Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or any of its characters. Koichi Tokita and all them do. I do in fact own all the people who own Gundam Wing, though.They're in my basement sweatshop making special episodes of "Gundam X" for me.
P.S. I'm sorry Okashina Okashi fans! Please don't hurt me! The word "Hammerspace" is copyrighted Emi-chan and Tanzy, 2001. Well, not really, but at least I'm giving credit.
P.P.S. This is my first story on fanfiction.net, so I might've submitted it wrong. If that's the case, then a correction is pending.
Click click click. Heero sat hunched over his laptop, typing.
Fredico caressed Carmen's cheek gently. "Don't worry, I won't bite," he
said, smiling faintly. He pressed his lips against her's, warm yet (backspace
backspace backspace) soft and yet (backspace backspace backspace)
"Damnit! Grr. Writer's block. Oh well. Things get nice and steamy pretty
soon, and then I'll have no trouble writing at all. Eh heh heh." He grinned
and shut his laptop.
Meanwhile, in some sandy, deserted area…
A few nuclear missiles clanged against Gundam Shenlong's hull, bouncing
off harmlessly and detonating at its feet, doing absolutely no damage,
because Gundams are awsome and invincible and shiny and even when you try to
self-destruct they still don't destruct and FUNimation is gay and one time my father
molested me.
Wufei casually fired a small bullet, blowing up all three enemy mobile suits. Because he's just that good.
"Ha ha! Die! Er...Well, they're already dead. So what I just said was pointless," Wufei said, talking to no one in particular. Suddenly, he heard a high-pitched mewing. He swiveled in his chair to see a two-foot tall cat-thing gazing innocently up at him, a scroll clenched in its jaws.
"What the hell?" Wufei said. The cat-thing moved forward, nudging the scroll into his hand. He grudgingly took it, swatting the creature away. Opening it, it read:
To Gundam Wing Cast Member:
It has come to our attention that the series GUNDAM WING completely lacks one of two characters that are mandatory for all anime shows. This show is lacking both a cute, lovable cat-creature to get into zany hijinks, and/or a big-busted yet innocent girl who inexplicably has cat-ears. Since the inclusion of either of these characters has been lackadaisically ignored, we have already selected the former for your show. Be mindful that there is a minimum requirement of five wacky hijinks per episode.
Signed,
I.A.R.B.
(Intergalactic Anime Regulation Bureau)
Wufei shrugged and crumpled the letter up, tossing it over his shoulder, where it knocked over his Pepsi, spilling it all over the control panel.
"Shit!" he exclaimed. "Now my keypad will be sticky! Not like it hasn't been before..." He trailed off, then turned to the cat-creature. "You! This is all your fault! Go away! Shoo!" he kicked at it, and it merely scooted back, making a small, cute mewing sound. He growled, throwing his can of Pepsi at it. It leapt up into the air, settling on top of Wufei's head, thus executing the first required comical act. Wufei looked angry, accenting the cat-thing's lovability quite nicely. Finally, Wufei giggled and reached up, picking the little thing off his head. He giggled and pressed it against his chest in an enthusiastic hug.
"Oh, you. You're so lovable and cudly, I just can't resist!"
Meanwhile, in a run-down motel room...
Duo sighed, stuffing his pillow over his face, trying to block the noise of the people in the room next to him. After failing to get to sleep, he reached for his gun in his pocket and started to polish it. After he polished that as much as humanly possible, he polished the bullets as well. He was starting to get tired, but he couldn't get to sleep.
"What can I do? Arrgh!" he cried. Suddenly, in a clatter of steel-toed boots and really, really big guns, the door was kicked down, a squad of shirtless, well-oiled men with fantastic abs standing in the doorway, which was smoking for some inexplicable reason.
Duo lifted an eyebrow. This wasn't a quizzical expression; he was just trying not to stare.
"Uh...What are you doing?"
The head guy stepped up.
"You have been granted access to Hammerspace," the man said, glistening all the while.
"Er.." Duo said, "What's Hammerspace, and was it really necessary to kick
down the door?"
"Sorry about that. Mike here is new, and he gets carried away sometimes. It
was a cool entrance, though, wasn't it?"
Duo nodded. "So what's this Hammerspace thing?"
"Oh, right. You see, in anime, there is a special dimension that only select characters may have access to. This is parallel to whatever Universe you belong to, so it's invisible. It stores any and all objects. That's where those characters get mallets to pound people with when they're mad at them."
