Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium
Episode 2: The Stranger
Written By Guido Cerviche
Rated PG13
[Cue Opening Sequence]
[Fade out on the title screen. The show opens with Speedy and Polly walking back to the parlor with
Guido, Francine, Carla, and GB.]
Polly [to Francine]: So, how did you guys manage without us?
Francine: It was a bit of a struggle, but fortunately my cousin just moved over from New York. He's been
helping us out.
Speedy: Your cousin?
Guido [disgusted] (w/ contempt): Yeah. Jefferson Manx, the self proclaimed "Love Machine". The guy's
a hentai through and through.
Speedy: Sounds like you, Guido.
Guido: I know, that's why I don't like him.
[After walking for a while, they come to the parlor. Before they can open the door however, a young cat in
a black T-shirt, blue shorts, and a Pizza Cat apron comes flying out the window w/ a red hand print on his
face. Holding open the door is a young fox girl, who would be very pretty if her face wasn't contorted in
rage.]
Girl [screaming]: JERK! HENTAI! LEAVE ME ALONE!! [She runs from the parlor, stepping on the
young cat's face as she goes.]
GB: Up to your old tricks, huh Jefferson?
Jefferson [in pain]: Damn that hurt! [Looks up and sees Polly] Oooh yeah! [Leaps to his feet.] Hey there,
pretty lady. What's a sexy thing like you, doing with a bozo like this? [gestures to Speedy]
[The result is rather predicable. Polly delivers a high kick to his face that sends him flying back into the
parlor to impact into far wall.]
Polly [pissed off]: That "bozo" is my husband.
Jefferson [in even more pain than before]: Oh. Thank you for that untimely information…
Speedy: Don't worry. She would've done the same thing if she were still single.
[Polly and the others nod in agreement. As they walk in, Francine peels him off the wall.]
Francine: You'll get used to him eventually. He'd hit on me if we weren't related.
Jefferson: Actually, Francine I believe we're only second cousins. If you ever wanted to we could-
Francine: Stop right there Jeff, before I puke. [glares at him] By the way, you didn't scare that poor girl off
before she had a chance to pay, did you?
Jefferson: No, Fran. I swear! Here! [Hands her a wad off cash.]
Francine [taking the wad and patting him on the head]: Good boy. We don't want a repeat of your first day
here, do we?
Jefferson [wincing in pain at the memory]: Of course not. I promise THAT will never happen again.
Speedy [to GB]: So, GB how did you and Carla enjoy Paris?
GB [in a bad French accent, grinning]: Well, let's just say zat Paris eezn't called ze city of lovers for
nothing!
Polly [grinning]: I take it you two had as much fun as we did.
Carla [giggling]: Oui oui!
Francine [yelling]: Hey, let's go lovebirds! I want you guys back on the clock NOW!
Speedy [groaning, as he walks by Guido]: We gotta get her a new boyfriend.
Francine: I HEARD THAT!
[Speedy clams up and runs in. Guido stands there looking uneasy.]
Guido [pauses for a moment]: Hey Fran, I just remembered I promised to take Lucille out to the movies
tonight.
Francine [annoyed]: Alright, just this once. But be back at a reasonable hour, cause you're not getting any
time off tomorrow.
[Nodding, Guido runs out the door. The rest of the evening progresses as normal. Well, relatively normal
in any case. Eventually night rolls around and everyone goes to bed. Cut to Guido's room, later that night.
Guido is frantically holding the pillow over his head, trying to drown out the noise from Speedy and Polly's
room, right next to his. {Aside from not being able to see them, he might as well be in the same room.
We're talking rice paper walls here.} Finally, he bangs on the wall.]
Guido: Hey, can you two take a cold shower? Some of us are trying to sleep!
Speedy (embarrassed): Sorry!
[Silence follows, and sleep soon comes to all within the parlor. Cut to the Pizza Parlor, the next day.
Speedy and Polly are flirting with each other while the others look on in shock.]
Guido: I gotta admit, marriage has brought out a side of Polly I never saw before.
[The phone rings and Francine answers it. Jefferson taps Polly on her shoulder and says something to her.
What follows is "the Smack Heard 'Round the World", which results in Jefferson leaving another imprint
in the wall beside the one he made yesterday.]
GB [wincing]: That's more like the Polly we know.
[Polly comes storming by, with Speedy following in hot pursuit.]
Carla: What did he say?
Polly [very pissed off]: Don't ask.
Speedy [also very annoyed, to Jefferson]: Really man, that was uncalled for. Not to mention disgusting.
Jefferson [in much pain]: Hey, I was just curious. [Grumbling to himself] Man, she really needs to loosen
up!
Polly: God, why must I constantly be surrounded by perverts?
Speedy (affectionate): Must be the curse of great beauty.
[Polly looks at him and smiles. Their attention, however, is soon diverted to Francine.]
Francine [to the person on the phone]: Wait a second, let me get this straight. You want 10 Deluxe Pizzas,
10 Catbird specials, and 10 orders of garlic breadsticks with extra spicy dipping sauce, and you want it
delivered by Polly Esther? [pause] Well, no. It's just that we don't normally get requests for a specific
delivery person- [pause] No, no, of course I don't want to lose a customer. [pause] Alright, alright. It's a
deal. [hangs up] Did you guys hear that?
Speedy: It's gotta be a trap. Whoever it was probably knew Francine would never pass up an order like
that.
Polly: All the more reason for me to go. If we can figure out who's trying to trick us, and why, we can get
the drop on them before they get us.
Speedy [authoritatively]: No way. They obviously want you to go. I'm not going to let you play right into
their hands.
Polly [annoyed]: Speedy, I can take care of myself.
Speedy: Then I'm going with you.
Polly [voice rising]: No! I don't need a babysitter!
[Speedy starts to argue but decides better. He figures she's probably right. After all Polly is a pretty tough
girl. Besides, he doesn't want to spoil their first few months of marriage by getting into a fight with her.]
Speedy [kissing her passionately]: Just make sure you make it back, ok?
Polly: I promise.
[The order, naturally, is quite heavy. This is not a problem for Polly, but it does prevent the order from
being delivered via the cannon. Thus, Polly is forced to walk to the address on the order slip, which
doesn't do much for her stamina. She finally arrives, and knocks on the door. A figure in a dark blue robe
answers. His hood is up, covering his face.]
Polly: Hi, your food is here.
[Wordlessly, the figure pulls a dagger from his belt and lunges at her. She takes out her own dagger and
parries his blow. The fight continues with a series of parrys, lunges, thrusts, and slashes from both sides.
Finally, Polly trips the figure up. He falls to the ground and Polly crouches over him, holding her dagger at
his throat.]
Polly: You'll have to do better than that.
[The figure seems to grin wickedly. Out of the shadows steps a large, bull-like robot. Polly tries to fight it
off, but is quickly overpowered. It holds her in a full nelson, immobilizing her. The cloaked figure
produces a syringe filled with cloudy liquid. He injects the liquid into Polly's neck, and white fire dances
through her body. Eventually, she loses consciousness and the bioroid flings her limp body over its
shoulder. Grabbing the food with the other hand, it follows the cloaked figure back into the warehouse.]
[Cut to inside the warehouse. The robot and hooded figure walk to the center of the warehouse. A small
circular platform appears beneath their feet and lowers itself into the floor. Underground there is a huge
laboratory. The figure steps off, followed by the bioriod. Walking out of the shadows, approaching the
hooded one, is Seymour "Big" Cheese.]
BC: You got her. Excellent.
[The figure pulls down the hood of his robe. It's Roland Crow.]
Roland: What did I tell you. Piece of cake.
Jerry [stepping forward, beside Cheese]: I'm glad to see you still know where your loyalties are, Roland.
Roland: Like I told you Master Atric, the crows and I are behind you first and foremost.
BC: Are you sure nobody saw you?
Roland: I did an infrared sweep of the area. There was no one there but me, Tauros [gestures to the bull],
and the Pizza Witch.
Jerry: Good work, Roland. You may leave now. Tell no one of our arrangement, and make sure the crows
are ready to move on our say so.
Roland: As you wish, Master Atric. [Exits the way he came, leaving Polly for Cheese and Atric. Tauros is
busy devouring the food.]
BC: All right then, Jer. Let's get her up on the operating table.
Jerry [as they lift Polly onto the table]: I have to admit Cheesy, this plan is so simple it's downright
fiendish!
BC: Yes, I'm sorry I didn't come up with it sooner.
[Cheese grins evilly and his eyes glow red. Fade to black.]
[Cut to an exterior shot of the Pizza Parlor. At the bottom of the screen appear the words "Two Weeks
Later". Cut to inside the Parlor. Everyone inside looks emotionally drained. Speedy seems especially
dead. He's holding a bottle of sake` and his eyes are bloodshot. Everyone jumps as the phone rings.
Speedy answers it. It's Big Al.]
Speedy: Hi, Al.
Big Al: Hi, Speedy. How's everyone holding up?
Speedy: About as well as can be expected. How's the investigation coming?
Big Al: There's just no trail. We searched that warehouse she went to a thousand times, but there's nothing
there.
Speedy: What about some sort of hidden annex, underneath the warehouse? Cheese and Fat Bunny always
had underground hideouts.
Big Al: We looked for signs of that, but there were no entrances or secret passageways that we could find.
It's a very frustrating case, Speedy.
Speedy: I want to be out there, Al. I want to help look for her.
Big Al: Speedy, you know I can't let you do that.
Speedy [getting frustrated]: Al, I'm not just some poor shmuck whose wife was kidnapped. I'm a Samurai
Pizza Cat. I know I can help.
Big Al: I'm not questioning your abilities, Speedy. The fact is you're too close to this case. Hell, I'm too
close. [pauses] Captain Mizuno is a fine officer, and she and her men are working 'round the clock. I
understand your frustration, but there isn't much more we can do.
Speedy (softly): It doesn't make any sense. We haven't even received a ransom call. [squeezes his eyes
shut as tear begin to well up] I shouldn't have let her go. **sobs** She's so damn stubborn- [breaks down
in hysterics]
Big Al: Speedy, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself.
[Speedy continues to cry, but softens up a little.]
Big Al: I'll call you if anything turns up.
Speedy [calming down]: Thanks Al. **sobs** I'll talk to you later.
[Speedy hangs up the phone. He sits down in a chair and takes a long gulp of sake`. Lucille goes over to
comfort him.]
Lucille: It's ok, Speedy. We're here for you. [As Speedy continues to cry, Lucille begins to as well.]
Guido [to Francine]: This might not be the best time to say it, but thank goodness she left her missiles at
home.
[Francine glares at him, but silently agrees. On top of everything they were going through, they did not
need to get blown up as well.]
Francine: Poor Speedy.
Jefferson: Yeah. I don't blame him. If I were married to a hottie like Polly, I'd be torn up too.
[Speedy glares at him just as the phone rings. He answers it.]
Speedy: What is it Al?
[The voice that answers is not Big Al's.]
Voice: Speedy Cerviche?
Speedy: Yes, who is this?
Voice: Never mind that. We have your wife.
Speedy: Listen you bastards, if you've done anything to Polly-
Voice: Your wife is fine, for now. And if you want her to be returned unharmed, you will do exactly what
we say. Meet us by the Great Comet Caper Memorial, with 10,000 dollars in Little Tokyo currency. We'll
meet you there.
Speedy: Let me talk to her. I want to make sure she's ok.
Voice: You may speak to her, when she has been returned to you. Not a minute sooner. And come alone.
If we see just one beat cop with you, you can start making funeral arrangements. [hangs up]
Speedy: Hello? Hello?! [slams the phone down]
Lucille: Speedy, was that the kidnappers?
Speedy: Yeah. They want 10,000 dollars.
Guido: That's strange. Why did they wait so long to call?
Speedy: To terrorize us, probably. [The phone rings again. Speedy answers.] Did you get that Al?
Big Al: Yes we did, Speedy. Unfortunately whoever it was was smart enough to scramble the trace. We
couldn't tell where it was coming from.
Speedy (disappointed): Damn. So, then I guess I have to make the drop.
Big Al: Yeah. Speedy, I'm sending Captain Mizuno and some of her men along to back you up.
Speedy: You can't do that Al. They said they'd kill Polly if I didn't come alone.
Big Al: Speedy for all we know this could be another trap, designed to capture you like they captured Polly.
We don't even know if she's still alive.
Speedy (upset): If she is, you'll be putting her life in danger!
Big Al: Please, Speedy. I promise they will remain out of sight. The kidnappers won't know they're there
until Polly has been handed over.
Speedy [thinks for a moment]: O-okay, Al. Just make sure they stay out of sight.
Big Al: You have my word.
[Once again, Speedy hangs up the phone. Cut to later, by the Memorial. Speedy is there, with a briefcase
filled with money. He waits. Suddenly, a huge van speeds towards him and makes a sharp turn around the
memorial. Speedy looks over and realizes the briefcase is gone. The van sweeps around again, and the
back doors open up. The robed figure from earlier {Roland, unbeknownst to Speedy} tosses a bundle out
on the street. As the van speeds away, Julie Mizuno and the other officers appear, guns blazing, and chase
after the van. Speedy rushes over to the bundle. Wrapped in a few bed sheets is Polly. She's naked and
drugged, but there are no signs of physical abuse.]
Speedy (frantic): Polly? Polly are you ok?
[Polly begins mumbling deliriously. She is completely whacked out.]
Speedy: Jesus, what did they give you?
Cpt. Mizuno [out of breath from trying to catch the van, and running back]: **puff** How is she?
**gasp**
Speedy: I don't know. They doped her up on something. We need to get her to the hospital.
