Part Five
Cordelia
I had another vision. I wasn't quite sure what it was this time, but I could give Angel enough information to go on. He went off, fighting evil. I got the feeling that he didn't want to leave me alone tonight, in case I did something stupid, but evil was calling and he had to go. As if I would do anything dumb anyway! I mean, this is a year since Angel died, I'm hardly gonna want to give him another friend to mourn over! And I couldn't let him leave the people of LA to fight their city's own battles - as the Oracles told him when he went to beg for Doyle's life, Doyle was only a messenger, while he was a warrior. And warriors don't give up, leaving their cause to fail just because they want to spend some time with a friend who is a titchy bit upset. So I told him to go.
And now, I kinda wish I hadn't. This was a night we had hoped the PTB would spare us from his visions, but it wasn't to be. I want Angel to be here with me, so we can talk about Doyle. It doesn't hurt quite so much if we talk about all the fun times we had with him, coz its like there's still a part of him here with me. Instead I try to remember all those times on my own, but I can't. When Angel and I talk about it, sharing each others memories helps us to remember more. I realise we still have a copy of the video. The morning Doyle died, he and I had recorded a film, an advert for Angel Investigations, to go out on TV. Angel was in broody mood (kinda like always, but worse) and he wouldn't help. So I asked Doyle to star in the ad. To be the 'common man'. And he did. It's the only real memory I have of Doyle, that I can watch time and time again, without it fading. Other than the seconds before he died. I'm sure that no matter how old I live to be, I'll never forget those few seconds.
"Its too bad you'll never know" he said to me, as he shook his head, and his gorgeous face was covered in blue spikes. "If this is a face you could learn to love". And he jumped. I couldn't believe it, he had sacrificed his own life to save ours. And in those few seconds, I realised that I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone before.
I get out the video, and push it into the machine. As I sit back down, I hear his soft Irish lilt come out of the TV towards me. This is one of the best moments I could wish to have recorded forever. He was having fun, joking around, and he looked truly happy. I have never noticed before how at home he looked around us, but I now realise how much he enjoyed being part of the team. He made Angel Investigations what it is. Was. Now he isn't here anymore, and although we're still going, it's not the same. After Wesley arrived, I just wanted him to leave. I felt like although he never knew Doyle, he was trying to take his place. Now I realise that we need a book type guy to help interpret my visions. Doyle didn't need one, he was half demon, and he usually knew what he was doing. Coz I'm a bit new at this, having Wesley around has turned into a bit of a blessing, now I've realised that he isn't trying to take Doyle's place.
The tape is just getting to the part I don't like. After he finished reading the cards, he asked if he was done. I told him he sounded 'weasly'. I hope he didn't have the impression that I hated him when he died. But tonight I'm not going to get the chance to see that bit, because just as I turn to switch the tape off, I hear a horrid gurgling noise coming from the VCR. I dash over to the machine and eject it just in time to see my last happy memories of my best friend torn to pieces. I frantically try to wind the tape back in, but I realise that its too late. The tape is gone.
"Why didn't we make copies?" I sob, knowing the answer already. We didn't even consider that there would be a need for copies. "I hope you're satisfied!" I yell at no one in particular. I think maybe it was aimed at the PTB. As I break down, a sudden wash of coldness waves over me. And as I shiver, I remember the old saying "some one has just walked over your grave". I wonder if this is true. How will I die? When will I die? Will I have any body left to even have a grave? "Come on Cordelia, pull yourself together! You aren't the type of girl for morbid thoughts like this" I tell myself, but it's no use. Still unable to get warm, I snuggle up with the blanket that I brought up from Angel's apartment earlier, and cry myself to sleep.
