Title: The Muse
Name: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Rating: R
Skin touching, arms and legs intertwined. Chest to chest; lips to lips. Gasping for breath, moaning from the pleasure. The connection between the lovers was intense and perfect the way it always had been as Logan recalled. Slowly moving his body in rhythm with hers. Constantly seeking her eyes, that she would never doubt his love or sincerity. His hands traveled over her body but something was different. This was a memory but a dream. He was older and so was she. He was dreaming about their last time together. They were together for a weekend, and never left the sanctity of his room. They made love over and over again, not like hormonal animals, but like newly weds. To date, Logan never experienced anything that came to rival that experience. Now in his room, he was holding the woman he had loved so deeply that even as a teenager managed to show her reverent affection. He was dreaming of it again, wanting those moments again. He remembered her crumbled waving hair, and then gazed down at the blond in his arms, realizing prior treatment for her tumors had taken the curl out of her hair.
With the morning brought a strange peace. Samantha had woken up after Bling treated her head and let her breathe some smelling salts. Logan hadn't really slept choosing to hold Sam tightly, like some how it would keep her alive a little longer. On Sam's part she was unaware of the commotion she had caused, just being comfortable sleeping in Logan's arms. He was wise enough not to share what was going through his mind with her. Samantha woke in the morning weaker then when she arrived but wanting to know all about Logan's pseudo date from the night before. He happily complied before realizing he felt a bit of a cad. He had been fantasizing about sleeping with her earlier and now telling her about the potential new romance he had. It weighed on him heavily.
"I saw you dancing… You're still good at the gentlemen thing, Loggie. I'm glad you've found someone to have fun with along with a good sparring partner. That's what you've been missing, someone to argue with," Samantha said over some scrambled eggs.
"Sam, Max and I are just friends. Besides I did have both of those components with you," Logan said raising an eyebrow, not really knowing what he was trying to accomplish by the comment.
"Yeah, when you were a teenager. You're a grown man. Time to find someone else," she said looking him dead in the face. "And you aren't just friends… The way she looked at me coming out of your bedroom and the way you scrambled to meet her in the living room last night, you guys have it bad… You ever kissed?"
Logan rolled his eyes, "What does that matter?"
"So you have. When?" Sam said with a smirk.
"Awhile ago."
"No repeat performances?"
"No," he said with frustration.
"You wanted there to be though. Why haven't you made a move?"
Repeating what he had said to Bling, Logan responded, "That could ruin a nice friendship."
"I see. And this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you in a wheelchair until recently," Sam needled.
"I could have if I wanted to…"
"But you're scared."
"I'm not scared..."
"Yes, you are… You can't hide from me. I have watched all of your relationships. In the last two years you got out and out cocky, which as you recall caused many a fight between us. You're scared because this feels real and you don't know how to handle it… Suck it up and jump," she advised.
"Sam, you don't understand."
"Then explain it to me."
"Huh… You are going to keep pushing aren't you?" he asked.
"Yes!"
"Fine… Max has worked with me for Eyes Only and I have gotten her into danger. She has some military types looking for her… that's all I can say and I probably said too much."
"So you don't want to get involved with a great girl because it endangers Eyes Only?" she said in disgust.
"No… Because I endanger her… When I went back into the hospital for the bullet, the people after her nearly caught her because she came back for me. I can't risk her. I can't be the reason she stays or gets caught."
"That's her decision not yours! You are so full of yourself sometimes. She is already staying for you and out of curiosity why didn't you go with her?"
"Yeah. In a wheelchair. She would have gotten caught," Logan said getting more irritated.
"So it is about the wheelchair. I knew it. She didn't get caught; she is here now with you. Deal with it. The truth is you are the major obstacle for the two of you being together, nothing else. You're so frustrating. I bet you won't let her see you hurt or struggle at all. Well it's a good thing I'm dying… At least she'll see you struggle at least in part."
"Samantha, don't ever say it is a good thing your dying again," his eyes flashed with anger.
"Why so you can continue to hide behind me as a reason to screw up every relationship you've had since me? I need to go… I wasn't meant for this world, not for long at least. Oh how I screwed up your heart… I'm glad I'm going just so that you will finally have to say goodbye," Sam said bitingly with tears in her eyes. "I can't continue to watch you do this to yourself."
Max let herself into the apartment hearing Sam yelling at Logan from outside. She stayed hidden; feeling the argument was far from over. She could make out the figures in the kitchen through the bebbled glass walls. She watched as Logan lunged at Sam, pulling her to himself to kiss her. Sam quickly pushed him away. "Logan, I'm not doing this. I know this is hard for you, but we're not going to say goodbye physically. I made a mistake last time. I was wrong to have let that happen. You're my best friend and I love you, but you aren't allowed to pull this."
"How can you say the last time we were together it was a mistake? I have never felt so connected to a person then I did that weekend."