Cpt. Mizuno: Stay with her. I'll call an ambulance.
[Within moments, everyone is at the hospital. Francine, Guido, Lucille, and Big Al, are talking w/ the
doctor.]
Doctor: Don't worry, she'll be fine. She's sustained some bruising around the wrists and ankles, and a
needle mark on her neck, but that's about it. The kidnappers had her on a high dose of morphine, probably
to keep her under control. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to have suffered from any long-term damage. She
should be conscious shortly.
Guido: Knowing Polly, they probably needed enough to tranquilize an elephant. So then she can come
home tomorrow?
Doctor: I didn't say that. Mrs. Cerviche has been almost completely inactive ever since she was kidnapped.
It would probably be best for her to stay here for a few days.
Lucille: We understand doctor. We want what's best for Polly too.
Doctor: Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to.
[The doctor walks away. Cut to Polly's room. Speedy is laying on sheets on the bed, next to Polly. His
hand is draped over her chest. Slowly she opens her eyes and turns her head towards him.]
Speedy (softly): You promised you'd make it back.
Polly (weak): I'm back, aren't I.
Speedy: I meant safely.
Polly: Oh. I'm sorry.
[Speedy grins at her, but a few tears are streaming down his face. Leaning forward, he kisses her on her
forehead. By the time he's done, she's already asleep again. Speedy puts his head down on her pillow and
is soon asleep himself.]
[Cut to a week later. Speedy is sitting with GB, talking.]
Speedy: GB, did you here in there was another robbery last night?
GB: Darn, not another cat burglary?
Speedy: Eh, I never liked the term "cat burglary". It sounds kind of discriminatory.
GB [chuckles]: I can understand why you feel that way. But seriously, how many is that now?
Speedy: Twelve in the past five days. We should probably talk to Francine about beefing up our security,
especially after what happened to Polly. [looks around] By the way, where is Polly?
GB: I think she's talking with Francine about something or other.
[Speedy gets up and wanders around looking for Polly. As he walks towards the room that they share, he
sees Francine standing outside the door. She has a look of disbelief on her face.]
Francine: Are you sure you want to do this, Polly?
Polly [voice from the other side of the door]: I thought you would appreciate this Fran. We'll probably
double repeat business, at least with the male patrons.
Francine: True, but it just seems so… not like you.
Speedy [to Francine]: Hey, Fran. What's going on?
Francine: Oh, Polly's trying on a new waitress uniform.
Polly: Speedy, is that you?
Speedy: Yeah, it's me.
Polly: Oh, great. Thank goodness you're here. Let me ask you something. [She opens the door.] What do
you think?
[Speedy's mouth hits the floor in record time. The new "uniform" that Polly is wearing looks like an
ordinary red waitress uniform. The only thing is, the skirt is about two sizes too short, and the shirt leaves
almost nothing to the imagination.]
Polly: That's just the reaction I'm looking for. [turns to Francine] You see what I told you?
[Francine just grins in disbelief and shakes her head. Polly walks past her shocked husband, into the
restaurant area. Speedy, finally manages to return to his senses and follows her out.]
Speedy: Polly, what are you doing?
Polly [grabbing a notebook and pencil]: Well, Francine said that business has been a little slow lately. Plus
I just felt like changing my wardrobe. [looks up at him] Why? I thought you liked it.
Speedy (quick): No, no, no. It's not that. It's just… I'm not really comfortable with you wearing that
around a lot of people. [starts grinning] Now, if it were just the two of us in the privacy of our bedroom,
then-
[The phone begins ringing, preventing Speedy from continuing the obviously pleasing {to both of them}
scenario he's cooked up. Francine answers it.]
Francine: Samurai Pizza Cats, world famous heroes and world famous pizza! [Her smile quickly turned to a
look of seriousness.] Oh, hi Big Al. [pause] Ninja Crows? What else is new? [pause] Ok, we'll check it
out. Bye. [Hangs up the phone] Guys, we have eight Ninja Crows harassing vendors at the market place
and stealing their stuff.
Guido: Fat Bunny's probably trying to lure us out again.
GB: Not necessarily. It's a relatively small platoon. Might just be a supply raid.
Polly: Even if it is, Don Costanza must need those supplies for a reason. If he's planning anything, this is
our chance to find out what.
Speedy: Whatever the case, we should get moving. We won't learn anything just sitting around, and
speculating. [Calls over to Jefferson Manx] Jeff, charge the cannon.
[Jefferson nods and punches some buttons on the cannon. GB prepares to fly off.]
GB [in the doorway]: I'll meet you there, as usual.
Polly: Just don't start the party without us, GB.
[GB smiles and nods. As he takes flight, the rest of the cats climb into the ovens. Cue the launch
sequence.]
Speedy [to Francine, as they fly through the air]: Hey, Fran?
Francine: Yes, Speedy?
Speedy: Just out of curiosity, how good of a shot is your brother?
Guido [eyes narrow and tired looking]: Judging by the wall up ahead, not very good.
Polly [same, w/ an English accent]: Holmes, you astound me.
Speedy [bracing for the pain]: Oh, sh-
[They all slam into the wall before he can finish. GB looks on with a smirk on his face.]
GB: Fun ride guys?
Speedy [in great pain]: Oh yes, very much. I give it five stars.
Guido [same]: What a coincident. I'm SEEING five stars.
[They quickly spring to their feet as the Ninja Crows run by. The crows stop dead as they see the Pizza
Cats.]
Crow 1: Ack! They're here!
Crow 2 [to Crow 1]: I thought you said they wouldn't bother sending the cats after us.
Speedy: Heh. Every time you Ninja Crows are out, something really bad starts attacking the city. We've
learned to be cautious.
GB: We know you're just on a supply raid. Hell, back when I was a Ninja Crow I must've been on
hundreds. We want to know what Fat Bunny is planning.
Crow 1: Drop dead, traitor!
GB [closing his eyes and smiling]: Make me.
[The young crow lets out a battle cry and leaps at GB. GB calmly swipes his sword at the young crow,
making a huge gash in his armor. GB then delivers a powerful kick to the damaged armor, cracking it open
like a walnut shell and knocking the Ninja Crow out.]
[The rest of the crows dash at the cats, determined to avenge their fallen comrade. They don't have much
luck. Guido notices two crows rushing him from both sides, and jumps. The two crows slam into each
other and are knocked out. Speedy duels with another crow for a very short time before bashing him in the
head with the hilt of his sword. Polly completely decimates one crow with a heart bomb. Francine grabs
her attacker by the neck, lifts him up, and smashes him in the stomach with her elbow until he throws up
and collapses into a useless heap on the ground. GB leaps over another overzealous crow, grabs him by the
shoulders, flips him around and tosses him into the ground. The last remaining crow decides that discretion
is the better part of valor, and flees.]
Polly [running after the crow]: I got him!
[Polly pursues the crow through the streets, with the others trying to catch up. As they turn down another
street, an overturned vending booth blocks Speedy and the others. GB flies over the booth and far ahead,
while Speedy and the others climb over. Further down the street, Polly is helping GB stand up. GB is
clearly dazed, and Polly is limping.]
Speedy: What the hell happened?
Polly [in pain]: I twisted my ankle and he got away. When I got here, GB was down.
GB [to Polly]: I don't remember passing you. But then again, pretty much the only thing I do remember is
flying into a brick. The guy must've decked me as I was coming around the corner.
Speedy [to Polly]: How'd you twist your ankle?
Polly: Oh, I tripped over my own clumsy cat paw.
Speedy: Well, are you ok?
Polly: Yeah, I just need to walk it off. I'm sorry that guy got away.
Speedy: No problem. The important thing is you're all right.
Francine: Let's go back to the parlor. [to GB and Polly] We'll get some ice for you guys.
GB [still holding his head]: Sounds good to me.
[They begin walking back. Polly hangs back for a moment, watching them. A sinister grin spreads over
her face.]
[Commercial Break]
[Cut to an overhead shot of the parlor interior as The Stranger by Billy Joel starts playing. Pan over the
restaurant's interior as the quiet interlude at the beginning plays. When the interlude ends, Polly bursts out
into the restaurant wearing her new uniform. As the vocals begin, the music fades into the background. Cut
to a shot of Speedy and Guido, talking.]
Speedy: Hey Guido, is it just me or is Polly acting different lately?
Guido (dreamily) [staring at Polly, tongue hanging out]: I'll say.
[Speedy's eyes narrow suspiciously and he turns to Guido.]
Speedy (angrily): Hey! Stop oogling my wife! I'm asking for advice here, man!
Guido [shakes his head, snapping out of it]: Sorry man, I just can't stop looking at her in that uniform.
Hell, that thing looks too small for Fran!
[Speedy nods and looks back at Polly. Suddenly his eyes bug out in shock. The camera quickly pans over
to Polly, who is apparently flirting with a customer {a handsome young cat in a business suit}. Speedy
marches over to try and find out what the heck is going on.]
Speedy: Polly, what the heck is going on? What's gotten into you?
Polly [leaning on the table, smiles at Speedy]: Oh, Speedy! Hey, I want to introduce you to a new friend.
Speedy [under his breath]: Some friend!
Chris [extending his hand]: The name's Logan. Chris Logan. You must be the famous, Speedy Cerviche.
Speedy [shaking his hand]: Yes, I am. I see you've already met my wife [stresses wife slightly], Polly.
[As he shakes Chris's hand, Speedy gets a slight tingling sensation traveling up and down his spine. He
ignores it for the moment, but it none-the-less puts him ill at ease.]
Chris: Yes, I have. [glances back in Polly's direction] She's very lovely. You're a lucky man, Mister
Cerviche.
Speedy [trying to remain polite]: Yes, don't I know it. Ah, pardon me but you don't seem familiar. Little
Tokyo isn't actually very little, but it's small enough that I recognize most of our customers.
Chris: Well, actually I've just moved here.
Speedy [nodding]: Really?
Chris: Yes, I transferred here for business. Plan to really shake things up around here.
Speedy: I see. Well, I hope to see you around sometime.
Chris: Count on it. [Glances at Polly again.] I plan to eat most of my meals here.
Speedy [really struggling to remain polite]: Heh, really? That's great. [to Polly] Uh, honey can I see you
for a moment?
[Speedy pulls Polly aside for a moment.]
Speedy: Alright Polly, I'm going to ask you one more time: What the heck is going on?
Polly: What's wrong?
Speedy: What's wrong is that that guy was looking at you like you were a filet mignion and he hadn't eaten
in weeks!
Polly: So? I can take care of myself. You should know that better than anyone.
Speedy: Hey, I don't doubt that. The guy's a suit. He's probably never even seen a samurai sword. I was
just wondering why you didn't deck him to begin with.
Polly: Are you saying I encouraged him?
Speedy: Not in those words, but you didn't do anything to rebuff him either.
Polly: I'm just trying to loosen up a bit. Maybe you should too. [turns away, annoyed] I don't like you
when you're jealous.
[Speedy stares at her for a moment then "hmphs" in frustration. Angrily, he stomps back to Guido.]
Guido: So what happened? Did she tell you what's going on?
Speedy [still frustrated]: Not really. She just said she wanted to loosen up.
Guido: Well, she's certainly done that. Do you think she's trying to get into modeling again? The last time
she tried that it really changed her.
Speedy: Nah, she hasn't said anything about that to me. Besides, this is a completely different change in
personality.
[Guido nods. A yard or so away, Polly drops her pen. Guido, in spite of himself, begins leering as she
bends to pick it up. Speedy responds by quickly and sharply driving his elbow into Guido's stomach.
Guido's eyes bug out of his head, and he drops immediately to the ground.]
[Cut to later that night. The cats are closing up the parlor. The TV is on in the background. Polly hands
Guido and Francine a glass of soda, and Speedy a bottle of water.]
Reporter: I'm here live with Little Tokyo Chief Security Officer Al Dente`, to discuss the recent rash of cat
burglaries in the city. Big Al, it's such a pleasure to have you with us.
Big Al: Well, I'm delighted to be here, Pudding. I'm a very big fan of yours.
Pudding [flattered]: Oh, why thank you.
Guido [shouting over the television]: Hey, look! Big Al's on TV!
Francine [sipping her soda]: Cool! Turn it up.
[Guido turns up the volume.]
Big Al: -and I want to assure everyone that we are devoting our full resources to catching the criminal.
Pudding: That brings us to an interesting question: Is there any truth to the rumor that you will be bringing
the Samurai Pizza Cats in on this case.
Speedy [gulping his water]: Huh! That's the first I've heard of that. [Polly shushes him.]
Big Al: Captain Mizuno and the officers under her command are fully qualified to handle this investigation.
I think bringing in the Pizza Cats for the sole purpose of catching a common thief is a bit overkill. Besides,
these rumors were circulated back when we had very little evidence to go on. But our culprit has become
sloppy and careless: he or she left a partial fingerprint at the scene of the last heist. Our forensics
department is studying the print now, and we expect to have a suspect within the next day or two.
[Francine yawns suddenly, and blinks her eyes heavily.]
Guido: Is something wrong, Fran?
Francine: I don't know. I'm really tired all of the sudden.
Speedy [yawning also]: Yeah, me too.
Jefferson: Are you guys punking out?
[Both Speedy and Francine glare at him, but are too tired to confront him.]
Polly [consolingly]: Why don't you guys get some sleep. We'll clean up the rest of this mess.
Jefferson (slyly): Yeah, don't worry about it Speedy. Polly and I'll take care of business.
[Very calmly, Polly raises a fist and smashes it into Jefferson's face. Jeff soars through the air, impacting
on the far wall and making a third imprint on it right next to the other two.]
