A Conversation Between Friends

by shel

Amanda and Joe talk about their past, present, and future

SCARECROW & MRS. KING

"A Conversation Between Friends"

by shel

© march 2001

disclaimer: lee stetson, amanda king, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love belong to warner bros. and shoot the moon productions and possible other copyright holders. i certainly intended no infringement on their copyrights; i just wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear…

archiving: fanfiction.net – please ask me first if you'd like to place it elsewhere...

rating: "pg"

summary: amanda and joe talk about their past, present, and future…

time-frame: beginning april, 1988 when the stetson marriage is public knowledge

note: please let me know if you enjoyed it and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…

Amanda stirred at the sound of the doorbell. She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up on the couch. The doorbell rang again and, as the cobwebs in her head cleared, Amanda remembered that she was alone in the house. She peeked through the eyehole in the front door and noticed the figure of a man already retreating down the walk. Quickly opening the door, she called out, "Joe?" The man turned around in surprise and she called out again, "Come on in, Joe."

"I thought you were out," Joe said as he headed in her direction.

As she let him into the foyer, Amanda apologized and stifled a yawn, "I fell asleep and didn't realize the doorbell was ringing. I almost missed you."

Joe followed her into the family room and sat down on the couch next to her. "I didn't mean to disturb you. Should I have called? Of course, I should've called. I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go. It's the middle of a Saturday afternoon, are you sure you're okay? You seem a little pale."

"Joe, is everything all right? You seem a bit nervous. Usually I'm the one who rambles on," Amanda teased with a friendly smile.

Joe smiled and relaxed slightly, "Sorry…So, are you okay? Where is everyone?"

"Lee took the boys to their basketball game and to pizza after," Amanda said as she looked at her watch, "and I guess they should be back pretty soon. Mother's spending the day with friends and won't be home until late." Amanda shrugged and smiled, "I figured I would take advantage of the peace and quiet. Now, what brings you here? I thought you weren't picking up the boys until dinnertime tonight."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Amanda, there's been --"

"Oh, Joe, don't tell me you're canceling," Amanda interrupted.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I know they were looking forward to it but something came --"

Amanda stood up and turned away from Joe. "What is it this time, Joe?"

Joe stood up and touched Amanda on the arm but, when she tensed, he quickly removed his hand. "I'm sorry, it's just that this case I'm working on has snowballed into something so much larger. I have to go to New York tomorrow and interview some new witnesses."

"On a Sunday?"

"It's the only day I could arrange to meet all three witnesses together."

Amanda turned around to face him, "Don't you have assistants who can do that for you?"

"Not this time. It's vital that I be there to do the interview. I've got the 10 AM flight out." Amanda didn't respond and he continued, "Come on, Amanda, it wouldn't be fair to the boys to have them spend the night just to send them home first thing in the morning."

"You promised them," Amanda said quietly. "Dinner, overnight, and a full day. It was supposed to make up for last time."

Joe hung his head, "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't plan on this happening."

"What about Carrie?"

"She's coming with me. She has friends in New York that she hasn't seen in a while."

"I'm not telling them, Joe. I'm --"

"I'm not asking you to," Joe interrupted. "That's why I came over. I figured I could spend the rest of the afternoon with them instead and bring them home after dinner. I didn't remember this morning's game, though."

Amanda sighed and sat down on the couch again. "It's starting all over again, Joe," she said quietly.

"What is?" Joe asked with interest as he sat in the chair opposite her. "Amanda, I didn't plan this. I was looking forward to spending time with the boys. Their schedule's been so busy lately and with Lee now living in the house, I sometimes feel strange asking to spend time with them."

Amanda looked shocked, "Joe, you're their father. You shouldn't ever feel strange about wanting to spending time with them."

"I know but it's harder now that Lee is their stepfather. Sure he sees them all the time because they live together but, well, he still needs to spend quality time with them and with his, your, workload, I know it's hard to schedule so I'm trying not to interfere."

"I can appreciate that, but," Amanda shook her head, "Lee doesn't schedule Philip and Jamie in and they don't schedule him in. If he's around and they're around, they'll simply spend their time together. If you want to spend time with them, Joe, all you have to do is say so."

Joe glared at her, "What, exactly, are you saying, Amanda? That I'm making excuses not to spend time with my own sons?"

"Please don't get defensive," Amanda requested as she looked at him, "I didn't say that. I didn't even think that. I know you love your sons, Joe, and they love you. But I thought things would be different this time around and I see it's starting all over again."

"What is?"

"What does Carrie think about your work?"

"Huh? Where did that come from?"