Part Six
Angel
Walking through downtown LA on the first anniversary of my best friends death, looking for evil that could jump out on me at any second, certainly isn't high up on my things to do list. The Powers That Be have certainly come up trumps this time, haven't they?! Couldn't they even give us one night alone, to ourselves, to grieve in our own way? Obviously not. I wonder if Cordy is getting on alright, alone in the office. I didn't want to leave her, I even suggested that we ignore the vision just this once, which certainly isn't like me, and spend the time talking about Doyle, like we had wanted to. But she gently reminded me that Doyle died so that we could all live, and the Oracles had refused to bring him back to life because he was a messenger and I was a warrior. Wouldn't ignoring a vision, even only one, mean that he had died in vain? He died so I could help others live, and letting anyone in need slip through our fingers wasn't doing that. I knew that she was right, but I told her that I was going to be as quick as I can.
I hear a noise in the alleyway to my right, and turn to jog down it. Having spent the last year in this 'job' has sharpened my reflexes to their highest extent, and when I spotted the demon I dealt with it quickly. When I catch sight of its victim, though, who is thankfully unhurt, I am surprised.
"Kate?" I ask. I recognise the unmistakable face of my friend in the Police force, Detective Kate Lockley. I've helped her out in a lot of cases, although in many of them she doesn't know exactly how much I've done! "What are you doing here?"
"Angel? Well, it would be you, wouldn't it? I've been tracking this guy for a while, and when I got a tip-off that he was out on the rampage tonight it was too good an opportunity to miss. He matches the description, a somewhat odd looking fella - but we've seen plenty of those haven't we? – of a guy who has been attacking young females outside libraries and book stores – "
"And you went after him alone, knowing he would attack you!? Kate, what were you thinking of?"
"Angel, I'm a police officer, we're trained to deal with guys like these. Anyway, he's gone now – he is gone, isn't he?"
"Yeah, I took care of him good and proper. You won't see him anywhere again, so the female population of LA is safe once again!"
"Super Angel eh? Or LA's Guardian Angel! I think not. But thanks Angel, I must admit he was a bit more than I bargained for!"
"Well I couldn't just leave you could I? Anyway, I have to get back to Cordelia." Kate raises her eyebrows, when have I been in that much of a hurry to get back to her before? So I hastily add "It's a year tonight since Doyle . . well, you know"
"Oh Angel, I'm so sorry! You go, I'm sure Cordy needs you" I can see she's fighting back her desire to lecture me about muscling in on police cases.
"Bye Kate, see ya around." As I walk back to the office, the air seems to grow chilly. Well, chillier, its not usually that hot here, well, not at night anyway! It makes me shiver, and it takes a lot to make me grow cold. But just as quickly as it came, its gone. This worries me, unusual things always do. I hurry to get back to the office, in case something has happened to Cordelia.
When I enter the building, I can here sobs coming from upstairs. I hurry, and as I burst through into the office, I look at Cordy. She looks at me, her usually pretty face totally drained of colour, and points at the VCR. I walk over, and pick up the tape lying on top. Its labelled "Doyle". This is the tape with his ad on. She's been watching it again.
"We didn't make copies, Angel. We should have made copies."
"Why . . " I look back at her, and I realise that there must be something else. Something I'm missing. So I look closer. All the tape is mangled. Our last, only, recorded memories of Doyle are gone. I put the tape down, and walk over to Cordy. She moves up and makes a space for me on the sofa. As I sit, she puts her head on my chest, and continues to cry. I am so concerned with consoling Cordelia that I almost miss the click of the front door. But I hear it. It sounds faint, and at first I'm not sure that's what it is, but I hear it.
Part Seven
Doyle
While my head is recovering from the blast, I look around. I realise that I am no longer in the room. I also realise that I am exactly where I have wanted to be since I died. I am back in LA. This can't be right, I'm dead. How can I be here? But its true, I am. Maybe this is some sort of heaven, the one place I've wanted to be is where I go, to spend the rest of my afterlife. As I stand beside the building where I spent the happiest times of my life, recovering, I see Angel. If I'm in heaven, then why is Angel here? I know he's dead, technically, but he shouldn't be in heaven! If any part of him is in any other dimension surely it should be hell? I hear voices floating out of the window on the top floor, and immediately recognise them as Angel and Cordy. There are only a few words from each, and I cant make them out, but I can tell that's my Princess. I'd know her voice anywhere. Now I can hear sobs. I can't wait any longer. If I can hear Cordelia, she's here. She's alive. And more importantly, if she's alive, so am I! The PTB have finally granted my request, and let me return to my life here in LA.