Guido [wincing, looking at the imprints]: We should really fill those in.
Speedy: That's more like the Polly I know. Thanks, Pol. I think I will get some sleep.
Francine: Me too. Someone call GB's house to see how he's feeling. He did get bashed in the head after
all.
Guido: No prob, Fran.
Polly: I hope you feel better soon, Speedy. I promise I won't be long.
[She grins seductively at him. Speedy grins back at her, and walks into their room. He's out as soon as his
head hits the pillow.]
[The next morning Speedy slowly wakes up. He rolls over to hug Polly… and realizes she's not there.
Bolting awake, he searches in the bathroom, in the closet, under the bed, in the dresser drawers, even under
the bed lamp, and does not find her. Trying to keep his cool, he dashes out to the restaurant where the
others are already gathered.]
Speedy: Has anybody seen Polly?
Guido: You mean she wasn't with you?
Speedy [slightly annoyed]: Would I be asking you if she was with me?
Francine: Calm down, Speedy. I'm sure that she's fine
Speedy: Well she wouldn't just disappear like this.
Francine: Will you relax? She's fine, you're just over reacting because of that kidnapping scare a few
weeks ago.
Speedy [calming down slightly]: Maybe your right, Fran.
[Speedy makes breakfast and gets ready for work, but he's still disturbed by Polly's absence. GB arrives
for work, and still no Polly. Finally, Speedy starts getting worried again.]
Speedy [worried sick]: Where the heck is she? We should call Big Al, again.
GB: Doesn't a person need to be missing for more than 48 hours before they're declared missing?
Guido: Well, last time Big Al put people on the case right away.
Jefferson: Cool, we're VIPs.
Guido: Shut up.
Francine: Calm down, guys. Arguing isn't going to help.
Speedy: I knew we should've beefed up security.
Francine: Speedy, are you sure Polly didn't go to bed last night.
Speedy: I couldn't say one way or the other Fran, I was out like a light.
Francine: Guido, do you remember what Polly did after you two got done cleaning up?
Guido (agitated): No, I fell asleep right after you guys did. Look, what difference does it make? She
obviously went out after we all went to bed.
[Francine is about to get in his face, but the phone rings. She picks it up and listens for a while. Her face
goes white with shock. Eventually she hangs up the phone.]
GB: What's wrong, Fran?
Francine [stunned]: Big Al said the police found Polly. They placed her under arrest for possession of
stolen property.
Speedy (disbelieving): What?!
Francine: They said she's the cat burglar.
[Cut to Big Al's office]
Speedy: This is ridiculous! Al, you know Polly would never do anything like this!
Big Al [takes a sip of tea]: Believe me Speedy, I'm just as shocked and horrified as you are, but the
evidence is undeniable. Polly was found with the items from last night's robbery in her possession.
Speedy [irate]: What are you, sick? That doesn't prove anything! The real burglar could've planted that
stuff on her.
Big Al [hands the Speedy and the others a copy of a report]: You know that fingerprint I said we found on
the news? We ran it through the database. It matches Polly's perfectly.
Speedy: You guys found this at Mr. Winkle's place? He's one of our biggest customers. Polly delivers
there all the time.
Big Al: Does she go through the window? That's where we found it. Plus, we found blood on some glass
shards at last night's robbery. Polly has a cut on her left foot, and the blood is her type.
Speedy: Look, all I see here is a few semi-convincing pieces of circumstantial evidence. It'll never hold up
in court.
GB [whispering to Guido]: Why's he talking like a defense lawyer all of the sudden?
Guido: He's seen virtually every episode of Law & Order.
Speedy: What about motive? What possible reason could Polly have for stealing.
Big Al [takes deep breath and pauses for a moment]: Drugs.
Speedy: WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me! You know Polly never used drugs.
Big Al: Speedy, we found her in a cheap motel, high on morphine. You could practically smell it a mile
away. She probably got addicted when her kidnappers kept her doped up.
Speedy [fed up, walking out]: I don't have to take this. I'm not going to listen to this crap.
Big Al: Look Speedy, we're prepared to offer Polly special consideration for her years of dedicated service-
Speedy [continuing out]: Get bent, Al.
[Big Al begins getting angry, but Speedy is already out the door. The others soon follow him.]
Speedy: Man, can you guys believe what he was saying about Polly?
[The others look at each other nervously, but don't say anything. Speedy turns and looks at them in
disbelief.]
Speedy: Aw, come on! You don't seriously think she had anything do with this?
Francine: Well, they do have a pretty strong case against her. And even you said she was acting
differently.
GB: She's right, Speedy. Big Al's theory isn't so far fetched-
Speedy [aggravated]: This whole day is unbelievable! You guys are as crazy as Emperor Fred if you think
Polly had anything to do with this.
Guido: Well, what do you think is going on, Speedy?
Speedy: I think that someone is out to frame Polly. Probably the same people who kidnapped her to begin
with.
Jefferson: You've been watching too much X-Files, man.
GB: Come on, Speedy. There's nothing more we can do.
Speedy [calmer]: No, you guys go on back to the parlor. I need some time to think.
[The others nod and walk away. Cut to Polly's cell. She's sitting on the bed, and it looks like she's been
crying. She looks up and a security guard is standing outside.]
Guard: Mrs. Cerviche? You have a visitor.
Polly [wipes away some tears]: Thank you, Ed.
[She sees Speedy walk up and runs up to meet him. She hugs him through the bars, and he kisses her on
the forehead.]
Speedy: How you holding up?
Polly: Well the food at home is better. [She smiles and Speedy chuckles] Are the others here?
Speedy [uneasy]: Uh, no. They went back to the parlor. [Polly looks disappointed.] Polly… They think
you're guilty.
[Polly stares at him blankly for a moment, then brakes down into tears again.]
Polly [bitterly]: What about you? Do you think I did it?
Speedy: Of course not! You know me better than that. [pauses] But it doesn't look good. Big Al has a pile
of evidence against you. Plus you had been acting rather weird since the kidnapping.
Polly: What are you talking about? I haven't been back to the parlor since I made that delivery.
Speedy [confused]: Excuse me?
Polly: Remember the delivery you told me not to make? You were right, I shouldn't have gone. I played
right into their hands.
Speedy: So, you don't remember anything that happened since that night?
Polly: No. After the guy in the cloak and his pet bull knocked me out, the next thing I remember is the
Police slapping cuffs on me.
Speedy [thinks for a moment]: Do you still remember that address?
Polly: Yeah, why?
Speedy [smiling]: I'm gonna do a little P.I. work for you.
[Polly smiles back and hugs him. Cut to later, on the street where Polly was abducted. Speedy observes it
from across the street.]
Speedy: Well, this is the spot, but I don't see anything suspi-
[He ducks behind a corner as a group of Ninja Crows approach the building. After watching them enter,
Speedy rushes back to the building and peaks through the door. He sees a circular platform appear under
the crows and lower them into the ground. When they finally disappear, Speedy approaches the spot.]
Speedy: It's nearly impossible to spot. No wonder the police missed it!
[Speedy steps on the spot, and the platform lowers into the murky depths. Stepping off, Speedy keeps to
the shadows and looks around. He sees Cheese's enormous hi-tech laboratory. He gapes in awe.]
Speedy [awe]: Whoa. What is this place? [He looks around a little more, and eventually spots the master
of the domain.] Cheese!
[Behind Speedy, a figure lurks in the shadows. Lurching forward, it slams a brick into Speedy's head.
Speedy falls to the ground, unconscious. Beside his head steps a black, high heeled leather boot. A
feminine voice chuckles evilly.]
[Commercial Break]
[Speedy is unconscious, tied by his hands and feet to a large metal wheel on the wall. His helmet is
missing, and he's bare-chested. Slowly he opens his eyes. In front of him stands a female cat in a leather
dominatrix outfit. She's stretching a whip in her hands, and looks very eager to whip him into submission.
By far the most disturbing thing about her, however, is that she looks exactly like Polly!]
Speedy [slightly nervous]: Hi, Polly. Look, I like a little sexual role-playing as much as the next guy, but I
didn't know you were into anything this extreme.
Andry: I hate to disappoint you, Speedy, but you have the wrong Polly. You can call me Polly Andry.
Speedy: Cute name. I take it you were the one my friends and I were hosting at the pizza parlor instead of
Polly?
Andry: Looks and brains. I can see what my dear mother sees in you.
Speedy: Uh, you look a bit old to be Polly's daughter. I'd say more like a twin sister.
Andry: Well, we have a very complex relationship, your wife and I.
Speedy [taking a wild guess]: You're a clone, aren't you?
[Polly Andry lashes the whip straight at Speedy, leaving a bright red welt on his shoulder.]
Andry (furious): I ask the questions, knave! Now, what are you doing here?
Speedy [wincing in pain]: Wrong address on a Pizza delivery.
Andry [whiping him again]: Why are you here? Tell me!
[Speedy refuses to talk. Andry whips him again and again and again. Finally, the door opens and Big
Cheese walks in.]
Andry [bowing before him]: Master Cheese.
BC (annoyed): What is he doing here? I thought I told you, no guests.
Andry: It couldn't be helped. I found him snooping about the laboratory, so I decided to bring him to my
playroom. I've been trying to get him to tell me why he's here, but he's so stubborn.
BC (sympathetic): I know exactly how you feel, my dear. If I had to guess, I'd say he's trying to prove that
his beloved Polly is innocent.
Speedy [taunting BC]: What's wrong, Cheese? Running out of ideas? I mean, trying to replace Polly with
an evil clone just seems a little uninspired, even for you.
[His remark angers Andry more than it does Seymour. Enraged, she quickly tosses her dagger at him. It
lands right between Speedy's legs, coming dangerously close to a very sensitive area.]
Speedy: **YELP!** (weakly) Cowabunga!
Cheese [chuckles in amusement]: Laugh all you want, Cerviche. The fact remains that thanks to my little
girl here, we are closer than ever to defeating the Samurai Pizza Cats.
Speedy [scoffs]: In your dreams!
Cheese: Hey, it's true. Miss Andry is a perfect duplicate of your dear wife. She has all her strength, all her
speed, all her moves and all her memories. And without the real Polly to oppose her, your friends are at a
significant disadvantage.
Speedy: So that's why you had her frame Polly. To take her out of the picture so that we'd be weakened
when you guys attacked with Andry.
BC: Partly, yes. Also we needed financing. After all, training is expensive.
Speedy (confused): Training?
[As if on cue, the door opens again. In walk Jerry Atric, Roland Crow, and a regiment of Ninja Crows.]
Roland: Well, well, well. If it isn't the great Speedy Cerviche.
Speedy: Nice to see you too, Roland.
BC: Jerry, how are the preparations coming?
Jerry: We're ready to strike in about an hour. [glances at Speedy] Are you sure it's safe to discuss such
things around him?
BC: Why not? There's nothing he can do about it. The only thing he's good for now is as a playmate for
our little girl.
Andry [leaning in close to Speedy] (purring): Oh yes. We're going to have lots of fun together.
Speedy: Sorry, I prefer originals to cheap imitations.
[Andry snarls at him and slashes his chest with her steel tipped claws. Speedy groans in pain. Andry turns
the wheel so that Speedy is upside down.]
Andry [rabid]: I'll teach you some respect, knave. Call me mistress!
Speedy [blood rushing to his head]: My mistress… is Polly Esther…
[Andry begins whipping him again. And again. And again. And again. She whips him repeatedly and lets
out an Oujousama laugh, clearly enjoying her work. Finally, from the combined trauma of being upside
down and being whipped repeatedly, he passes out. Andry steps back, panting excitedly.]
Roland [sweatdrops] (unnerved): She's, uh… zealous.
BC [grinning]: You have no idea.
Andry [very pleased with herself]: Well, doesn't look like he'll be going anywhere for a while.
Jerry: Don't be too sure, my dear. We are dealing with the infamous Speedy Cerviche after all.
Roland: I'll make sure he stays right here.
BC: Good idea, Roland.
Andry: Well, let's get going. I'm looking forward to playing with the rest of the Pizza Cats.
[Chuckling to themselves, Andry, Cheese and Atrick leave. The camera zooms in on Speedy's
unconscious body, slowly fading to black.]
[The camera fades up on the same room. Speedy is now upright again, and slowly coming to his senses.
It's about half an hour later. Jerry, Andry, and BC are gone. Roland is sitting on a chair in front of Speedy.
Seeing Speedy awaken, he grins evilly.]
Roland: I'll bet you don't feel so superior now, do you cat?
Speedy [chuckling slightly]: Funny, that's exactly what Bad Bird said to me the last time he had me in a
position like this.
Roland: Well, if you're expecting me to get all noble and let you go, you are sorely mistaken my friend.
Speedy: Oh, I wouldn't even think it. I'm gonna get out of this mess on my own.
Roland: Sorry, it ain't gonna happen.
[Speedy continues talking, hoping to distract Roland while he tries to slide his right hand out of its
restraint.]
Speedy: Good will always triumph over evil, Roland.
Roland: You're fooling yourself, Ceviche. There's no escape this time.
Speedy: Heh, that's what you think. I'm gonna break free right now!
Roland: Don't bet on it, fleabag.
[Roland walks over to tighten the restraints. Speedy headbutts him and he staggers forward, stunned.
Speedy finally frees his hand, and punches Roland right in the face. As Roland falls unconscious, Speedy
grabs the keys from his belt and frees himself. After chaining Roland up in his place, Speedy makes his
way out of the base. Along the way he encounters a few Ninja Crows, but he manages to dispatch them
without much difficulty.]
[Cut back to the jail. Polly is sitting in her cell, looking very depressed. Suddenly she hears a tapping at
her window. She looks out it, and sees Speedy.]