"Awesome!" Duo exclaimed. "So can I use it to get some earplugs? The people in the room next to me are shagging like horny bunnies on fresh carpet."
"You must understand that there are certain rules."
"Shoot."
"And don't use rabbit analagies. That's disturbing."
"Alright. So hit me with the rules already."
"Right. First rule: You may only retrieve frivolous or otherwise kawaii objects, and you may only do this in chibi form. Got it? There are very few exceptions to this rule."
"Which would be...?"
"The first is Sailor Moon. She is allowed to use Hammerspace for all her
wands and sceptres and such. You wouldn't want to know where she kept them
before." The man paused, and the entire group shuddered silently before
waiting for their spokesman to proceed. "The other exception is Heero Yuy. He
keeps his gun and laptop in Hammerspace."
Duo blinked.
"Hey! That's not fair! Why's he the only one who gets to do that?" he whined, pouting. The man shuffled a bit.
"Well, he scared the hell out of us."
Duo nodded. Again.
"I see. Well, if I act cute about it, can I get ear plugs still?"
"No."
Duo frowned and pulled out his newly polished handgun.
"Now can I get earplugs?" The guy started to sweat.
"Er....Yeah, sure. Hey, listen, I have to go beat the shit out of Tenchi
Masaki now...What a bastard. See ya later." In a poof of purple-scented smoke
and a mist of glitter, they were gone.
Meanw--Er, I mean not meanwhile, but actually before, out of chronological
order, in a run-down motel room.
Trowa sighed.
"Don't worry, Trowa. I'm sure it happens to lots of guys," Quatre said, patting him on the shoulder as they both gazed..downward.
"I guess I got all dressed up in this schoolgirl outfit for nothing," Quatre commented.
They turned their gaze to the door when the heard...what? It seemed to be a horse neighing. Their door was blasted down, all smoking and stuff. Some unseen choir sung the words "Trojan Man!" as a masked man decked out in Greek armor strode in on a warhorse.
"Greetings, sirs! Looks like your rocket's going to be shooting the moon! I
bring you Trojan latex condoms, ribbed for extra pleasure!" The man winked. You could tell he winked, even though he had a mask covering all of his features. You could just tell.
"We don't need that right now. Thank you for your concern, though," Quatre
said, and, as kindly as possible, pushed him out the door. Well, doorway. No sooner had the man left, another man appeared.
They stared at the man, who was holding a small pharmaseutical bottle filled with blue pills.
"Hi, I'm Bob Dole, and I'm here to tell you about an amazing little pill. It's called Viagra, and is used for temporary allievment of erectile dysfunction. Here, it's on me." He tossed them the bottle. They didn't move to catch it. The bottle unexpectedly hovered in the air for several moments, defying the laws of gravity to wait for someone to pick it up. After about fifteen seconds, it sunk dejectedly to the ground.
"Huh. Well, I guess I'll be going now. Too bad your door was already kicked down. That would've made a really cool entrance." The man named Bob Dole sauntered off.
Quatre almost had time to sigh. But not quite. Because just then, in a clatter of steel-toed boots and really, really big guns, a squad of shirtless, well-oiled men with fantastic abs rushed in. The leader of the group (you could tell he was the leader because he was the shiniest) stepped forward.
"Hey, we hear you were having pro--"
"No, we're fine now, really. Off you go now," Quatre interjected.
"Oh alright. It's a real shame your door was already kicked down, though." They sighed and rushed back out.
"That was...odd," Trowa said.
"Really," Quatre commented as he bent over to pick over the bottle of Viagra.
"A lot of anachronisms, though." Trowa studied him as he bent over.
"Heh heh...Quatre?"
"Yes?"
"Trowa got his groove back."
Quatre giggled. "Yay! Come here, you big hunk of manmeat, you!"
So…You like? Tell me what you think and review. If you don't, I will kill you. Honestly. I'm sitting outside in the tree near your window, watching your every move. So type a review. If nobody does review it, I'll assume either nobody read it or nobody cared. So even if you hated it…That's right. I'm so low in self-esteem that I would feel better even from hate mail. So flame all you want! Or have hot, sticky sex with me! My email is JapanIsWayBetter@canadasucks.com…And my AIM SNs are: Gemdiver45 and Vimaronia. Drop me a line sometimes. It's really lonely up here in this tree. More to come if this is reviewed!