Amanda got up from the couch, walked to the French doors, and pulled aside the curtains slightly to peer outside. "It's probably easier that she has a career of her own and doesn't have to raise babies but does she mind your late hours? Your sudden changes in plans? Does she always go with you when you have these business trips?"

Joe stared at her in confusion. "No, Carrie doesn't always come with me. I told you, she has friends in New York and it just worked out. What's going on, Amanda? You, of all people, know how important my work is to me. You were my strongest supporter even back in law school. I thought you believed in what I was doing."

"I did," Amanda softly answered, "I just didn't realize the cost."

"What cost?" Joe asked as he joined Amanda by the French doors. Gently, he turned her to face him and was surprised by the tear running down her cheek. "Amanda?"

Amanda wiped the tear away, moved back to the couch, and sat down. "I'm sorry, I seem to be a bit more emotional these days. Caught up in a lot of memories. I didn't mean anything by that."

Joe sat down next to her and said, "I think you did. Come on, Amanda, talk to me. We've always been able to talk to each other."

"Not always," Amanda said, her voice tinged with regret.

Joe sighed, "I feel like I've done something wrong and I'm not even sure what it is. The boys are older now. They'll understand."

Amanda looked down in her lap. "I'm older now and I don't understand."

"Amanda, how can I make it right if you don't tell me what you're thinking?"

Amanda looked at Joe and sighed before beginning, "I'm thinking about a woman, a girl really, barely out of her teens, barely out of college, who married the boy of her dreams and waited for him to finish law school. And while she waited, instead of having a career of her own, she became a mother to two unexpected babies. Unexpected but --"

"We planned on having children," Joe interrupted.

"But not right away. We wanted to wait until after you finished school, remember? Philip came as a shock to us and then, when you were ready to graduate, Jamie came along and surprised us." Joe slowly nodded while he remembered and Amanda continued with her thought, "They were two wonderful babies and that girl loved them with all her heart and never, ever, for one minute, regretted having them. And, she still waited, through the internships and the jobs and late hours and working weekends and business trips until that boy she loved and married left the country to go help people half a world away."

"I thought you understood," Joe quietly said.

"I did," Amanda quickly said. "I do," she added as she caressed his cheek.

Joe took her hand and held it between his own. "Then what is it, Amanda?"

"I was so proud of you, Joe. You were doing so many wonderful things. Helping so many people. But I was all alone, raising two babies. Your babies. I didn't have a job to go to during the day. Those babies were all I knew. I was happy but I still got lost, Joe. And I needed you."

"Why didn't you say something?" Joe asked as he gave her hand a squeeze.

Amanda shook her head slightly, "I did. You just didn't hear."

"I asked you so many times whether you wanted me to come home. Why didn't you say something?"

Amanda removed her hand, "You were doing such wonderful work. I couldn't ask you to give that up."

"I loved you, Amanda," Joe said as he recaptured her hand. "I would've done whatever you wanted."

"I wanted you to want it," Amanda commented as she slipped her hand out again.

Joe was quiet a moment. "Were you testing me? Every phone call, every letter? Every time I came home and asked if I should stay?"

Amanda shook her head, "I wasn't testing you. I would never do that. But I was disappointed. And each time I saw you again…"

"The petty arguments. I thought you were just being stubborn and resistant to change."

"Maybe I am stubborn but I did change, Joe, only we were never together long enough to realize how much," Amanda sighed. "We had such fun while we were dating. And in the beginning our marriage was everything I dreamed it would be. But then real life stepped in and…Joe, once the newlywed glow wore off, we barely spent time together to pick up on each other's little habits. Little quirks…" Amanda smiled briefly, "Everyone does little things that bothers the other person. Lee and I learned that lesson the hard way. Well, he did anyway, but --"

"But what?" Joe interrupted.

"But we never really had the chance to learn that about each other and I changed while you were away. I had two boys who counted on me and I tried the best I could without you."

"I tried too, Amanda, I really did. I tried to be there for you, for them."

"I know, sweetheart, but, in the end, we got so settled in our own routines that we simply weren't the same people we were when we married. We couldn't stay together. You see that, don't you?"

Joe smiled sadly, "I know. It took me a long time to admit that to myself. I felt like such a failure. Still do sometimes."

Amanda quickly reached for his hand, "You are not a failure, Joe King, and never were. I felt the same way too, you know, like I'd failed somehow. But I didn't…we didn't. We had something very special, Joe, something wonderful, and we created two wonderful boys along the way. I wouldn't trade any of it."