Polly: Speedy, what are you doing here?
Speedy: Polly, get on the floor and cover your head. I'll explain everything on the way.
Polly (confused): On the way…
[Realizing what he means, Polly crouches down and covers her head. Outside, Speedy goes into his Cat's
Eye Slash sequence. The blast hits the wall, ripping a hole in her cell. The alarm instantly goes off.]
Polly [upset]: Are you out of your mind?! What the hell are you doing?!
Speedy: I found out who was responsible for the cat burglaries. We need to get to the Pizza Parlor, quickly.
Royal Guard 1 [off camera]: There they are! Don't let them get away!
[Speedy turns to face the guards. There are five of them. Taking Polly's hand he leaps into the air, high
over their heads. He tosses a couple of Ginzu Stars at them, which explode and knock them unconscious.
As Speedy and Polly continue to make their escape, more Royal Guards persue them. Speedy manages to
best each of them in one on one combat, knocking them out with the hilt of his sword. As the last batch of
guards persues them, Speedy tosses a few smoke bombs to evade them.]
[Sometime later, as Speedy and Polly race back to the Pizza Parlor…]
Polly: So, Big Cheese created Polly Andry to impersonate and frame me to weaken the Pizza Cats for his
final assault?
Speedy: Essentially, yes. I think he figures you're the strongest member of our team. Personally, I don't
think he's that far off.
Polly [smiles]: Well, thank you dear.
Speedy: The only thing I can't figure out is why he needed money to train the Ninja Crows. I mean you
remember how much he was willing to pay the Rude Noise to get rid of us, right?
Polly: Well, Cheese isn't exactly known for his wise investment stratigies. He did manage to blow the
whole city's treasury on his evil schemes.
Speedy: That's true.
Polly: Also, that lab you described must've cost a fortune. He probably went into debt to build that thing.
That would also explain why he had the Ninja Crows making supply runs.
Speedy: I think you're right. He must've had Andry dope us up when he heard the police were on to the cat
burgler. That gave Andry plenty of time to sneak out and help them set you up.
Polly: Exactly. [pauses] How much time until the attack?
Speedy: We've got just under 10 minutes. The parlor is still about 5 minutes away.
Polly: We're going to get there too early.
Speedy: Relax. Everything will be ok.
[Cut to the parlor. Guido, Francine, GB, Carla, and Jefferson are sitting around, waiting very worriedly.]
Jefferson: Look, there's no reason to jump to any conclusions. He and Polly are probably just having a
conjugal visit.
[Francine and Carla glare at him. GB and Guido wince at the image.]
Jefferson [geniunly confused]: What?
[At that moment, the doors burst open and Speedy and Polly rush in. The others are surprised to say the
least.]
Guido [disbelief]: What the- Polly, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in jail?
Polly: Speedy busted me out.
Francine [incredulous]: Are you two insane? Why on earth did you come here? This is the first place Big
Al will look when he hears the news.
Speedy: That's the point. Guys, Polly is innocent and I have proof.
GB: You do? Show us!
Speedy: Well… I don't have it with me. It's on its way here actually.
Francine: This is nuts. Do you have any idea what a standoff like this will do to buisness?
Cpt. Mizuno [speaking into a megaphone, outside the Parlor]: SPEEDY AND POLLY CERVICHE, THIS
IS THE POLICE. PLACE YOUR WEAPONS ON THE GROUND AND COME OUT WITH YOUR
HANDS UP! DO NOT MAKE US TAKE YOU BY FORCE.
Carla [nervously]: Guys, maybe you should just go along with them?
Speedy: We just need another 4 minutes, Carla.
[Outside Police have the parlor surrounded. Big Al walks over to talk to Captain Mizuno.]
Cpt. Mizuno: They're not gonna come out, Al. We should go in.
Big Al: I don't want to turn the Pizza Cat into a warzone, Julie.
Cpt. Mizuno: So, we're just going to sit here until they decide to give up? That doesn't seem wise, Sir.
Big Al: Relax, Captain. We're going to give them 2 minutes. Then we'll go in and convince them to
surrender.
[Back inside…]
Guido: What are they waiting for, an engraved invitation?
Speedy: Nah, they're probably just trying to sweat us out.
Carla: I hope they don't try psychological warfare.
Polly: Me neather. Last time they tried that, they blasted Britney Spears at max volume into the guy's
home.
Jefferson: What's wrong with Britney Spears?
GB [glaring at him]: You have a dirty mind.
Jefferson, Francine, and Guido: DUH!
Polly: How much time is left Speedy?
Speedy [looks at the clock]: Just under 3 minutes.
Francine: So Speedy, just what's going to happen in 3 minutes?
Speedy: Just get ready to fight.
[At that moment, the police burst through the doors. Two policemen grab Speedy and Polly, and attempt to
handcuff them.]
Captain Mizuno: Speedy Cerviche, you're under arrest for aiding and abetting in the escape of a criminal.
You have the right to remain silent-
Speedy: I choose to waive that right. [Starts screaming]
Big Al [covering his ears]: Damn, I never knew the boy had a set of lungs like that!
Polly [struggling against the Policeman]: Hey, not so tight! Come on, let me go!
Speedy [now screaming coherently]: Big Al, you've got to listen to me! Polly's innocent, Big Cheese set
her up! I have proof! Just wait another 2 minutes! They're coming! Just give us another-
[And at that point Andry, Tauros, and several Ninja Crows blast their way into the parlor. Everyone in the
parlor turns towards the explosion, alarmed.]
Speedy: You're early.
Andry: My watch is fast.
Big Al [gulps]: Speedy, do you know who this is?
Speedy: Big Al, meet Polly Andry. She's Seymour's latest henchperson. She framed Polly.
Andry: He's right, Al. I admit it. I did it all.
Cpt. Mizuno [aproaches her]: Men, place her under arrest.
[The police officers, however, seem mesmerized by Andry. They don't budge.]
Cpt. Mizuno: Come on! What's wrong with all of you?
Andry: Sex pheremones, honey. A little gift from Masters Cheese and Atrick. Your officers cannot lift a
finger to harm me.
Cpt Mizuno (annoyed) [to herself]: I guess I'll have to do this myself. [to Andry] Polly Andry, I place you
under arrest for burglary. You have the right to-
[At that moment, Andry grabs Julie by her shirt and kisses her right on the lips. The whole rest of the
parlor looks on in shock.]
Polly: Damn. I'm so skanky, and I think I'm a little gay.
[Andry releases a very stunned, and somewhat flushed Julie.]
Andry [to Julie]: Give it a rest.
[With that Andry tosses Julie into the air. She slams down into a table, and is knocked unconscious. The
police suddenly snap out of their spell.]
Big Al: Get them!
[The Ninja Crows manage to defeat a number of police before the Pizza Cats make short work of them.
Guido goes after Tauros, and prooves to be to quick for the robotic bull. After taking numerous hits from
Guido's sword, Tauros begins to show signs of wear and tear. Guido finally finishes him off with a blast
from the sunspot.
[Turning towards the remaining police Andry cracks her whip, creating a series of sonic booms that knock
them over and out like bowling pins. Big Al unsheathes his sword to try and fight her, but she backflip
tosses him into the ground.]
Andry: Later, old man.
GB: Grrr. You're going down!
[GB flies towards Andry, sword ready. Andry lashes her whip around his neck, and swings. GB screams
as his face colides with a wall, and he slumps to the ground.]
Carla: BIRDIE!
[She dashes towards GB to see if he's ok. Andry grabs her and tosses her into the wall. Carla slumps
down beside GB.]
Guido [rushing forward]: Take this you monster!
[Guido slashes his sword at Andry, but Andry leaps out of the way. He slashes at her again, but she
entangles his sword with her whip and pulls it out of his grasp. She high kicks him in the face and he goes
down. She whips him several times, pulls him up and tosses him into a wall.]
Francine: Guido!
[Francine runs over to Guido, but is caught by Andry. Andry lifts her off the ground by her neck.]
Jefferson: Fran!
[He dashes over to help her, but Andry lifts him off the ground by his neck too.]
Andry [to Jefferson]: I'm gonna have some fun with you later, you horny little pervert.
[She then slams his head into Francine's knocking them both out.]
Speedy: Enough! Andry, I'm the one you want.
Andry: In more ways than one, sugar. [cracks her whip]
Speedy: Oh, no you don't. Put that thing away. Let's do this fairly. Sword vs. sword.
Andry [smiling]: Of course. I should've known that's how you'd want to do it. Fine. Sword vs. Sword it
is.
[Andry throws down her whip and twirls around. When she faces Speedy again she's holding a samurai
sword.]
Speedy [gulps]: Where were you hiding that?
[Smiling, Andry rushes forward and attacks Speedy. Speedy parries her first strike, then her second, and
then her third before finally being able to counterstrike. Andry parries his blows easily. She moves like a
whirlwind, knicking him occasionally. Feinting, she slashes a large gash in his armor. He staggers and she
elbows him in the stomach. Speedy doubles up on the ground, and Andry kicks him in the face. She puts
the sword at his throat, and suddenly feels one at hers.]
Polly: Toss it away. [Andry refuses. Polly presses her sword harder against her throat.] Do it!
[Andry tosses the sword away and turns around.]
Andry [seeing it is Polly]: Oh, it's you. For a moment there I was actually worried.
Polly: Cute. How about we settle this.
Andry [chuckles for a moment]: Oh, you're serious? Very well then.
[Polly Esther and Polly Andry assume fighting stances and then rush at each other. For a while they are
fairly evenly matched, each one parrying the other's blows. Then Andry slowly begins to gain the edge,
her ferocity wearing Polly down.]
Andry [Ojousama laugh]: Give up, girl. The best you can hope for is a draw.
Polly: Is that a challenge?
[Polly begins fighting back with equal ferocity and determination. Slowly she begins to dominate. This
flusters Andry immensely, and she loses even more ground to Polly. More and more of Polly's strikes
seem to evade Andry's defenses, as Andry's frustration makes her more and more vulnerable.]
Andry (panicking): No! You can't win! I won't let you!
Polly [determined]: That's right. You won't. I'll do it myself.
Andry [pushes her away] (enraged): I'm going to kill you if it's the last thing I do! [She begins her
finishing move, which appears similar to Polly's except it's jet-black, and crackling with dark energy.]
DARK HEART AWAY!
[Polly retaliates by going into her own finisher. The two moves collide and explode, releasing a fantastic
amount of energy. When the smoke clears, Andry is on the ground in a bloody heap. Her black leather
outfit is cut in forty different places. She is alive, but very badly injured. Polly, miraculously, excaped the
blast mostly unharmed.]
[Polly walks over to Speedy and helps him up.]
Polly: Are you ok?
Speedy: I'll live…
[Big Al groans as he wakes up.]
Speedy: Al! Are you ok?
Big Al: Yeah… I'm fine. [walks over to Andry] Hmph. Old man. Thanks a lot.
Speedy: So, I guess Polly is free now, Al?
Big Al: Huh? Oh yes, of course. [Picks up Andry] Well, I guess I ought to go lock the real cat burglar up.
[glares at Speedy] That is if I can find a section of the jail you didn't blow up, Speedy!
Speedy [sheepish]: Eh, I'm sorry about that Al!
Big Al [walking off]: Hmph. The Princess won't be happy about that. Someone's getting sent to
Prisoner's Island for sure.
[Speedy and Polly look at each other and shrug. Cut to the next day. The parlor has been repaired, for the
most part, and everything is almost back to normal.]
Guido [all bandaged up, talking to Speedy]: Hey, Speedy. You all right?
Speedy [also bandaged]: Yeah, I'm fine. You?
Guido: I'll be ok. [calls over to Polly] Hi, Polly.
[Polly is waiting on tables, and she has no bandages on. She ignores Guido.]
Guido [to Speedy]: So, how long is she going to be like this
Speedy: Well, cut her a break! I mean, you guys were supposed to be her friends and you just abandoned
her.
Guido: We tried to apologize, but she won't even listen to us. I don't want her to be mad at me for the rest
of our lives over this.
Speedy: I'll talk to her about it, ok. But, that's it.
[Guido nods and Speedy heads off to talk to Polly. He finds her in their room, sitting on the bed.]
Speedy: Hey, Polly? Guido wanted me to tell you he's sorry again.
Polly (bitter): I don't have anything to say to Guido, or anyone else for that matter.
Speedy: Oh, come on Polly. How long are you going to stay mad at them?
Polly (annoyed): I don't know, Speedy. I want to forgive them, but I think I need some time away from
them first. Just to work things out.
Speedy: I understand. [pauses] Hey, why don't we spend the weekend in the next village? That way we
can relax, enjoy ourselves and not worry about any akward moments with the others.
Polly (smiles): That sounds nice. You deal with Francine, I'll pack.
[Speedy nods and walks out of the room, while Polly gets out the suitcase. Cut to the jail. Andry is sitting
in her cell, when a guard comes along and unlocks the door.]
Guard: Ok lady, you made bail. Get moving.
[Andry makes her way to the front of the jail, where she claims her things. Outside, she meets the man
who posted bail.]
BC: Good to see you again, my dear.
Andry [drops to her knees]: Forgive me, Master Cheese. I have failed you.
BC: Calm yourself, my dear. We shall do better next time. There is more than one way to skin a Samurai
Pizza Cat.
[With that Cheese and Andry walk out into the street, Andry stretching her whip as she walks. Cut to an
over head shot of them walking through the streets of Little Tokyo. Cue the piano solo of The Stranger by
Billy Joel. Fade out.]
