It
Just Won't Quit
AUTHOR:
Simone
EMAIL: sgavino@gbl.com.br / claddagh@angel.vg
SITE: www.geocities.com/abloving
SUMMARY: Angel is having some problems to sleep.
RATING: PG-13, I guess.
ARCHIVE: My site and if you like if, pls drop me a line.
FEEDBACK: Yes... I need it.
DISCLAIMER: The characters and universe herein are the property of Joss Whedon,
20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, and Kuzui Productions. This piece
of fan-written fiction means no infringement upon any copyrights.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Once my beta reader is still sick.. this is UNBEATAED version...
Second Note: Lyrics are from "It Just Won't Quit" by Meat Loaf
And
I never really sleep anymore
And I always get those dangerous dreams
And I never get a minute of peace
And gotta wonder what it means
Angel
was tossing around in bed again. His dreams were like sharp knives going through
his skin. Better, it was like being staked endless times, each time closer
to the heart, but never close enough to kill him. The dreams had no intention
to kill him, they only wanted to haunt him, reminding him that he would never
have the one he loved.
Covered
in cold sweat, he sat on the bed, sinking his head into both hands, wanting
to cry out desperately. Wanting to cry her name in ecstasy, wanting to dive
into her body. Wanting and never getting.
He
reached for the glass of water that now he used to keep by his bed. He always
woke thirsty from the dreams, bloody thirsty but he kept trying to fake this
reality by drinking water. When his shaken hand got to the place where the
glass was supposed to be, he found nothing but an empty space. Closing his
tired eyes he cursed in a low voice and started to raise from bed when he
noticed someone standing by the window on the corner of the bedroom. He forced
his eyes and saw her golden hair shining in the moonlight.
"Angel?"
she moaned.
Her
voice was like a horning angel calling him down to earth, calling him back
to a reality he knew was long gone. It had always been like this before, she
just needed to say his name and he would feel like the world had gone mad
and everything was good and safe. He stood still, waiting for what this new
dream reserved him. He saw her hand going up and caressing the scar on her
neck. Angel remembered how soft and tender she tasted, like vanilla, like
heaven and sin. She tasted like happiness, and happiness was not what he deserved.
"What
is happening to me? Why do I keep dreaming of you?" he asked her softly.
Maybe it's nothing and I'm under the weather
Maybe it's just one of those bugs going round
Maybe I'm under a spell and it's magic
Maybe there's a witch doctor with an office in town
She
kept her back turned to him, and pressed her neck again. She bowed her head
to the left and the moonlight bathed her body. Angel saw something dark running
through her fingers, and suddenly the scent of her bloody filled the room,
making impossible for him to stay calm and cold.
There
was an ache on her voice when she spoke:
"I
am bleeding... I am aching and bleeding and you don't even bother touching
me. You did this to me, I let you do this to me cause I though it would make
life easier for both of us, but you do not want to touch me anymore."
Angel
was confused. What had he done to her? And what did she meant with making
life easier? The only way to make it easier for them would be...
Buffy
turned her face to him and Angel let out a cry of despair. Her face was no
longer the soft and shinny face he knew so well. She had a demonic face just
like his own, she was one of his kind. Slowly she started walking him his
direction her black nightgown waving around her tiny frame, her neck stained
with dry blood.
Angel
spoke dryly:
"You're
not really here. I am only dreaming."
She
kept silence, looking deep at his brown eyes and he felt like he was dying.
Again. If she was a dream, maybe he could release his demon in her just this
once, just in this dream. If the powers sent him these dreams, maybe he could
enjoy it a little. Maybe.
Is
this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
A
blessing... This was his reward for all the good deeds he had been doing in
the last years trying to reach his redemption. It had to be a blessing, he
needed it.
Does
it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Nothing
could ever get any worse than this. This longing his felt inside for so many
time was now going to be eased. He raised his hand to touch her. He felt like
a fly attracted to the flames.
Will
it go on forever? Or is it over tonight?
"Forever...
isn't that the whole point?" she asked softly with a smile, her white
teeth almost blinding him .
Does
it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
He
was already sunk into darkness and she had always been his sunlight, his redemption,
his only love. He held her hand strongly pushing her frail body against his
chest. This time he wanted to let her taste the darkness.
Is
it richer than diamonds? Or just cheaper that spit?
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
Suddenly
he realized that something just wasn't right. Although she had the vampiric
sight, she was still warm and tender, and he could hear her faint heart beating.
There must be a catch, he though, a dangerous catch.
Angel
pushed her away and stared at her face. Slowly it began to change in front
of his eyes.
Her
sweet smile changed into a vicious one, her hazel eyes faded into cold green
eyes and Angel found himself holding Darla in his arms. Surprised, he didn't
move when she encircled his neck and kissed him hungrily on the lips.
"Oh,
my boy. I knew you'd surrender to me. That little cheerleader would never
be able to keep us apart for so long."
Hungry
for some relief, Angel kissed Darla back, throwing her on her back in the
bed and sliding his hands all over her body. He felt the desire burning inside
his mind, he felt the demon trying to rise and possess him in all his glory.