P.S. I'm sorry Okashina Okashi fans! Please don't hurt me! The word "Hammerspace" is copyrighted Emi-chan and Tanzy, 2001. Well, not really, but at least I'm giving credit.
P.P.S. This is my first story on fanfiction.net, so I might've submitted it wrong. If that's the case, then a correction is pending.
Click click click. Heero sat hunched over his laptop, typing.
Fredico caressed Carmen's cheek gently. "Don't worry, I won't bite," he
said, smiling faintly. He pressed his lips against her's, warm yet (backspace
backspace backspace) soft and yet (backspace backspace backspace)
"Damnit! Grr. Writer's block. Oh well. Things get nice and steamy pretty
soon, and then I'll have no trouble writing at all. Eh heh heh." He grinned
and shut his laptop.
Meanwhile, in some sandy, deserted area…
A few nuclear missiles clanged against Gundam Shenlong's hull, bouncing
off harmlessly and detonating at its feet, doing absolutely no damage,
because Gundams are awsome and invincible and shiny and even when you try to
self-destruct they still don't destruct and FUNimation is gay and one time my father
molested me.
Wufei casually fired a small bullet, blowing up all three enemy mobile suits. Because he's just that good.
"Ha ha! Die! Er...Well, they're already dead. So what I just said was pointless," Wufei said, talking to no one in particular. Suddenly, he heard a high-pitched mewing. He swiveled in his chair to see a two-foot tall cat-thing gazing innocently up at him, a scroll clenched in its jaws.
"What the hell?" Wufei said. The cat-thing moved forward, nudging the scroll into his hand. He grudgingly took it, swatting the creature away. Opening it, it read:
To Gundam Wing Cast Member:
It has come to our attention that the series GUNDAM WING completely lacks one of two characters that are mandatory for all anime shows. This show is lacking both a cute, lovable cat-creature to get into zany hijinks, and/or a big-busted yet innocent girl who inexplicably has cat-ears. Since the inclusion of either of these characters has been lackadaisically ignored, we have already selected the former for your show. Be mindful that there is a minimum requirement of five wacky hijinks per episode.
Signed,
I.A.R.B.
(Intergalactic Anime Regulation Bureau)
Wufei shrugged and crumpled the letter up, tossing it over his shoulder, where it knocked over his Pepsi, spilling it all over the control panel.
"Shit!" he exclaimed. "Now my keypad will be sticky! Not like it hasn't been before..." He trailed off, then turned to the cat-creature. "You! This is all your fault! Go away! Shoo!" he kicked at it, and it merely scooted back, making a small, cute mewing sound. He growled, throwing his can of Pepsi at it. It leapt up into the air, settling on top of Wufei's head, thus executing the first required comical act. Wufei looked angry, accenting the cat-thing's lovability quite nicely. Finally, Wufei giggled and reached up, picking the little thing off his head. He giggled and pressed it against his chest in an enthusiastic hug.
"Oh, you. You're so lovable and cudly, I just can't resist!"
Meanwhile, in a run-down motel room...
Duo sighed, stuffing his pillow over his face, trying to block the noise of the people in the room next to him. After failing to get to sleep, he reached for his gun in his pocket and started to polish it. After he polished that as much as humanly possible, he polished the bullets as well. He was starting to get tired, but he couldn't get to sleep.
"What can I do? Arrgh!" he cried. Suddenly, in a clatter of steel-toed boots and really, really big guns, the door was kicked down, a squad of shirtless, well-oiled men with fantastic abs standing in the doorway, which was smoking for some inexplicable reason.
Duo lifted an eyebrow. This wasn't a quizzical expression; he was just trying not to stare.
"Uh...What are you doing?"
The head guy stepped up.
"You have been granted access to Hammerspace," the man said, glistening all the while.
"Er.." Duo said, "What's Hammerspace, and was it really necessary to kick
down the door?"
"Sorry about that. Mike here is new, and he gets carried away sometimes. It
was a cool entrance, though, wasn't it?"
Duo nodded. "So what's this Hammerspace thing?"
"Oh, right. You see, in anime, there is a special dimension that only select characters may have access to. This is parallel to whatever Universe you belong to, so it's invisible. It stores any and all objects. That's where those characters get mallets to pound people with when they're mad at them."