Send comments to Cervichson@aol.com
Visit my website at http/members.tripod.com/GuidoCx17/Emporium.htm
Episode 2: The Stranger
Written By Guido Cerviche
Rated PG13
[Cue Opening Sequence]
[Fade out on the title screen. The show opens with Speedy and Polly walking back to the parlor with
Guido, Francine, Carla, and GB.]
Polly [to Francine]: So, how did you guys manage without us?
Francine: It was a bit of a struggle, but fortunately my cousin just moved over from New York. He's been
helping us out.
Speedy: Your cousin?
Guido [disgusted] (w/ contempt): Yeah. Jefferson Manx, the self proclaimed "Love Machine". The guy's
a hentai through and through.
Speedy: Sounds like you, Guido.
Guido: I know, that's why I don't like him.
[After walking for a while, they come to the parlor. Before they can open the door however, a young cat in
a black T-shirt, blue shorts, and a Pizza Cat apron comes flying out the window w/ a red hand print on his
face. Holding open the door is a young fox girl, who would be very pretty if her face wasn't contorted in
rage.]
Girl [screaming]: JERK! HENTAI! LEAVE ME ALONE!! [She runs from the parlor, stepping on the
young cat's face as she goes.]
GB: Up to your old tricks, huh Jefferson?
Jefferson [in pain]: Damn that hurt! [Looks up and sees Polly] Oooh yeah! [Leaps to his feet.] Hey there,
pretty lady. What's a sexy thing like you, doing with a bozo like this? [gestures to Speedy]
[The result is rather predicable. Polly delivers a high kick to his face that sends him flying back into the
parlor to impact into far wall.]
Polly [pissed off]: That "bozo" is my husband.
Jefferson [in even more pain than before]: Oh. Thank you for that untimely information…
Speedy: Don't worry. She would've done the same thing if she were still single.
[Polly and the others nod in agreement. As they walk in, Francine peels him off the wall.]
Francine: You'll get used to him eventually. He'd hit on me if we weren't related.
Jefferson: Actually, Francine I believe we're only second cousins. If you ever wanted to we could-
Francine: Stop right there Jeff, before I puke. [glares at him] By the way, you didn't scare that poor girl off
before she had a chance to pay, did you?
Jefferson: No, Fran. I swear! Here! [Hands her a wad off cash.]
Francine [taking the wad and patting him on the head]: Good boy. We don't want a repeat of your first day
here, do we?
Jefferson [wincing in pain at the memory]: Of course not. I promise THAT will never happen again.
Speedy [to GB]: So, GB how did you and Carla enjoy Paris?
GB [in a bad French accent, grinning]: Well, let's just say zat Paris eezn't called ze city of lovers for
nothing!
Polly [grinning]: I take it you two had as much fun as we did.
Carla [giggling]: Oui oui!
Francine [yelling]: Hey, let's go lovebirds! I want you guys back on the clock NOW!
Speedy [groaning, as he walks by Guido]: We gotta get her a new boyfriend.
Francine: I HEARD THAT!
[Speedy clams up and runs in. Guido stands there looking uneasy.]
Guido [pauses for a moment]: Hey Fran, I just remembered I promised to take Lucille out to the movies
tonight.
Francine [annoyed]: Alright, just this once. But be back at a reasonable hour, cause you're not getting any
time off tomorrow.
[Nodding, Guido runs out the door. The rest of the evening progresses as normal. Well, relatively normal
in any case. Eventually night rolls around and everyone goes to bed. Cut to Guido's room, later that night.
Guido is frantically holding the pillow over his head, trying to drown out the noise from Speedy and Polly's
room, right next to his. {Aside from not being able to see them, he might as well be in the same room.
We're talking rice paper walls here.} Finally, he bangs on the wall.]
Guido: Hey, can you two take a cold shower? Some of us are trying to sleep!
Speedy (embarrassed): Sorry!
[Silence follows, and sleep soon comes to all within the parlor. Cut to the Pizza Parlor, the next day.
Speedy and Polly are flirting with each other while the others look on in shock.]
Guido: I gotta admit, marriage has brought out a side of Polly I never saw before.
[The phone rings and Francine answers it. Jefferson taps Polly on her shoulder and says something to her.
What follows is "the Smack Heard 'Round the World", which results in Jefferson leaving another imprint
in the wall beside the one he made yesterday.]
GB [wincing]: That's more like the Polly we know.
[Polly comes storming by, with Speedy following in hot pursuit.]
Carla: What did he say?
Polly [very pissed off]: Don't ask.
Speedy [also very annoyed, to Jefferson]: Really man, that was uncalled for. Not to mention disgusting.
Jefferson [in much pain]: Hey, I was just curious. [Grumbling to himself] Man, she really needs to loosen
up!
Polly: God, why must I constantly be surrounded by perverts?
Speedy (affectionate): Must be the curse of great beauty.
[Polly looks at him and smiles. Their attention, however, is soon diverted to Francine.]
Francine [to the person on the phone]: Wait a second, let me get this straight. You want 10 Deluxe Pizzas,
10 Catbird specials, and 10 orders of garlic breadsticks with extra spicy dipping sauce, and you want it
delivered by Polly Esther? [pause] Well, no. It's just that we don't normally get requests for a specific
delivery person- [pause] No, no, of course I don't want to lose a customer. [pause] Alright, alright. It's a
deal. [hangs up] Did you guys hear that?
Speedy: It's gotta be a trap. Whoever it was probably knew Francine would never pass up an order like
that.
Polly: All the more reason for me to go. If we can figure out who's trying to trick us, and why, we can get
the drop on them before they get us.
Speedy [authoritatively]: No way. They obviously want you to go. I'm not going to let you play right into
their hands.
Polly [annoyed]: Speedy, I can take care of myself.
Speedy: Then I'm going with you.
Polly [voice rising]: No! I don't need a babysitter!
[Speedy starts to argue but decides better. He figures she's probably right. After all Polly is a pretty tough
girl. Besides, he doesn't want to spoil their first few months of marriage by getting into a fight with her.]
Speedy [kissing her passionately]: Just make sure you make it back, ok?
Polly: I promise.
[The order, naturally, is quite heavy. This is not a problem for Polly, but it does prevent the order from
being delivered via the cannon. Thus, Polly is forced to walk to the address on the order slip, which
doesn't do much for her stamina. She finally arrives, and knocks on the door. A figure in a dark blue robe
answers. His hood is up, covering his face.]
Polly: Hi, your food is here.
[Wordlessly, the figure pulls a dagger from his belt and lunges at her. She takes out her own dagger and
parries his blow. The fight continues with a series of parrys, lunges, thrusts, and slashes from both sides.
Finally, Polly trips the figure up. He falls to the ground and Polly crouches over him, holding her dagger at
his throat.]
Polly: You'll have to do better than that.
[The figure seems to grin wickedly. Out of the shadows steps a large, bull-like robot. Polly tries to fight it
off, but is quickly overpowered. It holds her in a full nelson, immobilizing her. The cloaked figure
produces a syringe filled with cloudy liquid. He injects the liquid into Polly's neck, and white fire dances
through her body. Eventually, she loses consciousness and the bioroid flings her limp body over its
shoulder. Grabbing the food with the other hand, it follows the cloaked figure back into the warehouse.]
[Cut to inside the warehouse. The robot and hooded figure walk to the center of the warehouse. A small
circular platform appears beneath their feet and lowers itself into the floor. Underground there is a huge
laboratory. The figure steps off, followed by the bioriod. Walking out of the shadows, approaching the
hooded one, is Seymour "Big" Cheese.]
BC: You got her. Excellent.
[The figure pulls down the hood of his robe. It's Roland Crow.]
Roland: What did I tell you. Piece of cake.
Jerry [stepping forward, beside Cheese]: I'm glad to see you still know where your loyalties are, Roland.
Roland: Like I told you Master Atric, the crows and I are behind you first and foremost.
BC: Are you sure nobody saw you?
Roland: I did an infrared sweep of the area. There was no one there but me, Tauros [gestures to the bull],
and the Pizza Witch.
Jerry: Good work, Roland. You may leave now. Tell no one of our arrangement, and make sure the crows
are ready to move on our say so.
Roland: As you wish, Master Atric. [Exits the way he came, leaving Polly for Cheese and Atric. Tauros is
busy devouring the food.]
BC: All right then, Jer. Let's get her up on the operating table.
Jerry [as they lift Polly onto the table]: I have to admit Cheesy, this plan is so simple it's downright
fiendish!
BC: Yes, I'm sorry I didn't come up with it sooner.
[Cheese grins evilly and his eyes glow red. Fade to black.]
[Cut to an exterior shot of the Pizza Parlor. At the bottom of the screen appear the words "Two Weeks
Later". Cut to inside the Parlor. Everyone inside looks emotionally drained. Speedy seems especially
dead. He's holding a bottle of sake` and his eyes are bloodshot. Everyone jumps as the phone rings.
Speedy answers it. It's Big Al.]
Speedy: Hi, Al.
Big Al: Hi, Speedy. How's everyone holding up?
Speedy: About as well as can be expected. How's the investigation coming?
Big Al: There's just no trail. We searched that warehouse she went to a thousand times, but there's nothing
there.
Speedy: What about some sort of hidden annex, underneath the warehouse? Cheese and Fat Bunny always
had underground hideouts.
Big Al: We looked for signs of that, but there were no entrances or secret passageways that we could find.
It's a very frustrating case, Speedy.
Speedy: I want to be out there, Al. I want to help look for her.
Big Al: Speedy, you know I can't let you do that.
Speedy [getting frustrated]: Al, I'm not just some poor shmuck whose wife was kidnapped. I'm a Samurai
Pizza Cat. I know I can help.
Big Al: I'm not questioning your abilities, Speedy. The fact is you're too close to this case. Hell, I'm too
close. [pauses] Captain Mizuno is a fine officer, and she and her men are working 'round the clock. I
understand your frustration, but there isn't much more we can do.
Speedy (softly): It doesn't make any sense. We haven't even received a ransom call. [squeezes his eyes
shut as tear begin to well up] I shouldn't have let her go. **sobs** She's so damn stubborn- [breaks down
in hysterics]
Big Al: Speedy, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself.
[Speedy continues to cry, but softens up a little.]
Big Al: I'll call you if anything turns up.
Speedy [calming down]: Thanks Al. **sobs** I'll talk to you later.
[Speedy hangs up the phone. He sits down in a chair and takes a long gulp of sake`. Lucille goes over to
comfort him.]
Lucille: It's ok, Speedy. We're here for you. [As Speedy continues to cry, Lucille begins to as well.]
Guido [to Francine]: This might not be the best time to say it, but thank goodness she left her missiles at
home.
[Francine glares at him, but silently agrees. On top of everything they were going through, they did not
need to get blown up as well.]
Francine: Poor Speedy.
Jefferson: Yeah. I don't blame him. If I were married to a hottie like Polly, I'd be torn up too.
[Speedy glares at him just as the phone rings. He answers it.]
Speedy: What is it Al?
[The voice that answers is not Big Al's.]
Voice: Speedy Cerviche?
Speedy: Yes, who is this?
Voice: Never mind that. We have your wife.
Speedy: Listen you bastards, if you've done anything to Polly-
Voice: Your wife is fine, for now. And if you want her to be returned unharmed, you will do exactly what
we say. Meet us by the Great Comet Caper Memorial, with 10,000 dollars in Little Tokyo currency. We'll
meet you there.
Speedy: Let me talk to her. I want to make sure she's ok.
Voice: You may speak to her, when she has been returned to you. Not a minute sooner. And come alone.
If we see just one beat cop with you, you can start making funeral arrangements. [hangs up]
Speedy: Hello? Hello?! [slams the phone down]
Lucille: Speedy, was that the kidnappers?
Speedy: Yeah. They want 10,000 dollars.
Guido: That's strange. Why did they wait so long to call?
Speedy: To terrorize us, probably. [The phone rings again. Speedy answers.] Did you get that Al?
Big Al: Yes we did, Speedy. Unfortunately whoever it was was smart enough to scramble the trace. We
couldn't tell where it was coming from.
Speedy (disappointed): Damn. So, then I guess I have to make the drop.
Big Al: Yeah. Speedy, I'm sending Captain Mizuno and some of her men along to back you up.
Speedy: You can't do that Al. They said they'd kill Polly if I didn't come alone.
Big Al: Speedy for all we know this could be another trap, designed to capture you like they captured Polly.
We don't even know if she's still alive.
Speedy (upset): If she is, you'll be putting her life in danger!
Big Al: Please, Speedy. I promise they will remain out of sight. The kidnappers won't know they're there
until Polly has been handed over.
Speedy [thinks for a moment]: O-okay, Al. Just make sure they stay out of sight.
Big Al: You have my word.
[Once again, Speedy hangs up the phone. Cut to later, by the Memorial. Speedy is there, with a briefcase
filled with money. He waits. Suddenly, a huge van speeds towards him and makes a sharp turn around the
memorial. Speedy looks over and realizes the briefcase is gone. The van sweeps around again, and the
back doors open up. The robed figure from earlier {Roland, unbeknownst to Speedy} tosses a bundle out
on the street. As the van speeds away, Julie Mizuno and the other officers appear, guns blazing, and chase
after the van. Speedy rushes over to the bundle. Wrapped in a few bed sheets is Polly. She's naked and
drugged, but there are no signs of physical abuse.]
Speedy (frantic): Polly? Polly are you ok?
[Polly begins mumbling deliriously. She is completely whacked out.]
Speedy: Jesus, what did they give you?
Cpt. Mizuno [out of breath from trying to catch the van, and running back]: **puff** How is she?