As I climb the stairs, my stomach begins to churn. I know they've missed me, but what if they don't believe its me? What if once I'm back, they realise that they never liked me in the first place? My head is swimming with 'what ifs'. My legs are trembling, and I pause for a moment on the stairs.
"Come on Doyle, it's now or never. You know she's going to be thrilled to see you, you can do it. You aren't soft."
So I put my hand to the door, and go in. I can hear Cordy's sobs coming from the other room. Now I can hear moving, and Angel appears, followed by Cordy. At first, he doesn't recognise me.
"Who's there?" he asks
I can't find my voice. It won't come. All I can manage is a whispered "Princess . . "
"Doyle?" Cordy asks, her voice awash with disbelief. "Doyle is it really you? Have you come back to me?"
I'm feeling stronger now I know that at least Cordy believes it's me. "Yes Princess, it's really me." She runs to me, and fixes her arms around my neck. I can't believe how good it feels to have her back in my arms, after I believed that I was feeling them for the last time exactly one year ago tonight. Angel, however, is looking much more sceptical.
"But . . . how can it be? You're dead." I can tell he doesn't believe its me. I'm going to have to convince him. With Cordy on my side, I feel as if I can do anything.
"Angel, its Doyle! He's come back to us! Just be thankful for what it is. It know its him, he smells like Doyle, he feels like Doyle, he looks and dresses like Doyle. It is Doyle!"
"I'm still not so sure. I mean, how is this possible? I went to the Oracles and they told me that you had died for your cause and they couldn't bring you back. I'm going to go and see them."
I'm not going to stop him. Whatever it takes to prove to him that I'm really back is fine with me.
"Go ahead Angel man, I mean, I'm back, I've got nothin' to hide!"
I let Angel go, I've got some catchin' up to do with my princess. I'm so glad to be back, nothings going to spoil tonight. Nothing
Part Eight
Cordelia
Doyle is back! I can't believe it, he just came in the door, and when I saw him I couldn't believe it! I knew what my eyes were seeing, and I knew he was there, but my mind couldn't let the facts in! Lucky my heart knew what it was doing, it's a good job I'm not a big thinker! Angel's a thinker, I guess when he's in here on his own most of the day he has time to think a lot. He doesn't want to let any part of him believe that Doyle's back, in case he isn't. I think he's afraid of getting hurt again. That's why he's gone off to see the Oracles. He should be more trusting, like me! I know this is my Doyle just by looking at him, I don't see why Angel cant. He came back from Hell, why can't Doyle come back from the dead too? But he can do the worrying for the both of us, coz I'm happy just living for the moment! Whats that phrase again? That Latin thingy. It's something to do with fish, I think. Anyway I'm not gonna spend my time thinking of stupid things I forgot to remember from school.
"We need to celebrate!" I announce.
"Celebrate what?" he asks. He sounds quite surprised.
"Celebrate that you came back to me" I tell him, with certainty. "I always knew you would. Well, in my heart I did, it was just my head that didn't want to believe it. In case you didn't"
"Cordy, I never really left you."
"What do you mean?"
He replies by telling me where he's been the last year. When I hear this I am totally shocked. He has been with me through everything. He didn't leave me at all. All those times I was sure I could feel him watching over me, I was right. He was. And I'm grateful. I don't know if I could have survived the last year without that feeling that I was being guarded. Even though I couldn't believe it was him, I didn't know he was there, he gave me a warm feeling. I would have felt as if I was totally deserted. And I guess the Oracles had their reasons for not letting him come back to us, but some kind of hint would have been nice. I hope they tell Angel something to satisfy him, I want more than anything to get back to the way we were before. Well, apart from Wesley. Oh right, Wesley! Well, there have been a lot of times over the last year when I've wanted Doyle to meet Wesley. And now he can! I'm so happy Doyle's back, I just want to jump around with joy. My life is going to be totally perfect.
