Chapter Five: Reoccurring Nightmares
It was some time later before Buddi opened his eyes. He still felt tormented, embarrassed and cut down. Tears had made his eyes wet. He sat up and wiped them away. Looking around, he recognized where he was. The infirmary in Ursalia. It was called Grubbi's second quarters. He spent a lot of his time here.
The child inhaled and the scent of
disinfectant burned the insides of his nose. It had always smelt clean and of
herbs in the infirmary. Even in Barbic Woods, the scent was the same. The
position of the room was the same too. It was a bit isolated but easily
accessible by Gummies. However, it was harder for enemies. In Barbic Woods it
was a small hut, a bit off from the rest of the living quarters. But you could
easily reach it by taking the path through the trees but human enemies would
have to go up from the ground and that was nearly impossible. Ursa had said
that that was to help shield the sick and wounded should a battle rise up.
Buddi looked around some more. He
was in one of the beds, covered with a light sheet and quilt. He still felt
fresh pain in his wounds so he had not been here very long.
He looked around and immediately
felt a tad scared. Grubbi had removed some disinfectant, spray that stung like
crazy, some special type of thread, and finally the only thing that could make
the cub cry in pain in front of Ursa…
Needles.
He hated shots. He always had and
Ursa had to hold him down when he got his annual ones, every five years. He
remembered that bitterly. Two shots, one to the arm and another directly into
the bone. But what Buddi truly feared was the one that would be given in two
weeks. He had been told about it on his twelfth birthday. Three months after
the Test of Bearhood there were two, one for disease prevention and another for
the muscle development. One to the belly and one to the rump. He winced. He
didn't want any more shots.
'Not a very pleasing sight is it,
Buddi?"
The cub turned and Grubbi walked in,
carrying a bowl of water and cloth. Ursa came in just behind him. He looked at
Ursa.
"What happened?"
She shrugged. "I wish I could tell
you. But no. I don't know. Although if you had listened to me you might
not have gotten hurt like that!"
Buddi lowered his head and Ursa bit
her tongue. He didn't deserve that. He couldn't have known. But Ursa didn't
apologize. She looked at Buddi.
"Buddi…okay, that was harsh." She
said to herself. She turned as the Barbic healer sat down by the cub. "Grubbi
how is he?"
"Let's see." Was the answer she
received.
He grabbed the child's head and
massaged his temples a bit before saying, "Mild concussion, nothing too
serious." He turned to the cub's other injuries and continued, "But quite the
nasty gash on his forehead, a few pretty bad bruises and-" he felt the child's
muzzle which made him whimper in pain. Grubbi shook his head. "Add a broken
nose to the list."
Ursa sighed deeply. "Buddi what in
Gum's name happened to you?"
He shrugged. What did she care? She
must have thought the same as what he heard. He knew that she considered him
'babyish' and immature, she could not have had much respect for him. He didn't
answer.
Ursa sighed. "Buddi, I want you to
have Grubbi patch you up and then meet me in my chambers. I want to talk to
you."
Buddi nodded.
The Barbic leader left the room and
Grubbi set to work.
The first thing he did was wipe the
excess blood from the cub's forehead, using the cloth he'd brought. But then
came the disinfectant, which still stung like mad. Buddi had winced but tried
not to let out any sign other than that that he was in pain. But Grubbi knew
and blew a bit on the cut to dull the sting. But that was not the worst part.
Grubbi left Buddi a moment and then went over to counter saying,
"I need to stitch that, Little
Buddi." He turned around, needle in hand. "But to do that, I need to numb you."
Buddi whimpered. "No, no needles!"
Grubbi smiled and pushed the cub
down, flat on his back. He removed the cover from the syringe's end and then
said, "I know you hate needles, Buddi. But it'll be over in a second. Just
close your eyes and think of something else."
Buddi complied but it didn't help.
He still felt the prick when the needle first entered his forehead and then,
the agonizing pressure as the painkilling solution entered his blood. He could
not help it but he started to whimper. Grubbi tried to finish the insertion as
fast as possible.
Buddi let out a sigh of relief as
Grubbi drew the needle out of his forehead. His forehead felt like rubber now,
numb. Grubbi asked him if he could feel anything and when he answered negative,
he drew out that thread and began to sew the slit close.
Buddi could feel the needle enter
and leave but it didn't inflict any pain. Still he could feel it and that gave
him the creeps. It felt weird. But it did not last very long. Soon, Grubbi was
wrapping a bandage around the stitches and tending to the other wounds.
He applied ice to the bruises to
ease the pain. But they weren't very serious and would fade in time.
But the broken nose was another
story.
Buddi fought down tears as the adult
moved the snapped bones until he heard them set. Then, he bandaged them so that
they held. Grubbi patted the cub's back.
"Good job Buddi." He helped the cub
down from his bed and said, "Now go to Ursa."
Buddi nodded and ran out of the
room. Grubbi watched him. He sighed. The Barbic was no expert but he had seen
the hurt and uncertainty in the child's eyes. He wasn't positive but he knew
that there seemed to be less light in his face. But Grubbi shook it off. It
would most likely fade with time.
* * *
Tap, tap.
"Come in." Ursa called at the knock.
She heard the door creak open and a head popped in.
"You wanna see me, Ursa?"
Ursa gave Buddi a smile. "Come in
Buddi. Don't be so shy!"
He shrugged and walked over to her.
"I didn't want you any angrier."