**gasp**
Speedy: I don't know. They doped her up on something. We need to get her to the hospital.
Cpt. Mizuno: Stay with her. I'll call an ambulance.
[Within moments, everyone is at the hospital. Francine, Guido, Lucille, and Big Al, are talking w/ the
doctor.]
Doctor: Don't worry, she'll be fine. She's sustained some bruising around the wrists and ankles, and a
needle mark on her neck, but that's about it. The kidnappers had her on a high dose of morphine, probably
to keep her under control. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to have suffered from any long-term damage. She
should be conscious shortly.
Guido: Knowing Polly, they probably needed enough to tranquilize an elephant. So then she can come
home tomorrow?
Doctor: I didn't say that. Mrs. Cerviche has been almost completely inactive ever since she was kidnapped.
It would probably be best for her to stay here for a few days.
Lucille: We understand doctor. We want what's best for Polly too.
Doctor: Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to.
[The doctor walks away. Cut to Polly's room. Speedy is laying on sheets on the bed, next to Polly. His
hand is draped over her chest. Slowly she opens her eyes and turns her head towards him.]
Speedy (softly): You promised you'd make it back.
Polly (weak): I'm back, aren't I.
Speedy: I meant safely.
Polly: Oh. I'm sorry.
[Speedy grins at her, but a few tears are streaming down his face. Leaning forward, he kisses her on her
forehead. By the time he's done, she's already asleep again. Speedy puts his head down on her pillow and
is soon asleep himself.]
[Cut to a week later. Speedy is sitting with GB, talking.]
Speedy: GB, did you here in there was another robbery last night?
GB: Darn, not another cat burglary?
Speedy: Eh, I never liked the term "cat burglary". It sounds kind of discriminatory.
GB [chuckles]: I can understand why you feel that way. But seriously, how many is that now?
Speedy: Twelve in the past five days. We should probably talk to Francine about beefing up our security,
especially after what happened to Polly. [looks around] By the way, where is Polly?
GB: I think she's talking with Francine about something or other.
[Speedy gets up and wanders around looking for Polly. As he walks towards the room that they share, he
sees Francine standing outside the door. She has a look of disbelief on her face.]
Francine: Are you sure you want to do this, Polly?
Polly [voice from the other side of the door]: I thought you would appreciate this Fran. We'll probably
double repeat business, at least with the male patrons.
Francine: True, but it just seems so… not like you.
Speedy [to Francine]: Hey, Fran. What's going on?
Francine: Oh, Polly's trying on a new waitress uniform.
Polly: Speedy, is that you?
Speedy: Yeah, it's me.
Polly: Oh, great. Thank goodness you're here. Let me ask you something. [She opens the door.] What do
you think?
[Speedy's mouth hits the floor in record time. The new "uniform" that Polly is wearing looks like an
ordinary red waitress uniform. The only thing is, the skirt is about two sizes too short, and the shirt leaves
almost nothing to the imagination.]
Polly: That's just the reaction I'm looking for. [turns to Francine] You see what I told you?
[Francine just grins in disbelief and shakes her head. Polly walks past her shocked husband, into the
restaurant area. Speedy, finally manages to return to his senses and follows her out.]
Speedy: Polly, what are you doing?
Polly [grabbing a notebook and pencil]: Well, Francine said that business has been a little slow lately. Plus
I just felt like changing my wardrobe. [looks up at him] Why? I thought you liked it.
Speedy (quick): No, no, no. It's not that. It's just… I'm not really comfortable with you wearing that
around a lot of people. [starts grinning] Now, if it were just the two of us in the privacy of our bedroom,
then-
[The phone begins ringing, preventing Speedy from continuing the obviously pleasing {to both of them}
scenario he's cooked up. Francine answers it.]
Francine: Samurai Pizza Cats, world famous heroes and world famous pizza! [Her smile quickly turned to a
look of seriousness.] Oh, hi Big Al. [pause] Ninja Crows? What else is new? [pause] Ok, we'll check it
out. Bye. [Hangs up the phone] Guys, we have eight Ninja Crows harassing vendors at the market place
and stealing their stuff.
Guido: Fat Bunny's probably trying to lure us out again.
GB: Not necessarily. It's a relatively small platoon. Might just be a supply raid.
Polly: Even if it is, Don Costanza must need those supplies for a reason. If he's planning anything, this is
our chance to find out what.
Speedy: Whatever the case, we should get moving. We won't learn anything just sitting around, and
speculating. [Calls over to Jefferson Manx] Jeff, charge the cannon.
[Jefferson nods and punches some buttons on the cannon. GB prepares to fly off.]
GB [in the doorway]: I'll meet you there, as usual.
Polly: Just don't start the party without us, GB.
[GB smiles and nods. As he takes flight, the rest of the cats climb into the ovens. Cue the launch
sequence.]
Speedy [to Francine, as they fly through the air]: Hey, Fran?
Francine: Yes, Speedy?
Speedy: Just out of curiosity, how good of a shot is your brother?
Guido [eyes narrow and tired looking]: Judging by the wall up ahead, not very good.
Polly [same, w/ an English accent]: Holmes, you astound me.
Speedy [bracing for the pain]: Oh, sh-
[They all slam into the wall before he can finish. GB looks on with a smirk on his face.]
GB: Fun ride guys?
Speedy [in great pain]: Oh yes, very much. I give it five stars.
Guido [same]: What a coincident. I'm SEEING five stars.
[They quickly spring to their feet as the Ninja Crows run by. The crows stop dead as they see the Pizza
Cats.]
Crow 1: Ack! They're here!
Crow 2 [to Crow 1]: I thought you said they wouldn't bother sending the cats after us.
Speedy: Heh. Every time you Ninja Crows are out, something really bad starts attacking the city. We've
learned to be cautious.
GB: We know you're just on a supply raid. Hell, back when I was a Ninja Crow I must've been on
hundreds. We want to know what Fat Bunny is planning.
Crow 1: Drop dead, traitor!
GB [closing his eyes and smiling]: Make me.
[The young crow lets out a battle cry and leaps at GB. GB calmly swipes his sword at the young crow,
making a huge gash in his armor. GB then delivers a powerful kick to the damaged armor, cracking it open
like a walnut shell and knocking the Ninja Crow out.]
[The rest of the crows dash at the cats, determined to avenge their fallen comrade. They don't have much
luck. Guido notices two crows rushing him from both sides, and jumps. The two crows slam into each
other and are knocked out. Speedy duels with another crow for a very short time before bashing him in the
head with the hilt of his sword. Polly completely decimates one crow with a heart bomb. Francine grabs
her attacker by the neck, lifts him up, and smashes him in the stomach with her elbow until he throws up
and collapses into a useless heap on the ground. GB leaps over another overzealous crow, grabs him by the
shoulders, flips him around and tosses him into the ground. The last remaining crow decides that discretion
is the better part of valor, and flees.]
Polly [running after the crow]: I got him!
[Polly pursues the crow through the streets, with the others trying to catch up. As they turn down another
street, an overturned vending booth blocks Speedy and the others. GB flies over the booth and far ahead,
while Speedy and the others climb over. Further down the street, Polly is helping GB stand up. GB is
clearly dazed, and Polly is limping.]
Speedy: What the hell happened?
Polly [in pain]: I twisted my ankle and he got away. When I got here, GB was down.
GB [to Polly]: I don't remember passing you. But then again, pretty much the only thing I do remember is
flying into a brick. The guy must've decked me as I was coming around the corner.
Speedy [to Polly]: How'd you twist your ankle?
Polly: Oh, I tripped over my own clumsy cat paw.
Speedy: Well, are you ok?
Polly: Yeah, I just need to walk it off. I'm sorry that guy got away.
Speedy: No problem. The important thing is you're all right.
Francine: Let's go back to the parlor. [to GB and Polly] We'll get some ice for you guys.
GB [still holding his head]: Sounds good to me.
[They begin walking back. Polly hangs back for a moment, watching them. A sinister grin spreads over
her face.]
[Commercial Break]
[Cut to an overhead shot of the parlor interior as The Stranger by Billy Joel starts playing. Pan over the
restaurant's interior as the quiet interlude at the beginning plays. When the interlude ends, Polly bursts out
into the restaurant wearing her new uniform. As the vocals begin, the music fades into the background. Cut
to a shot of Speedy and Guido, talking.]
Speedy: Hey Guido, is it just me or is Polly acting different lately?
Guido (dreamily) [staring at Polly, tongue hanging out]: I'll say.
[Speedy's eyes narrow suspiciously and he turns to Guido.]
Speedy (angrily): Hey! Stop oogling my wife! I'm asking for advice here, man!
Guido [shakes his head, snapping out of it]: Sorry man, I just can't stop looking at her in that uniform.
Hell, that thing looks too small for Fran!
[Speedy nods and looks back at Polly. Suddenly his eyes bug out in shock. The camera quickly pans over
to Polly, who is apparently flirting with a customer {a handsome young cat in a business suit}. Speedy
marches over to try and find out what the heck is going on.]
Speedy: Polly, what the heck is going on? What's gotten into you?
Polly [leaning on the table, smiles at Speedy]: Oh, Speedy! Hey, I want to introduce you to a new friend.
Speedy [under his breath]: Some friend!
Chris [extending his hand]: The name's Logan. Chris Logan. You must be the famous, Speedy Cerviche.
Speedy [shaking his hand]: Yes, I am. I see you've already met my wife [stresses wife slightly], Polly.
[As he shakes Chris's hand, Speedy gets a slight tingling sensation traveling up and down his spine. He
ignores it for the moment, but it none-the-less puts him ill at ease.]
Chris: Yes, I have. [glances back in Polly's direction] She's very lovely. You're a lucky man, Mister
Cerviche.
Speedy [trying to remain polite]: Yes, don't I know it. Ah, pardon me but you don't seem familiar. Little
Tokyo isn't actually very little, but it's small enough that I recognize most of our customers.
Chris: Well, actually I've just moved here.
Speedy [nodding]: Really?
Chris: Yes, I transferred here for business. Plan to really shake things up around here.
Speedy: I see. Well, I hope to see you around sometime.
Chris: Count on it. [Glances at Polly again.] I plan to eat most of my meals here.
Speedy [really struggling to remain polite]: Heh, really? That's great. [to Polly] Uh, honey can I see you
for a moment?
[Speedy pulls Polly aside for a moment.]
Speedy: Alright Polly, I'm going to ask you one more time: What the heck is going on?
Polly: What's wrong?
Speedy: What's wrong is that that guy was looking at you like you were a filet mignion and he hadn't eaten
in weeks!
Polly: So? I can take care of myself. You should know that better than anyone.
Speedy: Hey, I don't doubt that. The guy's a suit. He's probably never even seen a samurai sword. I was
just wondering why you didn't deck him to begin with.
Polly: Are you saying I encouraged him?
Speedy: Not in those words, but you didn't do anything to rebuff him either.
Polly: I'm just trying to loosen up a bit. Maybe you should too. [turns away, annoyed] I don't like you
when you're jealous.
[Speedy stares at her for a moment then "hmphs" in frustration. Angrily, he stomps back to Guido.]
Guido: So what happened? Did she tell you what's going on?
Speedy [still frustrated]: Not really. She just said she wanted to loosen up.
Guido: Well, she's certainly done that. Do you think she's trying to get into modeling again? The last time
she tried that it really changed her.
Speedy: Nah, she hasn't said anything about that to me. Besides, this is a completely different change in
personality.
[Guido nods. A yard or so away, Polly drops her pen. Guido, in spite of himself, begins leering as she
bends to pick it up. Speedy responds by quickly and sharply driving his elbow into Guido's stomach.
Guido's eyes bug out of his head, and he drops immediately to the ground.]
[Cut to later that night. The cats are closing up the parlor. The TV is on in the background. Polly hands
Guido and Francine a glass of soda, and Speedy a bottle of water.]
Reporter: I'm here live with Little Tokyo Chief Security Officer Al Dente`, to discuss the recent rash of cat
burglaries in the city. Big Al, it's such a pleasure to have you with us.
Big Al: Well, I'm delighted to be here, Pudding. I'm a very big fan of yours.
Pudding [flattered]: Oh, why thank you.
Guido [shouting over the television]: Hey, look! Big Al's on TV!
Francine [sipping her soda]: Cool! Turn it up.
[Guido turns up the volume.]
Big Al: -and I want to assure everyone that we are devoting our full resources to catching the criminal.
Pudding: That brings us to an interesting question: Is there any truth to the rumor that you will be bringing
the Samurai Pizza Cats in on this case.
Speedy [gulping his water]: Huh! That's the first I've heard of that. [Polly shushes him.]
Big Al: Captain Mizuno and the officers under her command are fully qualified to handle this investigation.
I think bringing in the Pizza Cats for the sole purpose of catching a common thief is a bit overkill. Besides,
these rumors were circulated back when we had very little evidence to go on. But our culprit has become
sloppy and careless: he or she left a partial fingerprint at the scene of the last heist. Our forensics
department is studying the print now, and we expect to have a suspect within the next day or two.
[Francine yawns suddenly, and blinks her eyes heavily.]
Guido: Is something wrong, Fran?
Francine: I don't know. I'm really tired all of the sudden.
Speedy [yawning also]: Yeah, me too.
Jefferson: Are you guys punking out?
[Both Speedy and Francine glare at him, but are too tired to confront him.]
Polly [consolingly]: Why don't you guys get some sleep. We'll clean up the rest of this mess.
Jefferson (slyly): Yeah, don't worry about it Speedy. Polly and I'll take care of business.
[Very calmly, Polly raises a fist and smashes it into Jefferson's face. Jeff soars through the air, impacting
on the far wall and making a third imprint on it right next to the other two.]