"I'm hungry" I tell Doyle. "Want some fish?"
"Fish? Where the hell did that come from?!"
"I was just thinking about that Latin phrase thingy. The one about seizing the day or whatever it is. It made me want some fish"
Doyle snorts with laughter. "Oh Cordy" he tells me. "You wouldn't believe how much I've missed that. Even though I've been watching you all the time, it feels so good in person."
"Hi, Doyle" I didn't see Angel walk in. "The Oracles tell me you're back"
"Well I coulda told ya that myself Angel man."
They give each other one of those hug type of things that guys always do. One of those 'glad you're back mate but I'm not gonna tell ya how much coz I'm all macho and we don't talk about our feelings' kind of hugs. Typical. But I'm so glad we're back to normal.
"Oh, and Cordy?" Angel starts. "That phrase – its Carpe Diem."
"I KNEW it was like fish!"
Part Nine
Angel
When I saw Doyle walk in the door, I swear, had I had a heart, it would have stopped. I was getting ready to fight some kind of ugly demon. And instead, I see my best friend, who I have resigned myself to never seeing again. But I couldn't take it in. That's the reason I decided I wanted to see the Oracles. I still can't believe it now, as I walk back to the office, after my audience with them. I've been happy so many times in my extra long life, and every single one of those times, that happiness has been taken away from me. An unnaturally high amount of those times had something to do with Buffy, come to think of it. But I guess that's just because I love her so much.
I was in the hall. I could see brother and sister, my mind was so full of other things to think of that I almost forgot to give sister the gift I had brought her.
"A diamond ring." She said "Impressive, but I think I already have one of these." Before she had a chance to ask for something else, I interrupted
"Exactly one year ago I came to you and asked for you to return the life of my friend, Doyle. You refused me this"
"Ah, yes. Doyle" brother said. "Continue"
"Tonight, someone has come back into my life, claiming to be my lost friend, but until you confirm that this is the Alan Francis Doyle I knew, I cannot accept it to be true."
"It is true" began brother "this is all you need know. This audience is concluded." I waited for the pain of being thrown out of the hall with force. It didn't come. I looked up. Sister seemed to be deep in conversation with brother, although I couldn't hear what they were saying.
"My sister has convinced me that you deserve an explanation. If that is what you want" he said, obviously daring me to defy him now I had been granted extra time.
"It is certainly what I want, if you would be so gracious as to explain to me what happened, I will do my best not to trouble you again"
"he was your friend. There are many laws in the afterlife where demons are concerned. It is written that when a demon dies for the sake of others, if he is still loved, truly loved, after one year in the afterlife, he may return to his body and continue his life." Sister told me.
"And that is all we are going to tell you. Your friend is returned to you, and be happy." Brothers words were still ringing in my ears when I returned to the small cavern at the entrance to the hall.
So Doyle is really back. And it is all thanks to Cordelia. It is true that I still loved him, but I'm sure I was beginning to forget. No, not to forget. I could never forget. But to move on. Whereas I know that Cordy was still as much in love with him 3 hours ago as the day he died. And now I know that my friend is really back, I can be happy. I just hope that this time, that happiness is not taken away from me. As I walk up the stairs, I can here Cordy's voice float out to meet me.
"I was just thinking about that Latin phrase thingy. The one about seizing the day or whatever it is. It made me want some fish"
Only Cordy could let a classic Latin phrase such as that make her hungry! But it had been such a tiring day, even without Doyle's resurrection, I think I can cut her a little slack this time, don't you?
I slowly open the door to the office, and I can see the laughter on Cordy's face. She looks so much happier, its almost impossible to believe that she's the same girl who was sobbing into my shoulder less that 2 hours ago.
