When She Smiles
I honestly don't know
what possessed me to write this… It's not my best, but it's based on a session
in a role-play I go to, Ravan being my main character in it. Ravan and Rieivan
belong to me, Jacen belongs to the online friend of mine, and Xanatos is based
off the Xanatos created by Jude Watson. Review either way you wish…
This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world,
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her
When she smiles...
----
"It started out so simple," Ravan murmured, softly. Talking to herself. "Look where the entire thing led. They were all right... It's always gonna end in tears with me... It's a curse, isn't it?" she asked the world, the hawk that swooped low into her vision. The clearing was empty, neither Elaina, Bandit, or QuenChai were near. Too early. The pre-dawn breeze brushed a loose strand of ebony hair into her emerald eyes, ignored. The wolves, shying into the woods, had no answer for her, either, though one gently nudged her arm. The Jedi Master smiled a bit, wanly. Forced. The yearling whined a bit, and lay down at her side.
One arm draped loosely over Arwhyn's pale silver coat, a contrast for her beige tunic, and green eyes that seemed so deep they could read your mind, the other wrapped loosely around her still-sore side, Ravan Kaytha-Solo slowly slid into a dark veil of memories that overshadowed most of her thinking, like a coat in the middle of July.
---
How many days in a year?
She woke up with hope, but she only found tears
And I can be so insincere
Making the promises never for real
As long as she stands there watching
Wearin' the holes in the soles of her shoes
How many days disappear?
You look in the mirror, so how do you choose?
---
Numbed, rooted to her place, the child just stared disbelievingly, tarnished ebony hair pulled into a neat braid that hung over her shoulder. Shifting, kicking up the dust that slowly settled over soft leather boots, Ravan stubbornly twisted her head to meet her mother's turquoise eyes.
"Ma, they were wrong in doing it... I couldn't help trying to heal her..." Young as she was, Ravan hadn't had a chance to learn the place of her powers; the Force ran through her so strongly even her mother Rieivan was overwhelmed at teaching her.
"Ravan that's not the point. She didn't ask for help; without permission you shouldn't use it!"
"She needed it!"
"She didn't ask... Sometimes it's a better gift just to let them die, love. Or have someone older take it. Healing isn't always perfect." The half-elven Jedi was still shocked at being reprimanded. She was never yelled at for helping!
I would've known that if you'd actually began teaching me, Ma," she retorted, softly. "Not just small bits and pieces. I need the entire picture."
With a wince, Rieivan kneeled down to her daughter's height. "Ravan, I'll teach you once I finish training Crystalis. It's hard, with two. Give me a year or so." Ravan met her eyes again, silent a moment.
Finally, taking a breath, she spoke. "I do really love you and all, but do one thing, please. Don't make promises you can't keep..." Silently, she turned away from her mother, and walked back towards the place she called home on this planet. Shocked, Rieivan watched her walk away. When had she grown up like this?
---
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say!
This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world,
Though she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...
---
With a soft yelp, Ravan shook herself out of the reverie, then shook her head slightly, with a wry smile. Rieivan never saw when she'd grown up like that, and probably never will. Arwhyn glanced up, with a soft bark, questioning.
Softly, the half-elven Jedi Warrior spoke to the wolf. "If I ever pull what my parents did to me, with my own children, or Padawans, you have all rights and privileges to bite me. Please. No one should deal with that many broken promises, day after day. Lies. As I said, it's a curse..." The yearling growled, low, in the back of her throat. Ravan supposed it was a response. Kind of rusty on the language the wolves spoke here.
"Hey, maybe they were right... It'll all end in tears if I paired up with Master. It already did." Ruefully, she studied her slightly scarred legs, showing through the slit between her leggings and boots, absently sliding back into her memories, ignoring the shadow in the woods, a bare silhouette of a man barely outlined with the early sun.
---
How many lovers would stay?
Just to put up with this sh** day after day?
How did we wind up this way?
Watchin' our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waitin'
Wearin' the clothes on the souls that we choose
How do we get there today?
When we're walkin' too far for the price of our shoes.
---
In the first moment she had since the Sith had come to this small Jedi valley, Ravan just sat back against an old tree, the type totally unknown, studying her surroundings. So. She was being sent to Sinlahekin... Finally. The place she had dreamed of, constantly.
"Is this really the right place?" she demanded of a nearby bird. All it did, of course, was chitter at her in a high pitched giggling sound, and swiftly fly away. Ravan sighed, ruefully. At 12, she had been to Sinlahekin once before, as a slightly younger child, to meet a few resident Jedi. Callista... The name seemed to click deep into her mind. "Weird. I'm suddenly left talking to myself. Fun..." A form broke the treeline, and slowly began walking towards her, interrupting her personal debate.
"You sure about leaving?" Xanatos's voice broke the brisk silence, bluntly. Looking up, silently, his daughter nodded. It was awfully hard to see the resemblance; with his pale features, ice blue eyes, and purely human looks, compared to her dark features, emerald green eyes, and sharp, more elven face.
"It has to be better than here. Besides... It feels right. More like home than this small planet... How long were you listening?" Studying Ravan, Xanatos nodded slightly, with a small smile, completely ignoring her question.