It seemed hard to believe, but he felt good.
Darla
laughed and whispered:
"I
knew it. All that love and regret inside you could not resist a night of burning
passion. No love can resist to lust."
And there used to be such an easy way of living
And there used to be every hope in the world
And I used to get everything that I went after
He
felt her fangs getting deeper into his flesh and he knew the demon was closer
to the surface than ever, but he simply couldn't seem to care. He started
to wish for all the things that his former self had once: pleasure, lust,
violent sex... He closed his eyes, his face assuming his demonic sight and
prepared himself to bite her. It was then that he heard her soft crying. It
was not Darla who was crying, for she was still drinking from him. It was
his sunshine standing by the door, looking at him in disbelief. He came back
to reality. He did not want to have lust and empty nights. He wanted Buffy
back, he wanted to be loved. He could not go all the way back to the days
when he was a murder and a sadist torturer. He could not go back into darkness.
But
there never used to be this girl
Ever
since Buffy got into his life he had been struggling with the darkness inside
of him. He had wanted so much to get lost into her just as she had been willing
to give herself to him. He could not let her down now. Not even in his dreams.
He pushed Darla away from him and she disappeared in the air. Angel looked
around, trying to locate Buffy, but she was nowhere to be found. Just like
every night. He kept on searching for her, begging for her to love him, but
he never seemed to find any of these things. Hopelessly, he let his body sank
into bed again, and closed his eyes calling the Powers That Be, asking them
to stop these dreams, to give him some peace of mind.
He
felt something moving beside him and dwelt with himself about opening his
eyes and start this nightmare all over again. He felt a soft hand touching
him on the forehead, and for a few seconds he wished that he could wake up
now.
"Angel...
talk to me. Please, talk to me."
Maybe
I'm crazy and I'm losing my senses
Maybe I'm possessed by a spirit or such
Maybe I'm desperate and I've got no defenses
Can you give me a prescription for that one perfect touch
No,
he though, not again. With his eyes still closed he answered.
"What
do you want this time, Buffy? Make me feel guilty for all my sins? For biting
you? For loving you?"
He
was angry and kept his eyes stubbornly shut as she kept caressing him. This
time no tricks would make his mind wander through hollow places. He was going
to hit this nightmare straight on the face. As she kept silence he continued:
"What
does it boot? You keep coming into my dreams and changing blessed memories
into bitter nightmares. I do not want it anymore. I want you gone. Forever."
Is
this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
"Angel...
yesterday I told you had to go to a shrink to talk about these nightmares.
This situation is not good for none of us." She spoke softly. "You
keep waking up in the middle of the night crying out my name and start with
this non-sense talking about me leaving you alone. When you know that I can't,
that I won't."
Does
it get any better? Can it get any worse?
He
was confused. Every night, she said? Every night since when? What on earth
was happening. He opened his eyes and faced Buffy. An older Buffy, much older.
Her golden hair was already showing some gray shades and she had some wrinkles
around her hazel eyes. He left his hand and touched her chin.
Will
it go on forever? Or is it over tonight?
She
kissed his fingers and asked:
"Were
you dreaming with us, Angel? Drifting into the past?"
He
nodded slightly as his fingers traced the contour of her lips and stopped
at the scar tissue on her neck.
"It
is over, babe." She reassured him.
Angel
sat on the bed and looked around. This was her bedroom in Sunnydale. His head
was so confused...
Does
it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
With
a sight, the former Slayer raised from the bed and walked to the wardrobe
opening it ajar. Angel saw himself on the mirror. His gray hair and his own
wrinkled face. He looked down at his hand and saw the wedding band shinning
on his finger, and suddenly he got it all right. He was smiling openly now,
and Buffy was smiling back at him.
"See...
we do this almost every night, and I am getting tired... Will you please..."
"Go
see a shrink." They both spoke together and started to laugh.
He
raised and walked to her, holding her firmly into his arms.
"Wanna
know something? I'd rather see Giles or Wesley. Maybe they can give me some
answers that this godamned shrink of yours could never give me." He kissed
her lips and asked: "Do you agree with me?"
It's
a stairway to heaven or a subway going down to the pits
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
"Angel...
as long as you give me my blessed sleeping nights back, you can see whom ever
you choose. I wish we were still warriors and could seek knowledge in the
Oracles."
She
let her head rest against his body.
Angel
was playing with her hair and answered:
"If
we were still their warriors I would never be able to wake you up in the middle
of the night, nor see my face in the mirror or wear a wedding band."
He looked at a picture laying on the table next to the bed and added: "And
you would never had blessed me with incredible children."
There was a time when nothing really mattered
There was a time when there was nothing I didn't know
There was a time when I knew just what I was living for
There was a time and the time was a long time ago
She
smiled tenderly at her only love, but when she spoke her voice was determined:
"You.
See. Giles. Tomorrow. I won't last one more day if I don't get to sleep soon."
Angel
tightened his grip around her waist and whispered:
"To
be honest, I don't wanna sleep anymore tonight..."
And I never really sleep anymore ...
+
The End +