"Hi, Doyle" I notice Cordy jump. I must have opened the door so quietly that she hadn't seen me come in. She was probably too wrapped up in Doyle. "The Oracles tell me you're back"
"Well I coulda told ya that myself Angel man."
Leave it to Doyle to tell me how much of the obvious I was stating. When he says that, I know for sure, he really is back. We do one of those 'typical macho hugs' as Cordy would call it. In fact, I can see her thinking it out of the corner of my eye.
So the only thing left to do is to put her out of her misery and tell her what that phrase really is.
"Oh, and Cordy?" I began. "That phrase – its Carpe Diem."
"I KNEW it was like fish!"
I think its time for tea! As Cordy often tells me, I'm a surprisingly good cook for a dead guy.
Part Ten
Doyle
I know my first day back in the office is gonna be strange, but the thing I'm looking forward to seeing the most would have to be the look on Wesley's face when he walks in. I'm sure how Cordy and Angel were going to explain my being here, but then, Cordy always does things in her own way, and they usually turn out OK. So I think I'll just leave Cordy to sort it out in whatever way she wants.
The minute Wesley walks in, I can sense he notices something's up. Well, I guess he's going to, how many strange men are usually in Angel's office first thing in the morning? Well, actually, I'm not so sure that's a valid point, coz we always used to harbour demons in trouble, and people in trouble with demons here. But when he notices me, he does one of those funny little faces that people sometimes do, that means 'who on earth is this guy and what's he doing here?' except of course Wesley is far too polite and English to say that out loud, so he makes do with the face.
"Got another client then, I see" He starts. "Right then, we're going to need your info for the files – Cordelia, pass me that book would you." But Cordy doesn't move. "Cordelia! I specifically asked you to pass me that book."
"I heard you! But this isn't a client."
"It isn't?" I can see Wesley is confused. It's a tell tale sign when that face gets stronger, now he looks like he's going to explode with curiosity if someone doesn't explain to him who I am. I'm just about to jump right in there with the explanation when Cordy beats me too it.
"Wesley, meet Doyle" Cordy beams at me.
The wait is worth it! His eyebrows shoot up to the ceiling, and his jaw drops to the floor. I can't help but wonder if his face will ever straighten out again. "But . . . you're . . . the . . . what?! You can't be! Not Alan Francis Doyle?! You're dead!"
"I certainly am Alan Francis Doyle, half man, half demon, and well and truly alive. Although I have been dead for the past year."
Wesley looks ready to collapse! "Ah, yes, well, ummm. OK, I think I'll just . . . sit down over here, while you tell me if there's any work for me to do today."
Cordelia giggles like a schoolgirl. "Oh, Doyle, I'm so glad you're back. You're going to have so much fun winding up Wesley! It's so easy!"
"Miss Chase, I request that you take that remark back immediately!"
"I will not! Anyway, you can't make me – my dead guy'll get you!"
That's just too much for Wesley! All the remaining colour drains out of his face and he mutters "honestly, why me? Did I even ask to be a Watcher in the first place? No. And then when I get fired from that, I cant just get a normal job, as a librarian, or a waiter. Oh no, I have to start a rouge demon hunting service and then join Angel Investigations! I think I need my head testing." He looks up. I don't think he knew we were listening in. Angel and I are just managing to fight back the laughter, while Cordelia isn't even bothering to try. "And I'll have you know that I don't' appreciate being laughed at. I think its time I found another job, don't you?"
That stops Angel from laughing. Well, almost. "Ah, gees, come on Wes, you know we need a booky-guy to keep us going."
"OK, Mister Angel. I will stay, and be your 'booky-guy' on ONE condition."
"Shoot"
"That you never, EVER, call me Wes again."
And with that, the three of us crack up, leaving Wesley totally perplexed.
Its so good to be back in the action, I don't even care if its going to be four against the evil from now on, instead of three. And with Cordy around, I know there's no way I'm going to feel at all neglected!