Title:
The Muse
Name:
Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Rating:
PG-13
A/N:
Thank you to Rachel & Jack, who always manage to edit my words in a ways
that make them sound better then they were originally written.
Death began to encroach on the body
of Samantha as time passed. Her doctor had surrendered to the inevitable death
of his patient, prescribing her meds to manage the pain and monitored her
occasionally. Logan and Bling took care
of her as best they could. Soon Samantha's nearly gave up walking as she
weakened, opting to be read to for entertainment. Max found a kitten, Cooper,
that was abandoned near JamPony, and gave it as a gift to Sam for her help with
Logan.
Logan contacted Samantha's family to
tell them where she was, if they wanted to say goodbye. It was incredibly
painful for him to be the go between with her family since he didn't like the
situation any better then they did. Logan, however, respected Samantha's
choices and was glad to have had the time with her he did. He allowed Max to
comfort him as he mourned the change from the Sam he had loved to the shell of
herself.
Sam's sister, Sarah, came to visit as the days
winded down. Sarah came in to discover her beautiful, vivacious sister weak and
at death's door. It was more then she could take. Her visit lasted a total of
three hours. It ended when Sam asked Sarah to read her some of Little Women.
Samantha wanted to see if her sister would stick around for the hard stuff, so
she showed her the section that she wanted read- the death of Beth. Sarah wept,
rose to leave, kissed her sister's cheek, and told Logan to call when it was
over.
Shortly after the situation with her sister,
Samantha got all of her affairs in order. She left everything to Logan but
specified that she wanted him to handle her remains as well. Her family could
put up a head stone if they wished but Logan got to have her ashes. He was
responsible for casting them to the wind when he was ready to let her go. She
specified intricately all these things, as she grew closer to death and
stronger in peace. She videotaped things for her family and friends to help
them through the transition. Life was right on course, and she resigned herself
to the path before her.
*********************************
"Can I get you anything?" Max asked as Sam
curled up with her kitten.
"Could I have some tea and a few minutes to
talk to you?" she responded petting the small furry animal that was
grooming herself.
It was Max's day off and she had assumed the
responsibility for Sam that day, giving Logan a break. Bling took him out for
the day just to get him out of his penthouse, which he had been locked into for
a week. Max returned with the tea and a cold washcloth for Sam's throbbing
head. She had learned to read Sam's pain though Sam tried to hide it.
"Max, do you love Logan?" Sam as Max sat
down.
She shifted uncomfortably in the chair next to the
bed. Love was not taught at Manticore, so it was hard to identify if she was
experiencing love or just strong affection. "I'm not sure… I care for
Logan… a lot."
"I need you to take over for me… I am truly his
past but there are some things you need to understand before I die. Can I trust
you with all my knowledge of Logan?"
"I don't understand what you're asking."
Sami shook her head and took a deep breath. "In
his life I have always been there to point him in the right direction when he
started to lose sight of who he was. He can get distracted and flustered. He
needs someone to believe in him and remind him that at his core he will always
be a journalist and truth teller. When he becomes an avenging angel or a
computer wizard, he gets lost… I can't leave until I know you can do that for
him…until you can be his muse."
Max stared wide-eyed at the woman. She was being
asked to make a real commitment to Logan whether he knew about it or not.
"I… I don't know-- if I can."
Samantha's eyes sunk and she breathed through pain.
"Why? I have done it for years and I haven't always been with Logan… if
that is what you're worried about."
The dark haired beauty looked into the blue eyed
blond for clarity. "I may someday… have to leave … never speaking to him
again."
"If you run, take him with you… He will follow-
Trust me!"
"I don't know… It's dangerous."
"It is dangerous for him to live without direction…
It is dangerous for him to be left to his own devises… Please! Think it over… I
have done what I can to make it easier for him but … please think it
over."
"All right, I will…" Max said hesitantly.
*************************************
Logan and Samantha's last argument
was their silliest ever. Samantha didn't want to die in his bed, and Logan
wanted to be near her at all times, and in his bed seemed easiest. Sam won out
in the end, earning the right to stay in the guestroom for the remainder of her
days. Logan bought a reclining chair for the room, so he could be next to her
at all times.
Samantha stopped eating almost
entirely as she edged closer to death's door. The nausea and headaches impaired
much of her basic hunger. She weighted a mere 86 pounds on the Tuesday
afternoon that was to be her last. Logan felt sure he would break her if he
held her too tightly, so he refrained from hugs unless they were requested.
He
read Shakespeare, Louisa May Alcott, and Scripture to the small frame on the bed,
who took shallow and contented breaths, waiting to be taken home. With each
breath, the tide of Samantha's life slipped further away, leaving her best
friend pained and watching the process. In the end, there was no great gasp or
painful heave, just one quiet sigh. Then she was gone.
*************************************
Samantha had breathed her last hours before and now
her body was at the morgue, waiting for cremation. Her healthy organs had gone
to other people for transplants. Her life would continue in others, just like
she wanted.
