YOUR'RE DA ONE WIT Ô ZEE LIST! WEE COULDA FINISHED IT YEARS AGO!"
"It's only been five seconds." X exclaimed.
(An ad in five seconds. Man, I'm good! ^-^)
X checked the list. "It says Ô2:45-BSB, 2:48-Agulera?' ."
"Fagularia?" Lickitung guessed.
"BUTTSLAPING BASTARDS?" Jigglypuff said.
"No! Christina Agulara (Did I spell that right? Does it matter? Does anyone care?) and the Backstreet Boys!"
"OOOHHH!" Jigglypuff and Lickitung said together.
"TO ZEE BATTLESTATIONS!!"
X and Lickitung got in the Lugia PT Cruiser (Let's call it the X-mobile!) and Jigglypuff got in the Puffmobile. They drove off to their next target.
Meanwhile, at the BSB mansion...
Howie, A.J., Kevin, and Nick were watching Teletubbies and Barney
(AT THE SAME TIME) doing interesting things...(cough, cough) A.J. was
drinking down some booze.
"Hey, where's Brian? He and Cristina were
Then, from upstairs, they could hear giggling and moaning (cough, cough, hack, wheeze).
"Go Brian!" Nick said.
Then, two familiar cars came out and crashed into the mansion. X and Lickitung got out. Lickitung was ready for battle.
"Prepare to die, you...you...you, aww, SHIT! I can't think of anything, just prepare to die." X said.
"No, you prepare to die!" the boys said as they whip out their AK-47s and let out around 6000 bullets. X put up a psychic barrier and reflected them.
"ME AN' LICKI WILL GO AN' LOOK FOR BRIAN AND FAGULARA!"
"Okay. Be careful."
The two pok mon ran upstairs.
"LICIK, WRITE DOWN WHAT I SAY WHEN WE CHECK OUT THEIR ROOMS."
"Gotcha!" said Lickitung, holding a notepad and pencil.
(Here's what he wrote)
NICK'S ROOM: Same old guy shit. Posters of bikini-clad women and a porn stash under his bed.
A.J.'S ROOM: God, dis place got more beer bottles than a Liquor store! But they're all empty...damn!
HOWIE'S ROOM: Nuttin here. Just a bed and T.V.. Poor guy. Couldn't find any scissors, though...
KEVIN'S ROOM: Pretty small room for a big guy. On his mirror, there's nude pictures of himself and the other members(cough, cough, choke)
BRIAN'S ROOM: Very big room. But there's two naked people on his bed...
"VEE FOUND THEM!"
"What the?" Brian said.
Christina came out from between Brian's legs. "Huh?" she said. Her mouth was full of some white liquid.
"EWW! She's drinking baby juice!" yelled Lickitung.
"What are you doing here?" asked Brian.
"WE GONNA KILL YOU AN' YER COCKSUCKIN' BIOTCH!"
"She ain't my cocksucking bitch!"
"Okie, then what were u just doin'?"
(Nuff said)
Lickitung lashed his tongue at Brian, sending him flying. Jigglypuff Body Slammed Christina in the gut.
"Die, tounge boy!" yelled Brian as he whipped out his AK-47 and shot franticly at Lickitung. Lickitung dogged the bullets until Brian ran out.
"DRILL PECK!" screamed Lickitung as his tongue became sharp and thrusted it into Brian, who collapsed to the floor.
Jigglypuff took her microphone/marker pen and marked all over Christina.
"WHO'S PURTY NOW?"
"BITCH!" Christina yelled as she punched Jigglypuff.
Lickitung looked on and yelled "Get her to open her mouth!"
Jigglypuff thought and faced Christina.
"CHRISTINA...I AM YOUR MOTHA!"
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Lickitung then ripped Brian's dick off, covered it with petroleum jelly, attached a pipe bomb to it and threw it into Christina's mouth.
"Suck on this, sucka!" Lickitung said.
BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!
(Author's note: If u were expecting splattered brains, there weren't any.)
Meanwhile, downstairs...
The other boys's AK-47s ran out off bullets. X pointed his arm cannon at them.
"My turn!" he said as he released a shot. ZZAAAAPPPP!
The boys blew up into thousands of pieces, except for A.J. Thanks
to all of that depressive drinking, he thought he had psychic powers and
had a
barrier around him. His head fell off, though.
Jigglypuff and Lickitung came downstairs.
"Lickitung, you know what to do!"
"Right!" Lickitung runs to the kitchen.
"I'LL RIG UP SOME EXPLOSSIVE THINGY."
Meanwhile, in the kitchen...
Lickitung smelt the air. "There!" he yells as he runs to the pantry and opens it.
Twinkies, Cup Cakes, and cookies!
"Oh my!" said Lickitung
"LICKI! THERE'S A BOMB SET FOR TWO MINUETS! LET'SA GET OUTTA HERE!"
They drove out in their cruisers and stopped near a clearing far away.
BOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
(That's a big boom.)
"BYE BYE, BSB AN' FAGULERA! WE'LL SOOOO NOT MISS U!"
"Same here!"
"So, who's next?" X said as he checked the list. "Uh-oh."
"WHADDA MEAN ëUH-OH'?"
"There's nothing listed!" X yelled.
"But there has to be! There's more crappy talent to kill!" yelled Lickitung.
"Yeah, but who?"
"HEY! MAYBE THESE HALF-WITTED PEOPLE REDIN' THIS FIC CAN HELP?"
"Yeah!"
END OF CHAPTER 2 (my fingers hurt)
U heard Jigglypuff! Lickitung, her, and I need more pop star meat
for Chapter 3! If there's someone in the music market damaging your
brain and
ruining your sex life, either tell me in your review or email me at:
david.l.stronach@student.ednet.ns.ca
I'm thinking about killing N*Suck, O-Town, and Brittany Spears. Are there any others?
Now u see this purty box here? It isn't there for decoration,
that's for share! It's the sacred Review Box (DUM DUH DUH DA!) Just put your
name, your email, and a comment about this chapter. Flames will
be thoroughly put out with Hydro Pump and then Seismic Tossed into the
sun and
then Hyper Beamed until it goes boom.
If you review, you will be spared from the Mallet of Hell and get a
bag of Oreos. ^_^