"And that is the problem. You never let yourself. I just stayed a part of your life in the background and you never moved on…" she said moving into the living room with Logan in tow. "Come on you got engaged to Daphne who is a lesbian, then rebounded with Valerie who is an alcoholic. You then engaged in the string of pointless ornaments and sex toys that you dated after your divorce. Dear God, if I knew what that weekend was going to trigger, I would have never seen you again. Instead, I'm bound by the knowledge I started this sadistic roller coaster you call your love life… You finally found someone, someone who is your equal. I refuse to watch you throw it away on some arbitrary idea of "what if" with me. You should be angry with me or hate me for what I put you through. I'm not perfect and WE weren't perfect. It is time you came to grips with that," Sam yelled, leaving Logan speechless.
He just stared at her with tears in his eyes. She leveled him with a few sentences and the worst part was they were true. "Why did you leave me?" he finally mustered.
"You were starting a new life at Yale. I didn't want to hold you back. I wanted you to meet new people and have the perfect life without obligation," Sam said softly.
Logan looked down, "That wasn't your choice to make. I loved you. I wanted you, only you."
"That's right Logan. It wasn't my choice to make. I had no other reason. You were a great boyfriend and friend. I should have tried to make it work long distance, then if it was going to dissolve it would have happened more naturally. I'm sorry. I can't take it back… You, however, can fix things with Max. You can let yourselves be happy. You can show her where you hurt and let her be part of your recovery… Truth is Logan you don't want me. You want her… she's your future. I'm just your past…" with that Sam slipped into Logan's bedroom leaving him alone.
Max watched as he looked around the living room, so lost. One tear ran down each of his cheeks. He brought his hands to his face, wiping his cheeks, then pulling them through his hair. He took several deep breaths and then walked into the computer room. Max was about to let her presence be known when her pager went off.
"You've been here the whole time, haven't you?" Logan asked coming from the computer room as Max walked into the living room. She nodded; there was no reason to lie. Logan ran his hands through his hair a few more times, frustrated and drained. For a few minutes they just awkwardly gazed at each other. Finally, Max came closer to him, not knowing what else to do. "I'm fine," he said.
"No, you're not," she responded sympathetically.
"I said I'm fine," Logan screamed. Max's face was one of shock, having never seen him react that badly.
"Hey!" Sam snapped coming out of the bedroom, "You will not talk to her like that! Ever! You got it. You're mad, you deal with me. I made you mad. You will not take it out on her."
"I'm not mad. I'm frustrated. I'll get over it…"
"And you will let her help you," Sam commanded.
"Why?" Logan demanded.
"Because you love her and you owe her that much!"
The room fell silent. That word had never been used in reference to Logan and Max's relationship. Sam walked over to them and positioned them to stand face to face only an inch or two apart. "I've had it with the denials and dodges. You two will stand like this looking into each other's eyes for the next five minutes. You are not allowed to look away, down, over each other's shoulder. You must look at one another and if for any reason you should break said eye contact I will restart the clock… Got it," Sam said heading to the oven timer.
This was as uncomfortable as Max could remember being. She had no idea why she was participating in this exercise. Nothing was going to happen. Logan would never make a move, not in front of his beloved ex.
Logan stared into Max's eyes trying to figure out if what Sam had said was true. Did he love her? The deep brown eyes were beautiful and open. For the first time when he looked into them he did in fact see the future. Max noticed softness growing on his face as he gazed at her. The pools of blue seemed to searching for something and then found it. It took her breath away.
They became aware of the heat coming from the other's body. Logan's fingers were pushing his leg as he noticed his palms begin to sweat. His throat became dry as he swallowed and licked his lips slightly. Max's eyes briefly darted to his lips then came back only to catch him gazing at her mouth. Their eyes met again and this time they connected on another level. Heart rates and breathing increased as they just stood starring. Logan decided somewhere in his brain that the feelings he had were real and running from them wasn't working anymore. He brought both hands to Max's cheeks and kissed her lightly. He pulled back just enough to look at her face, before she leaned into his lips. They nibbled at each other's mouths little at a time, eyes shut. Max closed the gap between their bodies pressing herself up to him, running her hands over his back.
Logan pulled back again to look into Max's eyes and smile touching her cheek before kissing her again. She opened her mouth slightly and he slid his tongue next to hers. They explored until a loud buzz went off in the kitchen. They stopped to look behind them at Sam smiling. She smirked as Logan looked back and Max, laying his forehead to hers. He chuckled over the situation and she followed suite. Sam said she was going for a walk and left the apartment, leaving the happy couple to cuddle each other.
She met Bling in the elevator. "Now is not the best time. Let's go for a walk."
"Why isn't it the best time? Is he fighting with Max again?" Bling asked.
"No, he's kissing her."
"How'd that happen?"
"I made them stare at each other. As Steve Martin once said 'Let your mind go and your body will follow.' I knew he would be a puddle in a few minutes of looking at her," Sam said triumphantly.
"Let's go for a walk…" Bling offered his arm.
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