Logan went home after the paper work was taken care
of and sent Bling and Max away wanting some time to himself. He began to go
through the few things Sam had brought with her to his home. Logan found a box
in Sam's bag that was labeled- "Logan, open up and watch the tape after
I've past away, the sooner the better. Love Sami"
He shoved it into his VCR and sat on his couch. He
suppressed the desire to cry as he watched Sami bound into a chair in front of
the camera. She looked like herself just minus hair; instead, she had a scarf
or her head.
"Hey there, Logan. I made this for you right
after I found out I wasn't making any progress in treatment, thus being the
scarf rather then hair. I guess I wanted you to know that I know you will be
the one I will be counting on… you're going to be the one I turn to. I plan on
living out the rest of my young life outside of the hospital with no more tubes
or medicine, and I will live it to the fullest. I know this isn't what my family
wants for me, but I know you'll get it."
"You have always called me your muse. Well, now
I have a title for you. You see, you're my immortality. You know me better then
anyone. I have no need of a child to leave behind because all that I am resides
in you." A huge smile encompassed the blue-eyed beauty that shined with
life. "I will always exist in you… My Love, My Life, My Heart, My Being…
My All. I'm so grateful for you in my life… Do me a favor? Write something
about me… then I truly will live forever."
"Always remember, you are a truth seeker and a
writer. Everything thing else is just circumstantial. Life will get
complicated, and I won't be around to kick your butt anymore, but the truth to
your being is simple: you are a truth seeker. Don't lose that. Funny thing is
you always asked what I was- the answer has always been, your muse. Now as I'm
dying, I know it is true… I would live and die for you, but more than anything
I' your pathfinder. Just because I will die doesn't mean you need to lose your
direction. So to help you on your way now that I am gone, I have left you two
things- at least I hope I've found what I wanted to by the time I have past. My
intention is there should be a compass and a pendent of Gabriel the
Archangel."
"First off, I know you aren't into religion, so
I want to explain. Gabriel is the patron Saint of communication since he was
the bearer of the news that Mary would have Jesus and Elizabeth would have
Saint John. I thought if I asked you to wear this little pendent, you might be
less likely to forget who you are and what you do.
"The compass should be pretty obvious. It is
meant to symbolize finding your direction. Whenever you get lost or scared, I
want you to look at these objects and ask yourself- what I would tell you to
do."
"So this is it. I love you, Loggie. This body
couldn't hold my spirit when I was healthy, let alone when I'm sick. Know that
I'm fine and at peace. Most of all, know you were the love of my life and my
best friend. I love you Logan Cale, forever as of today. I'll see you soon. I'm
not going too far."
The screen faded to black and Logan found himself
crying silently on his couch. In the bottom of the box there were two smaller
boxes. He opened the first, and it was a beautiful brass colored compass that
was engraved "Love, Sam." The second box was the Saint Gabriel
pendent and necklace. He undid the clasp and put the necklace around his neck.
When the pendant touched his chest, it hit him all of a sudden. It was over;
his muse was gone. Only tokens of affection were left behind to help him on his
way.
***************************************
Logan woke with a start in the middle of the night
alone and cold. He wandered into the guest bedroom to once again realize she
really was gone. He whispered into the darkness, "I miss you."
"Why?" responded the voice of Samantha.
Logan startled worse then he ever had before, then edged
toward the vision. There in his living room was Sam alive and well, without a
hint of illness or pain. She stood in her favorite pair of jeans and a t-shirt
he had given her from Yale. "Well," he said swallowing, "You're
dead."
"Yeah, but I also right here," she said
laying her hand on his heart, "and right here," she said pointing at
his head. "I'm always with in reach… Now, dance with me."
Logan smiled as he took her hand and spun the
apparition around. They danced, laughed and played the way they always had. She
was very real to him even if she wasn't actually there. "I'm
dreaming," he said after a while.
"Sort of… but not really."
"Then what is this?" Logan asked.
"Proof… Proof that I'm not that far away. Proof
that I will always be here when you need me. All you have to do is ask… Just
remember, it will be much better for you if you can learn to rely on Max rather
then me. I won't abandon you, but neither will she… Trust her… Run to her.
She'll catch you when you fall."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Logan Cale." After the
words were uttered, Logan found himself standing alone in his living room,
looking at nothing. A deep sense of peace washed over him as he sighed.
Max entered the apartment moments later, having felt
the need to check on her honey. "Hey. What are you doing standing in the
middle of the living room for?"
Logan smiled a huge smile and turned on some music.
"I was waiting for my partner," he said as he put his arms around her
leading her around the room.
"So it wasn't just a weird feeling… You really
did need me. My spider sense must be getting better… at least my Logan sense
is."
Hand in hand, they twirled around the living room
the way they did the first night Samantha had arrived. They both sensed she was
watching with great approval and pride. She had set Logan on many of the most
important paths he had ever taken and now she had connected him to Max in a
very emotional way. His Muse's last gift was the provision of the next great
love of his life, one that would far exceed her influence on his life.
Samantha's death left a hole in Logan's life that Max decided to gladly fill,
because being someone's Muse was a wonderful gift for both giver and receiver…