Guido [wincing, looking at the imprints]: We should really fill those in.
Speedy: That's more like the Polly I know. Thanks, Pol. I think I will get some sleep.
Francine: Me too. Someone call GB's house to see how he's feeling. He did get bashed in the head after
all.
Guido: No prob, Fran.
Polly: I hope you feel better soon, Speedy. I promise I won't be long.
[She grins seductively at him. Speedy grins back at her, and walks into their room. He's out as soon as his
head hits the pillow.]
[The next morning Speedy slowly wakes up. He rolls over to hug Polly… and realizes she's not there.
Bolting awake, he searches in the bathroom, in the closet, under the bed, in the dresser drawers, even under
the bed lamp, and does not find her. Trying to keep his cool, he dashes out to the restaurant where the
others are already gathered.]
Speedy: Has anybody seen Polly?
Guido: You mean she wasn't with you?
Speedy [slightly annoyed]: Would I be asking you if she was with me?
Francine: Calm down, Speedy. I'm sure that she's fine
Speedy: Well she wouldn't just disappear like this.
Francine: Will you relax? She's fine, you're just over reacting because of that kidnapping scare a few
weeks ago.
Speedy [calming down slightly]: Maybe your right, Fran.
[Speedy makes breakfast and gets ready for work, but he's still disturbed by Polly's absence. GB arrives
for work, and still no Polly. Finally, Speedy starts getting worried again.]
Speedy [worried sick]: Where the heck is she? We should call Big Al, again.
GB: Doesn't a person need to be missing for more than 48 hours before they're declared missing?
Guido: Well, last time Big Al put people on the case right away.
Jefferson: Cool, we're VIPs.
Guido: Shut up.
Francine: Calm down, guys. Arguing isn't going to help.
Speedy: I knew we should've beefed up security.
Francine: Speedy, are you sure Polly didn't go to bed last night.
Speedy: I couldn't say one way or the other Fran, I was out like a light.
Francine: Guido, do you remember what Polly did after you two got done cleaning up?
Guido (agitated): No, I fell asleep right after you guys did. Look, what difference does it make? She
obviously went out after we all went to bed.
[Francine is about to get in his face, but the phone rings. She picks it up and listens for a while. Her face
goes white with shock. Eventually she hangs up the phone.]
GB: What's wrong, Fran?
Francine [stunned]: Big Al said the police found Polly. They placed her under arrest for possession of
stolen property.
Speedy (disbelieving): What?!
Francine: They said she's the cat burglar.
[Cut to Big Al's office]
Speedy: This is ridiculous! Al, you know Polly would never do anything like this!
Big Al [takes a sip of tea]: Believe me Speedy, I'm just as shocked and horrified as you are, but the
evidence is undeniable. Polly was found with the items from last night's robbery in her possession.
Speedy [irate]: What are you, sick? That doesn't prove anything! The real burglar could've planted that
stuff on her.
Big Al [hands the Speedy and the others a copy of a report]: You know that fingerprint I said we found on
the news? We ran it through the database. It matches Polly's perfectly.
Speedy: You guys found this at Mr. Winkle's place? He's one of our biggest customers. Polly delivers
there all the time.
Big Al: Does she go through the window? That's where we found it. Plus, we found blood on some glass
shards at last night's robbery. Polly has a cut on her left foot, and the blood is her type.
Speedy: Look, all I see here is a few semi-convincing pieces of circumstantial evidence. It'll never hold up
in court.
GB [whispering to Guido]: Why's he talking like a defense lawyer all of the sudden?
Guido: He's seen virtually every episode of Law & Order.
Speedy: What about motive? What possible reason could Polly have for stealing.
Big Al [takes deep breath and pauses for a moment]: Drugs.
Speedy: WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me! You know Polly never used drugs.
Big Al: Speedy, we found her in a cheap motel, high on morphine. You could practically smell it a mile
away. She probably got addicted when her kidnappers kept her doped up.
Speedy [fed up, walking out]: I don't have to take this. I'm not going to listen to this crap.
Big Al: Look Speedy, we're prepared to offer Polly special consideration for her years of dedicated service-
Speedy [continuing out]: Get bent, Al.
[Big Al begins getting angry, but Speedy is already out the door. The others soon follow him.]
Speedy: Man, can you guys believe what he was saying about Polly?
[The others look at each other nervously, but don't say anything. Speedy turns and looks at them in
disbelief.]
Speedy: Aw, come on! You don't seriously think she had anything do with this?
Francine: Well, they do have a pretty strong case against her. And even you said she was acting
differently.
GB: She's right, Speedy. Big Al's theory isn't so far fetched-
Speedy [aggravated]: This whole day is unbelievable! You guys are as crazy as Emperor Fred if you think
Polly had anything to do with this.
Guido: Well, what do you think is going on, Speedy?
Speedy: I think that someone is out to frame Polly. Probably the same people who kidnapped her to begin
with.
Jefferson: You've been watching too much X-Files, man.
GB: Come on, Speedy. There's nothing more we can do.
Speedy [calmer]: No, you guys go on back to the parlor. I need some time to think.
[The others nod and walk away. Cut to Polly's cell. She's sitting on the bed, and it looks like she's been
crying. She looks up and a security guard is standing outside.]
Guard: Mrs. Cerviche? You have a visitor.
Polly [wipes away some tears]: Thank you, Ed.
[She sees Speedy walk up and runs up to meet him. She hugs him through the bars, and he kisses her on
the forehead.]
Speedy: How you holding up?
Polly: Well the food at home is better. [She smiles and Speedy chuckles] Are the others here?
Speedy [uneasy]: Uh, no. They went back to the parlor. [Polly looks disappointed.] Polly… They think
you're guilty.
[Polly stares at him blankly for a moment, then brakes down into tears again.]
Polly [bitterly]: What about you? Do you think I did it?
Speedy: Of course not! You know me better than that. [pauses] But it doesn't look good. Big Al has a pile
of evidence against you. Plus you had been acting rather weird since the kidnapping.
Polly: What are you talking about? I haven't been back to the parlor since I made that delivery.
Speedy [confused]: Excuse me?
Polly: Remember the delivery you told me not to make? You were right, I shouldn't have gone. I played
right into their hands.
Speedy: So, you don't remember anything that happened since that night?
Polly: No. After the guy in the cloak and his pet bull knocked me out, the next thing I remember is the
Police slapping cuffs on me.
Speedy [thinks for a moment]: Do you still remember that address?
Polly: Yeah, why?
Speedy [smiling]: I'm gonna do a little P.I. work for you.
[Polly smiles back and hugs him. Cut to later, on the street where Polly was abducted. Speedy observes it
from across the street.]
Speedy: Well, this is the spot, but I don't see anything suspi-
[He ducks behind a corner as a group of Ninja Crows approach the building. After watching them enter,
Speedy rushes back to the building and peaks through the door. He sees a circular platform appear under
the crows and lower them into the ground. When they finally disappear, Speedy approaches the spot.]
Speedy: It's nearly impossible to spot. No wonder the police missed it!
[Speedy steps on the spot, and the platform lowers into the murky depths. Stepping off, Speedy keeps to
the shadows and looks around. He sees Cheese's enormous hi-tech laboratory. He gapes in awe.]
Speedy [awe]: Whoa. What is this place? [He looks around a little more, and eventually spots the master
of the domain.] Cheese!
[Behind Speedy, a figure lurks in the shadows. Lurching forward, it slams a brick into Speedy's head.
Speedy falls to the ground, unconscious. Beside his head steps a black, high heeled leather boot. A
feminine voice chuckles evilly.]
[Commercial Break]
[Speedy is unconscious, tied by his hands and feet to a large metal wheel on the wall. His helmet is
missing, and he's bare-chested. Slowly he opens his eyes. In front of him stands a female cat in a leather
dominatrix outfit. She's stretching a whip in her hands, and looks very eager to whip him into submission.
By far the most disturbing thing about her, however, is that she looks exactly like Polly!]
Speedy [slightly nervous]: Hi, Polly. Look, I like a little sexual role-playing as much as the next guy, but I
didn't know you were into anything this extreme.
Andry: I hate to disappoint you, Speedy, but you have the wrong Polly. You can call me Polly Andry.
Speedy: Cute name. I take it you were the one my friends and I were hosting at the pizza parlor instead of
Polly?
Andry: Looks and brains. I can see what my dear mother sees in you.
Speedy: Uh, you look a bit old to be Polly's daughter. I'd say more like a twin sister.
Andry: Well, we have a very complex relationship, your wife and I.
Speedy [taking a wild guess]: You're a clone, aren't you?
[Polly Andry lashes the whip straight at Speedy, leaving a bright red welt on his shoulder.]
Andry (furious): I ask the questions, knave! Now, what are you doing here?
Speedy [wincing in pain]: Wrong address on a Pizza delivery.
Andry [whiping him again]: Why are you here? Tell me!
[Speedy refuses to talk. Andry whips him again and again and again. Finally, the door opens and Big
Cheese walks in.]
Andry [bowing before him]: Master Cheese.
BC (annoyed): What is he doing here? I thought I told you, no guests.
Andry: It couldn't be helped. I found him snooping about the laboratory, so I decided to bring him to my
playroom. I've been trying to get him to tell me why he's here, but he's so stubborn.
BC (sympathetic): I know exactly how you feel, my dear. If I had to guess, I'd say he's trying to prove that
his beloved Polly is innocent.
Speedy [taunting BC]: What's wrong, Cheese? Running out of ideas? I mean, trying to replace Polly with
an evil clone just seems a little uninspired, even for you.
[His remark angers Andry more than it does Seymour. Enraged, she quickly tosses her dagger at him. It
lands right between Speedy's legs, coming dangerously close to a very sensitive area.]
Speedy: **YELP!** (weakly) Cowabunga!
Cheese [chuckles in amusement]: Laugh all you want, Cerviche. The fact remains that thanks to my little
girl here, we are closer than ever to defeating the Samurai Pizza Cats.
Speedy [scoffs]: In your dreams!
Cheese: Hey, it's true. Miss Andry is a perfect duplicate of your dear wife. She has all her strength, all her
speed, all her moves and all her memories. And without the real Polly to oppose her, your friends are at a
significant disadvantage.
Speedy: So that's why you had her frame Polly. To take her out of the picture so that we'd be weakened
when you guys attacked with Andry.
BC: Partly, yes. Also we needed financing. After all, training is expensive.
Speedy (confused): Training?
[As if on cue, the door opens again. In walk Jerry Atric, Roland Crow, and a regiment of Ninja Crows.]
Roland: Well, well, well. If it isn't the great Speedy Cerviche.
Speedy: Nice to see you too, Roland.
BC: Jerry, how are the preparations coming?
Jerry: We're ready to strike in about an hour. [glances at Speedy] Are you sure it's safe to discuss such
things around him?
BC: Why not? There's nothing he can do about it. The only thing he's good for now is as a playmate for
our little girl.
Andry [leaning in close to Speedy] (purring): Oh yes. We're going to have lots of fun together.
Speedy: Sorry, I prefer originals to cheap imitations.
[Andry snarls at him and slashes his chest with her steel tipped claws. Speedy groans in pain. Andry turns
the wheel so that Speedy is upside down.]
Andry [rabid]: I'll teach you some respect, knave. Call me mistress!
Speedy [blood rushing to his head]: My mistress… is Polly Esther…
[Andry begins whipping him again. And again. And again. And again. She whips him repeatedly and lets
out an Oujousama laugh, clearly enjoying her work. Finally, from the combined trauma of being upside
down and being whipped repeatedly, he passes out. Andry steps back, panting excitedly.]
Roland [sweatdrops] (unnerved): She's, uh… zealous.
BC [grinning]: You have no idea.
Andry [very pleased with herself]: Well, doesn't look like he'll be going anywhere for a while.
Jerry: Don't be too sure, my dear. We are dealing with the infamous Speedy Cerviche after all.
Roland: I'll make sure he stays right here.
BC: Good idea, Roland.
Andry: Well, let's get going. I'm looking forward to playing with the rest of the Pizza Cats.
[Chuckling to themselves, Andry, Cheese and Atrick leave. The camera zooms in on Speedy's
unconscious body, slowly fading to black.]
[The camera fades up on the same room. Speedy is now upright again, and slowly coming to his senses.
It's about half an hour later. Jerry, Andry, and BC are gone. Roland is sitting on a chair in front of Speedy.
Seeing Speedy awaken, he grins evilly.]
Roland: I'll bet you don't feel so superior now, do you cat?
Speedy [chuckling slightly]: Funny, that's exactly what Bad Bird said to me the last time he had me in a
position like this.
Roland: Well, if you're expecting me to get all noble and let you go, you are sorely mistaken my friend.
Speedy: Oh, I wouldn't even think it. I'm gonna get out of this mess on my own.
Roland: Sorry, it ain't gonna happen.
[Speedy continues talking, hoping to distract Roland while he tries to slide his right hand out of its
restraint.]
Speedy: Good will always triumph over evil, Roland.
Roland: You're fooling yourself, Ceviche. There's no escape this time.
Speedy: Heh, that's what you think. I'm gonna break free right now!
Roland: Don't bet on it, fleabag.
[Roland walks over to tighten the restraints. Speedy headbutts him and he staggers forward, stunned.
Speedy finally frees his hand, and punches Roland right in the face. As Roland falls unconscious, Speedy
grabs the keys from his belt and frees himself. After chaining Roland up in his place, Speedy makes his
way out of the base. Along the way he encounters a few Ninja Crows, but he manages to dispatch them
without much difficulty.]