"Awesome!" Duo exclaimed. "So can I use it to get some earplugs? The people in the room next to me are shagging like horny bunnies on fresh carpet."
"You must understand that there are certain rules."
"Shoot."
"And don't use rabbit analagies. That's disturbing."
"Alright. So hit me with the rules already."
"Right. First rule: You may only retrieve frivolous or otherwise kawaii objects, and you may only do this in chibi form. Got it? There are very few exceptions to this rule."
"Which would be...?"
"The first is Sailor Moon. She is allowed to use Hammerspace for all her
wands and sceptres and such. You wouldn't want to know where she kept them
before." The man paused, and the entire group shuddered silently before
waiting for their spokesman to proceed. "The other exception is Heero Yuy. He
keeps his gun and laptop in Hammerspace."
Duo blinked.
"Hey! That's not fair! Why's he the only one who gets to do that?" he whined, pouting. The man shuffled a bit.
"Well, he scared the hell out of us."
Duo nodded. Again.
"I see. Well, if I act cute about it, can I get ear plugs still?"
"No."
Duo frowned and pulled out his newly polished handgun.
"Now can I get earplugs?" The guy started to sweat.
"Er....Yeah, sure. Hey, listen, I have to go beat the shit out of Tenchi
Masaki now...What a bastard. See ya later." In a poof of purple-scented smoke
and a mist of glitter, they were gone.
Meanw--Er, I mean not meanwhile, but actually before, out of chronological
order, in a run-down motel room.
Trowa sighed.
"Don't worry, Trowa. I'm sure it happens to lots of guys," Quatre said, patting him on the shoulder as they both gazed..downward.
"I guess I got all dressed up in this schoolgirl outfit for nothing," Quatre commented.
They turned their gaze to the door when the heard...what? It seemed to be a horse neighing. Their door was blasted down, all smoking and stuff. Some unseen choir sung the words "Trojan Man!" as a masked man decked out in Greek armor strode in on a warhorse.
"Greetings, sirs! Looks like your rocket's going to be shooting the moon! I
bring you Trojan latex condoms, ribbed for extra pleasure!" The man winked. You could tell he winked, even though he had a mask covering all of his features. You could just tell.
"We don't need that right now. Thank you for your concern, though," Quatre
said, and, as kindly as possible, pushed him out the door. Well, doorway. No sooner had the man left, another man appeared.
They stared at the man, who was holding a small pharmaseutical bottle filled with blue pills.
"Hi, I'm Bob Dole, and I'm here to tell you about an amazing little pill. It's called Viagra, and is used for temporary allievment of erectile dysfunction. Here, it's on me." He tossed them the bottle. They didn't move to catch it. The bottle unexpectedly hovered in the air for several moments, defying the laws of gravity to wait for someone to pick it up. After about fifteen seconds, it sunk dejectedly to the ground.
"Huh. Well, I guess I'll be going now. Too bad your door was already kicked down. That would've made a really cool entrance." The man named Bob Dole sauntered off.
Quatre almost had time to sigh. But not quite. Because just then, in a clatter of steel-toed boots and really, really big guns, a squad of shirtless, well-oiled men with fantastic abs rushed in. The leader of the group (you could tell he was the leader because he was the shiniest) stepped forward.
"Hey, we hear you were having pro--"
"No, we're fine now, really. Off you go now," Quatre interjected.
"Oh alright. It's a real shame your door was already kicked down, though." They sighed and rushed back out.
"That was...odd," Trowa said.
"Really," Quatre commented as he bent over to pick over the bottle of Viagra.
"A lot of anachronisms, though." Trowa studied him as he bent over.
"Heh heh...Quatre?"
"Yes?"
"Trowa got his groove back."
Quatre giggled. "Yay! Come here, you big hunk of manmeat, you!"
So…You like? Tell me what you think and review. If you don't, I will kill you. Honestly. I'm sitting outside in the tree near your window, watching your every move. So type a review. If nobody does review it, I'll assume either nobody read it or nobody cared. So even if you hated it…That's right. I'm so low in self-esteem that I would feel better even from hate mail. So flame all you want! Or have hot, sticky sex with me! My email is JapanIsWayBetter@canadasucks.com…And my AIM SNs are: Gemdiver45 and Vimaronia. Drop me a line sometimes. It's really lonely up here in this tree. More to come if this is reviewed!