"Afraid you'd say that, Rav." With that, the commanding presence of her father turned away, walking slowly into the bare fringe of forest. "It'll never work out as well this way." Watching his cloaked form disappear, the Jedi bit her lip, and leaned back to her tree again.
"It will. Father, I'll prove you wrong. Nothing ever felt this right... Can't just stay here and wear away anything. More choices than what's presented, y'know..."
---
Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way,
You never seem to run out of things to say!
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her
When she smiles...
---
Her voice trailed off, as the memory faded. Yes, I had second thoughts. Yeah, it also hurt... But it's the best choice of my life... Wouldn't have lived there much longer anyway, if the Council had its way... Seeming calm, Ravan's hand wistfully tugged at a bit of Arwhyn's silver scruff.
"Never try to go into a reverie. Ack. There are many things you don't want to remember, Arwhyn...," she addressed the wolf, who's gold eyes stared up, as if she knew exactly what the Jedi was thinking, to a T. Ravan smiled slightly.
"Never goes in exactly the same way, huh? Even if truth feels right, it hurts..." Trailing off, she shut her eyes tightly. Jacen, the silhouette in the woods, studied her quietly. So. Something was on her mind that she didn't tell him.
---
And your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say!
This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world,
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her
---
Aimlessly, the half-elf absently kicked at the dust of the trail that she followed. Not exactly like she knew where it went; Ravan followed where her body decided to go. Despite the winter chill, she didn't wear a cloak, just her tunic, leggings, and soft knee high leather boots. Completely not caring if she got sick.
It'd be a first, anyway. Never been sick in m'life. Though I'm not gonna test it more than this. Absently tucking a stray lock of hair that escaped her ponytail behind her high pointed ears, the young Warrior swung into a new direction, a completely different path. Completely different life. Sinny is so different... Kinda like a paradise. Wow, I really am a fool, if I fall for the word paradise... Nothing is perfect.
Ravan seriously doubted how well she'd trust anyone any more. Too many broken promises, that she'd be trained back home, never have to leave until her Trials. It took leaving, of all things! That much to get away from the veil of magic and the Force that blanketed the Jedi Valley on Telas. To learn to trust again. That place left it's mark on you...
"Rav? C'mere, want you to meet someone." The voice seemed to appear out of thin air, causing the teen to jerk up her head, straight into an overhanging tree branch. Not noticing the shooting pain, Ravan looked up at Callista, her former Master, then Cal's companion. The woman had dark brown hair, that was mostly pulled up into a bun with stray strands dusting her shoulders. Dark blue eyes gave the effect of kindness, but if you really looked at her, tried to study her through the Force, she seemed afraid of... something. Shrugging it off, Ravan took up a steady jog to the two. "Elaina, this is the infamous Ravan I mentioned."
With a small laugh, the Jedi nodded to herself before greeting her. This woman, presumably a mage, she had an odd... aura..., seemed too familiar, yet not, for her to have met her. But, then again, she felt like a friend already. There's an exception to the rule, I suppose.
---
This is the story of a girl,
Whose pretty face she hid from the would
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her...
---
The silence was too much to hope for, as the breeze slowly picked up, and Arwhyn jumped to her feet, with a volley of howls. Startled, Ravan slid to her feet swiftly, hand on her lightsaber hilt, shaking the hair out of her eyes. In that split second, she'd gone from total silence, to fighter's stance. Scanning the woods, the Jedi smiled faintly, kneeled down, and started to calm down the yearling wolf.
"Arwhyn, it's only Jacen... He's safe, trust me..." Still eyeing the silhouette, more of a person than a shadow as he walked out, Arwhyn slowly sat down, thickly furred tail twitching. Quite calm, still, Jacen met the pair, then kneeled next to Ravan.
"Ar, it's alright, I swear... Rav, you alright?" Looking up, completely taken off guard, she started to nod.
"Reminiscing. Going over memories, I suppose," was her calm reply, voice almost blending into the soft breeze. Raising a brow slightly, Jace nodded.
"That all? Seemed like something was really botherin' 'ya," he murmured absently.
"Mm, yeah, but I think I cleared it up..." Ravan smiled slightly, to herself. "Not all... Mind if we talk later?"
"Nah. Let's go, Ashaia should be waking soon, Rava." With that, Jacen pushed himself up, brushing off grass stains on his pants. He and Ravan had almost exactly the same outfits, typical of Jedi, but he preferred the breezier under tunic, and Ravan went for the slightly tighter leggings, making it eaiser to run. He offered his wife a hand up. Shrugging, she took it, head slightly cocked to one side. He grinned a bit, slipping an arm gently around her waist, aavoiding where he figured a sore spot was. Apparently he'd heard of the battle... "You alright?"
"I... I'm fine. Let's run," she said, quiet. She flashed him a forced grin.
"There's my Rav..." Silently, both disappered back into the forest, in the general direction of the house.
There's never an exact exception to the rule... Everythin' hurts, I guess... Wonder why I even care... Ah, well... Think I can live through more of this. Heh, born to suffer? Maybe, maybe not... Ravan, quit talking to youself.
Jacen cocked his head at her a bit, then shrugged slightly. She'd tell him. He knew she would, Rava always said what was bothering her.
---
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world,
And while she looks to sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles.
---