[Cut back to the jail. Polly is sitting in her cell, looking very depressed. Suddenly she hears a tapping at
her window. She looks out it, and sees Speedy.]
Polly: Speedy, what are you doing here?
Speedy: Polly, get on the floor and cover your head. I'll explain everything on the way.
Polly (confused): On the way…
[Realizing what he means, Polly crouches down and covers her head. Outside, Speedy goes into his Cat's
Eye Slash sequence. The blast hits the wall, ripping a hole in her cell. The alarm instantly goes off.]
Polly [upset]: Are you out of your mind?! What the hell are you doing?!
Speedy: I found out who was responsible for the cat burglaries. We need to get to the Pizza Parlor, quickly.
Royal Guard 1 [off camera]: There they are! Don't let them get away!
[Speedy turns to face the guards. There are five of them. Taking Polly's hand he leaps into the air, high
over their heads. He tosses a couple of Ginzu Stars at them, which explode and knock them unconscious.
As Speedy and Polly continue to make their escape, more Royal Guards persue them. Speedy manages to
best each of them in one on one combat, knocking them out with the hilt of his sword. As the last batch of
guards persues them, Speedy tosses a few smoke bombs to evade them.]
[Sometime later, as Speedy and Polly race back to the Pizza Parlor…]
Polly: So, Big Cheese created Polly Andry to impersonate and frame me to weaken the Pizza Cats for his
final assault?
Speedy: Essentially, yes. I think he figures you're the strongest member of our team. Personally, I don't
think he's that far off.
Polly [smiles]: Well, thank you dear.
Speedy: The only thing I can't figure out is why he needed money to train the Ninja Crows. I mean you
remember how much he was willing to pay the Rude Noise to get rid of us, right?
Polly: Well, Cheese isn't exactly known for his wise investment stratigies. He did manage to blow the
whole city's treasury on his evil schemes.
Speedy: That's true.
Polly: Also, that lab you described must've cost a fortune. He probably went into debt to build that thing.
That would also explain why he had the Ninja Crows making supply runs.
Speedy: I think you're right. He must've had Andry dope us up when he heard the police were on to the cat
burgler. That gave Andry plenty of time to sneak out and help them set you up.
Polly: Exactly. [pauses] How much time until the attack?
Speedy: We've got just under 10 minutes. The parlor is still about 5 minutes away.
Polly: We're going to get there too early.
Speedy: Relax. Everything will be ok.
[Cut to the parlor. Guido, Francine, GB, Carla, and Jefferson are sitting around, waiting very worriedly.]
Jefferson: Look, there's no reason to jump to any conclusions. He and Polly are probably just having a
conjugal visit.
[Francine and Carla glare at him. GB and Guido wince at the image.]
Jefferson [geniunly confused]: What?
[At that moment, the doors burst open and Speedy and Polly rush in. The others are surprised to say the
least.]
Guido [disbelief]: What the- Polly, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in jail?
Polly: Speedy busted me out.
Francine [incredulous]: Are you two insane? Why on earth did you come here? This is the first place Big
Al will look when he hears the news.
Speedy: That's the point. Guys, Polly is innocent and I have proof.
GB: You do? Show us!
Speedy: Well… I don't have it with me. It's on its way here actually.
Francine: This is nuts. Do you have any idea what a standoff like this will do to buisness?
Cpt. Mizuno [speaking into a megaphone, outside the Parlor]: SPEEDY AND POLLY CERVICHE, THIS
IS THE POLICE. PLACE YOUR WEAPONS ON THE GROUND AND COME OUT WITH YOUR
HANDS UP! DO NOT MAKE US TAKE YOU BY FORCE.
Carla [nervously]: Guys, maybe you should just go along with them?
Speedy: We just need another 4 minutes, Carla.
[Outside Police have the parlor surrounded. Big Al walks over to talk to Captain Mizuno.]
Cpt. Mizuno: They're not gonna come out, Al. We should go in.
Big Al: I don't want to turn the Pizza Cat into a warzone, Julie.
Cpt. Mizuno: So, we're just going to sit here until they decide to give up? That doesn't seem wise, Sir.
Big Al: Relax, Captain. We're going to give them 2 minutes. Then we'll go in and convince them to
surrender.
[Back inside…]
Guido: What are they waiting for, an engraved invitation?
Speedy: Nah, they're probably just trying to sweat us out.
Carla: I hope they don't try psychological warfare.
Polly: Me neather. Last time they tried that, they blasted Britney Spears at max volume into the guy's
home.
Jefferson: What's wrong with Britney Spears?
GB [glaring at him]: You have a dirty mind.
Jefferson, Francine, and Guido: DUH!
Polly: How much time is left Speedy?
Speedy [looks at the clock]: Just under 3 minutes.
Francine: So Speedy, just what's going to happen in 3 minutes?
Speedy: Just get ready to fight.
[At that moment, the police burst through the doors. Two policemen grab Speedy and Polly, and attempt to
handcuff them.]
Captain Mizuno: Speedy Cerviche, you're under arrest for aiding and abetting in the escape of a criminal.
You have the right to remain silent-
Speedy: I choose to waive that right. [Starts screaming]
Big Al [covering his ears]: Damn, I never knew the boy had a set of lungs like that!
Polly [struggling against the Policeman]: Hey, not so tight! Come on, let me go!
Speedy [now screaming coherently]: Big Al, you've got to listen to me! Polly's innocent, Big Cheese set
her up! I have proof! Just wait another 2 minutes! They're coming! Just give us another-
[And at that point Andry, Tauros, and several Ninja Crows blast their way into the parlor. Everyone in the
parlor turns towards the explosion, alarmed.]
Speedy: You're early.
Andry: My watch is fast.
Big Al [gulps]: Speedy, do you know who this is?
Speedy: Big Al, meet Polly Andry. She's Seymour's latest henchperson. She framed Polly.
Andry: He's right, Al. I admit it. I did it all.
Cpt. Mizuno [aproaches her]: Men, place her under arrest.
[The police officers, however, seem mesmerized by Andry. They don't budge.]
Cpt. Mizuno: Come on! What's wrong with all of you?
Andry: Sex pheremones, honey. A little gift from Masters Cheese and Atrick. Your officers cannot lift a
finger to harm me.
Cpt Mizuno (annoyed) [to herself]: I guess I'll have to do this myself. [to Andry] Polly Andry, I place you
under arrest for burglary. You have the right to-
[At that moment, Andry grabs Julie by her shirt and kisses her right on the lips. The whole rest of the
parlor looks on in shock.]
Polly: Damn. I'm so skanky, and I think I'm a little gay.
[Andry releases a very stunned, and somewhat flushed Julie.]
Andry [to Julie]: Give it a rest.
[With that Andry tosses Julie into the air. She slams down into a table, and is knocked unconscious. The
police suddenly snap out of their spell.]
Big Al: Get them!
[The Ninja Crows manage to defeat a number of police before the Pizza Cats make short work of them.
Guido goes after Tauros, and prooves to be to quick for the robotic bull. After taking numerous hits from
Guido's sword, Tauros begins to show signs of wear and tear. Guido finally finishes him off with a blast
from the sunspot.
[Turning towards the remaining police Andry cracks her whip, creating a series of sonic booms that knock
them over and out like bowling pins. Big Al unsheathes his sword to try and fight her, but she backflip
tosses him into the ground.]
Andry: Later, old man.
GB: Grrr. You're going down!
[GB flies towards Andry, sword ready. Andry lashes her whip around his neck, and swings. GB screams
as his face colides with a wall, and he slumps to the ground.]
Carla: BIRDIE!
[She dashes towards GB to see if he's ok. Andry grabs her and tosses her into the wall. Carla slumps
down beside GB.]
Guido [rushing forward]: Take this you monster!
[Guido slashes his sword at Andry, but Andry leaps out of the way. He slashes at her again, but she
entangles his sword with her whip and pulls it out of his grasp. She high kicks him in the face and he goes
down. She whips him several times, pulls him up and tosses him into a wall.]
Francine: Guido!
[Francine runs over to Guido, but is caught by Andry. Andry lifts her off the ground by her neck.]
Jefferson: Fran!
[He dashes over to help her, but Andry lifts him off the ground by his neck too.]
Andry [to Jefferson]: I'm gonna have some fun with you later, you horny little pervert.
[She then slams his head into Francine's knocking them both out.]
Speedy: Enough! Andry, I'm the one you want.
Andry: In more ways than one, sugar. [cracks her whip]
Speedy: Oh, no you don't. Put that thing away. Let's do this fairly. Sword vs. sword.
Andry [smiling]: Of course. I should've known that's how you'd want to do it. Fine. Sword vs. Sword it
is.
[Andry throws down her whip and twirls around. When she faces Speedy again she's holding a samurai
sword.]
Speedy [gulps]: Where were you hiding that?
[Smiling, Andry rushes forward and attacks Speedy. Speedy parries her first strike, then her second, and
then her third before finally being able to counterstrike. Andry parries his blows easily. She moves like a
whirlwind, knicking him occasionally. Feinting, she slashes a large gash in his armor. He staggers and she
elbows him in the stomach. Speedy doubles up on the ground, and Andry kicks him in the face. She puts
the sword at his throat, and suddenly feels one at hers.]
Polly: Toss it away. [Andry refuses. Polly presses her sword harder against her throat.] Do it!
[Andry tosses the sword away and turns around.]
Andry [seeing it is Polly]: Oh, it's you. For a moment there I was actually worried.
Polly: Cute. How about we settle this.
Andry [chuckles for a moment]: Oh, you're serious? Very well then.
[Polly Esther and Polly Andry assume fighting stances and then rush at each other. For a while they are
fairly evenly matched, each one parrying the other's blows. Then Andry slowly begins to gain the edge,
her ferocity wearing Polly down.]
Andry [Ojousama laugh]: Give up, girl. The best you can hope for is a draw.
Polly: Is that a challenge?
[Polly begins fighting back with equal ferocity and determination. Slowly she begins to dominate. This
flusters Andry immensely, and she loses even more ground to Polly. More and more of Polly's strikes
seem to evade Andry's defenses, as Andry's frustration makes her more and more vulnerable.]
Andry (panicking): No! You can't win! I won't let you!
Polly [determined]: That's right. You won't. I'll do it myself.
Andry [pushes her away] (enraged): I'm going to kill you if it's the last thing I do! [She begins her
finishing move, which appears similar to Polly's except it's jet-black, and crackling with dark energy.]
DARK HEART AWAY!
[Polly retaliates by going into her own finisher. The two moves collide and explode, releasing a fantastic
amount of energy. When the smoke clears, Andry is on the ground in a bloody heap. Her black leather
outfit is cut in forty different places. She is alive, but very badly injured. Polly, miraculously, excaped the
blast mostly unharmed.]
[Polly walks over to Speedy and helps him up.]
Polly: Are you ok?
Speedy: I'll live…
[Big Al groans as he wakes up.]
Speedy: Al! Are you ok?
Big Al: Yeah… I'm fine. [walks over to Andry] Hmph. Old man. Thanks a lot.
Speedy: So, I guess Polly is free now, Al?
Big Al: Huh? Oh yes, of course. [Picks up Andry] Well, I guess I ought to go lock the real cat burglar up.
[glares at Speedy] That is if I can find a section of the jail you didn't blow up, Speedy!
Speedy [sheepish]: Eh, I'm sorry about that Al!
Big Al [walking off]: Hmph. The Princess won't be happy about that. Someone's getting sent to
Prisoner's Island for sure.
[Speedy and Polly look at each other and shrug. Cut to the next day. The parlor has been repaired, for the
most part, and everything is almost back to normal.]
Guido [all bandaged up, talking to Speedy]: Hey, Speedy. You all right?
Speedy [also bandaged]: Yeah, I'm fine. You?
Guido: I'll be ok. [calls over to Polly] Hi, Polly.
[Polly is waiting on tables, and she has no bandages on. She ignores Guido.]
Guido [to Speedy]: So, how long is she going to be like this
Speedy: Well, cut her a break! I mean, you guys were supposed to be her friends and you just abandoned
her.
Guido: We tried to apologize, but she won't even listen to us. I don't want her to be mad at me for the rest
of our lives over this.
Speedy: I'll talk to her about it, ok. But, that's it.
[Guido nods and Speedy heads off to talk to Polly. He finds her in their room, sitting on the bed.]
Speedy: Hey, Polly? Guido wanted me to tell you he's sorry again.
Polly (bitter): I don't have anything to say to Guido, or anyone else for that matter.
Speedy: Oh, come on Polly. How long are you going to stay mad at them?
Polly (annoyed): I don't know, Speedy. I want to forgive them, but I think I need some time away from
them first. Just to work things out.
Speedy: I understand. [pauses] Hey, why don't we spend the weekend in the next village? That way we
can relax, enjoy ourselves and not worry about any akward moments with the others.
Polly (smiles): That sounds nice. You deal with Francine, I'll pack.
[Speedy nods and walks out of the room, while Polly gets out the suitcase. Cut to the jail. Andry is sitting
in her cell, when a guard comes along and unlocks the door.]
Guard: Ok lady, you made bail. Get moving.
[Andry makes her way to the front of the jail, where she claims her things. Outside, she meets the man
who posted bail.]
BC: Good to see you again, my dear.
Andry [drops to her knees]: Forgive me, Master Cheese. I have failed you.
BC: Calm yourself, my dear. We shall do better next time. There is more than one way to skin a Samurai
Pizza Cat.
[With that Cheese and Andry walk out into the street, Andry stretching her whip as she walks. Cut to an
over head shot of them walking through the streets of Little Tokyo. Cue the piano solo of The Stranger by
Billy Joel. Fade out.]
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