"Neither would I," Joe smiled gratefully and held her hand. They were silent a few moments before he spoke up again, "So you think I'm doing it to Carrie and the boys again? Letting my job pull me away from them?" Amanda didn't speak and Joe continued, "I've tried to cut back. Honest. But sometimes things come up and I thought now that the boys were older, they'd have a better understanding of how a job sometimes interferes with a person's life. Do you think they they'll understand?"

Amanda carefully answered, "Joe, until I started looking for a job after the divorce, I was a full-time mother to Philip and Jamie. That meant that I was there every day when they came home from school, every night for homework, attended every play, every game, every fair, every meeting, and, in a way, that spoiled them because on the rare occasions that I did miss something, they became so upset it nearly broke my heart. And I felt so guilty each of those times that I seriously thought about quitting. But quitting my job wouldn't have been right and it wouldn't have been fair. I've had countless talks with them about what happens when the job sometimes has to come first. So, do I think they'll understand? Yes, but they'll still be disappointed. They love you, Joe, and filling you in over the phone about their lives isn't the same as spending time with you."

"So, what do I do? I can't predict when work will change my plans with them."

Amanda shrugged, "I don't know. They're teenagers now and I'm not sure how they'll react. Maybe they'll understand and won't cause any fuss. Maybe they'll be disappointed and you'll have to do a lot of making up to them. But maybe they'll be angry and you'll have to let them be for a while. There's no point in guessing and worrying about it until you've talked to them."

"I guess you're right," Joe quietly agreed. "They haven't had it easy, have they?"

"How do you mean?"

Joe sighed, "They pretty much grew up without a father and they've had to go through so many transitions in their lives."

Amanda nodded as she leaned back into the pillows. "They were so little when their father moved so far away and eventually their grandmother moved in and became a third parent to them. Then they had to adjust to a working mother who couldn't always give them her undivided attention."

Joe continued, "Then I came back into their lives and they had to get used to me all over again. And not long after that I introduced a stepmother to them."

"And Lee had already come into their lives..."

"And then we…they…almost lost you in California," Joe gave a cautious look to Amanda.

Amanda unconsciously tensed as she flashed back through some memories and murmured to herself, "Then we got engaged and Lee became their stepfather and now there's a new..."

"A new what?" Joe asked with interest as he watched Amanda pause, lost in thought. "Amanda?…Amanda?"

"Hmmm?" Amanda turned to Joe. "Did you say something?"

"You said 'a new' but stopped and seemed a million miles away. What's going on?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking about all these changes the boys are going through."

"What were you going to say?" Joe asked anxiously.

Amanda reached over the coffee table to straighten some of the schoolbooks laying there but Joe gently grabbed her hands to stop her. "Joe…" she began without looking at him.

"What's going on, Amanda?"

Amanda slowly looked Joe in the eyes and announced, "I'm pregnant."

"A baby? You're having a baby?" Joe asked in wonder as Amanda nodded. "You're having a baby and then complain to me about how you had to raise two unexpected babies alone?"

"Joe? What are --"

"I don't believe this," Joe exclaimed as he quickly stood up and stalked across the room. Turning back to her, he continued, "How could you be so careless? So irresponsible? Didn't you learn the first time around? How can you complain about what happened to us and then let this happen?"

Amanda, initially shocked by Joe's tirade, stood up as her temper began to flare. "Let this happen? Not that it's any of your business but who says we were careless?"

Joe stared at her with wide eyes. "You mean you planned this? What were you thinking?"

"Maybe we were thinking that we loved each other and wanted to have a child who would be the best of both of us. Maybe we wanted to enlarge our family. Maybe we thought it would be good for Philip and Jamie to have a sibling and experience life as a normal family before they're so old that they move out on their own," Amanda's anger came through despite her calm tone.

"Normal?" Joe questioned in disbelief. "What kind of normal life can you give a child with your jobs?"

"What does that mean?" Amanda asked with her hands on her hips.

"That means you two don't have the world's safest jobs. What about Philip and Jamie? How can you even think of adding a child into the equation?"

"Equation? This equation is called a family, Joe, and the boys are looking forward to this baby. And I don't think you should try lecturing me about parenting. At least we're there for the boys." Joe looked as though he'd just been slapped. Amanda immediately raised a hand to her mouth and practically whispered, "Oh my gosh, Joe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean --"

"No," Joe said as he shook his head, "you're right. I've been out of line. I mean, a few years ago, my job nearly got me killed and I'm just a lawyer."

"You're not just a lawyer, Joe. But, in a way, you're right," Amanda said tenderly, "I mean even policemen and firemen raise families."