Ursa patted the bed by her. Buddi
sat down by his guardian. She gave him a smile and polished her sword's blade
again.
"Well, Buddi," she stopped and took
a gaze at her sword's appearance. Seeing her reflection, she nodded in
satisfaction and finished. "I wanted to know if you knew what had happened."
Buddi let his head drop. What would
Ursa do when she found out that he knew what the others thought of him? A
coward. He would never have believed it before but Ursa's current anger
combined with his own self-doubt made those visions he saw become truth to him.
He shook his head negative.
Ursa knew better but also knew that
he needed time. She dropped the subject.
Buddi however, would think of it for
many hours after.
* * *
Celina smiled.
Her visions had worked. Buddi was
crippled as Sunni was. However, Sunni had recovered physically faster as her
injuries had been mere bruises.
But Celina never overlooked
anything. She had one last thing to do that would make sure their confidence
shattered to specks of nothing…
* * *
Buddi ran flat out. He'd never run
so fast in his life. But the jeers still came…. the shouts…the insults.
"Coward!"
"Craven!"
"Weakling!"
Buddi looked around. They came from
everywhere, each mocking insulting….
Ursa, Gritty, Grubbi, Ryo, everyone.
Every Barbic came and shouted in their opinion, always the same degrading
comments.
But then Ursa's final one sliced
open his heart.
"You have no right to carry Barbic
blood in you!"
Those words did it. The child
crumbled, covering his ears and cried….
Buddi sat up, tears streaming from
his eyes. He buried his face into his hands.
"Buddi?"
Buddi jerked his face; tearstains
present on his cheeks, and looked to the source of the voice.
Standing in the doorway was Ursa.
She walked in, sat by the cub and
dried his tears. He clutched her. He didn't want to believe that's what she
believed. He would have given anything to know that he had her respect. But he
knew that he didn't, he never had and never would. So, he took in her smell,
hugged her and cried.
Ursa was shocked but shoved the
child from her, appalled at this display. He never acted this way. By the Great
Gummies, Buddi was stronger than this!
"Buddi Barbic," she hissed
dangerously as she swatted at his cheeks, "You dry those tears."
Buddi wiped at his face, her words
cutting deeper into an already present feeling of worthlessness…salt in an open
wound. He fought to hold his tears in but he was losing. He'd felt mental pain
before but he was always able to take it into his heart and hold it there. But
those cruel words were too much. His own doubt in himself was too high. The
pain was too great.
Buddi cried.
Ursa was horrified. Was it that
painful? She finally gave up trying to be the tough teacher and became the
maternal mother. She held him. She rubbed through his hair, to try and soothe
him. He trembled and she started to sway a tad, almost a rocking motion. He drew
to her. She smiled at him faintly, looked down at the child. Despite his fear,
her pride for him did not diminish. She knew he was strong and no matter what
he looked like now, she was proud of him. She knew even warriors had their
limits to their bravery. She was sure she did but she could not remember the
last time she'd truly been afraid. But then if she was afraid….
She would never reveal that. She
could not think of a pain great enough to make her scream in fear or sorrow.
Buddi clutched her tighter. He
didn't care anymore. He just didn't. He wanted comfort. She could not possibly
think less of him than he was sure she already did. He let her comfort him.
Forget toughness. He was weak.
Buddi and Ursa stayed like that for
at least an hour, one having lost all confidence and one worried beyond belief
for the one thing in the world that meant everything to her and had every ounce
of her love.
* * *
Sunni fell, her heart alive
in her chest.
She heard the bushes part in front
of her.
Gruffi and Grammi looked at her,
eyes dark and merciless.
"Weakling," Gruffi spat.
"Humanoid." Was Grammi's shout.
She screamed and ran again. But once
again her path was blocked, this time by Cubbi and Tummi.
"Some role model," Cubbi's piercing
words.
"More human than Gummi, traitorous,"
were Tummi's.
She howled again and ran to the
east. Zummi and Gusto blocked her path.
"Childish betrayer." Zummi glared at
her, his voice acidic.
"Not worthy of the air you breathe."
Gusto's hit with the strength of a sledgehammer.
Sunni sank to her knees as the
Gummies closed in on her. Her hands clawed over her ears, pressing with such
pressure, she felt her bones bend, deep within her ears. She screamed, tears making waterfalls down
her cheeks.
"STOP! STOP IT!"
Then, someone pried her hands off.
"HUMANOID!"
"WEAKLING!"
"BETRAYER!"
"HUMAN IN A GUMMI!"
"NOT WORTHY!"
"NOT WORTHY!"
"NOT WORTHY!"
Sunni screamed….
"Wake up! Wake up! You're scaring
me!"
Sunni's eyes flew open. Cubbi
stopped shaking her.
The girl sat up fast, her hair
falling around her eyes, drenched with sweat and tears. Cubbi stared at her and
sat on her bed.
"Sunni? What gives, huh?"
The girl didn't reply, just thought
over their words. They…were right. She knew it. She was weak and childish. She was
not worthy! She didn't respect her own background! Sunni fought tears when the
hand tugged her sleeve. Cubbi looked at her with wide bright eyes.
"Can I stay with you until you calm
down?"
Sunni smiled, although it was
forced.
"Y..yeah, sure." She moved over and
Cubbi crawled under her covers and nuzzled near her, his 'sister' figure.
Although, they bickered constantly, he loved her. He hugged her tightly and she
held him right back.
But as she laid down again the tears
came and her small and diminished confidence shattered away into oblivion.