Joe looked confused, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with it," Amanda said as she sat down again and invited Joe to do the same next to her. Once he did, she continued, "Joe, one of the main reasons Lee and I found to support our decision to marry was knowing that there are people out there who put their lives on the line every day they go to work. Normal everyday people with normal everyday jobs. Some jobs involve a certain amount of risk and we can't --"

"You don't have everyday jobs, Amanda."

"You're right," Amanda nodded. "There is an added risk in what we do but we also make sure that our family is protected. I assured you before I married Lee that Philip and Jamie would always be protected. I told you that if we ever felt, in even the slightest way, that our family was put in such grave danger that we couldn't protect them, we would reconsider our line of work."

"Amanda --"

"Joe, listen to me," Amanda gently interrupted, "and please understand. This wasn't a decision we made lightly. We did consider the danger, the risks, and also considered the fact that either one of us could step off the curb tomorrow and be hit by a car. You brought up California. Well, that's a perfect example to prove my point. I was shot and nearly died out there and it had absolutely nothing to do with the Agency. The simple truth is, Joe, we wanted to have this baby and are so thrilled that it's really happening."

Joe stood and turned away from her. "But so soon? You were only married two months ago."

"It's not really so soon. Lee and I have been together a long time, Joe," Amanda said as she thought of her year-long secret marriage. "Now that we're married and everyone knows, well, we didn't want to wait any longer."

"What do you mean now that everyone knows?" Joe asked as he turned around to face her again.

Amanda realized her slip and quickly rambled, "I'm sorry, lately it seems I sometimes don't know what I'm saying. I've been driving Lee and the boys crazy but Mother seems to understand. Must be a "mother" thing. And, ever since I found out I was pregnant, I've been doing a lot of reminiscing about my pregnancies with the boys and I guess some memories weren't buried as deep as I'd thought and I've been doing a lot of rambling."

"I'm sorry, too, Amanda. For a lot of things." Amanda reached out her hand to him and he took it in his. Still holding her hand, he sat down next to her and gave her a smile. "I remember once with Philip…I guess you were about six weeks along, that marshmallow incident, the one where you blew up after I'd finished all the --"

"I remember," Amanda interrupted with a smile. "I also remember how we made up."

Joe chuckled and, after a moment, asked, "Why didn't the boys say anything?"

"We asked them not to tell anyone and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anyone else. Except Carrie, of course."

"But why keep it from me? Did you really think I'd be that upset about it?" Amanda raised her eyebrow. "Sorry, I guess I didn't react well. I am surprised the boys didn't say anything on their own."

"I'm glad they didn't. It shows that they're old enough to be trusted with some secrets," Amanda smiled to herself in satisfaction. Then, turning to Joe, she apologized, "I'm sorry, Joe, it's just, well, you remember how I was when I found out I was pregnant both times. I didn't want anyone to know until I finished my first trimester."

"I remember," Joe said with a smile. Then he asked seriously, "Is everything okay, though? There's no problem with the baby, is there?"

Amanda shook her head but smiled at her former husband's sudden concern, "Everything's fine. Really. Just the usual morning sickness which actually isn't too bad this time around. I'm a bit more tired these days because I'm working and Philip and Jamie have had a heavier schedule these day and this being my third pregnancy and being in my late thirties, well, I just wanted to be a little more cautious before announcing it. It'll only be a few more weeks, which actually couldn't come soon enough because Lee's having a harder and harder time keeping it a secret and I started showing even earlier than I did with Jamie and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to hide it."

Joe chuckled again and shook his head in amazement at his former wife's ability to speak paragraphs in one breath. "You look beautiful, as always," he added. "And the boys are really okay?"

Amanda blushing from his compliment, smiled, nodded, and remembered aloud, "Lee couldn't wait to tell them after we found out and blurted it out the second they walked in the door after school. First they grumbled about how could we do this to them and how embarrassing it would be for them but then they thought about it. You know Jamie's always wanted to be an older brother and Philip, well, Philip seems to think having a baby will be a great way for him to meet girls."

Joe laughed at his eldest son's reasoning. "So, when's the baby due?"

"Last week in October, give or take a few days," Amanda answered. "Belated anniversary present," she murmured.

"Anniversary? Amanda, you were just married in February."

Amanda looked up at him in surprise, not realizing she'd spoken aloud. "Sorry, I meant the anniversary of when Lee and I met. It was the first week in October."

"Oh," Joe said quietly. "So, Lee's really excited about this, huh."

Amanda's eyes glowed when she nodded. Quietly, she asked, "Haven't you and Carrie discussed the possibility of having children?"

"Actually," Joe admitted, "no, we haven't. I guess we're happy where we are in our lives. We have our work and we enjoy spending time together and with the boys. Which brings me to something else I wanted to discuss with you." Amanda looked at him with questioning eyes and waited for him to continue. "I know the boys have always spent the holidays with you but I was hoping…Amanda, I was thinking, with Easter break coming up and Carrie and the boys off from school, that maybe I could take them on vacation for the week. Would you mind?"

"That's a wonderful idea, Joe!" Amanda smiled encouragingly. "Did you have anything special in mind?"

Joe shrugged, "Not really, maybe we could go camping, maybe drive up to New York or Boston. I thought I'd ask them for some ideas."

"I think they'll love anything you do simply because they're spending time with you. But…"

"But what about work?" Joe finished for her. Amanda nodded. "I put in for the time off last month but waited until the approval came through before bringing it up with the boys. I really do hate disappointing them."

"I know," Amanda said as she patted Joe on the arm. "Funny," she added thoughtfully, "Maybe we haven't changed all that much from when we were married."

"What do you mean?"

"Your job is still important to you and you still want to help people while I still want a family and a home. The only difference is that now we found the right partners to share those dreams."

"We did, didn't we?" Joe asked rhetorically.

"I did love you."

Joe smiled, "I know. And I loved you. Still do, in fact."

"And I still love you." Amanda smiled back at him. "Always will. But it's different now."

Joe nodded, "We were always great friends. I think the future's going to work out for us. All of us, I mean."

"I don't have any doubts about it and neither should you," Amanda stated.

"I really am glad you're happy, Amanda," Joe reaffirmed after a moment. "That's all I've ever wanted for you."

"And that's all I've wanted for you. You and Carrie are wonderful together and I'm glad you found each other."

"Thank you, Amanda, that means a lot to me," Joe said as he hugged Amanda. "Does this mean we're okay?"

Amanda sniffled in his embrace, "Of course we are."

Joe pulled away and brushed away some tears from Amanda's cheeks. "Happy tears, huh." Amanda nodded sheepishly. "I remember what it was like, all those hor--"

"Don't even think of mentioning the 'h' word," Amanda warned.

Joe laughed at her tease, "Wonder if I should warn Lee…This baby's going to change things for this family, I guess we'll have to see what the future brings and take it one step at a time."

Amanda nodded, "We'll be fine, you'll see. Just have faith." Just then, the kitchen door opened and their sons came bounding into the kitchen tossing a basketball back and forth while Lee trailed behind. "No ball in the house, fellas," she admonished.

"Okay, okay," Jamie grumbled as he held onto the ball he just caught.

"Okay, Mom. Hey, Dad!" Philip exclaimed when he discovered whom his mother was sitting with on the couch.

"Joe," Lee said cordially as he entered the family room.

"Lee," Joe responded as he and Amanda stood up. "So, fellas, how was your game?"

"We won," Philip answered as he rolled his eyes to his father's silly question.

"By one point," Jamie added tiredly. "They had us running all over the court."

Amanda walked over to Lee and kissed him hello. "Tight game all the way, huh?"

"Yeah," Jamie answered distractedly. "Dad, what're you doing here so early?"

After looking to Amanda, who nodded, Joe answered, "Fellas, why don't you sit down? We need to talk."

As the boys went over to the couch, Amanda pulled Lee back towards the kitchen door. "Why don't you tell me all about the game?" She opened the door and gestured Lee outside.

But, as soon as they stepped outside, Lee quietly stated, "He's not taking them tonight."

Amanda shook her head sadly, "He has to fly to New York tomorrow. They'll be okay." After hesitating a moment, she added, "I told him about the baby. I didn't pay attention to what I was saying and it sort of slipped out."

"Well, he would've found out eventually. How'd he take it?"

"About how you expected," Amanda answered, "but he says he's happy for us and he's okay."

"How about you?" Lee asked as he took in his wife's appearance. Caressing her still-damp cheek, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Amanda nodded, "I'm fine, sweetheart, really. Joe and I just talked."

"Just talked?" Lee asked suspiciously.

"Mmm, hmm, just two friends talking," Amanda said as she kissed Lee lightly on the lips.

"Okay," Lee conceded, "while we're out here, why don't we do some talking of our own?"

Amanda smiled as Lee's arm slipped around her waist, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," Lee answered as he kissed her forehead before he led her towards the gazebo, "Why don't we sit down and talk about it?"

Amanda stopped and slid her arms up and around Lee's neck while he tightened his embrace around her waist. "You know, Stetson, I've always enjoyed our talks."

"Me too, Mrs. Stetson, me too," Lee murmured as his covered his wife's lips with his own.

the end